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ALICE'S 


Adventures  in  Wonderland 


BY 

LEWIS   CARROLL 


WITH    FORTY-TWO    ILLUSTRATIONS    BY 

JOHN  TENNIEL 


NEW  YORK 
LOVELL,  CORYELL  &  COMPANY 

310-3x8    SIXTH    AVENUE 


All  in  the  golden  afternoon 

Full  leisurely  we  glide  ; 
For  both  our  oars,  with  little  skill, 

By  little  arms  are  plied, 
While  little  hands  make  vain  pretence 

Our  wanderings  to  guide. 


Ah,  cruel  Three  !     In  such  an  hour, 
Beneath  such  dreamy  weather, 

To  beg  a  tale,  of  breath  too  weak 
To  stir  the  tiniest  feather  ! 

Yet  what  can  one  poor  voice  avail 
Against  three  tongues  together  ? 


Imperious  Prima  flashes  forth 
Her  edict  to  "  begin  it  " — 

In  gentler  tone  Secunda  hopes 
**  There  will  be  nonsense  in  it"— 

While  Tertia  interrupts  the  tale 
Not  more  than  once  a  minute. 


Anon,  to  sudden  silence  won, 

In  fancy  they  pursue 
The  dream-child  moving  through  a  land 

Of  wonders  wild  and  new, 
In  friendly  chat  with  bird  or  beast — 

And  half  believe  it  true. 


And  ever,  as  the  story  drained 

The  wells  of  fancy  dry, 
And  faintly  strove  that  weary  one 

To  put  the  subject  by, 
'*  The  rest  next  time — "     "  It  is  next  time  ! 

The  happy  voices  cry. 


Thus  grew  the  tale  of  Wonderland  : 

Thus  slowly,  one  by  one, 
Its  quaint  events  were  hammered  out 

And  now  the  tale  is  done, 
And  home  we  steer,  a  merry  crew, 

Beneath  the  setting  sun. 


Alice  !    a  childish  story  take, 

And  with  a  gentle  hand 
Lay  it  where  Childhood's  dreams  are  twined 

In  Memory's  mystic  band, 
Like  pilgrim's  withered  wreath  of  flowers 

Plucked  in  a  far-off  land. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER.  PACE 

I.    Down  the  Rabbit-Hole I 

II.     The  Pool  of  Tears 15 

III.  A  Caucus-Race  and  a  Long  Tale 29 

IV.  The  Rabbit  sends  in  a  Little  Bill 41 

V.     Advice  from  a  Caterpillar 58 

VI.     Pig  and  Pepper 74 

VIL    A  Mad  Tea.Party 93 

VIII.     The  Queen's  Croquet-Ground no 

IX.     The  Mock  Turtle's  Story 128 

X.    The  Lobster  Quadrille 145 

XI.    Who  Stole  the  Tarts  ? i6o 

XII,    Alice's  Evidence ,,,. 174 


CHAPTER  I. 

DOWN    THE    RABBIT-HOLE. 


ALICE  was  beginning  to  get  very  tired  of  sitting 
by  her  sister  on  the  bank,  and  of  having  nothing 
to  do :  once  or  twice  she  had  peeped  into  the 
book  her  sister  was  reading,  but  it  had  no  pictures 


^  DOWN   THE 

or  conversations  in  it,  "  and  what  is  the  use  of  a 
book,"  thought  Alice,  "  without  pictures  or  con- 
versations ?  " 

So  she  was  considering  in  her  own  mind,  (as 
well  as  she  could,  for  the  hot  day  made  her 
feel  very  sleepy  and  stupid,)  whether  the  pleasure 
of  making  a  daisy-chain  would  be  worth  the 
trouble  of  getting  up  and  picking  the  daisies, 
when  suddenly  a  white  rabbit  with  pink  eyes  ran 
close  by  her. 

There  was  nothing  so  very  remarkable  in  that ; 
nor  did  Alice  think  it  so  very  much  out  of  the  way 
to  hear  the  Rabbit  say  to  itself,  "  Oh  dear  !  Oh 
dear !  I  shall  be  too  late  ! "  (when  she  thought  it 
over  afterwards,  it  occurred  to  her  that  she  ought 
to  have  wondered  at  this,  but  at  the  time  it  all 
seemed  quite  natural);  but  when  the  Rabbit 
actually  took  a  watch  out  of  its  waistcoat  pocket, 
and  looked  at  it,  and  then  hurried  on,  Alice  started 
to  her  feet,  for  it  flashed  across  her  mind  that  she 
had  never  before  seen  a  rabbit  with  either  a  waist- 
coat-pocket or  a  watch  to  take  out  of  it,  and, 
burning  with  curiosity,  she  ran  across  the  field 


BABBIT-HOLB.  8 

after  it,  and  was  just  in  time  to  see  it  pop  down 
a  large  rabbit-hole  under  the  hedge. 

In  another  moment  down  went  Alice  after  it, 
never  once  considering  how  in  the  world  she  was 
to  get  out  again. 

The  rabbit-hole  went  straight  on  like  a  tunnel 
for  some  way,  and  then  dipped  suddenly  down,  so 
suddenly  that  Alice  had  not  a  moment  to  think 
about  stopping  herself  before  she  found  herself 
falling  down  what  seemed  to  be  a  very  deep  well. 

Either  the  well  was  very  deep  or  she  fell  very 
slowly,  for  she  had  plenty  of  time  as  she  went 
down  to  look  about  her,  and  to  wonder  what  was 
going  to  happen  next.  First,  she  tried  to  look 
down  and  make  out  what  she  was  coming  to,  but 
it  was  too  dark  to  see  anything :  then  she  looked 
at  the  sides  of  the  well,  and  noticed  that  they 
were  filled  with  cupboards  and  bookshelves :  here 
and  there  she  saw  maps  and  pictures  hung  upon 
pegs.  She  took  down  a  jar  from  one  of  the 
shelves  as  she  passed :  it  was  labelled  "ORANGE 
MARMALADE,"  but  to  her  great  disappoint- 
ment it  was  empty ;  she  did  not  like  to  drop  the 


4  DOWN   THE 

jar  for  fear  of  killing  somebody  underneath,  so 
managed  to  put  it  into  one  of  the  cupboards  as 
she  fell  past  it. 

"  Well !  "  thought  Alice  to  herself,  "  after  such 
a  fall  as  this,  I  shall  think  nothing  of  tumbling 
down  stairs  !  How  brave  they'll  all  think  me  at 
home  !  Why,  I  wouldn't  say  anything  about  it, 
even  if  I  fell  off  the  top  of  the  house ! ''  (Which 
was  very  likely  true.) 

Down,  down,  down.  Would  the  fall  never 
come  to  an  end ?  "I  wonder  how  many  miles 
Tve  fallen  by  this  time  .J*"  she  said  aloud.  "I 
must  be  getting  somewhere  near  the  centre  of 
the  earth.  Let  me  see:  that  would  be  four 
thousand  miles  down,  I  think — "  (for  you  see, 
Alice  had  learnt  several  things  of  this  sort  in  her 
lessons  in  the  schoolroom,  and  though  this  was 
not  a  very  good  opportunity  for  showing  off  her 
knowledge,  as  there  was  no  one  to  listen  to  her, 
still  it  was  good  practice  to  say  it  over)  "  — yes, 
that's  about  the  right  distance — but  then  I  wonder 
what  Latitude  or  Longitude  IVe  got  to .? " 
(Alice  bad  not  the  slightest  idea  what  Latitude 


BABBIT-HOLE.  5 

was,  or  Longitude  either,  but  she  thought  they 
were  nice  grand  words  to  say.) 

Presently  she  began  again.  "  I  wonder  if  I 
shall  fall  right  through  the  earth  !  How  funny 
it'll  seem  to  come  out  among  the  people  that 
walk  with  their  heads  downwards!  The  Anti- 
pathies, I  think — "  (she  was  rather  glad  there  was 
no  one  listening  this  time,  as  it  didn't  sound  at  all 
the  right  word)  " — but  I  shall  have  to  ask  them 
what  the  name  of  the  country  is,  you  know.  Please, 
Ma'am,  is  this  New  Zealand  or  Australia  ?  "  (and 
she  tried  to  curtsy  as  she  spoke — fancy  curtsying 
as  you're  falling  through  the  air  !  Do  you  think 
you  could  manage  it  ?)  "  And  what  an  ignorant 
little  girl  she'll  think  me  for  asking!  No,  it'll 
never  do  to  ask :  perhaps  I  shall  see  it  written  up 
somewhere." 

Down,  down,  down.  There  was  nothing  eise 
to  do,  so  Alice  soon  began  talking  again. 
"  Dinah'U  miss  me  very  much  to-night,  I  should 
think  1  "  (Dinah  was  the  cat.)  "  I  hope  they'll 
remember  her  saucer  of  milk  at  tea-time.  Dinah 
my  dear  I     I  wish  you  were  down  here  with  me  I 


6  DOWN  THE 

There  are  no  mice  in  the  air,  Fm  afraid,  out  you 
might  catch  a  bat,  and  that's  very  like  a  mouse, 
you  know.  But  do  cats  eat  bats,  I  wonder?" 
And  here  Alice  began  to  get  rather  sleepy  and 
went  on  saying  to  herself,  in  a  dreamy  sort  of 
way,  "  Do  cats  eat  bats  ?  Do  cats  eat  bats  ? " 
and  sometimes,  "  Do  bats  eat  cats  ? "  for,  you 
see,  as  she  couldn't  answer  either  question,  it 
didn't  much  matter  which  way  she  put  it.  She 
felt  that  she  was  dozing  off,  and  had  just  begun 
to  dream  that  she  was  walking  hand  in  hand 
with  Dinah,  and  was  saying  to  her  very  earnestly, 
"  Now,  Dinah,  tell  me  the  truth :  did  you  ever 
eat  a  bat  ?  "  when  suddenly,  thump !  thump  ! 
down  she  came  upon  a  heap  of  sticks  and  dry 
leaves,  and  the  fall  was  over. 

Alice  was  not  a  bit  hurt,  and  she  jumped  up 
on  to  her  feet  in  a  moment :  she  looked  up,  but 
it  was  all  dark  overhead;  before  her  was  an- 
other long  passage,  and  the  White  Rabbit  was 
still  in  sight,  hurrying  down  it.  There  was 
not  a  moment   to  be  lost :  away  went  Alice  like 


RABBIT-HOLK  7 

the  Wind,  and  was  just  in  time  to  hear  it  say,  as 
it  turned  a  corner,  "  Oh  my  ears  and  whiskers, 
how  late  it's  getting ! "  She  was  close  behind 
it  when  she  turned  the  corner,  but  the  Rabbit 
was  no  longer  to  be  seen :  she  found  herself  in 
a  long,  low  hall,  which  was  lit  up  by  a  row  of 
lamps  hanging  from  the  roof. 

There  were  doors  all  round  the  hall,  but  they 
were  all  locked,  and  when  Alice  had  been  all 
the  way  down  one  side  and  up  the  other,  trying 
every  door,  she  walked  sadly  down  the  middle, 
wondering  how  she  was  ever  to  get  out  again. 

Suddenly  she  came  upon  a  little  three-legged 
table,  all  made  of  solid  glass  ;  there  was  nothing 
on  it  but  a  tiny  golden  key,  and  Alice's  first 
idea  was  that  this  might  belong  to  one  of  the 
doors  of  the  hall ;  but  alas !  either  the  locks 
were  too  large,  or  the  key  was  too  small,  but 
at  any  rate  it  would  not  open  any  of  them- 
However,  on   the  second  time  round,  she  came 


DOWN  THE 


upon  a  low  cur- 
tain she  had  not 
noticed  before, 
and  behind  it 
was  a  little  door 
about  fifteen 
inches  high ;  she 
tried  the  little 
II  golden  key  in 
the  lock,  and  to 
her  great  delight  it  fitted  ! 

Alice  opened  the  door  and  found  that  it  led 
into  a  small  passage  not  much  larger  than  a 
rat  hole :  she  knelt  down  and  looked  along  the 
passage  into  the  loveliest  garden  you  ever  saw. 
How  she  longed  to  get  out  of  that  dark  hall, 
and  wander  about  among  those  beds  of  bright 
flowers  and  those  cool  fountains,  but  she  could 
not  even  get  her  head  through  the  doorway; 
"  and  even  if  my  head  would  go  through,"  thought 
poor  Alice,  "  it  would  be  of  very  little  use  with- 


EABBIT-HOLE.  9 

out  my  shoulders.  Oh,  how  I  wish  I  could 
shut  up  like  a  telescope  !  I  think  I  could, 
if  I  only  knew  how  to  begin."  For,  you 
see,  so  many  out-of-the-way  things  had  hap- 
pened lately  that  Alice  had  begun  to  think 
that  very  few  things  indeed  were  really  impos- 
sible. 

There  seemed  to  be  no  use  in  waiting  by  the 
little  door,  so  she  went  back  to  the  table,  half 
hoping  she  might  find  another  key  on  it,  or  at 
any  rate  a  book  of  rules  for  shutting  people  up 
like  telescopes :  this  time  she  found  a  little 
bottle  on  it,  ("  which  certainly  was  not  here  be- 
fore," said  Alice,)  and  tied  round  the  neck  of 
the  bottle  was  a  paper  label  with  the  words 
"DRINK  ME"  beautifully  printed  on  it  in 
large  letters. 

It  was  all  very  well  to  say  ''  Drink  me,"  but 
the  wise  little  Alice  was  not  going  to  do  that  in 
a  hurry :  ''  no,  I'll  look  first,"  she  said,  ''  and 
see  whether  it's  marked  'poison  '  or  not : "  for 
she  had  read  several    nice   little  stories  about 


10 


DOWN  THE 


children  who  had  got  burnt,  and  eaten  up  by 
wild  beasts,  and  other  unpleasant  things,  all 
because  they  would  not  remember  the  simple 
rules    their    friends    had   taught    them,     such 

as,  that  a  red-hot 
poker  will  burn 
you  if  you  hold  it 
too  long  ;  and  that 
if  you  cut  your 
finger  very  deeply 
with  a  knife,  it 
usually  bleeds ;  and 
she  had  never  for- 
gotten that,  if  you 
drink  much  from 
a  bottle  marked 
"  poison,"  it  is  al- 
most certain  to  dis- 
agree with  you  sooner  or  later. 

However,  this  bottle  was  not  marked  "  poi- 
son," so  Alice  ventured  to  taste  it,  and  finding 
it  very  nice,   (it  had,  in    fact,  a  sort   of   mixed 


RABBIT-HOLE.  11 

flavor  of  cherry-tart,  custard,  pine-apple,  roast 
turkey,  toffy,  and  hot  buttered  toast),  she  very 
soon  finished  it  off 


"  What  a  curious  feeling  !  "  said  Alice,  '*  I 
must  be  shutting  up  like  a  telescope." 

And  so  it  was  indeed :  she  was  now  only 
ten  inches  high,  and  her  face  brightened  up 
at  the  thought  that  she  was  now  the  right  size 
for  going  through  the  little  door  into  that 
lovely  garden.  First,  however,  she  waited  for 
a  few  minutes  to  see  if  she  was  going  to  shrink 
any  further  :  she  felt  a  little  nervous  about  this, 
**  for  it  might  end,  you  know,"  said  Alice  to 
herself,  *'  in  my  going  out  altogether,  like  a 
candle.  I  wonder  what  I  should  be  like  then  ?  " 
And  she  tried  to  fancy    what   the    flame    of  a 


12  DOWN  THE 

candle  looks  like  after  the  candle  is  blown 
out,  for  she  could  not  remember  ever  having 
seen  such  a  thing. 

After  a  while,  finding  that  nothing  more 
happened,  she  decided  on  going  into  the  gar- 
den at  once,  but,  alas  for  poor  Alice !  when 
she  got  to  the  door,  she  found  she  had  for- 
gotten the  little  golden  key,  and  when  she  went 
back  to  the  table  for  it,  she  found  she  could  not 
possibly  reach  it :  she  could  see  it  quite  plainly 
through  the  glass,  and  she  tried  her  best  to 
climb  up  one  of  the  legs  of  the  table,  but  it  was 
too  slippery,  and  when  she  had  tired  herself  out 
with  trying,  the  poor  little  thing  sat  down  and 
cried. 

"  Come,  there's  no  use  in  crying  like  that !  " 
said  Alice  to  herself,  rather  sharply,  "  I  advise 
you  to  leave  off  this  minute ! "  She  generally 
gave  herself  very  good  advice,  (though  she 
very  seldom  followed  it,)  and  sometimes  she 
scolded  herself  so  severely  as  to  bring  tears 
into  her  eyes,  and  once  she  remembered  trying 
to  box  her  own  ears  for  having  cheated  herself 


BABBIT-HOLE.  13 

in  a  game  of  croquet  she  was  playing  against 
herself,  for  this  curious  child  was  very  fond  of 
pretending  to  be  two  people.  "  But  it's  no  use 
now,"  thought  poor  Alice,  "  to  pretend  to  be  two 
people !  Why,  there's  hardly  enough  of  me  left 
to  make  one  respectable  person!  " 

Soon  her  eye  fell  on  a  little  glass  box  that  was 
lying  under  the  table :  she  opened  it,  and  found 
in  it  a  very  small  cake,  on  which  the  words  "  EAT 
ME  "  were  beautifully  marked  in  currants.  "Well, 
I'll  eat  it,"  said  Alice,  "  and  if  it  makes  me  grow 
larger,  I  can  reach  the  key ;  and  if  it  makes  me 
grow  smaller,  I  can  creep  under  the  door ;  so 
either  way  I'll  get  into  the  garden,  and  I  don't 
care  which  happens  !  " 

She  ate  a  little  bit,  and  said  anxiously  to  her- 
self "  Which  way .?  Which  way  ?  "  holding  her 
hand  on  the  top  of  her  head  to  feel  which  way 
it  was  growing,  and  she  was  quite  surprised  to 
find  that  she  remained  the  same  size  :  to  be  sure, 
this  is  what  generally  happens  when  one  eats 
cake,  but  Alice  had  got  so  much  into  the  way  of 
expecting  nothing  but    out-of-the-way  thinys  to 


14  DOWK  THE  BABBIT-HOLE. 

happen,  that  it  seemed  quite  dull  and  stupid  for 
life  to  go  on  in  the  common  way. 

So  she  set  to  work,  and  very  soon  finished  of 
the  cake. 


15 


CHAPTER  II. 


THE  POOL  OF  TEARS. 

*  CuRiousER  and  cu- 
riouser !  "  cried  Alice 
(she  was  so  much  sur- 
prised, that  for  the 
moment  she  quite  for- 
got how  to  speak  good 
English) ;  "  now  I'm 
opening  out  like  the 
largest  telescope  that 
ever  was !  Good-bye, 
feet!  "  (for  when  she 
looked  down  at  her 
feet,  they  seemed  to 
be  almost  out  of  sight, 
they  were  getting  so 
far  off) "  Oh,  my  poor 
little  feet,  I  wonder 


16  THE  POOL 

who  will  put  on  your  shoes  and  stockings  for  you 
you  now,  dears  ?  Tm  sure /shan't  be  able  I  I 
shall  be  a  great  deal  too  far  off  to  trouble  my- 
self about  you :  you  must  manage  the  best  way 
you  can ; — but  I  must  be  kind  to  them,"  thought 
Alice,  "  or  perhaps  they  won't  walk  the  way  I 
want  to  go  !  Let  me  see  :  I'll  give  them  a  new 
pair  of  boots  every  Christmas." 

And  she  went  on  planning  to  herself  how  she 
would  manage  it.  "  They  must  go  by  the  car- 
rier," she  thought ;  "  and  how  funny  it'll  seem, 
sending  presents  to  one's  own  feet !  And  how 
odd  the  directions  will  look ! 

Alices  Right  Foot,  Esq,, 
Hearthrug, 

near  the  Fender, 

{with  Alices  love) 

Oh  dear,  what  nonsense  I'm  talking  ! " 

Just  at  this  moment  her  head  struck  against  the 
roof  of  the  hall :  in  fact  she  was  now  rather  more 
than  nine  feet  high,  and  she  at  once  took  up  the 
little  golden  key  and  hurried  off  to  the  garden  door. 


OF  TEARS.  17 

Poor  Alice  !  It  was  as  much  as  she  could  do, 
lying  down  on  one  side,  to  look  through  into 
the  garden  with  one  eye ;  but  to  get  through  was 
more  hopeless  than  ever :  she  sat  down  and  be- 
gan to  cry  again. 

"  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself,"  said 
Alice,  "  a  great  girl  like  you,"  (she  might  well  say 
this,)  "to  go  on  crying  in  this  way!  Stop  this 
moment,  I  tell  you  !  "  But  she  went  on  all  the 
same,  shedding  gallons  of  tears,  until  there  was  a 
large  pool  all  round  her,  about  four  inches  deep 
and  reaching  half  down  the  hall. 

After  a  time  she  heard  a  little  pattering  of  feet 
in  the  distance,  and  she  hastily  dried  her  eyes  to 
see  what  was  coming.  It  was  the  White  Rabbit 
returning,  splendidly  dressed,  with  a  pair  of  white 
kid  gloves  in  one  hand  and  a  large  fan  in  the 
other :  he  came  trotting  along  in  a  great  hurry, 
muttering  to  himself  as  he  came,  "  Oh  !  the 
Duchess,  the  Duchess  !  Oh  !  won't  she  be  sav- 
age if  I've  kept  her  waiting !  "  Alice  felt  so  des- 
perate that  she  was  ready  to  ask  help  of  any  oen  ; 


18 


THE  POOL 


SO,  when  the  Rabbit  came  near  her,  she  began, 

in  a  low,  timid  voice,  "  If  you  please,  sir " 

The  Rabbit  started  violently,  dropped  the  white 
kid  gloves  and  the  fan,  and  skurried  away  into 
the  darkness  as  hard  as  he  could  go. 


OF   TEARS  19 

Alice  took  up  the  fan  and  gloves,  and,  as  the 
hall  was  very  hot,  she  kept  fanning  herself  all  the 
time  she  went  on  talking :  "  Dear,  dear  !  How 
queer  everything  is  to-day !  And  yesterday  things 
went  on  just  as  usual.  I  wonder  if  I've  been 
changed  in  the.  night  ?  Let  me  think  :  was  I  the 
same  when  I  got  up  this  morning  ?  I  almost 
think  I  can  remember  feeling  a  little  different- 
But  if  I'm  not  the  same,  the  next  question  is. 
Who  in  the  world  am  I  ?  Ah,  that's  the  great 
puzzle ! "  And  she  began  thinking  over  all  the 
children  she  knew,  that  were  of  the  same  age  as 
herself,  to  see  if  she  could  have  been  changed  for 
any  of  them. 

"  Fm  sure  I'm  not  Ada,"  she  said,  "  for  her  hair 
goes  in  such  long  ringlets,  and  mine  doesn't  go 
in  ringlets  at  all  ;  and  I'm  sure  I  can't  be  Mabel, 
for  I  know  all  sorts  of  things,  and  she,  oh  !  she 
knows  such  a  very  little  !  Besides,  shes  she,  and 
/  'm  I,  and — oh  dear,  how  puzzling  it  all  is  I  I'll 
try  if  I  know  all  the  things  I  used  to  know.  Let 
me  see :  four  times  five  is  twelve,  and  four  times 
six   is   thirteen,   and   four   times    seven    is — oh 


20  THE  POOL 

dear !  I  shall  never  get  to  twenty  at  that 
rate  !  However,  the  Multiplication  Table  don't 
signify :  let's  try  Geography.  London  is  the 
capital  of  Paris,  and  Paris  is  the  capital  of  Rome, 
and  Rome — no,  that's  all  wrong,  I'm  certain !  I 
must  have  been  changed  for  Mabel !  I'll  try  and 
say  *  How  doth  the  littte — '  "  and  she  crossed  her 
hands  on  her  lap,  as  if  she  were  saying  lessons, 
and  began  to  repeat  it,  but  her  voice  sounded 
hoarse  and  strange,  and  the  words  did  not  come 
the  same  as  they  used  to  do : — 


"  How  doth  the  little  crocodile 
Improve  his  shining  tail, 
And  pour  the  waters  of  the  Nile 
On  every  golden  scale  / 


*'  How  cheerfully  he  seems  to  grin. 
How  neatly  spreads  his  claws. 
And  welcomes  little  fishes  in 
With  gently  smiling  jaws  !  " 


OP  TEAES.  21 

"  Tm  sure  those  are  not  the  right  words,"  said 
poor  Alice,  and  her  eyes  filled  with  tears  again  as 
she  went  on,  "  I  must  be  Mabel  after  all,  and  I 
shall  have  to  go  and  live  in  that  poky  little  house, 
and  have  next  to  no  toys  to  play  with,  and  oh ! 
ever  so  many  lessons  to  learn  !  No,  I've  made  up 
my  mind  about  it :  if  I'm  Mabel,  I'll  stay  down  here! 
It'll  be  no  use  their  putting  their  heads  down  and 
saying,  *  Come  up  again,  dear  ! '  I  shall  only  look 
up  and  say,  '  Who  am  I,  then  ?  Tell  me  that 
first,  and  then,  if  I  like  being  that  person,  I'll 
come  up  :  if  not,  I'll  stay  down  here  till  I'm  some- 
body else* — but,  oh  dear !  '*  cried  Alice  with  a 
sudden  burst  of  tears,  "  I  do  wish  they  would  put 
their  heads  down  !  I  am  so  very  tired  of  being 
all  alone  here  !  " 

As  she  said  this,  she  looked  down  at  her  hands, 
and  was  surprised  to  see  that  she  had  put  on  one 
of  the  Rabbit's  little  white  kid  gloves  while  she 
was  talking.  "  How  can  I  have  done  that  ?  "  she 
thought.  I  must  be  growing  small  again/'  She 
got  up  and  went  to  the  table  to  measure  herself 
by  it,  and  found  that,  as  nearly  as  she  could  guess, 


22  THE  POOL 

she  was  now  about  two  feet  high,  and  was  going 
on  shrinking  rapidly:  she  soon  found  out  that 
the  cause  of  this  was  the  fan  she  was  holding, 
and  she  dropped  it  hastily,  just  in  time  to  save 
herself  from  shrinking  away  altogether. 

"  That  was  a  narrow  escape ! "  said  Alice,  a 
good  deal  frightened  at  the  sudden  change,  but  very 
glad  to  find  herself  still  in  existence ;  "  and  now 
for  the  garden  !  "  and  she  ran  with  all  speed  back 
to  the  little  door:  but  alas!  the  little  door  was 
shut  again,  and  the  little  golden  key  was  lying 
on  the  glass  table  as  before,  "and  thmgs  are 
worse  than  ever,"  thought  the  poor  child,  "  for  I 
never  was  so  small  as  this  before,  never !  And  I 
declare  it*s  too  bad,  that  it  is ! " 

As  she  said  these  words  her  foot  slipped,  and 
in  another  moment,  splash !  she  was  up  to  her 
chin  in  salt  water.  Her  first  idea  was  that  she 
had  somehow  fallen  into  the  sea,  "  and  in  that 
case  I  can  go  back  by  railway,"  she  said  to  her- 
self. (Alice  had  been  to  the  seaside  once  in  her 
life,  and  had  come  to  the  general  conclusion,  that 
wherever  you  go  to  on  the  English  coast  you  find 


OF  TEARS. 


a  number  of  bathing  machines  in  the  sea,  some 
children  digging  in  the  sand  with  wooden  spades, 
then  a  row  of  lodging  houses,  and  behind  them  a 
railway  station.)  However  she  soon  made  out 
that  she  was  in  the  pool  of  tears  which  she  had 
wept  when  she  was  nine  feet  high. 

"  I  wish  I  hadn't  cried  so  much  ! "  said  Alice, 

as  she  swam  about,  trying  to  find  her  way  out. 

'  I  shall  be   punished  for  it  now,  I  suppose,  by 


24  THE  POOL 

being  drowned  in  my  own  tears !  That  will  be 
a  queer  thing,  to  be  sure  !  However,  everything 
is  queer  to-day." 

Just  then  she  heard  something  splashing  about 
in  the  pool  a  little  way  off,  and  she  swam  nearer 
to  make  out  what  it  was :  at  first  she  thought  it 
must  be  a  walrus  or  hippopotamus,  but  then  she 
remembered  how  small  she  was  now,  and  she 
soon  made  out  that  it  was  only  a  mouse,  that  had 
slipped  in  like  herself. 

"  Would  it  be  of  any  use,  now,"  thought  Alice, 
"  to  speak  to  this  mouse  ?  Everything  is  so  out- 
of-the-way  down  here,  that  I  should  think  very 
likely  it  can  talk :  at  any  rate  there's  no  harm  in 
trying."  So  she  began:  "  O  Mouse,  do  you 
know  the  way  out  of  this  pool  1  I  am  very  tired 
of  swimming  about  here,  O  Mouse!"  (Alice 
thought  this  must  be  the  right  way  of  speaking  to 
a  mouse :  she  had  never  done  such  a  thing  be- 
fore, but  she  remembered  having  seen  in 
her  brother's  Latin  Grammar,  "A  mouse — 
of  a  mouse — to  a  mouse — a  mouse — O  mouse! ") 
The  Mouse  looked  at  her  rather  inquisitively, 


OF  TEARS.  25 

and  seemed  to  her  to  wink  with  one  of  its  little 
eyes,  but  it  said  nothing. 

"Perhaps  it  doesn't  understand  English," 
thought  Alice ;  "  I  daresay  it's  a  French  mouse, 
come  over  with  William  the  Conqueror."  (For, 
with  all  her  knowledge  of  history,  Alice  had  no 
very  clear  notion  how  long  ago  anything  had 
happened.)  So  she  began  again :  "  Ou  est  ma 
chatte  ? "  which  was  the  first  sentence  in  her 
French  lesson-book.  The  Mouse  gave  a  sudden 
leap  out  of  the  water,  and  seemed  to  quiver 
all  over  with  fright.  "  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon  !  " 
cried  Alice  hastily,  afraid  that  she  had  hurt  the 
poor  animal's  feelings.  "  I  quite  forgot  you 
didn't  like  cats." 

"  Not  like  cats !  "  cried  the  Mouse,  in  a  shrill, 
passionate  voice.  '' Would  j/ou  like  cats  if  you 
were  me  ?  " 

"Well,  perhaps  not,"  said  Alice  in  a  sooth- 
ing tone :  "  don't  be  angry  about  it.  And  yet 
I  wish  I  could  show  you  our  cat  Dinah :  I 
think  you'd  take  a  fancy  to  cats  if  you  could 


26  THE  POOL. 

only  see  her.     She   is  such  a  dear  quiet  thing/ 
AHce  went  on,  half  to  herself,  as  she  swam  lazily 


about  in  the  pool,  *'  and  she  sits  purring  so 
nicely  by  the  fire,  licking  her  paws  and  wash- 
ing her  face — and  she  is  such  a  nice  soft  thing 
to  nurse — and  she's  such  a  capital  one  for  catch 

ing  mice oh,  I  beg  your  pardon  ! "  cried  Alice 

again,  for  this  time  the  Mouse  was  bristling 
all  over,  and  she  felt  certain  it  must  be  really 
offended.  "  We  won't  talk  about  her  any  more 
if  you'd  rather  not." 


OF  TBAJB8.  27 

"We,  indeed!"  cried  the  Mouse,  who  was 
trembling  down  to  the  end  of  his  tail.  "  As  if 
/  would  talk  on  such  a  subject!  Our  family 
always  hated  cats :  nasty,  low,  vulgar  things ! 
Don't  let  me  hear  the  name  again  ! " 

"  I  won  t  indeed !  "  said  Alice,  in  a  great 
hurry  to  change  the  subject  of  conversation. 
"Are  you — are  you  fond — of — of  dogs  .f*"  The 
Mouse  did  not  answer,  so  Alice  went  on  eagerly : 
"  There  is  such  a  nice  little  dog  near  our  house 
I  should  like  to  show  you!  A  little  bright- 
eyed  terrier,  you  know,  with  oh !  such  long 
curly  brown  hair !  And  it'll  fetch  things  when 
you  throw  them,  and  it'll  sit  up  and  beg  for 
its  dinner,  and  all  sorts  of  things — I  can't  re- 
member half  of  them — and  it  belongs  to  a 
farmer,  you  know,  and  he  says  it's  so  useful, 
it's  worth  a  hundred  pounds  !  He  says  it  kills 
all  the  rats  and — oh  dear ! "  cried  Alice  in  a 
sorrowful  tone.  "  I'm  afraid  I've  offended  it 
again ! "  For  the  Mouse  was  swimming  away 
from  her  as  hard  as  it  could  go,  and  making 
quite  a  commotion  in  the  pool  as  it  went. 


28  THE  POOL  OF  TEAKS. 

So  she  called  softly  after  it:  "Mouse  dear! 
Do  come  back  again,  and  we  won't  talk  about 
cats  or  dogs  either,  if  you  don't  like  them ! " 
When  the  Mouse  heard  this,  it  turned  round 
and  swam  slowly  back  to  her:  its  face  was 
quite  pale  (with  passion,  Alice  thought),  and 
it  said  in  a  low,  trembling  voice,  "  Let  us  get 
to  the  shore,  and  then  I'll  tell  you  my'  history, 
and  you'll  understand  why  it  is  I  hate  cats  and 
dogs." 

It  was  high  time  to  go,  for  the  pool  was 
getting  quite  crowded  with  the  birds  and  ani- 
mals that  had  fallen  into  it :  there  was  a  Duck 
and  a  Dodo,  a  Lory  and  an  Eaglet,  and  several 
other  curious  creatures.  Alice  led  the  way,  and 
the  whole  party  swam  to  the  shore. 


CHAPTER  III. 


A    CAUCUS-RACE     AND    A     LONG    TALE. 


They  were  indeed  a  queer-looking  party  that 
assembled  on  the  bank — the  birds  with  draggled 
feathers,  the  animals  with  their  fur  clingino:  close 


30  A  CAUCUS-EACB 

to  them,  and  all  dripping  wet,  cross,  and  uncom- 
fortable. 

The  first  question  of  course  was,  how  to  get 
dry  again:  they  had  a  consultation  about  this, 
and  after  a  few  minutes  it  seemed  quite  natural 
to  Alice  to  find  herself  talking  familiarly  with 
them,  as  if  she  had  known  them  all  her  life. 
Indeed,  she  had  quite  a  long  argument  with  the 
Lory,  who  at  last  turned  sulky,  and  would  only 
say,  "  I  am  older  than  you,  and  must  know  better ;  " 
and  this  Alice  would  not  allow,  without  knowing 
how  old  it  was,  and  as  the  Lory  positively  re- 
fused to  tell  its  age,  there  was  no  more  to  be 
said. 

At  last  the  Mouse,  who  seemed  to  be  a  person 
of  some  authority  among  them,  called  out,  "  Sit 
down,  all  of  you,  and  listen  to  me!  I'll  soon 
make  you  dry  enough  !  "  They  all  sat  down  at 
once,  in  a  large  ring,  with  the  Mouse  in  the 
middle.  Alice  kept  her  eyes  anxiously  fixed  on 
it,  for  she  felt  sure  she  would  catch  a  bad  cold  if 
she  did  not  get  dry  very  soon. 

**  Ahem  !  "  said  the  Mouse  with  an  important 


AND  A  LONG  TALE.  81 

air,  "are  you  all  ready  ?  This  is  the  dryest  thing 
I  know.  Silence  all  round,  if  you  please  !  *  Wil- 
liam the  Conqueror,  whose  cause  was  favored  by 
the  pope,  was  soon  submitted  to  by  the  English, 
who  wanted  leaders,  and  had  been  of  late  much 
accustomed  to  usurpation  and  conquest.  Edwin 
and  Morcar,  the  earls  of  Mercia  and  Northum- 
bria— '  " 

"  Ugh !  "  said  the  Lory,  with  a  shiver. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon  ?  "  said  the  Mouse,  frown- 
ing, but  very  politely  :  "  Did  you  speak  }  " 

"  Not  I !  "  said  the  Lory,  hastily. 

"  I  thought  you  did,"  said  the  Mouse. — "  I  pro- 
ceed. '  Edwin  and  Morcar,  the  earls  of  Mercia 
and  Northumbria,  declared  for  him ;  and  even 
Stigand,  the  patriotic  archbishop  of  Canterbury, 
found  it  advisable — ' " 

"  Found  what!  "  said  the  Duck. 

"  Found  //,"  the  Mouse  replied  rather  crossly  : 
"  of  course  you  know  what  *  it '  means." 

"  I  know  what  '  it '  means  well  enough  when 
/  find  a  thing,"  said  the  Duck  :  "  it's  generally  a 
frog  or  a  worm.  The  question  is,  what  did  the 
archbishop  find  ?  " 


32  A  CAUCUS-RACE 

The  Mouse  did  not  notice  this  question,  but 
hurriedly  went  on,  "  * — found  it  advisable  to  go 
with  Edgar  Atheling  to  meet  William  and  offer 
him  the  crown.  William's  conduct  at  first  was 
moderate.  But  the  insolence  of  his  Normans — ' 
How  are  you  getting  on  now,  my  dear  ?  "  it  con- 
tinued, turning  to  Alice  as  it  spoke. 

"  As  wet  as  ever,"  said  Alice  in  a  melancholy 
tone :  "  it  doesn't  seem  to  dry  me  at  all." 

"  In  that  case,"  said  the  Dodo  solemnly,  rising 
to  its  feet,  "  I  move  that  the  meeting  adjourn, 
for  the  immediate  adoption  of  more  energetic 
remedies — " 

"  Speak  English  ! "  said  the  Eaglet.  "  I  don't 
know  the  meaning  of  half  those  long  words,  and 
what's  more,  I  don't  believe  you  do  either  !  "  And 
the  Eaglet  bent  down  its  head  to  hide  a  smile : 
some  of  the  other  birds  tittered  audibly. 

"  What  I  was  going  to  say,"  said  the  Dodo  in 
an  offended  tone,  "  was,  that  the  best  thing  to  get 
us  dry  would  be  a  Caucus-race." 

"  What  is  a  Caucus-race  ?  "  said  Alice  ;  not 
that  she  much  wanted  to  know,  but  the  Dodo 


AND  A  LONG  TALE.  83 

had  paused  as  if  it  thought  that  somebody  ought 
to  speak,  and  no  one  else  seemed  inclined  to  say 
anything. 

"  Why,"  said  the  Dodo,  "  the  best  way  to  ex- 
plain it  is  to  do  it."  (And  as  you  might  like  to 
try  the  thing  yourself,  some  winter  day,  I  will  tell 
you  how  the  Dodo  managed  it.) 

First  it  marked  out  a  race-course,  in  a  sort 
of  circle,  ("  the  exact  shape  doesn't  matter,"  it 
said,)  and  then  all  the  party  were  placed  along  the 
course,  here  and  there.  There  was  no  "  One, 
two,  three,  and  away,"  but  they  began  running 
when  they  liked,  and  left  off  when  they  liked,  so 
that  it  was  not  easy  to  know  when  the  race  was 
over.  However,  when  they  had  been  running 
half-an-hour  or  so,  and  were  quite  dry  again,  the 
Dodo  suddenly  called  out,  "  The  race  is  over  !  " 
and  they  all  crowded  round  it,  panting,  and  ask-- 
ing,  "  But  who  has  won  ?  " 

This  question  the  Dodo  could  not  answer 
without  a  great  deal  of  thought,  and  it  sat  for 
a  long  time  with  one  finger  pressed  upon  its 
forehead,  (the  position  in  which  you  us-ually  see 


84  A  CAUCUS-RACE 

Shakespeare,  in  the  pictures  of  hnn,)  while  the 
rest  waited  in  silence.  At  last  the  Dodo  said, 
"  Everybody  has  won,  and  all  must  have 
prizes." 

"  But  who  is  to  give  the  prizes  ?  "  quite  a  chorus 
of  voices  asked. 

"  Why,  she,  of  course,"  said  the  Dodo,  pointing 
to  Alice  with  one  finger ;  and  the  whole  party 
at  once  crowded  round  her,  calling  out  in  a  con- 
fused way,  "  Prizes !  Prizes  !  " 

Alice  had  no  idea  what  to  do,  and  in  despair 
she  put  her  hand  into  her  pocket,  and  pulled  out 
a  box  of  comfits,  (luckily  the  salt  water  had  not 
got  into  it,  and  handed  them  round  as  prizes. 
There  was  exactly  one  a-piece,  all  round. 

"  But  she  must  have  a  prize  herself,  you  know,"' 
said  the  Mouse. 

"  Of  course,"  the  Dodo  replied  very  gravely. 
"  What  else  have  you  got  in  your  pocket  ?  "  he 
went  on,  turning  to  Alice. 

^'  Only  a  thimble,"  said  Alice  sadly. 

"  Hand  it  over  here,"  said  the  Dodo. 

Then  they  all  crowded  round  her  once  more, 


AND  A  LONG  TALL. 


85 


while  the  Dodo  solemnly  presented  the  thimble, 
saying,  "  We  beg  your  acceptance  of  this  elegant 
thimble ;  "  and,  when  it  had  finished  this  short 
speech,  they  all  cheered. 


86  A  CAUCUS-RACE 

Alice  thought  the  whole  thing  very  absurd, 
but  they  all  looked  so  grave  that  she  did  not  dare 
to  laugh,  and  as  she  could  not  think  of  anything 
to  say,  she  simply  bowed,  and  took  the  thimble, 
looking  as  solemn  as  she  could. 

The  next  thing  was  to  eat  the  comfits :  this 
caused  some  noise  and  confusion,  as  the  large 
birds  complained  that  they  could  not  taste  theirs, 
and  the  small  ones  choked  and  had  to  be  patted 
on  the  back.  However  it  was  over  at  last,  and 
they  sat  down  again  in  a  ring,  and  begged  the 
Mouse  to  tell  them  something  more. 

"  You  promised  to  tell  me  your  history,  you 
know,"  said  Alice,  "  and  why  it  is  you  hate — C 
and  D,"  she  added  in  a  whisper,  half  afraid  that 
it  would  be  offended  again. 

"  Mine  is  a  long  and  a  sad  tale ! "  said  the 
Mouse,  turning  to  Alice,  and  sighing. 

"  It  is  a  long  tail,  certainly,"  said  Alice,  look- 
ing down  with  wonder  at  the  Mouse's  tail; 
"  but  why  do  you  call  it  sad  ? "  And  she  kept  on 
puzzling  about  it  while  the  Mouse  was  speaking, 


AND  A   LONG  TALE.  37 

SO  that  her  idea  of  the  tale  was  something  like 
this  : "  Fury  said  to 

a  mouse,  That 
he  met 
in  the 
house, 
*  Let  us 
both  go 
to  law  : 
/will 
prosecute 
you. — 
Come,  I'll 
take  no 
denial ; 
We  must 

have  a 
trial : 
For 
really 
this 
morning 

nothing 
to  do.' 
Said  the 
mouse  to 
the  cur, 
'  Such  a 
trial 
dear  sir, 
With  no 


jury  or 
would  be 


rasting 

our  breath.* 
'I'll  be 
judge, 


juag( 
•11  be 


Said 
cunning 

old  Fury : 

«  I'll  t 


try 
the  whole 
cause, 
and 
condemn 
you 
to 
death."' 


38  A  CAUCUS-RACE 

"  You  are  not  attending !  "  said  the  Mouse  to 
Alice,  severely.     "What  are  you  thinking  of?  " 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Alice  very  humbly : 
"you  had  got  to  the  fifth  bend,  I  think?" 

"  I  had  not !  "  cried  the  Mouse,  sharply  and 
very  angrily. 

"  A  knot !  "  said  Alice,  always  ready  to  make 
herself  useful,  and  looking  anxiously  about  her. 

"  Oh  do  let  me  help  to  undo  it !  " 

"  I  shall  do  nothing  of  the  sort,"  said  the  Mouse, 
getting  up  and  walking  away.  "  You  insult  me 
by  talking  such  nonsense  !  " 

"  I  didn't  mean  it !  "  pleaded  poor  Alice.  "  But 
you're  so  easily  offended,  you  know ! " 

The  Mouse  only  growled  in  reply. 

"  Please  come  back,  and  finish  your  story ! " 
Alice  called  after  it ;  and  the  others  all  joined  in 
chorus,  "  Yes,  please  do !  "  but  the  Mouse  only 
shook  its  head  impatiently,  and  walked  a  little 
quicker. 

"  What  a  pity  it  wouldn't  stay !  "  sighed  the 
Lory,  as  soon  as  it  was  quite  out  of  sight ;  and 
an  old  crab  took  the  opportunity  of  saying  to  her 


AND   A  LONG  TALE.  39 

daughter,  "  Ah,  my  dear  !  Let  this  be  a  lesson 
to  you  never  to  lose  ^our  temper !  "  "  Hold  your 
tongue,  Ma  ! "  said  the  young  crab,  a  little  snap- 
pishly. "  You're  enough  to  try  the  patience  of 
an  oyster !  " 

"  I  wish  I  had  our  Dinah  here,  I  know  I  do !  " 
said  Alice  aloud,  addressing  nobody  in  particular. 
"  She'd  soon  fetch  it  back ! '' 

"  And  who  is  Dinah,  if  I  might  venture  to  ask 
the  question  ?  "  said  the  Lory. 

Alice  replied  eagerly,  for  she  was  always  ready 
to  talk  about  her  pet.  "  Dinah's  our  cat.  And 
she's  such  a  capital  one  for  catching  mice,  you 
can't  think  !  And  oh,  I  wish  you  could  see  her 
after  the  birds !  Why  she'll  eat  a  Httle  bird  as 
soon  as  look  at  it  I  " 

This  speech  caused  a  remarkable  sensation 
among  the  party.  Some  of  the  birds  hurried 
off  at  once  :  one  old  magpie  began  wrapping  it- 
self up  very  carefully,  remarking,  "  I  really  must 
be  getting  home ;  the  night-air  doesn't  suit  my 
throat!**  and  a  canary  called  out  in  a  trembling 
voice  to  its  children,  "  Come  away,  my  dears! 


40  A  CAUCUS-BACE  AND  A  LONG  TALE. 

If  s  high  time  you  were  all  in  bed !  "  On  various 
pretexts  they  all  moved  off,  and  Alice  was  soon 
left  alone. 

"  I  wish  I  hadn't  mentioned  Dinah !  "  she  said 
to  herself  in  a  melancholy  tone.  "  Nobody  seems 
to  like  her,  down  here,  and  I'm  sure  she's  the  best 
cat  in  the  world !  Oh,  my  dear  Dinah  !  I  won- 
der if  I  shall  ever  see  you  any  more  ! "  And  here 
poor  Alice  began  to  cry  again,  for  she  felt  very 
lonely  and  low-spirited.  In  a  little  while,  how- 
ever, she  again  heard  a  little  pattering  of  footsteps 
in  the  distance,  and  she  looked  up  eagerly,  half 
hoping  that  the  Mouse  had  changed  his  mind, 
and  was  coming  back  to  finish  his  story. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE    RABBIT    SENDS    IN   A   LITTLE   BILL. 

It  was  the  White  Rabbit,  trotting  slowly  back 
again,  and  looking  anxiously  about  as  it  went,  as 
if  it  had  lost  something ;  and  she  heard  it  mut- 
tering to  itself,  *'  The  Duchess !  The  Duchess  ! 
Oh  my  dear  paws !  Oh  my  fur  and  whiskers ! 
She'll  get  me  executed,  as  sure  as  ferrets  are  fer- 
rets !  Where  can  I  have  dropped  them,  I  won- 
der ! "  Alice  guessed  in  a  moment  that  it  was 
looking  for  the  fan  and  the  pair  of  white  kid 
gloves,  and  she  very  good-naturedly  began  hunt' 


42  THE  BABBIT   SENDS 

ing  about  for  them,  but  they  were  nowhere  to  be 
seen — everything  seemed  to  have  changed  since 
her  swim  in  the  pool  and  the  great  hall,  with  the 
glass  table  and  the  little  door,  had  vanished  com- 
pletely. 

Very  soon  the  Rabbit  noticed  Alice,  as  she 
went  hunting  about,  and  called  out  to  her  in  an 
angry  tone,  "  Why,  Mary  Ann,  what  are  you  do- 
ing out  here?  Run  home  this  moment,  and 
fetch  me  a  pair  of  gloves  and  a  fan !  Quick, 
now !  "  And  Alice  was  so  much  frightened  that 
she  ran  off  at  once  in  the  direction  it  pointed  to, 
without  trying  to  explain  the  mistake  that  it  had 
made. 

"  He  took  me  for  his  housemaid,"  she  said  to 
herself  as  she  ran.  "  How  surprised  he'll  be  when 
he  finds  out  who  I  am  1  But  I'd  better  take  him 
his  fan  and  gloves — that  is,  if  I  can  find  them." 
As  she  said  this,  she  came  upon  a  neat  little 
house,  on  the  door  of  which  was  a  bright 
brass  plate  with  the  name  "  W.  RABBIT," 
engraved  upon  it.  She  went  in  without  knock- 
ing, and   hurried    upstairs,    in    great   fear    lest 


IN  A  LITTLB  BILL.  43 

she  should  meet  the  real  Mary  Ann,  and  be 
turned  out  of  the  house  before  she  had  found  the 
fan  and  gloves. 

"  How  queer  it  seems,"  Alice  said  to  herself, 
"  to  be  going  messages  for  a  rabbit !  I  suppose 
Dinah'll  be  sending  me  on  messages  next!" 
And  she  began  fancying  the  sort  of  thing  that 
would  happen  :  "  *  Miss  Alice !  Come  here  di- 
rectly, and  get  ready  for  your  walk  ! '  *  Coming 
in  a  minute,  -nurse  !  But  I've  got  to  watch  this 
mousehole  till  Dinah  comes  back,  and  see  that 
the  mouse  doesn't  get  out'  Only  I  don't  think," 
Alice  went  on,  "  that  they'd  let  Dinah  stop  in 
the  house  if  it  began  ordering  people  about  like 
that!" 

By  this  time  she  had  found  her  way  into 
a  tidy  little  room  with  a  table  in  the  window, 
and  on  it  (as  she  had  hoped)  a  fan  and  two  or 
three  pairs  of  tiny  white  kid  gloves  :  she  took 
up  the  fan  and  a  pair  of  the  gloves,  and  was 
just  going  to  leave  the  room,  when  her  eye  fell 
upon  a  little  bottle  that  stood  near  the  looking- 
glass.     There  was  no  label  this  time  with  the 


44  THE  BABBIT  SENDS 

words  "  DRINK  ME,"  but  nevertheless  she  un- 
corked it  and  put  it  to  her  lips.  "  I  know 
something  interesting  is  sure  to  happen,"  she 
said  to  herself,  "  whenever  I  eat  or  drink  any- 
thing;  so  I'll  just  see  what  this  bottle  does. 
I  do  hope  it'll  make  me  grow  large  again,  for 
really  Tm  quite  tired  of  being  such  a  tiny 
little  thing!'' 

It  did  so  indeed,  and  much  sooner  than  she 
had  expected;  before  she  had  drunk  half  the 
bottle,  she  found  her  head  pressing  against  the 
ceiling,  and  had  to  stoop  to  save  her  neck  from 
being  broken.  She  hastily  put  down  the  bottle, 
saying  to  herself,  "  That's  quite  enough — I  hope 
I  shan't  grow  any  more — As  it  is,  I  can't  get 
out  at  the  door — I  do  wish  I  hadn't  drunk  quite 
so  much  1 " 

Alas !  It  was  too  late  to  wish  that  I  She 
went  on  growing  and  growing,  and  very  soon 
had  to  kneel  down  on  the  floor:  in  another 
minute  there  was  not  even  room  for  this,  and 
she  tried  the  effect  of  lying  down,  with  one 
elbow  against  the  door,  and  the  other  arm  curled 


IN  A  lilTTLE  BILL. 


45 


round  her  head.  Still  she  went  on  growing, 
and,  as  a  last  resource,  she  put  one  arm  out  of 
the  window,  and  one  foot  up  the  chimney,  and 
said  to  herself,  "  Now  I  can  do  no  more,  what- 
ever happens.     What  will  become  of  me  ? " 

Luckily  for  Alice,  the  little  magic  bottle  had 
now  had  its  full  effect,  and  she  grew  no  larger : 
still  it  was  very  uncomfortable,  and,  as  there 
seemed   to   be   no  sort  of  chance  of  her  ever 


46  THE  EABBIT   SENDS 

getting  out  of  the  room  again,  no  wonder  she 
felt  unhappy. 

"  It  was  much  pleasanter  at  home,"  thought 
poor  Alice,  "  when  one  wasn't  always  grov/ing 
larger  and  smaller,  and  being  ordered  about  by 
mice  and  rabbits.  I  almost  wish  I  hadn't  gone 
down  that  rabbit-hole — and  yet — and  yet — it's 
rather  curious,  you  know,  this  sort  of  life !  I 
do  wonder  what  can  have  happened  to  me ! 
When  I  used  to  read  fairy-tales,  I  fancied  that 
kind  of  thing  never  happened,  and  now  here  I 
am  in  the  middle  of  one !  There  ought  to  be 
a  book  written  about  me,  that  there  ought! 
And  when  I  grow  up,  I'll  write  one — but  I'm 
grown  up  now,"  she  added  in  a  sorrowful  tone, 
"  at  least  there's  no  room  to  grow  up  any  more 
herer 

"  But  then/'  thought  Alice,  "  shall  I  never 
get  any  older  than  I  am  now  ?  That'll  be  a 
comfort,  one  way — never  to  be  an  old  woman 
— but  then — always  to  have  lessons  to  learn! 
Oh,  I  shouldn't  like  that  !  " 

"  Oh,  you  foolish  Alice  1 "    she  answered  her- 


IN  A  LITTLE  BLLL.  47 

self.  "  How  can  you  learn  lessons  in  here  ? 
Why,  there's  hardly  room  for  you,  and  no  room 
at  all  for  any  lesson-books  !  '* 

And  so  she  went  on,  taking  first  one  side  and 
then  the  other,  and  making  quite  a  conversation 
of  it  altogether,  but  after  a  few  minutes  she 
heard  a  voice  outside,  and  stopped  to  listen. 

"  Mary  Ann  !  Mary  Ann !  "  said  the  voice, 
"  fetch  me  my  gloves  this  moment !  "  Then  came 
a  little  pattering  of  feet  on  the  stairs.  Alice 
knew  it  was  the  Rabbit  coming  to  look  for  her, 
and  she  trembled  till  she  shook  the  house,  quite 
forgetting  that  she  was  now  about  a  thousand 
times  as  large  as  the  Rabbit,  and  had  no  reason 
to  be  afraid  of  it. 

Presently  the  Rabbit  came  up  to  the  door, 
and  tried  to  open  it,  but  as  the  door  opened 
inwards,  and  Alice's  elbow  was  pressed  hard 
against  it,  that  attempt  proved  a  failure.  Alice 
heard  it  say  to  itself,  "  Then  I'll  go  round  and 
get  in  at  the  window." 

"  TM^  you  won't !  "  thought  Alice,  and,  after 
waiting  till  she  fancied  she  heard  the   Rabbit 


48 


THB  BABBIT  SENDS 


just    under    the   window  she   suddenly    spread 

out  her  hand,  and 
made  a  snatch  in  the 
air.  She  did  not  get 
hold  of  anything,  but 
she  heard  a  Httle 
shriek  and  a  fall, 
and  a  crash  of  bro- 
ken glass,f  rom  which 
she  concluded  that 
it  was  just  possible 
it  had  fallen  into  a 
cucumber-frame,  or 
something  of  the 
sort. 

Next  came  an  angry  voice — the  Rabbit's — 
"Pat!  Pat!  Where  are  you?"  And  then  a 
voice  she  had  never  heard  before,  "  Sure  then, 
Tm  here  !     Digging  for  apples,  yer  honor! " 

"  Digging    for    apples,    indeed ! "     said     the 
Rabbit  angrily.     "  Here !     Come    and  help  me 
out   of  this "  /     (Sounds  of  more  broken  glass.) 
"  Now  tell  me,   Pat,  what's  that  in  the  win- 
dow.?" 


IN  A  LITTLE  BILL.  49 

"  Sure,  it's  an  arm,  yer  honor ! "  (He  pro- 
nounced it "  arrum.") 

"  An  arm,  you  goose  !  Who  ever  saw  one  that 
size?     Why,  it  fills  the  whole  window!  " 

"  Sure,  it  does,  yer  honor :  but  it's  an  arm  for 
all  that." 

"  Well,  it's  got  no  business  there,  at  any  rate  : 
go  and  take  it  away  !  " 

There  was  a  long  silence  after  this,  and  Alice 
could  only  hear  whispers  now  and  then,  such  as, 
"  Sure,  I  don't  like  it,  yer  honor,  at  all  at  all ! '' 
"  Do  as  I  tell  you,  you  coward  !  "  and  at  last  she 
spread  out  her  hand  again  and  made  another 
snatch  in  the  air.  This  time  there  were  two  little 
shrieks  and  more  sounds  of  broken  glass.  "What 
a  number  of  cucumber  frames  there  must  be !  " 
thought  Alice.  "  I  wonder  what  they'll  do  next ! 
As  for  pulling  me  out  of  the  window,  I  only  wish 
they  could  I  I'm  sure  /  don't  want  to  stay  in  here 
any  longer  I " 

She  waited  for  some  time  without  hearing  any- 
thing more:  at  last  came  a  rumbling  of  little 
cart-wheels,  and  the  sound  of  a  good  many  voices 


50  THE   RABBIT  SENDS 

all  talking  together:  she  made  out  the  words, 
"  Where's  the  other  ladder  ?— Why,  I  hadn't  to 
bring  but  one  :  Bill's  got  the  other — Bill !  fetch 
it  here,  lad  ! — Here,  put  'em  up  at  this  corner — 
No,  tie  'em  together  first — they  don't  reach  half 
^  .gh  enough  yet — Oh  !  they'll  do  well  enough  ; 
don't  be  particular — Here,  Bill!  catch  hold  of 
this  rope — Will  the  roof  bear? — Mind  that 
loose  slate — Oh,  it's  coming  down !  Heads 
below  I  "  (a  loud  crash) — "  Now,  who  did  that  ? — 
It  was  Bill,  I  fancy — Who's  to  go  down  the 
chimney  ? — Nay,  /  shan't !  You  do  it ! — That  I 
won't  then ! — Bill's  got  to  go  down — Here,  Bill ! 
the  master  says  you've  got  to  go  down  the 
chirnney !  " 

"  Oh,  so  Bill's  got  to  come  down  the  chim- 
ney has  he?"  said  Alice  to  herself.  "Why, 
they  seem  to  put  everything  upon  Bill!  I 
wouldn't  be  in  Bill's  place  for  a  good  deal : 
this  fireplace  is  narrow,  to  be  sure,  but  I  think  I 
can  kick  a  little  " 

She  drew  her  foot  as  far  down  the  chimney  as 
she  could,  and  waited  till  she  heard  a  little  animal 


IN  A  LITTLE  BILL. 


51 


pened  to  you 


(she  couldn't  guess  of 
what  sort  it  was)  scratch- 
ing and  scrambling 
about  in  the  chimney 
close  above  her  :  then, 
saying  to  herself,  "  This 
is  Bill,"  she  gave  one 
sharp  kick,  and  waited  to 
see  what  would  happen 
next. 

The  first  thing  she 
heard  was  a  general 
chorus  of  "  There  goes 
Bill?"  then  the  Rabbit's 
voice  alone,  "  Catch  him, 
you  by  the  hedge !  "  then 
silence,  and  then  an- 
other confusion  of  voices 
— "  Hold  up  his  head 
— Brandy  now  —  Don't 
choke  him — How  was  it, 
old  fellow  ?  What  hap- 
Tell  us  all  about  it !  " 


52  THE  BABBIT   SENDS 

Last  came  a  little  feeble  squeaking  voice, 
("  That's  Bill,"  thought  Alice,)  ^'  Well,  I  hardly 
know — No  more,  thank'ye,  I'm  better  now — but 
I'm  a  deal  too  flustered  to  tell  you — all  I  know 
is,  something  comes  at  me  like  a  Jack-in-the-box, 
and  up  I  goes  like  a  sky-rocket !  " 

"  So  you  did,  old  fellow !  "  said  the  others. 

"  We  must  burn  the  house  down ! "  said  the 
Rabbit's  voice,  and  Alice  called  out  as  loud  as 
she  could,  "  If  you  do,  I'll  set  Dinah  at  you  !  " 

There  was  a  dead  silence  instantly,  and  Alice 
thought  to  herself,  "  I  wonder  what  they  will  do 
next!  If  they  had  any  sense,  they'd  take  the  roof 
off."  After  a  minute  or  two  they  began  moving 
about  again,  and  Alice  heard  the  Rabbit  say,  "  A 
barrowful  will  do,  to  begin  with." 

"  A  barrowful  of  what  ?  "  thought  Alice ;  but 
she  had  not  long  to  doubt,  for  the  next  moment 
a  shower  of  little  pebbles  came  rattling  in  at  the 
window,  and  some  of  them  hit  her  in  the  face. 
"  I'll  put  a  stop  to  this,"  she  said  to  herself,  and 
shouted  out,  "  You'd  better  not  do  that  again !  " 
which  produced  another  dead  silence. 


IN  A  LITTLE  BILL.  63 

Alice  noticed  with  some  surprise  that  the 
pebbles  were  all  turning  into  little  cakes  as  they 
lay  on  the  floor,  and  a  bright  idea  came  into  her 
head.  "  If  I  eat  one  of  these  cakes,"  she  thought, 
"  it's  sure  to  make  some  change  in  my  size :  and 
as  it  can't  possibly  make  me  larger,  it  must  make 
me  smaller,  I  suppose." 

So  she  swallowed  one  of  the  cakes,  and  was 
delighted  to  find  that  she  began  shrinking 
directly.  As  soon  as  she  was  small  enough  to 
get  through  the  door,  she  ran  out  of  the  house, 
and  found  quite  a  crowd  of  little  animals  and 
birds  waiting  outside.  The  poor  little  Lizard, 
Bill,  was  in  the  middle,  being  held  up  by  two 
guinea-pigs,  who  were  giving  it  something  out 
of  a  bottle.  They  all  made  a  rush  at  Alice  the 
moment  she  appeared,  but  she  ran  off  as  hard 
as  she  could,  and  soon  found  herself  safe  in  a 
thick  wood. 

"  The  first  thing  I've  got  to  do,"  said  Alice  to 
herself,  as  she  wandered  about  in  the  wood,  "  is 
to  grow  to  my  right  size  again ;  and  the  second 


54  THE  RABBIT   SENDS 

thing  IS  to  find  my  way  into  that  lovely  garden.  I 
think  that  will  be  the  best  plan." 

It  sounded  an  excellent  plan,  no  doubt,  and 
very  neatly  and  simply  arranged  ;  the  only  diffi- 
culty was,  that  she  had  not  the  smallest  idea  how 
to  set  about  it ;  and  while  she  was  peering  about 
anxiously  among  the  trees,  a  little  sharp  bark 
just  over  her  head  made  her  look  up  in  a  great 
hurry. 

An  enormous  puppy  was  looking  down  at 
her  with  large  round  eyes,  and  feebly  stretching 
out  one  paw.  trying  to  touch  her.  "  Poor  little 
thing !  "  said  Alice  in  a  coaxing  tone,  and  she 
tried  hard  to  whistle  to  it,  but  she  was  terribly 
frightened  all  the  time  at  the  thought  that  it 
might  be  hungry,  in  which  case  it  would  be  very 
likely  to  eat  her  up  in  spite  of  all  her  coaxing. 

Hardly  knowing  what  she  did,  she  picked 
up  a  little  bit  of  stick,  and  held  it  out  to  the 
puppy  ;  whereupon  the  puppy  jumped  into  the 
air  off  all  its  feet  at  once,  with  a  yelp  of 
delight,  and  rushed  at  the  stick,  and  made  be- 
lieve   to    worry  it;    then   Alice    dodged   behind 


IN   A  LITTLE  BILL. 


65 


a  great  thistle,  to  keep  herself  from  being  run 
over,  and,  the  moment  she  appeared  on  the 
other  side,  the  puppy  made  another  rush  at  the 


56  THE  RABBIT   SENDS 

stick,  and  tumbled  head  over  heels  in  its  hurry 
to  get  hold  of  it ;  then  Alice,  thinking  it  was 
very  like  having  a  game  of  play  with  a  cart- 
horse, and  expecting  every  moment  to  be  tram- 
pled under  its  feet,  ran  round  the  thistle  again ; 
then  the  puppy  began  a  series  of  short  charges 
at  the  stick,  running  a  very  little  way  forwards 
each  time  and  a  long  way  back,  and  bark- 
ing hoarsely  all  the  while,  till  at  last  it  sat 
down  a  good  way  off,  panting,  with  its  tongue 
hanging  out  of  its  mouth,  and  its  great  eyes  half 
shut. 

This  seemed  to  Alice  a  good  opportunity  for 
making  her  escape,  so  she  set  off  at  once,  and 
ran  till  she  was  quite  tired  and  out  of  breath, 
and  till  the  puppy's  bark  sounded  quite  faint  in 
the  distance. 

"  And  yet  what  a  dear  little  puppy  it  was !  " 
said  Alice,  as  she  leant  against  a  buttercup  to 
rest  herself,  and  fanned  herself  with  one  of  the 
leaves ;  "  I  should  have  liked  teaching  it  tricks 
very  much,  if — if  I'd  only  been  the  right  size 
to  doit!     Oh  dear!     I'd  nearly  forgotten  that 


IN  A   LITTLE  BILL.  67 

I've  got  to  grow  up  again !  Let  me  see — how 
is  it  to  be  managed  ?  I  suppose  I  ought  to  eat 
or  drink  something  or  other;  but  the  great 
question  is,  what  ?  " 

The  great  question  certainly  was,  what? 
Alice  looked  all  round  her  at  the  flowers  and 
the  blades  of  grass,  but  she  could  not  see  any- 
thing that  looked  like  the  right  thing  to  eat 
or  drink  under  the  circumstances.  There  was  a 
large  mushroom  growing  near  her,  about  the 
same  height  as  herself,  and  when  she  had  looked 
under  it,  and  on  both  sides  of  it,  and  behind  it, 
it  occurred  to  her  that  she  might  as  well  look  and 
see  what  was  on  the  top  of  it. 

She  stretched  herself  up  on  tiptoe,  and  peeped 
over  the  edge  of  the  mushroom,  and  her  eyes 
immediately  met  those  of  a  large  blue  cater- 
pillar, that  was  sitting  on  the  top  with  its  arms 
folded,  quietly  smoking  a  long  hookah,  and  taking 
not  the  smallest  notice  of  her  or  of  anything 
else. 


CHAPTER  V. 

ADVICE   FROM    A   CATERPILLAR. 

The  Caterpillar  and  Alice  looked  at  each 
other  for  some  time  in  silence :  at  last  the 
Caterpillar  took  the  hookah  out  of  its  mouth, 
and   addressed   her   in   a  languid,  sleepy  voice. 


ADVICE  FHOM  A  CATERPLLLAB.  L\) 

"Who  2iXQyou?''  said  the  Caterpillar. 

This  was  not  an  encouraging  opening  for  a 
conversation.  Alice  replied,  rather  shyly,  "  I — I 
hardly  know,  sir,  just  at  present — at  least  I  know 
who  I  was  when  I  got  up  this  morning,  but  I 
think  I  must  have  been  changed  several  times 
since  then." 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  that  ? "  said  the  Cater- 
pillar sternly.     "  Explain  yourself  !  " 

"  I  can't  explain  myself,  I'm  afraid,  sir," 
said  Alice,  "  because  I'm  not  myself,  you 
see." 

"  I  don't  see,"  said  the  Caterpillar. 

"I'm  afraid  I  can't  put  it  more  clearly," 
Alice  replied  very  politely,  "  for  I  can't  under- 
stand it  myself  to  begin  with ;  and  being  so 
many  different  sizes  in  a  day  is  very  confus- 
ing." 

"  It  isn't,"  said  the  Caterpillar. 

"  Well,  perhaps  you  haven't  found  it  so  yet," 
said  Alice ;  "  but  when  you  have  to  turn  into  a 
chrysalis — you  will   some   day,  you   know — and 


60  ADVICE  FROM  A  CATERPILLAE. 

then  after  that  into  a  butterfly,  I  should  think 
you'll  feel  it  a  little  queer,  won't  you  ?  " 

"  Not  a  bit,"  said  the  Caterpillar. 

"  Well,  perhaps  your  feelings  may  be  differ- 
ent," said  Alice;  "all  I  know  is,  it  would  feel 
very  queer  to  me!' 

"  You  ?  "  said  the  Caterpillar  contemptuously. 
"  Who  are  you  ?  " 

Which  brought  them  back  again  to  the  be- 
ginning of  the  conversation.  Alice  felt  a  little 
irritated  at  the  Caterpillar's  making  such  very 
short  remarks,  and  she  drew  herself  up  and  said, 
very  gravely,  "  I  think  you  ought  to  tell  me  who 
you  are,  first." 

"  Why  ?  "  said  the  Caterpillar. 

Here  was  another  puzzling  question ;  and,  as 
Alice  could  not  think  of  any  good  reason,  and 
as  the  Caterpillar  seemed  to  be  in  a  very  un- 
pleasant state  of  mind,  she  turned  away. 

"  Come  back  ! "  the  Caterpillar  called  after  her. 
"  I've  something  important  to  say ! " 

This  sounded  promising,  certainly:  Alice 
turned  and  came  back  again. 


ADVICE   FKOM  A   CATEHriLLAK.  61 

"  Keep  your  temper/'  said  the  Caterpillar. 

"Is  that  all?"  said  Alice,  swallowing  down 
her  anger  as  well  as  she  could. 

"  No,"  said  the  Caterpillar. 

Alice  thought  she  might  as  well  wait,  as  she 
had  nothing  else  to  do,  and  perhaps  after  all  it 
might  tell  her  something  worth  hearing.  For 
some  minutes  it  puffed  away  without  speaking, 
but  at  last  it  unfolded  its  arms,  took  the  hookah 
out  of  its  mouth  again,  and  said,  "  So  you  think 
you're  changed,  do  you  ?  " 

"  I'm  afraid  I  am,  sir,"  said  Alice ;  "  I  can't 
remember  things  as  I  used — and  I  don't  keep 
the  same  size  for  ten  minutes  together !  " 

"  Can't  remember  what  things  ? "  said  the 
Caterpillar. 

"  Well,  I've  tried  to  say  '  How  doth  the  little 
busy  bee,'  but  it  all  came  different ! "  Alice  re- 
plied in  a  very  melancholy  voice. 

"  Repeat  '  You  are  old.  Father  William',  "  said 
the  Caterpillar. 

Alice  folded  her  hands,  and  began  ; — 


62 


ADVICE  FROM  A  CATEKPILLAR. 


"  You  are  old,  father  William^,^  the  young  man  said^ 
"  And  your  hair  has  become  very  white  ; 

And  yet  you  incessantly  stand  on  your  head— 
Do  you  thinks  at  your  age,  it  is  right  ?^^ 


"  In  my  youth^'  father  William  replied  to  his  son, 
"  I  feared  it  might  injure  the  brain  ; 

But  now  that  I'm  perfectly  sure  I  have  none^ 
Why,  I  do  it  again  and  again'^ 


ADVICE  FliOM  A  CATEKPILLAB. 


63 


"  You  are  old^^  said  the  youths  "  as  I  mentioned  be- 
fore, 

And  have  grown  most  uncommonly  fat ; 
Yet  you  turned  a  back-somersault  in  at  the  door — 

Pray^  what  is  the  reason  of  that  ?  " 

"  In  my  youth','  said  the  sage,  as  he  shook  his  gray 
locks, 

"  /  kept  all  my  limbs  very  supple 
By  the  use  of  this  ointment — one  shilling  the  box — 

Allow  me  to  sell  you  a  coupled 


64  ADVICE  FEOM  A  CATERPILLAR. 


"  You  are  old,''  said  the  youth,  ''  and  your  jaws  are 
too  weak 
For  anything  tougher  than  suet ; 
Yet  you  finished  the  goose,  with  the  bones  and  tlie 
beak. 
Pray,  how  did  you  manage  to  do  it?  " 

"  In  my  youth,''  said  his  father,  "  /  took  to  the  law, 
And  argued  each  case  with  my  wife; 

And  the  muscular  strength,  which  it  gave  to  myjaw^ 
Has  lasted  the  rest  of  my  lifer 


ADVICE  FllOM  A  CATERPILLAR. 


65 


"  Vou  are  old''  said  the  youth  ;  "  one  would  hardly 
suppose 

That  your  eye  was  as  steady  as  ever; 
Yet  you  balanced  an  eel  on  the  end  of  your  nose — 

What  made  you  so  awfully  clever  ?  " 

"  /  have   answered  three  questions^   and  that  is 
enough^^^ 

Said  his  father  ;  "  don  t  give  yourself  airs  ! 
Do  you  thi7ik  I  can  listen  all  day  to  such  stuff? 

Be  off,  or  I'll  kick  you  down  stairs  I " 


G6  ADVICE  FROM  A  CATERPILLAR. 

"  That  is  not  said  right,"  said  the   Caterpillar, 

"  Not  ^2u^e  right,  I'm  afraid,"  said  Alice 
timidly ;  "  some  of  the  words  have  got  altered." 

"  It  is  wrong  from  beginning  to  end/'  said  the 
Caterpillar  decidedly,  and  there  was  silence  for 
some  minutes. 

The  Caterpillar  was  the  first  to  speak. 

"  What  size  do  you  want  to  be  ?  "  it  asked. 

"  Oh,  I'm  not  particular  as  to  size,"  Alice 
hastily  replied;  "  only  one  doesn't  Hke  changing 
so  often,  yoii  know." 

"  I  don^  know,"  said  the  Caterpillar. 

Alice  said  nothing:  she  had  never  been  so 
much  contradicted  in  all  her  life  before,  and  she 
felt  that  she  was  losing  her  temper. 

"  Are  you  content  now  ?  "  said  the  Caterpillar. 

"  Well,  I  should  like  to  be  a  /////^  larger,  sir, 
if  you  wouldn't  mind,"  said  Alice  :  "  three  inches 
is  such  a  wretched  height  to  be." 

"  It  is  a  very  good  height  indeed !  '*  said  the 
Caterpillar  angrily,  rearing  itself  upright  as  it 
spoke  (it  was  exactly  three  inches  high). 

"  But     I'm    not    used  to   it !  "  pleaded   poor 


ADVICE  FROM   A   CATEUPILLAR.  67 

Alice  in  a  piteous  tone.  And  she  thought  to 
herself,  "  I  wish  the  creature  wouldn't  be  so 
easily  offended !  " 

"  You'll  get  used  to  it  in  time,"  said  the 
Caterpillar ;  and  it  put  the  hookah  into  its 
mouth  and  began  smoking  again. 

This  time  Alice  waited  patiently  until  it 
chose  to  speak  again.  In  a  minute  or  two  the 
Caterpillar  took  the  hookah  out  of  its  mouth, 
and  yawned  once  or  twice,  and  shook  itself. 
Then  it  got  down  off  the  mushroom,  and  crawled 
away  into  the  grass,  merely  remarking  as  it  went, 
"  One  side  will  make  you  grow  taller,  and  the 
other  side  will  make  you  grow  shorter." 

"  One  side  of  what?  The  other  side  of 
what?  "  thought  Alice  to  herself. 

"  Of  the  mushroom,"  said  the  Caterpillar,  just 
as  if  she  had  asked  it  aloud;  and  in  another 
moment  it  was  out  of  sight. 

Alice  remained  looking  thoughtfully  at  the 
mushroom  for  a  minute,  trying  to  make  out 
which  were  the  two  sides  of  it ;  and,  as  it  was 
perfectly  round,  she  found   this  a  very  difficult 


68  ADVICE  FROM  A  CATERPILLAR. 

question.  However,  at  last  she  stretched  her 
arms  round  it  as  far  as  they  would  go,  and  broke 
off  a  bit  of  the  edge  with  each  hand. 

"  And  now  which  is  which  ?  "  she  said  to  her- 
self, and  nibbled  a  little  of  the  right-hand  bit  to 
try  the  effect :  the  next  moment  she  felt  a  vio- 
lent blow  underneath  her  chin ;  it  had  struck 
her  foot ! 

She  was  a  good  deal  frightened  by  this  very 

sudden  change,  but  she  felt  that  there  was   no 

time  to  be   lost,  as  she  was  shrinking  rapidly ; 

so  she  set  to  work  at  once   to  eat  some  of  the 

other   bit.     Her   chin    was     pressed    so   closely 

against  her  foot,  that  there  was  hardly  room   to 

open    her   mouth ;  but   she    did    it   at  last,  and 

managed  to  swallow  a  morsel  of  the  left-hand 

bit. 

*  *  «  *  m 


«  «  «  «  « 

"  Come,  my  head's  free  at  last ! "  said  Alice  in 
a  tone  of  delight,  which  changed  into  alarm  in 
another     moment,  when    she    found    that    her 


ADVICE  FKO^r  A   CATERPILLAR. 


69 


shoulders  were  nowhere  to  be  found :  all  she 
could  see,  when  she  looked  down,  was  an  im- 
mense length  of  neck,  which  seemed  to  rise  like 
a  stalk  out  of  a  sea  of  green  leaves  that  lay  far 
below  her. 

"  What  can  all  that  green  stuff  be  }  "  said 
Alice.  "  And  where  have  my  shoulders  got  to  .? 
And  oh,  my  poor  hands,  how  is  it  I  can't  see 
you  ? "  She  was  moving  them  about  as  she 
spoke,  but  no  result  seemed  to  follow,  except  a 
little  shaking  among  the  distant  green  leaves. 

As  there  seemed  to  be  no  chance  of  getting 
her  hands  up  to  her  head,  she  tried  to  get  her 
head  down  to  them,  and  was  delighted  to  find 
that  her  neck  would  bend  about  easily  in  any 
direction,  like  a  serpent.  She  had  just  succeeded 
in  curving  it  down  into  a  graceful  zigzag,  and 
was  going  to  dive  in  among  the  leaves,  which 
she  found  to  be  nothing  but  the  tops  of  the 
trees  under  which  she  had  been  wanderinof,  when 
a  sharp  hiss  made  her  draw  back  in  a  hurry  ;  a 
large  pigeon  had  flown  into  her  face,  and  was 
beating  her  violently  with  its  wings. 


70  ADVICE  FROM  A  CATERPILLAR. 

"  Serpent !  '*  screamed  the  Pigeon. 

"  I'm  not  a  serpent !  "  said  Alice  indignantly. 
**  Let  me  alone  !  " 

"  Serpent,  I  say  again !  "  repeated  the  Pigeon, 
but  in  a  more  subdued  tone,  and  added  with  a 
kind  of  sob,  "  I've  tried  every  way,  and  nothing 
seems  to  suit  them  ! " 

"  I  haven't  the  least  idea  what  you're  talking 
about,"  said  Alice. 

"  I've  tried  the  roots  of  trees,  and  I've  tried 
banks,  and  I've  tried  hedges,"  the  Pigeon  went 
on,  without  attending  to  her ;  "  but  those  ser- 
pents !     There's  no  pleasing  them  !  " 

Alice  was  more  and  more  puzzled,  but  she 
thought  there  was  no  use  in  saying  anything 
more  till  the  Pigeon  had  finished. 

"  As  if  it  wasn't  trouble  enough  hatching 
the  eggs,"  said  the  Pigeon,  "  but  I  must  be  on 
the  look-out  for  serpents  night  and  day !  Why, 
I  haven't  had  a  wink  of  sleep  these  three 
weeks  !  " 

"  I'm  very  sorry  you've  been  annoyed,"  said 
Alice,  who  was  beginning  to  see  its  meaning. 


ADVICE  niOM  A  CATERPILLAR.  71 

"  And  just  as  I'd  taken  the  highest  tree  in 
the  wood,"  continued  the  Pigeon,  raising  its 
voice  to  a  shriek  "  and  just  as  I  was  thinking 
I  should  be  free  of  them  at  last,  they  must  needs 
come  wriggling  down  from  the  sky !  Ugh ! 
Serpent!" 

"  But  I'm  not  a  serpent,  I  tell  you  !  "  said  Alice, 
"  I'm  a I'm  a " 

"  Well !  What  are  you  ?  "  said  the  Pigeon. 
"  I  can  see  you're  trying  to  invent  something ! " 

"  I— I'm  a  little  girl,"  said  Alice,  rather  doubt- 
fully, as  she  remembered  the  number  of  changes 
she  had  gone  through  that  day. 

"  A  likely  story  indeed ! "  said  the  Pigeon  in 
a  tone  of  the  deepest  contempt.  "  Tve  seen  a 
good  many  little  girls  in  my  time,  but  never  one 
with  such  a  neck  as  that !  No,  no !  You're  a 
serpent ;  and  there's  no  use  denying  it.  I  sup- 
pose you'll  be  telling  me  next  that  you  never 
tasted  an  egg  I  " 

"  I  have  tasted  eggs,  certainly,"  said  Alice,  v/ho 
was  a  very  truthful  child ;  "  but  little  girls  eat 
eggs  quite  as  much  as  serpents  do,  you  know." 


72  ADVICE  FROM  A  CATEEPILLAR. 

"  I  don't  believe  it,"  said  the  Pigeon ;  ''  but  if 
they  do,  why  then  they're  a  kind  of  serpent, 
that's  all  I  can  say." 

This  was  such  a  new  idea  to  Alice,  that 
she  was  quite  silent  for  a  minute  or  two,  which 
gave  the  Pigeon  the  opportunity  of  adding, 
"  You're  lookinor  for  eQ:2:s,  I  know  that  well 
enough  ;  and  what  does  it  matter  to  me  whether 
you're  a  little  girl  or  a  serpent  ? " 

"  It  matters  a  good  deal  to  me','  said  Alice 
hastily;  "but  I'm  not  looking  for  eggs,  as  it 
happens  ;  and  if  I  was,  I  shouldn't  want  yours  : 
I  don't  like  them  raw.'* 

"  Well,  be  off,  then ! "  said  the  Pigeon  in  a 
sulky  tone,  as  it  settled  down  again  into  its 
nest.  Alice  crouched  down  among  the  trees  as 
well  as  she  could,  for  her  neck  kept  getting 
entangled  among  the  branches,  and  every  now 
and  then  she  had  to  stop  and  untwist  it.  After 
a  while  she  remembered  that  she  still  held  the 
pieces  of  mushroom  in  her  hands,  and  she  set 
to  work  very  carefully,  nibbling  first  at  one 
and  then  at   the  other,  and  growing  sometimes 


ADVICE  FROM   A   CATERPILLAR.  73 

taller  and  sometimes  shorter,  until  she  had  suc- 
ceeded in  bringing  herself  down  to  her  usual 
height. 

It  was  so  long  since  she  had  been  anything 
near  the  right  size,  that  it  felt  quite  strange 
at  first,  but  she  got  used  to  it  in  a  few  min- 
utes, and  began  talking  to  herself  as  usual. 
"  Come,  there's  half  my  plan  done  now !  How 
puzzling  all  these  changes  are !  I'm  never  sure 
what  I'm  going  to  be,  from  one  minute  to  an- 
other !  However,  I've  got  back  to  my  right 
size :  the  next  thing  is,  to  get  into  that  beau- 
tiful garden — how  is  that  to  be  done,  I  won- 
der ?  "  As  she  said  this,  she  came  suddenly  upon 
an  open  place,  with  a  little  house  in  it  about 
four  feet  high.  "  Whoever  lives  there,"  thought 
Alice,  "  it'll  never  do  to  come  upon  them  this 
size :  why,  I  should  frighten  them  out  of  their 
wits  1"  So  she  began  nibbling  at  the  right-hand 
bit  again,  and  did  not  venture  to  go  near  the 
house  till  she  had  brought  herself  down  to  nine 
inches  high. 


CHAPTER   VI. 


PIG    AND    PEPPER. 


For  a  minute  or  two  she  stood  looking  at  the 
house,  and  wondering  what  to  do  next,  when  sud- 
denly a  footman  in  livery  came  running  out  of 
the  wood — (she  considered  him  to  be  a  footman 
because  he  was  in  livery  :  otherwise,  judging  by 
his  face  only,  she  would  have  called  him  a  fish) — 
and  rapped  loudly  at  the  door  with  his  knuckles. 
It  was  opened  by  another  footman  in  livery,  with 
a  round  face  and  large  eyes  like  a  frog  ;  and  both 
footmen,  Alice  noticed,  had  powdered  hair  that 
curled  all  over  their  heads.     She  felt  very  curious 


PIG  AND  PEPPER. 


75 


to  know  what  it  was  all  about,  and  crept  a  little 
way  out  of  the  wood  to  listen. 

The  Fish- Footman  began  by  producing  from 
under  his  arm  a  great  letter,  nearly  as  large  as 
himself,  and  this  he  handed  over  to  the  other, 
saying  in  a  solemn  tone,  ^'  For  the  Duchess.   An 


76  PIG  AND  PEPPER. 

invitation  from  the  Queen  to  play  croquet."  The 
Frog- Footman  repeated,  in  the  same  solemn  tone, 
only  changing  the  order  of  the  words  a  little, 
"  From  the  Queen.  An  invitation  for  the  Duch- 
ess to  play  croquet." 

Then  they  both  bowed  low,  and  their  curls  got 
entangled  together. 

Alice  laughed  so  much  at  this  that  she  had  to 
run  back  into  the  wood  for  fear  of  their  hearing 
her,  and  when  she  next  peeped  out  the  Fish- 
Footman  was  gone,  and  the  other  was  sitting  on 
the  ground  near  the  door,  staring  stupidly  up  into 
the  sky. 

Alice  went  timidly  up  to  the  door,  and 
knocked. 

"  There's  no  sort  of  use  in  knocking,"  said 
the  Footman,  "  and  that  for  two  reasons.  First, 
because  I'm  on  the  same  side  of  the  door  as 
you  are ;  secondly,  because  they're  making  such 
a  noise  inside,  no  one  could  possibly  hear  you." 
And  certainly  there  was  a  most  extraordinary 
noise  oroino:  on  within — a  constant  howlinoj 
and  sneezing,  and  every  now  and  then  a  great 


PIG  AND  PEPPEK.  77 

crash,  as  if  a  dish  or  kettle  had  been  broken  to 
pieces. 

"  Please,  then,"  said  Alice,  "  how  am  I  to  get 
in? 

"  There  might  be  some  sense  in  your  knock- 
ing," the  Footman  went  on  without  attending  to 
her,  "  if  we  had  the  door  between  us.  For  in- 
stance, if  you  were  inside,  you  might  knock,  and 
I  could  let  you  out,  you  know."  He  was  looking 
up  into  the  sky  all  the  time  he  was  speaking, 
and  this  Alice  thought  decidedly  uncivil.  "  But 
perhaps  he  can't  help  it,"  she  said  to  herself ; 
"  his  eyes  are  so  very  nearly  at  the  top  of  his 
head.  But  at  any  rate  he  might  answer  ques- 
tions— How  am  I  to  get  in }  "  she  repeated, 
aloud. 

"  I  shall  sit  here,"  the  Footman  remarked,  "  till 
to-morrow " 

At  this  moment  the  door  of  the  house  opened, 
and  a  large  plate  came  skimming  out,  straight  at 
the  Footman's  head:  it  just  grazed  his  nose,  and 
broke  to  pieces  against  one  of  the  trees  behind 
him. 


78  PIG  AND  PEPPER. 


-or  next  day,  maybe,"  the  footman  con- 


tinued in  the  same  tone,  exactly  as  if  nothing  had 
happened. 

"  How  am  I  to  get  in  ? "  Alice  asked  again  in 
a  louder  tone. 

"  Are  you  to  get  in  at  all  '^.  "  said  the  Footman. 
"  Thafs  the  first  question,  you  know." 

It  was,  no  doubt :  only  Alice  did  not  like  to  be 
told  so.  "  It's  really  dreadful,"  she  muttered  to 
herself,  "  the  way  all  the  creatures  argue.  It  s 
enough  to  drive  one  crazy !  " 

The  Footman  seemed  to  think  this  a  good  op- 
portunity for  repeating  his  remark,  with  varia- 
tions. "  I  shall  sit  here,"  he  said,  "  on  and  off-, 
for  days  and  days." 

"  But  what  am  /  to  do  ?  "  said  Alice. 

*'  Anything  you  like,"  said  the  Footman,  and 
began  whistling. 

"Oh,  there's  no  use  in  talking  to  him,"  said 
Alice  desperately :  "  he's  perfectly  idiotic !  "  And 
she  opened  the  door  and  went  in. 

The  door  led  right  into  a  large  kitchen,  which 
was  full  of  smoke  from  one  end  to  the  other :  the 


PIG  AND  PEPPER. 


79 


Duchess  was  sitting  on  a  three-legged  stool  in  the 
middle,  nursing  a  baby;  the  cook  was  leaning 
over  the  fire,  stirring  a  large  cauldron  which 
seemed  to  be  full  of  soup. 

"There's  certainly  too  much  pepper  in  that 
soup!"  Alice  said  to  herself,  as  well  as  she  could 
for  sneezing. 


80  PIG   AND  PEPPEJB. 

There  was  certainly  too  much  of  it  in  the  air. 
Even  the  Duchess  sneezed  occasionally ;  and  as 
for  the  baby,  it  was  sneezing  and  howling  alter- 
nately without  a  moment's  pause.  The  only  two 
creatures  in  the  kitchen  that  did  not  sneeze, 
were  the  cook,  and  a  large  cat  which  was  sitting 
on  the  hearth  and  grinning  from  ear  to  ear. 

"  Please,  would  you  tell  me,"  said  Alice,  a  little 
timidly,  for  she  was  not  quite  sure  whether  it  was 
good  manners  for  her  to  speak  first,  "  why  your 
cat  grins  like  that  ? " 

"  It's  a  Cheshire  cat,"  said  the  Duchess,  "  and 
that's  why.     Pig !  " 

She  said  the  last  word  with  such  sudden  vio- 
lence that  Alice  quite  jumped  ;  but  she  saw  in 
another  moment  that  it  was  addressed  to  the 
baby,  and  not  to  her,  so  she  took  courage,  and 
went  on  again  : — 

'  I  didn't  know  that  Cheshire  cats  always 
grinned  ;  in  fact,  I  didn't  know  that  cats  could 
grin." 

"  They  all  can,"  said  the  Duchess  ;  "  and  most 
of  'em  do." 


PIG   AND   PEPPER.  81 

"  I  don't  know  of  any  that  do,"  Alice  said  very 
politely,  feeling  quite  pleased  to  have  got  into  a 
conversation. 

"You  don't  know  much,"  said  the  Duchess; 
"  and  that's  a  fact." 

Alice  did  not  at  all  like  the  tone  of  this 
remark,  and  thought  it  would  be  as  well  to 
introduce  some  other  subject  of  conversation. 
While  she  was  trying  to  fix  on  one,  the  cook 
took  the  cauldron  of  soup  off  the  fire,  and  at 
once  set  to  work  throwing  everything  within 
her  reach  at  the  Duchess  and  the  baby — the 
fire-irons  came  first ;  then  followed  a  shower 
of  saucepans,  plates,  and  dishes.  The  Duchess 
took  no  notice  of  them,  even  when  they  hit  her ; 
and  the  baby  was  howling  so  much  already,  that 
it  was  quite  impossible  to  say  whether  the  blows 
hurt  it  or  not. 

"  Oh, //<?<3;i"^  mind  what  you're  doing!"  cried 
Alice,  jumping  up  and  down  in  an  agony  of 
terror.  "  Oh,  there  goes  his preciotcs  nose !  "  as 
an  unusually  large  saucepan  flew  close  by  it,  and 
very  nearly  carried  it  off. 


82  PIG  AND  PEPPEB. 

"  If  everybody  minded  their  own  business/' 
said  the  Duchess  in  a  hoarse  growl,  "  the  world 
would  go  round  a  deal  faster  than  it  does." 

"  Which  would  not  be  an  advantage,"  said 
Alice,  who  felt  very  glad  to  get  an  opportunity 
of  showing  off  a  little  of  her  knowledge.  "  Just 
think  what  work  it  would  make  with  the  day 
and  night !  You  see  the  earth  takes  twenty-four 
hours  to  turn  round  on  its  axis " 

"  Talking  of  axes,"  said  the  Duchess,  "  chop 
off  her  head  !  " 

Alice  glanced  rather  anxiously  at  the  cook,  to 
see  if  she  meant  to  take  the  hint;  but  the 
cook  was  busily  stirring  the  soup,  and  seemed 
not  to  be  listening,  so  she  went  on  again : 
"Twenty-four  hours,  I  think;  or  is  it  twelve? 
I " 

"  Oh,  don't  bother  me''  said  the  Duchess ;  "  I 
never  could  abide  figures."  And  with  that  she 
began  nursing  her  child  again,  singing  a  sort  of 
lullaby  to  it  as  she  did  so,  and  giving  it  a  violent 
shake  at  the  end  of  every  line : — 


PIG  AND   PEPPER.  88 

**  Speak  roughly  to  your  little  doy, 
And  beat  him  when  he  sneezes  ; 
He  only  does  it  to  annoy ^ 
Because  he  knows  it  teases^ 

Chorus. 

(in  which  the  cook  and  the  baby  joined)  :— 
**  Wow  I    wow  !    wow  I  " 

While  the  Duchess  sang  the  second  verse  of 
the  song,  she  kept  tossing  the  baby  violently  up 
and  down,  and  the  poor  little  thing  howled  so, 
that  Alice  could  hardly  hear  the  words  : 

"  /  speak  severely  to  my  boy^ 
I  beat  him  when  he  sneezes  ; 
For  he  can  thoroughly  enjoy 
The  pepper  when  he  pleases  i  " 

Chorus. 
**  Wow  !  wow  /  wow  I  " 


84  PIG  AND  PEPPEB. 

"  Here  !  you  may  nurse  it  a  bit,  if  you  like  P 
said  the  Duchess  to  Alice,  flinging  the  baby  at 
her  as  she  spoke.  "  I  must  go  and  get  ready  to 
play  croquet  with  the  Queen,"  and  she  hurried 
out  of  the  room.  The  cook  threw  a  frying-pan 
after  her  as  she  went,  but  it  just  missed  her. 

Alice  caught  the  baby  with  some  difficulty, 
as  it  was  a  queer-shaped  little  creature,  and  held 
out  its  arms  and  legs  in  all  directions,  "  just  like 
a  star-fish,"  thought  Alice.  The  poor  little  thing 
was  snorting  like  a  steam-engine  when  she 
caught  it,  and  kept  doubling  itself  up  and 
straightening  itself  out  again,  so  that  altogether, 
for  the  first  minute  or  two,  it  was  as  much  as 
she  ,could  do  to  hold  it. 

As  soon  as  she  had  made  out  the  proper  way 
of  nursing  it,  (which  was  to  twist  it  up  into  a 
sort  of  knot,  and  then  keep  tight  hold  of  its 
right  ear  and  left  foot,  so  as  to  prevent  its 
undoing  itself,)  she  carried  it  out  into  the  open 
air.  "  If  I  don't  take  this  child  away  with  me,'' 
thought  Alice,  "  they're    sure  to  kill  it  in  a  day 


PIG  AND   PEPPER.  86 

or  two :  wouldn't  it  be  murder  to  leave  it 
behind  ?  "  She  said  the  last  words  out  loud,  and 
the  little  thing  grunted  in  reply  (it  had  left  off 
sneezing  by  this  time).  "  Don't  grunt,"  said  Alice  : 
"  that's  not  at  all  a  proper  way  of  expressing  your- 
self.'' 

The  baby  grunted  again,  and  Alice  looked 
very  anxiously  into  its  face  to  see  what  was  the 
matter  with  it.  There  could  be  no  doubt  that 
it  had  a  very  turn-up  nose,  much  more  like  a 
snout  than  a  real  nose ;  also  its  eyes  were  get- 
ting extremely  small,  for  a  baby:  altogether 
Alice  did  not  like  the  look  of  the  thing  at  all, 
" — but  perhaps  it  was  only  sobbing,"  she  thought, 
and  looked  into  its  eyes  again,  to  see  if  there 
were  any  tears. 

No,  there  were  no  tears.  "  If  you're  going  to 
turn  into  a  pig,  my  dear,"  said  Alice,  seriously, 
*'  I'll  have  nothing  more  to  do  with  you.  Mind 
now!"  The  poor  little  thing  sobbed  again,  (or 
grunted,  it  was  impossible  to  say  which,)  and 
they  went  on  for  some  while  in  silence. 


86 


PIG  AND   PEPPER. 


Alice  was  just  beginning  to  think  to  herself, 
'  Now,  what  am  I  to  do  with  this  creature 
when  I  get  it  home  ?  "  when    it  grunted  again, 

so  violently,  that  she 
looked  down  into  its 
face  in  some  alarm. 
This  time  there  could 
be  no  mistake  about 
it:  it  was  neither 
more  nor  less  than 
a  pig,  and  she  felt 
that  it  would  be 
quite  absurd  tor  her 
to  carry  it  any  fur- 
ther. 

So  she  set  the 
little  creature  down,  and  felt  quite  relieved  to 
see  it  trot  away  quietly  into  the  wood.  "  If 
it  had  grown  up,"  she  said  to  herself,  "  it  would 
have  been  a  dreadfully  ugly  child ;  but  it  makes 
rather  a  handsome  pig,  I  think."  And  she  be- 
gan thinking  over  other  children  she  knew,  who 


PIG  AND  PEPPER.  87 

might  do  very  well  as  pigs,  and  was  just  saying 
to  herself,  "  if  one  only  knew  the  right  way  to 

change  them "  when  she  was  a  little  startled 

by  seeing  the  Cheshire  Cat  sitting  on  a  bough  of 
a  tree  a  few  yards  off. 

The  Cat  only  grinned  when  it  saw  Alice.  It 
looked  good-natured,  she  thought :  still  it  had 
very  long  claws  and  a  great  many  teeth,  so  she 
felt  it  ought  to  be  treated  with  respect. 

"  Cheshire  Puss,'*  she  began,  rather  timidly,  as 
she  did  not  at  all  know  whether  it  would  like  the 
name :  however,  it  only  grinned  a  little  wider. 
"  Come,  it's  pleased  so  far,"  thought  Alice,  and 
she  went  on,  "  Would  you  tell  me,  please,  which 
way  I  ought  to  walk  from  here  1  " 

"  That  depends  a  good  deal  on  where  you  want 
to  get  to,"  said  the  Cat. 

"  I  don't  much  care  where "  said  Alice. 

"  Then  it  doesn't  matter  which  way  you  walk," 
said  the  Cat. 

"  — so  long  as  I  get  somewhere'^'  Alice  added 
as  an  explanation. 


88  PIG  AND  PEPPER. 

"  Oh,  you're  sure  to  do  that,"  said  the  Cat,  "  if 
you  only  walk  long  enough." 

Alice  felt  that  this  could  not  be  denied,  so  she 
tried  another  question.  "  What  sort  of  people 
live  about  here  ? " 

"  In  //^^/  direction,"  the  Cat  said,  waving  its 
right  paw  round,  "  lives  a  Hatter :  and  in  ^Aal 
direction,"  waving  the  other  paw,  "  lives  a  March 
Hare.  Visit  either  you  like:  they're  both 
mad" 

"  But  I  don't  want  to  go  among  mad  people,'* 
Alice  remarked. 

"  Oh,  you  can't  help  that,"  said  the  Cat :  "  we're 
all  mad  here.     I'm  mad.     You're  mad." 

"  How  do  you  know  I'm  mad  ? "  said  Alice. 

"You  must  be,"  said  the  Cat,  "or  you 
wouldn't  have  come  here." 

Alice  didn't  think  that  proved  it  at  all ;  how- 
ever, she  went  on  :  "  and  how^  do  you  know  that 
you're  mad  ? " 

"  To  begin  with,"  said  the  Cat,  "  a  dog's  not 
mad.     You  grant  that }"        _ 

"  I  suppose  so,"  said  Alice. 


PIG  AND  PEPPER. 


c 


.t. 


"Well  then,"  the  Cat 
went  on,  "  you  see  a  dog 
growls  when  it's  angry, 
and  wags  its  tail  when  it's 
pleased.  Now  /  growl 
when  I'm  pleased,  and  wag 
my  tail  when  I'm  angry. 
Therefore  I'm  mad." 

*'  /  call  it  purring,  not 
growling,"  said  Alice. 

"  Call  it  what  you  like." 
said  the  Cat.     "  Do  you 


play  croquet  with  the  Queen  to-day  ? " 


90  PIG  AND  PEPPER. 

"  I  should  like  it  very  much,"  said  Alice,  "  but 
I  haven't  been  invited  yet/' 

"  You'll  see  me  there,"  said  the  Cat,  and  van- 
ished. 

Alice  was  not  much  surprised  at  this,  she 
was  getting  so  well  used  to  queer  things  hap- 
pening. While  she  was  still  looking  at  the 
place  where  it  had  been,  it  suddenly  appeared 
again. 

"  By-the-bye,  what  became  of  the  baby  ? "  said 
the  Cat.     "  I'd  nearly  forgotten  to  ask." 

"  It  turned  into  a  pig,"  Alice  answered  very 
quietly,  just  as  if  the  Cat  had  come  back  in  a 
natural  way. 

"  I  thought  it  would,"  said  the  Cat,  and  van- 
ished again. 

Alice  waited  a  little,  half  expecting  to  see  it 
again,  but  it  did  not  appear,  and  after  a  minute 
or  two  she  walked  on  in  the  direction  in  which 
the  March  Hare  was  said  to  live.  "  I've  seen 
hatters  before,"  she  said  to  herself  :  "  the  March 
Hare  will  be  much  the  moct  interesting,  and 
perhaps  as  this  is  May  it  won't  be  raving  mad — 


PIG  AJ^D  PEPPER. 


91 


at  least  not  so  mad  as  it  was  in  March."  As 
she  said  this,  she  looked  up,  and  there  was  the 
Cat  again,  sitting  on  a  branch  of  a  tree. 

"  Did  you  say  pig,  or  fig  ? "  said  the  Cat. 

*'  I  said  pig,"  replied  Alice ;  "  and  I  wish  you 
wouldn't  keep  appearing  and  vanishing  so  sud- 
denly :  you  make  one  quite  giddy." 

"  All  right,"  said  the  Cat ;  and  this  time  it 
vanished  quite  slowly,  beginning  with  the  end 
of  the  tail,  and  ending  with  the  grin,  which  re- 
mained some  time  after  the  rest  of  it   had  gone. 

*'  Well !    I've  often  seen  a  cat  without  a  grin, 


92  PIG  AND  PEPPER. 

thought  AHce;  "but  a  grin  without  a  cat! 
It's  the  most  curious  thing  I  ever  saw  in  all  my 
life ! " 

She  had  not  gone  much  farther  before  she 
came  in  sight  of  the  house  of  the  March  Hare  ; 
she  thought  it  must  be  the  right  house,  because 
the  chimneys  were  shaped  like  ears  and  the  roof 
was  thatched  with  fur.  It  was  so  large  a  house, 
that  she  did  not  like  to  go  nearer  till  she  had 
nibbled  some  more  of  the  left-hand  bit  of  mush- 
room, and  raised  herself  to  about  two  feet  high : 
even  then  she  walked  up  towards  it  rather 
timidly,  saying  to  herself,  "  Suppose  it  should  be 
raving  mad  after  all !  I  almost  wish  I'd  gone  to 
see  the  Hatter  instead  !  " 


CHAPTER  VII. 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 


There  was  a  table  set  out  under  a  tree  in 
front  of  the  house,  and  the  March  Hare  and  the 
Hatter  were  having  tea  at  it :  a  Dormouse  was 
sitting  between  them,  fast  asleep,  and  the  other 
two  were  using  it  as  a  cushion,  resting  their 
elbows  on  it,  and  talking  over  its  head.  "  Very 
uncomfortable  for  the  Dormouse,"  thought  Alice ; 
"  only,  as  it's  asleep,  I  suppose  it  doesn't  mind." 

The  table  was  a  large  one,  but  the  three  were 
all  crowded  together  at  one  corner  of  it :  "  No 
room !     No  room  !  "  they  cried  out  when  they 


94  A  MAD  TEA-PAETY. 

saw  Alice  coming.  "  There's  plenty  of  room  ! " 
said  Alice  indignantly,  and  she  sat  down  in  a 
large  arm-chair  at  one  end  of  the  table. 

"  Have  some  wine,"  the  March  Hare  said  in 
an  encouraging  tone. 

Alice  looked  all  round  the  table,  but  there  v/as 
nothing  on  it  but  tea.  "  I  don't  see  any  wine," 
she  remarked. 

"  There  isn't  any,''  said  the  March  Hare. 

"  Then  it  wasn't  very  civil  of  you  to  offer  it," 
said  Alice  angrily. 

"  It  wasn't  very  civil  of  you  to  sit  down  with- 
out being  invited,"  said  the  March  Hare. 

"  I  didn't  know  it  was  your  table,"  said 
Alice ;  "  it's  laid  for  a  great  many  more  than 
three." 

"  Your  hair  wants  cutting,"  said  the  Hatter. 
He  had  been  looking  at  Alice  for  some  time 
with  great  curiosity,  and  this  was  his  first 
speech. 

"You  should  learn  not  to  make  personal 
remarks,"  Alice  said  with  some  severity :  "  it's 
very  rude." 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 


96 


The  Hatter  opened  his  eyes  very  wide  on  hear- 
ing this ;  but  all  he  said  was,  "  Why  is  a  raven 
like  a  writing-desk  ?  " 

"  Come,  we  shall  have  some  fun  now ! " 
thought  Alice.  "  I'm  glad  they've  begun  asking 
riddles — I  believe  I  can  guess  that,"  she  added 
aloud. 

"  Do  you  mean  that  you  think  you  can  find 
out  the  answer  to  it  ?  "  said  the  March  Hare. 


96  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

"  Exactly  so,"  said  Alice. 

"  Then  you  should  say  what  you  mean,"  the 
March  Hare  went  on. 

"  I  do,"  Alice  hastily  replied ;  "  at  least — at 
least  I  mean  what  I  say — that's  the  same  thing, 
you  know." 

"  Not  the  same  thing  a  bit !  "  said  the  Hatter. 
"  Why,  you  might  just  as  well  say  that  '  I  see 
what  I  eat '  is  the  same  thing  as  *  I  eat  what  I 
see'!" 

"  You  might  just  as  well  say,"  added  the  March 
Hare,  "  that  *  I  like  what  I  get '  is  the  same  thing 
as  *  I  get  what  I  like  ' !  " 

"  You  might  just  as  well  say,"  added  the  Dor- 
mouse, who  seemed  to  be  talking  in  his  sleep, 
"  that  *  I  breathe  when  I  sleep  '  is  the  same  thing 
as  *  I  sleep  when  I  breathe  ' ! " 

"  It  is  the  same  thing  with  you,"  said  the 
Hatter,  and  here  the  conversation  dropped,  and 
the  party  sat  silent  for  a  minute,  while  Alice 
thought  over  all  she  could  remember  about  ravens 
and  writing-desks,  which  wasn't  much. 

The  Hatter  was  the  first  to  break  the  silence. 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  97 

"  What  dav  of  the  month  is  it?  "  he  said,  turn- 
inof  to  Alice:  he  had  taken  his  watch  out  of 
his  pocket,  and  was  looking  at  it  uneasily,  shak- 
ing it  every  now  and  then,  and  holding  it  to  his 
ear. 

Alice  considered  a  little,  and  said,  "  The 
fourth." 

"  Two  days  wrong !  "  sighed  the  Hatter.  *'  I 
told  you  butter  wouldn't  suit  the  works!"  he 
added,  looking  angrily  at  the  March  Hare. 

"  It  was  the  best  butter,"  the  March  Hare 
meekly  replied. 

"  Yes,  but  some  crumbs  must  have  got  in  as 
well,"  the  Hatter  grumbled:  "  you  shouldn't  have 
put  it  in  with  the  bread-knife." 

The  March  Hare  took  the  watch  and  looked 
at  it  gloomily :  then  he  dipped  it  into  his  cup  of 
tea,  and  looked  at  it  again  :  but  he  could  think 
of  nothing  better  to  say  than  his  first  remark,  "  It 
was  the  best  butter,  you  know." 

Alice  had  been  looking  over  his  shoulder  with 
some   curiosity.     "  What  a  funny  watch ! "  she 


98  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

remarked.  "  It  tells  the  day  of  the  month,  and 
doesn't  tell  what  o  clock  it  is !  " 

"  Why  should  it  ? "  muttered  the  Hatter. 
"  Does  your  watch  tell  you  what  year  it  is }  " 

"  Of  course  not,"  Alice  replied  very  readily: 
"  but  that's  because  it  stays  the  same  year  for 
such  a  long  time  together." 

"  Which  is  just  the  case  with  mine','  said  the 
Hatter. 

Alice  felt  dreadfully  puzzled.  The  Hatter's  re- 
mark seemed  to  her  to  have  no  sort  of  meaning 
in  it,  and  yet  it  was  certainly  English.  "  I  don't 
quite  understand  you,"  she  said,  as  politely  as  she 
could. 

"  The  Dormouse  is  asleep  again,"  said  the 
Hatter,  and  he  poured  a  little  hot  tea  on  to  its 
nose. 

The  Dormouse  shook  its  head  impatiently, 
and  said,  without  opening  its  eyes,  "  Of  course, 
of  course  :  just  what  I  was  going  to  remark 
myself." 

"  Have  you  guessed  the  riddle  yet  .f* "  the  Hatter 
said,  turning  to  Alice  again. 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  99 

"  No,  I  gi-ve  it  up,"  Alice  replied :  "  what's  the 
answer  ? " 

"  I  haven't  the  slightest  idea,"  said  the 
Hatter. 

"  Nor  I,"  said  the  March  Hare. 

Alice  sighed  wearily.  "I  think  you  might 
do  something  better  with  the  time,"  she  said, 
"  than  wasting  it  in  asking  riddles  that  have  no 
answers." 

'^  If  you  knew  Time  as  well  as  I  do,"  said  the 
Hatter,  "  you  wouldn't  talk  about  wasting  //.     It's 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,"  said  Alice. 

"  Of  course  you  don't !  "  the  Hatter  said,  tossing 
his  head  contemptuously.  "  I  dare  say  you  never 
even  spoke  to  Time  !  " 

"  Perhaps  not,"  Alice  cautiously  replied :  "  but 
I  know  I  have  to  beat  time  when  I  learn 
music." 

"  Ah !  that  accounts  for  it,"  said  the  Hatter. 
"  He  won't  stand  beating.  Now,  if  you  only 
kept  on  good  terms  with  him,  he'd  do  almost 
anything   you    liked   with    the    clock.      For   in- 


100  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

Stance,  suppose  it  were  nine  o'clock  in  the  morn- 
ing, just  time  to  begin  lessons :  you'd  only  have 
to  whisper  a  hint  to  Time,  and  round  goes  the 
clock  in  a  twinkling !  Half-past  one,  time  for 
dinner ! " 

("  I  only  wish  it  was,"  the  March  Hare  said  to 
itself  in  a  whisper.) 

"  That  would  be  grand,  certainly,"  said  Alice 
thoughtfully :  "  but  then — I  shouldn't  be  hungry 
for  it,  you  know." 

"  Not  at  first,  perhaps,"  said  the  Hatter :  "  but 
you  could  keep  it  to  half-past  one  as  long  as  you 
liked." 

"  Is  that  the  way  you  manage  ?  "  Alice 
asked. 

The  Hatter  shook  his  head  mournfully.     "  Not 

I  "  he  replied.     "  We  quarrelled  last  March 

just  before  he  went  mad,  you  know "  (point- 
ing with  his  teaspoon  at  the  March  Hare,)  " 

it  was  at  the  great  concert  given  by  the  Queen  of 
Hearts,  and  I  had  to  sing." 


A  MAD  TEA-PAETY.  lOl 


*  Twinkle^  twinkle^  little  bat  f 
How  I  wonder  what  you  re  at  I ' 

You  know  the  song  perhaps  ?  " 

"  I've  heard  something  Hke  it,"  said  Alice. 

"  It  goes  on,  you  know,"  the  Hatter  continued, 
"  in  this  way  : — 

^Up  above  the  world yoii  fly. 
Like  a  tea-tray  in  the  sky. 

Twinkle,  twinkle 


102  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

Here  the  Dormouse  shook  itself,  and  began 
singing  in  its  sleep,  "  Twinkle,  twinkle,  twinkle, 

twinkle "  and  went  on  so  long  that  they  had 

to  pinch  it  to  make  it  stop. 

"  Well,  I'd  hardly  finished  the  first  verse,'* 
said  the  Hatter,  "when  the  Queen  bawled  out 
*  He's  murdering  the  time  !     Off  with  his  head  !'  " 

"  How  dreadfully  savage  !  "  exclaimed  Alice. 

"  And  ever  since  that,"  the  Hatter  went  on  in 
a  mournful  tone,  "  he  won't  do  a  thing  I  ask ! 
It's  always  six  o'clock  now." 

A  bright  idea  came  into  Alice's  head.  "  Is 
that  the  reason  so  many  tea-things  are  put  out 
here  .? "  she  asked. 

**  Yes,  that's  it,"  said  the  Hatter  with  a  sigh  : 
"  it's  always  tea-time,  and  we've  no  time  to  wash 
the  things  between  whiles." 

"  Then  you  keep  moving  around,  I  suppose  }  " 
said  Alice. 

"  Exactly  so,"  said  the  Hatter  :  "  as  the  things 
get  used  up." 

"  But  when  you  come  to  the  beginning  again  }  " 
Alice  ventured  to  ask. 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  103 

"Suppose  we  change  the  subject,"  the  March 
Hare  interrupted,  yawning.  "  I'm  getting  tired 
of  this.  I  vote  the  young  lady  tells  us  a 
story." 

"  I'm  afraid  I  don't  know  one,"  said  Alice, 
rather  alarmed  at  the  proposal. 

"  Then  the  Dormouse  shall !  "  they  both  cried. 

"  Wake  up.  Dormouse  !  "  And  they  pinched  it 
on  both  sides  at  once. 

"  The  Dormouse  slowly  opened  his  eyes.  "  I 
wasn't  asleep,"  he  said  in  a  hoarse,  feeble  voice : 
"  I  heard  every  word  you  fellows  were  saying." 

"  Tell  us  a  story  !  "  said  the  March  Hare. 

"  Yes,  please  do  !  "  pleaded  Alice. 

"  And  be  quick  about  it,"  added  the  Hatter, 
"  or  you'll  be  asleep  again  before  it's  done." 

"  Once  upon  a  time  there  were  three  little 
sisters,"  the  Dormouse  began  in  a  great  hurry ; 
*'  and  their  names  were  Elsie,  Lacie,  and  Tillie ; 
and  they  lived  at  the  bottom  of  a  well ** 

"  What  did  they  live  on  ?  "  said  Alice,  who 
always  took  a  great  interest  in  questions  of  eat- 
ing and  drinking. 


104  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

"  They  lived  on  treacle,"  said  the  Dormouse, 
after  thinking  a  minute  or  two. 

"  They  couldn't  have  done  that,  you  know," 
Alice  gently  remarked  :  "  they'd  have  been  ill." 

*'  So  they  were,"  said  the  Dormouse ;  "  very  ill." 

Alice  tried  a  little  to  fancy  to  herself  what 
such  an  extraordinary  way  of  living  would  be 
like,  but  it  puzzled  her  too  much,  so  she  went 
on :  "  But  why  did  they  live  at  the  bottom  of  a 
well  ? " 

"  Take  some  more  tea,"  the  March  Hare  said 
to  Alice,  very  earnestly. 

"I've  had  nothing  yet,"  Alice  replied  in  an 
offended  tone,  "  so  I  can't  take  more." 

"You  mean,  you  can't  take  less''  said  the 
Hatter;  "it's  very  easy  to  take  more  than 
nothing." 

"  Nobody  asked  ^<?/^r  opinion,"  said  Alice. 

"Who's  making  personal  remarks  now.?"  the 
Hatter  asked  triumphantly 

Alice  did  not  quite  know  what  to  say  to  this: 
so  she  helped  herself  to  some  tea  and  bread-and- 
butter,  and  then    turned  to  the  Dormouse,  and 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  105 

repeated  her  question.  "  Why  did  they  live  at 
the  bottom  of  a  well  ?  " 

The  Dormouse  again  took  a  minute  or  two 
to  think  about  it, and  then  said,  ".It  was  a  treacle- 
well." 

"There's  no  such  thing!"  Alice  was  begin- 
ning very  angrily,  but  the  Hatter  and  the  March 
Hare  went  "  Sh  !  sh !  "  and  the  Dormouse  sulkily 
remarked,  "  If  you  can't  be  civil,  you'd  better 
finish  the  story  for  yourself." 

"  No,  please  go  on !  "  Alice  said,  very  humbly: 
"  I  won't  interrupt  you  again.  I  dare  say  there 
may  be  one" 

*'  One,  indeed  !  "  said  the  Dormouse  indignant- 
ly. However,  he  consented  to  go  on.  "  And 
so  these  three  little  sisters — they  were  learning 
to  draw,  you  know " 

"  What  did  they  draw  }  "  said  Alice,  quite  for- 
getting her  promise. 

"  Treacle,"  said  the  Dormouse,  without  con- 
sidering at  all  this  time. 

"  I  want  a  clean  cup,"  interrupted  the  Hatter : 
•*  let's  all  move  one  place  on." 


106  A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 

He  moved  on  as  he  spoke,  and  the  Dormouse 
followed  him  :  the  March  Hare  moved  into  the 
Dormouse's  place,  and  Alice  rather  unwillingly 
took  the  place  of  the  March  Hare.  The  Hatter 
was  the  only  one  who  got  any  advantage  from 
the  change :  and  Alice  was  a  good  deal  worse 
off  than  before,  as  the  March  Hare  had  just  up- 
set the  milk-jug  into  his  plate. 

Alice  did  not  wish  to  offend  the  Dormouse 
again,  so  she  began  very  cautiously:  "  But  I 
don't  understand.  Where  did  they  draw  the 
treacle  from  ? " 

"  You  can  draw  water  out  of  a  water-well," 
said  the  Hatter ;  "so  I  should  think  you  could 
draw  treacle  out  of  a  treacle-well — eh,  stupid  ? " 

"  But  they  were  zn  the  well,"  Alice  said  to 
the  Dormouse,  not  choosing  to  notice  this  last 
remark. 

"  Of  course  they  were,"  said  the  Dormouse, — 
"  well  in." 

This  answer  so  confused  poor  Alice,  that  she 
let  the  Dormouse  go  on  for  some  time  without 
interrupting  it. 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  107 

"  They  were  learning  to  draw,"  the  Dormouse 
went  on,  yawning  and  rubbing  its  eyes,  for  it 
was  getting  very  sleepy ;  "  and  they  drew  all 
manner  of  things — everything  that  begins  with 
an  M " 

"  Why  with  an  M  ?  "  said  Alice. 

"  Why  not?  "  said  the  March  Hare. 

Alice  was  silent. 

The  Dormouse  had  closed  its  eyes  by  this 
time,  and  was  going  off  into  a  doze,  but,  on 
being  pinched  by  the   Hatter,  it  woke  up  again 

with  a   little   shriek,    and    went   on:    " that 

begins  with  an  M,  such  as  mousetraps,  and  the 
moon,  and  memory,  and  muchness— you  know 
you  say  things  are  '  much  of  a  muchness  ' — did 
you  ever  see  such  a  thing  as  a  drawing  of  a 
muchness  ?  " 

"  Really,  now  you  ask  me,"  said  Alice,  very 
much  confused,  "  I  don't  think " 

"  Then  you  shouldn't  talk,"  said  the  Hatter. 

This  piece  of  rudeness  was  more  than  Alice 
could  bear:  she  got  up  in  great  disgust,  and 
walked  off :  the  Dormouse  fell  asleep  instantly, 


108 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY. 


and  neither  of  the  others  took  the  least  notice 
of  her  going,  though  she  looked  back  once  or 
twice,  half  hoping  that  they  would  call  after 
her:  the  last  time  she  saw  them,  they  were 
trying   to    put   the  Dormouse    into  the   teapot. 

"  At  any  rate  I'll  never  go  there  again  !  "  said 
Alice  as  she  picked  her  way  through  the  wood. 

"  It's  the  stupidest  tea-party  I  ever  was  at  in 
all  my  life  !  " 

Just  as  she  said  this,  she  noticed  that  one 
of  the  trees  had   a  door  leading  right   into  it 


A  MAD  TEA-PARTY.  109 

"  That's  very  curious  ! "  she  thought.  "  But 
everything's  curious  to-day.  I  think  I  may  as 
well  go  in  at  once."     And  in  she  went. 

Once  more  she  found  herself  in  the  long  hall, 
and  close  to  the  little  glass  table.  "  Now,  I'll 
manage  better  this  time,"  she  said  to  herself,  and 
began  by  taking  the  little  golden  key,  and 
unlocking  the  door  that  led  into  the  garden. 
Then  she  set  to  work  nibbling  at  the  mushroom 
(she  had  kept  a  piece  of  it  in  her  pocket)  till  she 
was  about  a  foot  high  :  then  she  walked  down 
the  little  passage :  and  then — she  found  herself 
at  last  in  the  beautiful  garden,  among  the  bright 
flower-beds  and  the  cool  fountains. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

THE  queen's  croquet  GROUND. 

A  LARGE  rose-tree  stood  near  the  entrance  of 
the  garden :  the  roses  growing  on  it  were  white, 
but  there  were  three  gardeners  at  it,  busily  paint- 
ing them  red.  AHce  thought  this  a  very  curious 
thing,  and  she  went  nearer  to  watch  them,  and 
just  as  she  came  up  to  them  she  heard  one  of 
them  say,  "  Look  out  now.  Five !  Don't  go 
splashing  paint  over  me  like  that ! " 

"  I  couldn't  help  it,"  said  Five  in  a  sulky  tone; 
"  Seven  jogged  my  elbow." 


THE  queen's   croquet   GROUND. 


Ill 


On  which  Seven  looked  up  and  said,  "  That's 
right,  Five  !     Always  lay  the  blame  on  others  I  " 

"  Youd  better  not  talk !  "  said  Five.  "  I  heard 
the  Queen  say  only  yesterday  you  deserved  to  be 
beheaded!" 

"What  for?" 
said  the  one  who 
had  spoken  first. 

"  That's  none 
of  your  business, 
Two!  "said  Seven. 

"  Yes,  it  is  his 
business  ! "  said 
Five,  "  and  I'll 
tell  him— it  was 
for  bringing  the 
cook  tulip-roots 
instead  of  onions." 

Seven  flung 
down  his  brush,  and  had  just  begun,  "  Well,  of 
all  the  unjust  things — "  when  his  eye  chanced  to 
fall  upon  Alice,  as  she  stood  watching  them, 
and  he  checked   himself   suddenly :  the   others 


^f^^^ 


112  THE   QUEEN'S 

looked  round  also,  and  all  of  them  bowed 
low. 

"  Would  you  tell  me,  please,"  said  Alice, 
a  little  timidly,  "  why  you  are  painting  those 
roses  ? " 

Five  and  Seven  said  nothing,  but  looked  at 
Two.  Two  began,  in  a  low  voice,  "  Why,  the 
fact  is,  you  see.  Miss,  this  here  ought  to  have 
been  a  red  rose-tree,  and  we  put  a  white  one 
in  by  mistake,  and  if  the  Queen  was  to  find  it 
out,  we  should  all  have  our  heads  cut  off,  you 
know.  So  you  see.  Miss,  we're  doing  our  best, 
afore  she  comes,  to — "  At  this  moment  Five, 
who  had  been  anxiously  looking  across  the  gar- 
den, called  out  "  The  Queen  !  The  Queen  !  "  and 
the  three  gardeners  instantly  threw  themselves 
flat  upon  their  faces.  There  was  a  sound  of 
many  footsteps,  and  Alice  looked  round,  eager  to 
see  the  Queen. 

First  came  ten  soldiers  carrying  clubs ;  these 
were  all  shaped  like  the  three  gardeners,  oblong 
and  flat,  with  their  hands  and  feet  at  the  cor- 
ners :  next  the   ten  courtiers  ;  these  were  orna- 


CROQUET-GROUND.  113 

mented  all  over  with  diamonds,  and  walked  two 
and  two,  as  the  soldiers  did.  After  these  came 
the  royal  children;  there  were  ten  of  them, 
and  the  little  dears  came  jumping  merrily  along 
hand  in  hand,  in  couples :  they  were  all  orna- 
mented with  hearts,  Next  came  the  guests, 
mostly  Kings  and  Queens,  and  among  them 
Alice  recognized  the  White  Rabbit :  it  was  talk- 
ing in  a  hurried  nervous  manner,  smiling  at 
everything  that  was  said,  and  went  by  without 
noticing  her.  Then  followed  the  Knave  of 
Hearts,  carrying  the  King's  crown  on  a  crimson 
velvet  cushion  ;  and,  last  of  all  this  grand  pro- 
cession, came  THE  KING  AND  QUEEN  OF 
HEARTS. 

Alice  was  rather  doubtful  whether  she  ought 
not  to  lie  down  on  her  face  like  the  three 
gardeners,  but  she  could  not  remember  ever 
having  heard  of  such  a  rule  at  processions  ;  "  and 
besides,  what  would  be  the  use  of  a  procession," 
she  thought,  "  if  people  had  all  to  lie  down  on 
their  faces,  so  that  they  couldn't  see  it  ?  "  So  she 
stood  where  she  was,  and  waited. 


114  THE  queen's 

When  the  procession  came  opposite  to  Alice, 
they  all  stopped  and  looked  at  her,  and  the 
Queen  said  severely,  "  Who  is  this?  *'  She  said 
it  to  the  Knave  of  Hearts,  who  only  bowed  and 
smiled  in  reply. 

"  Idiot !  "  said  the  Queen,  tossing  her  head 
impatiently ;  and,  turning  to  Alice,  she  went  on, 
"  What's  your  name,  child  ?  " 

"  My  name  is  Alice,  so  please  your  Majesty," 
said  Alice  very  politely ;  but  she  added,  to 
herself,  "  Why,  they're  only  a  pack  of  cards, 
after  all.     I  needn't  be  afraid  of  them  !  " 

"  And  who  are  these?  "  said  the  Queen,  point- 
ing to  the  three  gardeners  who  were  lying 
round  the  rose-tree  ;  for  you  see,  as  they  were 
lying  on  their  faces,  and  the  pattern  on  their 
backs  was  the  same  as  the  rest  of  the  pack, 
she  could  not  tell  whether  they  were  gardeners, 
or  soldiers,  or  courtiers,  or  three  of  her  own 
children. 

"  How  should  1  know  ?  "  said  Alice,  surprised 
at  her  own  courage.     "  It's  no  business  of  miner 

The    Queen  turned   crimson  with   fury,  and, 


CROQUET-GKOUND. 


115 


after  glaring  at  her  for  a  moment  like  a  wild 
beast,  began  screaming,  "  Off  with  her  head  i 
Off—"  . 


116  THE  QtJEEN  S. 

"  Nonsense ! "  said  Alice,  very  loudly  and  de- 
cidedly, and  the  Queen  was  silent. 

The  king  laid  his  hand  upon  her  arm,  and 
timidly  said,  "  Consider,  my  dear :  she  is  only  a 
child!" 

The  Queen  turned  angrily  away  from  him,  and 
said  to  the  Knave,  "  Turn  them  over  I  " 

The  Knave  did  so,  very  carefully,  with  one 
foot. 

"  Get  up ! "  said  the  Queen  in  a  shrill,  loud 
voice,  and  the  three  gardeners  instantly  jumped 
up,  and  began  bowing  to  the  King,  the  Queen, 
the  royal  children,  and  everybody  else. 

"  Leave  off  that !  "  screamed  the  Queen.  "  You 
make  me  giddy."  And  then,  turning  to  the 
rose-tree,  she  went  on,  "  What  have  you  been 
doing  here  t " 

"  May  it  please  your  Majesty,"  said  Two,  in  a 
very  humble  tone,  going  down  on  one  knee  as  he 
spoke,  "  we  were  trying — " 

"/see!''  said  the  Queen,  who  had  mean- 
while been  examining  the  roses.  "  Off  with 
their    heads ! "  and    the   procession   moved   on 


CROQUET-OROUia).  117 

three  of  the  soldiers  remaining  behind  to  execute 
the  unfortunate  gardeners,  who  ran  to  Alice  for 
protection. 

"  You  shan*t  be  beheaded  !  "  said  Alice,  and 
she  put  them  into  a  large  flower-pot  that  stood 
near.  The  three  soldiers  wandered  about  for  a 
minute  or  two,  looking  for  them,  and  then  quietly 
marched  off  after  the  others. 

"  Are  their  heads  off  ?  "  shouted  the  Queen. 

"  Their  heads  are  gone,  if  it  please  your 
Majesty ! "  the  soldiers  shouted  in  reply. 

"  That's  right !  "  shouted  the  Queen.  "  Can 
you  play  croquet }  " 

The  soldiers  were  silent,  and  looked  at  Alice, 
as  the  question  was  evidently  meant  for  her. 

"  Yes  ! "  shouted  Alice. 

"  Come  on  then ! "  roared  the  Queen,  and 
Alice  joined  the  procession,  wondering  very  much 
what  would  happen  next. 

"  It's — it's  a  very  fine  day ! "  said  a  timid 
voice  at  her  side.  She  was  walking  by  the  White 
Rabbit,  who  was  peeping  anxiously  into  her 
face. 


118  THE  queen's 

"  Very,"  said  Alice  : — "  where's  the  Duchess  ? " 

"  Hush  !  Hush  !  "  said  the  Rabbit  in  a  low, 
hurried  tone.  He  looked  anxiously  over  his 
shoulder  as  he  spoke,  and  then  raised  himself 
upon  tiptoe,  put  his  mouth  close  to  her  ear,  and 
whispered,  "  She's  under  sentence  of  execution.*' 

"  What  for  ?  "  said  Alice. 

"  Did  you  say  '  What  a  pity ! '  ?  '*  the  Rabbit 
asked. 

"  No,  I  didn't,"  said  Alice :  "  I  don't  think  it's 
at  all  a  pity.     I  said  '  What  for  ? '  " 

"  She  boxed  the  Queen's  ears — "  the  Rabbit 
began.  Alice  gave  a  little  scream  of  laughter. 
"  Oh,  hush  !  "  the  Rabbit  whispered  in  a  frightened 
tone.  "The  Queen  will  hear  you  !  You. see  she 
came  rather  late,  and  the  Queen  said — " 

"  Get  to  your  places !  "  shouted  the  Queen  in 
a  voice  of  thunder,  and  the  people  began  running 
about  in  all  directions,  tumbling  up  against  each 
other  :  however,  they  got  settled  down  in  a  min- 
ute or  two,  and  the  game  be^an. 

Alice  thought  she  had  never  seen  such  a 
curious   croquet-ground  in   her  life  :  it   was    all 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


119 


ridges  and  furrows ;  the  croquet-balls  were  like 

hedgehogs,  and  the  mallets  live  flamingoes,  and 

the  soldiers   had   to 

double  themselves  up 

and   stand    on    their 

hands    and    feet,   to 

make  the  arches. 

The  chief  diffi- 
culty Alice  found  at 
first  was  in  managing 
her  flamingo :  she 
succeeded  in  getting 
its  body  tucked  away, 
comfortably  enough, 
under  her  arm,  with 
its  legs  hanging  down,  but  generally,  just  as  she 
had  got  its  neck  nicely  straightened  out,  and 
was  going  to  give  the  hedgehog  a  blow  with 
its  head,  it  would  twist  itself  round  and  look 
up  into  her  face,  with  such  a  puzzled  expression 
that  she  could  not  help  bursting  out  laughing : 
and  when  she  had  got  its  head  down,  and  was 
going  to  begin  again,  it  was  very  provoking  to 


120  THE  queen's 

find  that  the  hedgehog  had  unrolled  itself,  and 
was  in  the  act  of  crawling  away :  besides  all  this, 
there  was  generally  a  ridge  or  a  furrow  in  the 
way  wherever  she  wanted  to  send  the  hedgehog 
to,  and,  as  the  doubled-up  soldiers  were  always 
getting  up  and  walking  off  to  other  parts  of  the 
ground,  Alice  soon  came  to  the  conclusion  that 
it  was  a  very  difficult  game  indeed. 

The  players  all  played  at  once  without  wait- 
ing for  turns,  quarrelling  all  the  while,  and 
fighting  for  the  hedgehogs  ;  and  in  a  very  short 
time  the  Queen  was  in  a  furious  passion,  and 
went  stamping  about,  and  shouting,  "  Off  with 
his  head  !  "  or  "  Off  with  her  head  !  '*  about  once 
in  a  minute. 

Alice  began  to  feel  very  uneasy :  to  be  sure, 
she  had  not  as  yet  had  any  dispute  with  the 
Queen,  but  she  knew  that  it  might  happen  any 
minute,  "  and  then,"  thought  she,  "  what  would 
become  of  me  ?  They're  dreadfully  fond  of  be- 
heading people  here :  the  great  wonder  is,  that 
there's  any  one  left  alive  !  " 

She  was  looking  about  for  some  way  of  escape, 


CROQUET-GROUND.  121 

and  wondering  whether  she  could  get  away  with- 
out being  seen,  when  she  noticed  a  curious 
appearance  in  the  air :  it  puzzled  her  very  much 
at  first,  but  after  watching  it  a  minute  or  two 
she  made  it  out  to  be  a  grin,  and  she  said  to  her- 
self, "  It's  the  Cheshire  Cat :  now  I  shall  have 
somebody  to  talk  to." 

"  How  are  you  getting  on  ?  "  said  the  Cat,  as 
soon  as  there  was  mouth  enough  for  it  to  speak 
with. 

Alice  waited  till  the  eyes  appeared,  and  then 
nodded.  "  It's  no  use  speaking  to  it,"  she 
thought,  "  till  its  ears  have  come,  or  at  least 
one  of  them."  In  another  minute  the  whole 
head  appeared,  and  then  Alice  put  down  her 
flamingo,  and  began  an  account  of  the  game, 
feeling  very  glad  she  had  some  one  to  listen  to 
her.  The  Cat  seemed  to  think  that  there  was 
enough  of  it  now  in  sight,  and  no  more  of  it 
appeared. 

"  I  don't  think  they  play  at  all  fairly,"  Alice 
began,  in  rather  a  complaining  tone,  "  and  they 
all  quarrel  so  dreadfully  one  can't  hear  one's-self 


122  THE  QUEEN'g 

speak — and  they  don't  seem  to  have  any  rules 
in  particular ;  at  least,  if  there  are,  nobody  at- 
tends to  them — and  youVe  no  idea  how  confus- 
ing it  is  all  the  things  being  alive  ;  for  instance, 
there's  the  arch  I've  got  to  go  through  next  walk- 
ing about  at  the  other  end  of  the  ground — and  I 
should  have  croqueted  the  Queen's  hedgehog 
just  now,  only  it  ran  away  when  it  saw  mine 
coming ! " 

"  How  do  you  like  the  Queen  ?  "  said  the  Cat 
in  a  low  voice. 

"  Not  at  all,"  said  Alice :  "  she's  so  ex- 
tremely— "  Just  then  she  noticed  that  the 
Queen  was  close  behind  her,  listening :  so  she 
went  on  " — likely  to  win,  that  it's  hardly  worth 
while  finishing  the  game." 

The  Queen  smiled  and  passed  on. 

"  Who  are  you  talking  to } "  said  the  King, 
coming  up  to  Alice,  and  looking  at  the  Cat's 
head  with  great  curiosity. 

"  It's  a  friend  of  mine — a  Cheshire  Cat,"  said 
Alice  :  "  allow  me  to  introduce  it." 

"  I  don't  like  the  look  of  it  at  all,"  said  the 


CROQUET   GROUND.  123 

King :  "  however,  it  may  kiss  my  hand  if  it 
likes." 

"  I'd  rather  not,"  the  Cat  remarked. 

"  Don't  be  impertinent,"  said  the  King,  "  and 
don't  look  at  me  like  that !  "  He  got  behind 
Alice  as  he  spoke. 

"  A  cat  may  look  at  a  king,"  said  Alice.  "  IVe 
read  that  in  some  book,  but  I  don't  remember 
where." 

"  Well,  it  must  be  removed,"  said  the  King 
very  decidedly,  and  he  called  to  the  Queen,  who 
was  passing  at  the  moment,  "  My  dear !  I  wish 
you  would  have  this  cat  removed  !  " 

The  Queen  had  only  one  way  of  settling  all 
difficulties,  great  or  small.  "  Off  with  his  head !  " 
she  said  without  even  looking  round. 

"  I'll  fetch  the  executioner  myself,"  said  the 
King  eagerly,  and  he  hurried  off. 

Alice  thought  she  might  as  well  go  back  and 
see  how  the  game  was  going  on,  as  she  heard 
the  Queen's  voice  in  the  distance,  screaming 
with  passion.  She  had  already  heard  her  sen- 
tence three  of  the   players    to  be    executed  for 


124  THE  queen's 

having  missed  their  turns,  and  she  did  not  like 
the  look  of  things  at  all,  as  the  game  was  in 
such  confusion  that  she  never  knew  whether  it 
was  her  turn  or  not.  So  she  went  off  in  search 
of  her  hedgehog. 

The  hedgehog  was  engaged  in  a  fight  with 
another  hedgehog,  which  seemed  to  Alice  an 
excellent  opportunity  for  croqueting  one  of  them 
with  the  other :  the  only  difficulty  was,  that 
her  flamingo  was  gone  across  to  the  other  side 
of  the  garden,  where  Alice  could  see  it  trying  in 
a  helpless  sort  of  way  to  fly  up  into  a  tree. 

By  the  time  she  had  caught  the  flamingo  and 
brought  it  back,  the  fight  was  over,  and  both 
the  hedgehogs  were  out  of  sight :  *'  but  it  doesn't 
matter  much,"  thought  Alice,  "  as  all  the  arches 
are  gone  from  this  side  of  the  ground."  So  she 
tucked  it  away  under  her  arm,  that  it  might  not 
escape  again,  and  went  back  to  have  a  little 
more  conversation  with  her  friend. 

When  she  got  back  to  the  Cheshire  Cat,  she 
was  surprised  to  find  quite  a  large  crowd  col- 
lected round  it :  there  was   a  dispute  going  on 


CROQUET   GROUND. 


V2^ 


between  the  executioner,  the  King,  and  the 
Queen,  who  were  all  talking  at  once,  while  all 
the  rest  were  quite  silent,  and  looked  very 
uncomfortable. 

The    moment   Alice    appeared,   she   was    ap- 
pealed to   by  all  three  to  settle   the   question, 


126  THE  queen's 

and  they  repeated  their  arguments  to  her, 
though,  as  they  all  spoke  at  once,  she  found  it 
very  hard  to  make  out  exactly  what  they  said. 

The  executioner's  argument  was,  that  you 
couldn't  cut  off  a  head  unless  there  was  a  body 
to  cut  it  off  from  :  that  he  had  never  had  to  do 
such  a  thing  before,  and  he  wasn't  going  to 
begin  at  his  time  of  life. 

The  King's  argument  was,  that  anything  that 
had  a  head  could  be  beheaded,  and  that  you 
weren't  to  talk  nonsense. 

The  Queen's  argument  was,  that  if  something 
wasn't  done  about  it  in  less  than  no  time,  she'd 
have  everybody  executed,  all  round.  (It  was  this 
last  remark  that  had  made  the  whole  party  look 
so  grave  and  anxious.) 

Alice  could  think  of  nothing  else  to  say  but 
"  It  belongs  to  the  Duchess :  you'd  better  ask 
her  about  it." 

"  She's  in  prison,"  the  Queen  said  to  the  exe- 
cutioner :  "  fetch  her  here."  And  the  execu- 
tioner went  off  like  an  arrow. 

The  Cat's  head  began   fading  away  the  mo- 


CROQUET  GROUND.  127 

ment  he  was  gone,  and,  by  the  time  he  had  come 
back  with  the  Duchess,  it  had  entirely  disap- 
peared: so  the  King  and  the  executioner  ran 
wildly  up  and  down  looking  for  it,  while  the 
rest  of  the  party  went  back  to  the  game. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


THE  MOCK  turtle's  STORY. 


"You  can't  think  how  glad  I  am  to  see  you 
again,  you  dear  old  thing !  "  said  the  Duchess, 
as  she  tucked  her  arm  affectionately  into  Alice's 
and  they  walked  off  together. 

Alice  was  very  glad  to  find  her  in  such  a 
pleasant  temper,  and  thought  to  herself  that 
perhaps  it  was  only  the  pepper  that  had  made 
her  so  savage  when  they  met  in  the  kitchen. 
"  When  Fm  a  Duchess,"  she  said  to  herself,  (not 
in  a  very  hopeful  tone  though,)  "  I  won't  have 


THE  MOCK  TURTLE'S    STORY.  129 

any  pepper  in  my  kitchen  at  alL  Soup  does 
very  well  without — Maybe  it's  always  pepper 
that  makes  people  hot-tempered,"  she  went  on, 
very  much  pleased  at  having  found  out  a  new 
kind  of  rule,  "  and  vinegar  that  makes  them  sour 
— and  camomile  that  makes  them  bitter — and — 
and  barley-sugar  and  such  things  that  make  chil- 
dren sweet-tempered.  I  only  wish  people  knew 
that:  then  they  wouldn't  be  so  stingy  about  it, 
you  know — " 

She  had  quite  forgotten  the  Duchess  by  this 
time,  and  was  a  little  startled  when  she  heard 
her  voice  close  to  her  ear.  "You're  thinking 
about  something,  my  dear,  and  that  makes  you 
forget  to  talk.  I  can't  tell  you  just  now  what 
the  moral  of  that  is,  but  I  shall  remember  it  in  a 
bit.'* 

"  Perhaps  it  hasn't  one,"  Alice  ventured  to  re- 
mark. 

"  Tut,  tut,  child !  "  said  the  Duchess.  "  Every- 
thing's got  a  moral,  if  only  you  can  find  it." 
And  she  squeezed  herself  up  closer  to  Alice's 
side  as  she  spoke. 


130 


THE  MOCK  TURTLE'S   STORY. 


Alice  did  not  much  like  her  keeping  so  close 
to  her :  first,  because  the  Duchess  was  very 
ugly,  and  secondly,  because  she  was  exactly  the 

right  height  to 
rest  her  chin  on 
Alice's  shoulder, 
and  it  was  an 
uncomfortably 
sharp  chin.  How- 
ever, she  did  not 
like  to  be  rude,  so 
she  bore  it  as  well 
as  she  could. 

"  The  game's 
going  on  rather 
better  now,"  she 
said  by  way  of 
keeping  up  the 
conversation  a  little. 

"  'Tis  so,"  said  the  Duchess :  "  and  the  moral 
of  that  is — '  Oh,  'tis  love,  'tis  love,  that  makes 
the  world  2:0  round  ! '  " 

"  Somebody  said,"  Alice  whispered,  "  that  it's 


THE   MOCK   turtle's   STORY.  131 

done  by  everybody  minding  their  own  bus- 
iness ! '' 

"  Ah,  well !  It  means  much  the  same  thing," 
said  the  Duchess,  digging  her  sharp  little  chin 
into  Alice's  shoulder  as  she  added,  "  and  the 
moral  of  that  is — '  Take  care  of  the  sense,  and 
the  sounds  will  take  care  of  themselves.' " 

*'  How  fond  she  is  of  finding  morals  in  things  !  '* 
Alice  thought  to  herself. 

"  I  daresay  you're  wondering  why  I  don't  put 
my  arm  round  your  waist,"  said  the  Duchess 
after  a  pause :  "  the  reason  is,  that  I'm  doubtful 
about  the  temper  of  your  flamingo.  Shall  I  try 
the  experiment  ?  " 

"  He  might  bite,"  Alice  cautiously  replied,  not 
feeling  at  all  anxious  to  have  the  experiment 
tried. 

"  Very  true,"  said  the  Duchess :  flamingoes 
and  mustard  both  bite.  And  the  moral  of  that 
is —  '  Birds  of  a  feather  flock  together.'  " 

"  Only  mustard  isn't  a  bird."   Alice  remarked. 

"  Right,  as  usual,"  said  the  Duchess:  "what 
a  clear  way  you  have  of  putting  things!  " 


132  THE  MOCK  turtle's   STORY. 

"  It's  a  mineral,  I  think,''  said  .Alice. 

"  Of  course  it  is,"  said  the  Duchess,  who 
seemed  ready  to  agree  to  everything  that  Alice 
said ;  "  there's  a  large  mustard-mine  near  here. 
And  the  moral  of  that  is — *  The  more  there  is  of 
mine,  the  less  there  is  of  yours.' " 

"  Oh,  I  know !  "  exclaimed  Alice,  who  had  not 
attended  to  this  last  remark,  "  it's  a  vegetable.  It 
doesn't  look  like  one,  but  it  is." 

"  I  quite  agree  with  you,"  said  the  Duchess, 
"  and  the  moral  of  that  is — '  Be  what  you  would 
seem  to  be' — *or  if  you  like  it  put  more 
simply — '  Never  imagine  yourself  not  to  be 
otherwise  than  what  it  might  appear  to  others 
that  what  you  were  or  might  have  been  was 
not  otherwise  than  what  you  had  been  would 
have  appeared  to  them  to  be  otherwise.  " 

"  I  think  I  should  understand  that  better," 
Alice  said  very  politely,  "  if  I  had  it  written 
down:  but  I  can't  quite  follow  it  as  you  say 
it." 

"  That's  nothing  to  wliat  I  could  say  if  I 
chose,"  the  Duchess  replied   in   a  pleased  tone. 


THI5  Mociv  Turtle's  storit.  13S 

"  Pray  don't  trouble  yourself  to  say  it  any 
longer  than  that,"  said  Alice. 

"Oh,  don't  talk  about  trouble!"  said  the 
Duchess.  "  I  make  you  a  present  of  everything 
I've  said  as  yet." 

"  A  cheap  sort  of  present ! "  thought  Alice. 
"  I'm  glad  they  don't  give  birthday  presents 
like  that !  "  But  she  did  not  venture  to  say  it 
out  loud. 

"  Thinking  again  ?  "  the  Duchess  asked,  with 
another  dig  of  her  sharp  little  chin. 

"  I've  a  right  to  think,"  said  Alice  sharply,  for 
she  was  beginning  to  feel  a  little  worried. 

"  Just  about  as  much  right,"  said  the  Duchess, 
"  as  pigs  have  to  fly :  and  the  m — " 

But  here,  to  Alice's  great  surprise,  the 
Duchess'  voice  died  away,  even  in  the  middle 
of  her  favorite  word  '  moral,'  and  the  arm 
that  was  linked  into  hers  began  to  tremble. 
Alice  looked  up,  and  there  stood  tne  Queen  in 
front  of  them,  with  her  arms  folded,  frowning 
like  a  thunderstorm. 


134  THE  MOCK  turtle's    STORY. 

"  A  fine  day,  your  Majesty ! "  the  Duchess 
began  in  a  low,  weak  voice. 

"  Now,  I  give  you  fair  warning,"  shouted  the 
Queen,  stamping  on  the  ground  as  she  spoke ; 
"  either  you  or  your  head  must  be  off,  and  that 
in  about  half  no  time  I     Take  your  choice !  " 

The  Duchess  took  her  choice,  and  was  gone 
in  a  moment. 

"  Let's  go  on  with  the  game,"  the  Queen  said 
to  Alice,  and  Alice  was  too  much  frightened  to 
say  a  word,  but  slowly  followed  her  back  to  the 
croquet-ground. 

The  other  guests  had  taken  advantage  of  the 
Queen's  absence,  and  were  resting  in  the  shade : 
however,  the  moment  they  saw  her,  they  hurried 
back  to  the  game,  the  Queen  merely  remark- 
ing that  a  moment's  delay  would  cost  them  their 
lives. 

All  the  time  they  were  playing  the  Queen 
never  left  off  quarrelling  with  the  other  players, 
and  shouting  "  Off  with  his  head ! "  or  "  Off 
with  her   head !  "     Those  whom  she  sentenced 


THE   MOCK  TUKTLE'S   STORY.  135 

were  taken  into  custody  by  the  soldiers,  who  of 
course  had  to  leave  off  being  arches  to  do  this, 
so  that  by  the  end  of  half  an  hour  or  so  there 
were  no  arches  left,  and  all  the  players,  except 
the  King,  the  Queen,  and  Alice,  were  in  custody, 
and  under  sentence  of  execution. 

Then  the  Queen  left  off,  quite  out  of  breath, 
and  said  to  Alice,  "  Have  you  seen  the  Mock 
Turtle  yet.?" 

"  No,"  said  Alice.  "  I  don't  even  know  what 
a  Mock  Turtle  is." 

"  It's  the  thing  Mock  Turtle  Soup  is  made 
from,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  I  never  saw  one,  or  heard  of  one,"  said  Alice. 

"  Come  on,  then,"  said  the  Queen,  "  and  he 
shall  tell  you  his  history." 

As  they  walked  off  together,  Alice  heard  the 
King  say  in  a  low  voice,  to  the  company- gener- 
ally, "  You  are  all  pardoned."  "  Come,  that's  a 
good  thing !  "  she  said  to  herself,  for  she  had 
felt  quite  unhappy  at  the  number  of  executions 
the  Queen  had  ordered. 


136 


THE  MOCK  turtle's   STORY. 


They  very  soon  came  upon  a  Gryphon,  lying 
fast  asleep  in  the  sun.  (If  you  don't  know  what 
a  Gryphon  is,  look  at  the  picture.)  "  Up,  lazy 
thing ! "  said  the  Queen,  "  and  take  this  young 
lady  to  see  the  Mock  Turtle,  and  to  hear  his 
history.  I  must  go  back  and  see  after  some 
executions  I  have  ordered ; "  and  she  walked  off, 
leaving  Alice  alone  with  the  Gryphon.  Alice 
did  not  quite  like  the  look  of  the  creature,  but 
on  the  whole  she  thought  it  would  be  quite  as 


THE  MOCK  turtle's   STORY.  137 

safe  to  stay  with  it  as  to  go  after  that  savage 
Queen  :  so  she  waited. 

The  Gryphon  sat  up  and  rubbed  its  eyes: 
then  it  watched  the  Queen  till  she  was  out  of 
sight :  then  it  chuckled.  "  What  fun  !  "  said  the 
Gryphon,  half  to  itself,  half  to  Alice. 

"  What  is  the  fun .?  "  said  Alice. 

"  Why,  she','  said  the  Gryphon.  "  It's  all  her 
fancy,  that:  they  never  executes  nobody,  you 
know.     Come  on  !  " 

"  Everybody  says  ^  come  on  ! '  here,"  thoug.ht 
Alice,  as  she  went  slowly  after  it :  "I  never  was 
so  ordered  about  before  in  all  my  life,  never ! " 

They  had  not  gone  far  before  they  saw  the 
Mock  Turtle  in  the  distance,  sitting  sad  and 
lonely  on  a  little  ledge  of  rock,  and,  as  they 
came  nearer,  Alice  could  hear  him  sighing  as 
if  his  heart  would  break.  She  pitied  him  deeply. 
"  What  is  his  sorrow  ?  "  she  asked  the  Gryphon, 
and  the  Gryphon  answered,  very  nearly  in  the 
same  words  as  before,  "  It's  all  his  fancy,  that: 
he  hasn't  got  no  sorrow,  you  know.     Come  on  !  " 

So  they  went  up  to   the  Mock  Turtle,  who 


138  THE  MOCK  turtle's   STORY. 

looked  at  them  with  large  eyes  full  of  tears,  but 
said  nothing. 

"  This  here  young  lady,"  said  the  Gryphon, 
"  she  wants  for  to  know  your  history,  she  do." 

"  I'll  tell  it  her,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle  in  a 
deep,  hollow  tone :  "  sit  down  both  of  you,  and 
don't  speak  a  word  till  I've  finished." 

So  they  sat  down,  and  nobody  spoke  for  some 
minutes.  Alice  thought  to  herself,  ^*  I  don't  see 
how  he  can  ever  finish,  if  he  doesn't  begin." 
But  she  waited  patiently. 

"  Once,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle  at  last,  with  a 
deep  sigh,  "  I  was  a  real  Turtle." 

These  words  were  followed  by  a  very  long 
silence,  broken  only  by  an  occasional  exclama- 
tion of  "  Hjckrrh !  "  from  the  Gryphon,  and  the 
constant  heavy  sobbing  of  the  Mock  Turtle. 
Alice  was  very  nearly  getting  up  and  saying, 
"  Thank  you,  sir,  for  your  interesting  story," 
but  she  could  not  help  thinking  there  must  be 
more  to  come,  so  she  sat  still  and  said  nothing. 

"  When  we  were  little,"  the  Mock  Turtle  went 
on  at  last,  more  calmly,  though  still  sobbing  a 


THE  MOCK  turtle's  STOBY. 


139 


little  now  and  then,  "  we  went  to  school  in  the 
sea.  The  master  was  an  old  Turtle — we  used 
to  call  him  Tortoise — " 


1-JtO  THE  MOCK  TTJBTLE'S   STORY. 

"  Why  did  you  call  him  Tortoise,  if  he  wasn't 
one  ?  "  Alice  asked. 

"  We  called  him  Tortoise  because  he  taught 
us,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle  angrily  ;  "  really  you 
are  very  dull !  " 

"  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself  for 
asking  such  a  simple  question,"  added  the 
Gryphon ;  and  then  they  both  sat  silent  and 
looked  at  poor  Alice,  who  felt  ready  to  sink 
into  the  earth.  At  last  the  Gryphon  said  to  the 
Mock  Turtle,  "  Drive  on,  old  fellow!  Don't  be 
all  day  about  it ! "  and  he  went  on  in  these  words. 

"  Yes,  we  went  to  school  in  the  sea,  though 
you  mayn't  believe  it — " 

"  I  never  said  I  didn't ! "  interrupted  Alice. 

"  You  did,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle. 

"  Hold  your  tongue !  "  added  the  Gryphon, 
before  Alice  could  speak  again.  The  Mock 
Turtle  went  on. 

"  We  had  the  best  of  educations — in  fact,  we 
went  to  school  every  day — " 

"  Fve  been  to  a  day-school  too,'*  said  Alice ; 
"you  needn't  be  so  proud  as  all  that." 


THE  MOCK  turtle's   STOKY.  14l 

"  With  extras  ?  "  asked  the  Mock  Turtle  a 
little  anxiously 

"  Yes,"  said  Alice,  "  we  learned  French  and 
music." 

"  And  washing  ?  "  said  the  Mock  Turtle. 

"  Certainly  not !  "  said  Alice  indignantly. 

"  Ah  !  Then  yours  wasn't  a  really  good  school," 
said  the  Mock  Turtle  in  a  tone  of  great  relief. 
"  Now  at  ours  they  had  at  the  end  of  the  bill, 
*  French,  music,  and  washing — extra.'  " 

"  You  couldn't  have  wanted  it  much,"  said 
Alice ;  "  living  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea." 

*'  I  couldn't  afford  to  learn  it,"  said  the  Mock 
Turtle  with  a  sigh.  "  I  only  took  the  regular 
course." 

"  What  was  that  ?  "  inquired  Alice. 

"  Reeling  and  Writhing,  of  course,  to  begin 
with,"  the  Mock  Turtle  replied :  "  and  then  the 
different  branches  of  Arithmetic — Ambition,  Dis- 
traction, Uglification,  and  Derision." 

"  I  never  heard  of  '  Uglification.'  "  Alice  ven- 
tured to  say.     "  What  is  it  ?  " 

The  Gryphon  lifted   up  both   its  paws  in  sur- 


142  THE  MOCK  turtle's   STOKY. 

prise.  "  Never  heard  of  Uglifying !  "  it  exclaimed. 
"  You  know  what  to  beautify  is»  I  suppose  ?  " 

"  Yes/'  said  Alice,  doubtfully  :  "  it  means — 
to — make — anything — prettier." 

"  Well  then,"  the  Gryphon  went  on,  "if  you 
don't  know  what  to  uglify  is,  you  are  a 
simpleton." 

Alice  did  not  feel  encouraged  to  ask  any 
more  questions  about  it,  so  she  turned  to  the 
Mock  Turtle,  and  said,  "  What  else  had  you  to 
learn  ?  *' 

"  Well,  there  was  Mystery,"  the  Mock  Turtle 
replied,  counting  off  the  subjects  on  his  flappers, — 
"  Mystery,  ancient  and  modern,  with  Seaography  : 
then  Drawling — the  Drawling-master  was  an  old 
conger-eel,  that  used  to  come  once  a  week :  he 
taught  us  Drawling,  Stretching,  and  Fainting  in 
Coils." 

"  What  was  that  like  ? "  said  Alice. 

"  Well,  I  can't  show  it  you,  myself,"  the  Mock 
Turtle  said  :  "I'm  too  stiff.  And  the  Gryphon 
never  learnt  it." 

"  Hadn't  time,"  said  the  Gryphon :  "  I  went 


THE   MOCK  turtle's   STORY.  148 

to  the  Classical  master,  though.  He  was  an  old 
crab,  he  was." 

"  I  never  went  to  him,"  the  Mock  Turtle  said 
with  a  sigh  :  "  he  taught  Laughing  and  Grief, 
they  used  to  say." 

'^  So  he  did,  so  he  did,"  said  the  Gryphon, 
sighing  in  his  turn,  and  both  creatures  hid  their 
faces  in  their  paws. 

"  And  now  many  hours  a  day  did  you  do 
lessons  t  "  said  Alice,  in  a  hurry  to  change  the 
subject. 

"  Ten  hours  the  first  day,"  said  the  Mock 
Turtle:  "  nine  the  next,  and  so  on." 

"  What  a  curious  plan  !  "  exclaimed  Alice. 

"  That's  the  reason  they're  called  lessons," 
the  Gryphon  remarked :  "  because  they  lessen 
from  day  to  day." 

This  was  quite  a  new  idea  to  Alice,  and  she 
thought  it  over  a  little  before  she  made  her  next 
remark.  "  Then  the  eleventh  day  must  have 
been  a  holiday }  " 

"  Of  course  it  was,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle. 


144  THE  MOCK   turtle's   STORY. 

"  And  how  did  you  manage  on  the  twelfth  ?  " 
Alice  went  on  eagerly. 

"  That's  enough  about  lessons,"  the  Gryphon 
interrupted  in  a  very  decided  tone :  "  tell  her 
something  about  the  games  now." 


CHAPTER  X. 


THE  LOBSTER  QUADRILLE. 


The  Mock  Turtle  sighed  deeply,  and  drew 
the  back  of  one  flapper  across  his  eyes.  He 
looked  at  Alice  and  tried  to  speak,  but  for  a 
minute  or  two  sobs  choked  his  voice.  "  Same 
as  if  he  had  a  bone  in  his  throat,"  said  the 
Gryphon,  and  it  set  to  work  shaking  him  and 
punching  him  in  the  back.  At  last  the  Mock 
Turtle  recovered  his  voice,  and,  with  tears  run- 
ning down  his  cheeks,  he  went  on  again  : — 

"  You  may  not  have  lived  much  under  the 
sea — "  ("  I  haven't,"  said   Alice) — "  and  perhaps 


146  THE  LOBSTBE 

you  were  never  even  introduced  to  a  lobster — " 
(Alice  began  to  say  "  I  once  tasted — "  but 
checked  herself  hastily,  and  said,  "  No,  never  ") — 
"  so  you  can  have  no  idea  what  a  delightful  thing 
a  Lobster-Quadrille  is !  " 

"  No,  indeed,"  said  Alice.  "  What  sort  of  a 
dance  is  it  ?  " 

"  Why,"  said  the  Gryphon,  "  you  first  form 
into  a  line  along  the  seashore — " 

"  Two  lines !  "  cried  the  Mock  Turtle.  "  Seals, 
turtles,  salmon,  and  so  on :  then,  when  you Ve 
cleared  all  the  jelly-fish  out  of  the  way — " 

"  That  generally  takes  some  time,"  interrupted 
the  Gryphon. 

"  — you  advance  twice — " 

"  Each  with  a  lobster  as  a  partner ! "  cried  the 
Gryphon. 

"  Of  course,"  the  Mock  Turtle  said:  "  advance 
twice,  set  to  partners — " 

" — change  lobsters,  and  retire  in  same  order," 
continued  the  Gryphon. 

"  Then,  you  know,"  the  Mock  Turtle  went  on, 
"  you  throw  the — " 


QUADRILLE.  147 

"  The  lobsters !  "  shouted  the  Gryphon,  with  a 
bound  into  the  air. 

" — as  far  out  to  sea  as  you  can — *' 

"  Swim  after  them  !  "  screamed  the  Gryphon. 

"  Turn  a  somersault  in  the  sea ! "  cried  the 
Mock  Turtle,  capering  wildly  about. 

"  Change  lobsters  again !  "  yelled  the  Gryphon 
at  the  top  of  its  voice. 

"  Back  to  land  again,  and — that's  all  the  first 
figure,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle,  suddenly  dropping 
his  voice,  and  the  two  creatures,  who  had  been 
jumping  about  like  mad  things  all  this  time,  sat 
down  again  very  sadly  and  quietly,  and  looked 
at  Alice. 

*'  It  must  be  a  very  pretty  dance,"  said  Alice 
timidly. 

"  Would  you  like  to  see  a  little  of  it  ?  "  said 
the  Mock  Turtle. 

"  Very  much  indeed,"  said  Alice. 

"  Come,  let's  try  the  first  figure  ! "  said  the 
Mock  Turtle  to  the  Gryphon.  "  We  can  do 
it  without  lobsters,  you  know.  Which  shall 
sing?" 


148 


THE  LOBSTEB. 


"  Oh,  you  sing,"  said  the  Gryphon.  "  I've 
forgotten  the  words." 

So  they  began  solemnly  dancing  round  and 
round  Alice,  every  now  and  then  treading  on 
her  toes  when  they  passed  too  close,  and  waving 
their  fore-paws  to  mark  the  time,  while  the 
Mock  Turtle  sang  this,  very  slowly  and  sadly : — 


QUADRILLE.  149 

"  Will  you  walk  a  little  faster  !  "  said  a  whiting 
to  a  snail, 

"  There  s  a  porpoise  close  behind  us,  and  hes  tread- 
ing on  my  tail. 

See  how  eagerly  the  lobsters  and  the  turtles  all 
advance  I 

They  are  waiting  on  the  shingle — will  you  come 
and  join  the  dance  ? 
Will  you,  wont  you,  will  you,  wont  you,  will 

you  join  the  dance? 
Will  you,  wont  you,  will  you,  won!  t  you,  wont 
you  join  the  dance  ? 


"  You  can  really  have  no  notion  how  delightful  it 

will  be 
When  they  take  us  up   and  throw  us,  with  the 

lobsters,  out  to  sea  I " 
But  the  snail  replied  "  Too  far,  too  far  !  "  and 

gave  a  look  askance — 
Said  he  thanked  the  whiting  kindly,  but  he  would 

not  join  the  dance. 
Would  not,   could  not,   would  not,   could  not, 

would  not  join  the  dance. 
Would  not,  could  not,   would  noty  could  not^ 

could  not  join  the  dance. 


150  THE  LOBSTER 

"  What  matters  it  how  far  we  go  ?  "   his  scaly 

friend  replied, 
"  There  is  another  shore,  you  know,  upon  the  other 

side. 
The  further  off  from  England  the  7iearer  is  to 

France; 
Then  turn  not  pale,  beloved  snail,  but  come  and 

join  the  dance. 
Will  you,  wont  you,  will  you,  wont  you,  will 

you  join  the  dance  ? 
Will  you,  \won  t  you,  will  you,  wont  you,  wont 

you  join  the  dance  ?  " 

"  Thank  you,  it's  a  very  interesting  dance  to 
watch,"  said  Alice,  feeling  very  glad  that  it  was 
over  at  last ;  "  and  I  do  so  like  that  curious  song 
about  the  whiting !  " 

"  Oh,  as  to  the  whiting,"  said  the  Mock 
Turtle,  "  they — you Ve  seen  them,  of  course  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  Alice,  "  I've  often  seen  them  at 
dinn — "  she  checked  herself  hastily. 

*'  I  don't  know  where  Dinn  may  be,"  said  the 
Mock  Turtle,  "  but  if  you've  seen  them  so  often, 
of  course  you  know  what  they're  like/' 

"  I   believe   so,"    Alice    replied    thoughtfully. 


QUADKILLE.  151 

"They  have  their  tails   in   their  mouths; — and 
they're  all  over  crumbs." 

"  You're  wrong  about  the  crumbs,"  said  the 
Mock  Turtle :  "  crumbs  would  all  wash  off  in 
the  sea.  But  they  have  their  tails  in  their 
mouths ;  and  the  reason  is — "  here  the  Mock 
Turtle  yawned  and  shut  his  eyes. — "  Tell  her 
about  the  reason  and  all  that,"  he  said  to  the 
Gryphon. 

"  The  reason  is,"  said  the  Gryphon,  "  that 
they  would  go  with  the  lobsters  to  the  dance. 
So  they  got  thrown  out  to  sea.  So  they  had  to 
fall  a  long  way.  So  they  got  their  tails  fast  in 
their  mouths.  So  they  couldn't  get  them  out 
again.     That's  all." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  Alice,  "  it's  very  interest- 
ing. I  never  knew  so  much  about  a  whiting 
before." 

"  I  can  tell  you  more  than  that,  if  you  like," 
said  the  Gryphon.  "  Do  you  know  why  it's 
called  a  whiting  } " 

"I  never  thought  about  it,"  said  Alice. 
"Why?" 


152  THE   LOBSTER 

"//  does  the  boots  and  shoes','  the  Gryphon 
replied  very  solemnly. 

Alice  was  thoroughly  puzzled.  "  Does  the 
boots  and  shoes!"  she  repeated  in  a  wonder- 
ing tone. 

"  Why,  what  are  your  shoes  done  with  1 " 
said  the  Gryphon.  "  I  mean,  what  makes  them 
so  shiny  1 " 

Alice  looked  down  at  them,  and  considered  a 
little  before  she  gave  her  answer,  "  They're 
done  with  blacking  I  believe." 

"  Boots  and  shoes  under  the  sea,"  the  Gryphon 
went  on  in  a  deep  voice,  "  are  done  with  whiting. 
Now  you  know." 

"  And  what  are  they  made  of.?"  Alice  asked 
in  a  tone  of  great  curiosity. 

"  Soles  and  eels,  of  course,"  the  Gryphon  re- 
plied rather  impatiently :  "  any  shrimp  could 
have  told  you  that." 

"  If  I'd  been  the  whiting,"  said  Alice,  whose 
thoughts  were  still  running  on  the  song,  "I'd 
have  said  to  the  porpoise,  *  Keep  back,  please ; 
we  don't  want  jj/^^  with  us! '  '* 


QUADRILLE.  168 

"  They  were  obliged  to  have  him  with  them," 
the  Mock  Turtle  said :  "  no  wise  fish  would  go 
anywhere  without  a  porpoise." 

"  Wouldn't  it  really  ?  "  said  Alice  in  a  tone  of 
great  surprise. 

"Of  course  not,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle: 
"  why,  if  a  fish  came  to  me,  and  told  me  he 
was  going  a  journey,  I  should  say  '  With  what 
porpoise  ? ' " 

"  Don't  you  mean  *  purpose  *  ?  "  said  Alice. 

"  I  mean  what  I  say,"  the  Mock  Turtle  re- 
plied in  an  offended  tone.  And  the  Gryphon 
added  "  Come,  let's  hear  some  of  j/our  adven- 
tures." 

"  I  could  tell  you  my  adventures — beginning 
from  this  morning,"  said  Alice  a  little  timidly: 
"  but  it's  no  use  going  back  to  yesterday,  because 
I  was  a  different  person  then." 

"  Explain  all  that,"  said  the  Mock  Turtle. 

"  No,  no !  the  adventures  first,"  said  the 
Gryphon  in  an  impatient  tone :  "  explanations 
take  such  a  dreadful  time."  ' 


154  THE  LOBSTER 

So  Alice  began  telling  them  her  adventures 
from  the  time  when  she  first  saw  the  White 
Rabbit :  she  was  a  little  nervous  about  it  just  at 
first,  the  two  creatures  got  so  close  to  her,  one 
on  each  side,  and  opened  their  eyes  and  mouths 
so  very  wide,  but  she  gained  courage  as  she 
went  on.  Her  listeners  were  perfectly  quiet  till 
she  got  to  the  part  about  her  repeating  "  You  are 
old.  Father  William','  to  the  Caterpillar,  and  the 
words  all  coming  different,  and  then  the  Mock 
Turtle  drew  a  long  breath,  and  said,  "  That's 
very  curious." 

"  It's  all  about  as  curious  as  it  can  be,  "  said 
the  Gryphon. 

"  It  all  came  diflFerent ! "  the  Mock  Turtle 
repeated  thoughtfully.  "  I  should  like  to  hear 
her  try  and  repeat  something  now.  Tell  her 
to  begin."  He  looked  at  the  Gryphon  as  if  he 
thought  it  had  some  kind  of  authority  over 
Alice. 

"Stand  up  and  repeat  ''Tis  the  voice  of  the 
sluggard',  "  said  the  Gryphon. 


QUADRILLE. 


156 


"  How  the  creatures 
order  one  about,  and 
make  one  repeat  les- 
sons !"  thought  Alice. 
"  I  might  just  as  well 
be  at  school  at  once." 
However,  she  got  up 


and  began  to  repeat  1 


it,  but  her  head  was 
so  full  of  the  Lob- 
ster-Quadrille, that 
she  hardly  knew 
what  she  was  saying, 
and  the  words  came 
very  queer  indeed : — 


"  'TiV  the  voice  of  the  lobster ;  I  heard  him  declare, 
^You  have  baked  me  too  brown,  I  must  sugar  my 

hair! 
As  a  duck  with  his  eyelids,  so  he  with  his  nose 
Trims  his  belt  a7td  his  buttons,  and  turns  out  his 

toesr 


156  THE   LOBSTER 

"  That's  different  from  what  /  used  to  say 
when  I  was  a  child/'  said  the  Gryphon. 

"  Well,  I  never  heard  it  before,"  said  the 
Mock  Turtle ;  "  but  it  sounds  uncommon  non- 
sense." 

Alice  said  nothing :  she  had  sat  down  again 
with  her  face  in  her  hands,  wondering  if  any- 
thing would  ever  happen  in  a  natural  way 
again. 

"  I  should  like  to  have  it  explained/'  said  the 
Mock  Turtle. 

"  She  can't  explain  it,"  said  the  Gryphon 
hastily.     "  Go  on  with  the  next  verse." 

"  But  about  his  toes  .f*  "  the  Mock  Turtle  per- 
sisted. "  How  could  he  turn  them  out  with  his 
nose,  you  know  ?  " 

"  It's  the  first  position  in  dancing/'  Alice  said ; 
but  she  was  dreadfully  puzzled  by  the  whole 
thing,  and  longed  to  change  the  subject. 

"  Go  on  with  the  next  verse,"  the  Gryphon  re- 
peated impatiently  :  "  it  begins  '  I  passed  by  his 
garde7t!  " 

Alice  did  not  dare  to  disobey,  though  she  felt 


QUADRILLE.  167 

sure  it  would  all  come  wrong,  and  she  went  on  in 
a  trembling  voice  : — 

"  I  passed  by  his  garden^  and  marked^  with  oneeye^ 
How  the  owl  and  the    oyster  were  sharing  the 
pie—'' 

"  What  is  the  use  of  repeating  all  that  stuff," 
the  Mock  Turtle  interrupted,  "  if  you  don't  ex- 
plain it  as  you  go  on  ?  It's  by  far  the  most  con- 
fusing thing  /  ever  heard  !  " 

"  Yes,  I  think  you'd  better  leave  off,"  said  the 
Gryphon,  and  Alice  was  only  too  glad  to  do 
so. 

''  Shall  we  try  another  figure  of  the  Lobster- 
Quadrille  ?  "  the  Gryphon  went  on.  "  Or  would 
you  like  the  Mock  Turtle  to  sing  you  a  song  }  " 

"  Oh,  a  song,  please,  if  the  Mock  Turtle  would 
be  so  kind,"  Alice  replied  so  eagerly  that  the 
Gr3''phon  said,  in  a  rather  offended  tone,  "  Hm  ! 
No  accounting  for  tastes !  Sing  her  '  Turtle 
Soup'  will  you,  old  fellow ?  " 

The  Mock  Turtle  sighed  deeply,  and  began,  in 
a  voice  sometimes  choked  with  sobs,  to  sing  this  : 


158  THE  LOBSTER 

"  Beautiful  Soup,  so  rich  and  green. 
Waiting  in  a  hot  tureen  ! 
Who  for  such  dainties  would  not  stoop? 
Soup  of  the  evejting,  beautiful  Soup  / 
Soup  of  the  evening,  beautiful  Soup  ! 

Beau — ootiful  Soo — oop  ! 

Beau — ootiful  Soo — oop  I 
Soo — oop  of  the  e — e — evening. 

Beautiful,  beautiful  Soup  ! 

"  Beautiful  Soup  /    Who  cares  for  fish. 

Game,  or  any  other  dish  ? 

Who  would  not  give  all  else  for  twop 

ennyworth  only  of  beautiful  Soup  ? 

Pennyworth  only  of  beautiful  Soup  ? 
Boo — ootiful  Soo — oop  / 
Boo — ootiful  Sov — oop  ! 
Soo — oop  of  the  e — e — evening. 

Beautiful,  beauti—FUL  SOUP/'' 

"  Chorus  again !"  cried  the  Gryphon,  and  the 
Mock  Turtle  had  just  begun  to  repeat  it,  when 


QUADRILLE.  159 

a  cry  of  "  The  trial's  beginning  !  "  was  heard  in 
the  distance. 

"  Come  on  !  "  cried  the  Gryphon,  and,  taking 
Alice  by  the  hand,  it  hurried  on,  without  wait- 
ing for  the  end  of  the  song. 

"  What  trial  is  it  ?  "  Alice  panted  as  she  ran,  but 
the  Gryphon  only  answered  "  Come  on !  "  and 
ran  the  faster,  while  more  and  more  faintly  came, 
carried  on  the  breeze  that  followed  them,  the 
melancholy  words : — 

"  Soo — oop  of  the  e — e— evenings 
Beautiful^  beautiful  Soup  t " 


CHAPTER  XL 

WHO    STOLE    THE    TARTS? 

The  King  and  Queen  of  Hearts  were  seated 
on  their  throne  when  they  arrived,  with  a  great 
crowd  assembled  about  them — all  sorts  of  little 
birds  and  beasts,  as  well  as  the  whole  pack  of 
cards:  the  Knave  was  standing  before  them, 
in  chains,  with  a  soldier  on  each  side  to  guard 
him ;  and  near  the  King  was  the  White  Rabbit, 
with  a  trumpet  in  one  hand,  and  a  scroll  of 
parchment  in  the  other.  In  the  very  middle 
of   the   court   was   a  table,  wth   a  large  dish  of 


WHO   STOLE  THE  TARTS.  161 

tarts  upon  it:  they  looked  so  good,  that  it 
made  Alice  quite  hungry  to  look  at  them — "I 
wish  they'd  get  the  trial  done,"  she  thought, 
"  and  hand  round  the  refreshments  !  "  But  there 
seemed  to  be  no  chance  of  this,  so  she  began 
looking  at  everything  about  her  to  pass  away 
the  time. 

Alice  had  never  been  in  a  court  of  justice 
before,  but  she  had  read  about  them  in  books, 
and  she  was  quite  pleased  to  find  that  she  knew 
the  name  of  nearly  everything  there.  "  That's 
the  judge !  "  she  said  to  herself,  "  because  of  his 
great  wig." 

The  judge,  by  the  way,  was  the  King,  and  as 
he  wore  his  crown  over  the  wig,  (look  at  the 
frontispiece  if  you  want  to  see  how  he  did  it,)  he 
did  not  look  at  all  comfortable,  and  it  was  cer- 
tainly not  becoming. 

"And  that's  the  jury-box,"  thought  Alice, 
"  and  those  twelve  creatures,"  (she  was  obliged 
to  say  "creatures,"  you  see,  because  some  of 
them  were  animals,  and  some  were  birds,)  "  I 
suppose   they   are   the  jurors."      She  said   this 


162  WHO   STOLE 

last  word  two  or  three  times  over  to  herself, 
being  rather  proud  of  it :  for  she  thought,  and 
rightly  too,  that  very  few  little  girls  of  her  age 
knew  the  meaning  of  it  at  all.  However,  "jury- 
men "  would  have  done  just  as  well. 

The  twelve  jurors  were  all  writing  very 
busily  on  slates.  "  What  are  they  doing  ? " 
Alice  v/hispered  to  the  Gryphon.  "  They  can't 
have  anything  to  put  down  yet,  before  the  trial's 
begun." 

"  They're  putting  down  their  names,"  the 
Gryphon  whispered  in  reply,  "  for  fear  they 
should  forget  them  before  the  end  of  the  trial." 

**  Stupid  things ! "  Alice  began  in  a  loud 
indignant  voice,  but  she  stopped  herself  hastily, 
for  the  White  Rabbit  cried  out,  "  Silence  in  the 
court !  "  and  the  King  put  on  his  spectacles  and 
looked  anxiously  round,  to  make  out  who  was 
talking. 

Alice  could  see,  as  well  as  if  she  were  look- 
ing over  their  shoulders,  that  all  the  jurors  were 
writing  down  "stupid  things!  "on  their  slates, 


THE  TARTS.  163 

and  she  could  even  make  out  that  one  of  them 
didn't  know  how  to  spell  "  stupid,"  and  that  he 
had  to  ask  his  neighbor  to  tell  him.  "  A  nice 
muddle  their  slates  '11  be  in  before  the  triaFs 
over !  "  thought  Alice. 

One  of  the  jurors  had  a  pencil  that  squeaked. 
This,  of  course,  Alice  could  7iot  stand,  and  she 
went  round  the  court  and  got  behind  him,  and 
very  soon  found  an  opportunity  of  taking  it 
away.  She  did  it  so  quickly  that  the  poor 
little  juror  (it  was  Bill,  the  Lizard)  could  not 
make  out  at  all  what  had  become  of  it ;  so, 
after  hunting  all  about  for  it,  he  was  obliged  to 
write  with  one  finger  for  the  rest  of  the  day; 
and  this  was  of  very  little  use,  as  it  left  no  mark 
on  the  slate. 

"  Herald,  read  the  accusation ! "  said  the 
King. 

On  this  the  White  Rabbit  blew  three  blasts 
on  the  trumpet,  and  then  unrolled  the  parch- 
ment scroll,  and  read  as  follows  ; — 


164 


WHO  STOLE 


WW^" 


"  TAe  Queen  of  hearts^  she  made  some  tarts^ 
All  on  a  summer  day : 
The  Knave  of  Hearts,  he  stole  those  tarts^ 
And  took  them  quite  away  I " 


"  Consider   your   verdict,"   the    King   said   to 
the  jury. 


THE  TARTS*  165 

^*Not  yet,  not  yet!"  the  Rabbit  hastily  in- 
terrupted. "  There's  a  great  deal  to  come  before 
that!" 

"  Call  the  first  witness,"  said  the  King ;  and 
the  White  Rabbit  blew  three  blasts  on  the 
trumpet,  and  called  out,  "  First  witness  !  " 

The  first  witness  was  the  Hatter.  He  came 
in  with  a  teacup  in  one  hand,  and  a  piece  of 
bread-and-butter  in  the  other.  "  I  beg  pardon, 
your  Majesty,"  he  began,  "for  bringing  these  in  : 
but  I  hadn't  quite  finished  my  tea  when  I  was 
sent  for." 

"  You  ought  to  have  finished,"  said  the  King. 
"  When  did  you  begin  ?  " 

The  Hatter  looked  at  the  March  Hare,  who 
had  followed  him  into  the  court,  arm-in-arm 
with  the  Dormouse.  "  Fourteenth  of  March,  I 
think  it  was,''  he  said. 

"  Fifteenth,"  said  the  March  Hare. 

"  Sixteenth,"  added  the  Dormouse. 

"  Write  that  down,"  the  King  said  to  the 
jury,  and  the  jury  eagerly  wrote  down  all  three 
dates    on    their   slates,   and    then    added    them 


166  WHO  STOLE 

up  and  reduced  the  answer  to  shillings  and 
pence. 

"  Take  off  your  hat,"  the  King  said  to  the 
Hatter. 

"  It  isn't  mine,"  said  the  Hatter. 

"  Stolen ! "  the  King  exclaimed,  turning  to 
the  jury,  who  instantly  made  a  memorandum  of 
the  fact. 

"  I  keep  them  to  sell,"  the  Hatter  added  as 
an  explanation  :  "  I've  none  of  my  own.  Tm  a 
hatter." 

Here  the  Queen  put  on  her  spectacles,  and 
began  staring  hard  at  the  Hatter,  who  turned 
pale  and  fidgeted. 

"  Give  your  evidence,"  said  the  King ;  "  and 
don't  be  nervous,  or  I'll  have  you  executed  on 
the  spot." 

This  did  not  seem  to  encourage  the  witness 
at  all:  he  kept  shifting  from  one  foot  to  the 
other,  looking  uneasily  at  the  Queen,  and  in 
his  confusion  he  bit  a  large  piece  out  of  his 
teacup  instead  of  the  bread-and-butter. 

Just  at  this  moment  Alice  felt  a  very  curious 


THE  TARTS.  167 

sensation,  which  puzzled  her  a  good  deal  until 
she  made  out  what  it  was :  she  was  beginning 
to  grow  larger  again,  and  she  thought  at  first 
she  would  get  up  and  leave  the  court ;  but  on 
second  thoughts  she  decided  to  remain  where 
she  was  as  long  as  there  was  room  for  her. 

"  I  wish  you  wouldn't  squeeze  so,"  said  the 
Dormouse,  who  was  sitting  next  to  her.  "  I  can 
hardly  breathe." 

"  I  can't  help  it,"  said  Alice  very  meekly : 
"  I'm  growing." 

"  You've  no  right  to  grow  here''  said  the  Dor- 
mouse. 

"  Don't  talk  nonsense,"  said  Alice  more  boldly : 
"you  know  you're  growing  too." 

"  Yes,  but  /  grow  at  a  reasonable  pace,"  said 
the  Dormouse :  "  not  in  that  ridiculous  fashion." 
And  he  got  up  very  sulkily  and  crossed  over  to 
the  other  side  of  the  court. 

All  this  time  the  Queen  had  never  left  off 
staring  at  the  Hatter,  and,  just  as  the  Dormouse 
crossed  the  court,  she  said  to  one  of  the  officers 
of  the  court,  "  Bring  me  the  list  of  the  singers  in 


168 


WHO  STOLE 


the  last  concert! "  on  which  the  wretched  Hatter 

trembled  so,  that  he 
shook  both  his  shoes 
off. 

"  Give  your  evi- 
dence," the  King  re- 
peated angrily,  "  or 
I'll  have  you  executed, 
whether  you're  nervous 
or  not." 

"  Vxn  a  poor  man, 
your  Majesty,"  the 
Hatter  began  in  a 
trembling  voice,  "and 
I  hadn't  but  just  begun  my  tea — not  above 
a  week  or  so — and  what  with  the  bread-and- 
butter  getting  so  thin — and  the  twinkling  of  the 

tea " 

"  The  twinkling  of  wAa^  ?  "  said  the  King. 
"  It  began  with  the  tea,"  the  Hatter  replied. 
"  Of  course  twinkling  begins  with  a  T  !  "  said 
the    King  sharply.     "  Do   you   take   me  for   a 
dunce  t    Go  on  !  " 


THE  TARTS.  169 

"  Vm  a  poor  man,"  the  Hatter  went  on,  "  and 
most  things  twinkled  after  that— only  the  March 
Hare  said *' 

•*  I  didn't !  "  the  March  Hare  interrupted  in  a 
great  hurry. 

"  You  did !  "  said  the  Hatter. 

"  I  deny  it !  "  said  the  March  Hare. 

"  He  denies  it,"  said  the  King :  "  leave  out  that 
part." 

"  Well,  at  any  rate,  the  Dormouse  said — "  the 
Hatter  went  on,  looking  anxiously  round  to  see 
if  he  would  deny  it  too:  but  the  Dormouse 
denied  nothing,  being  fast  asleep. 

"  After  that,"  continued  the  Hatter,  "  I  cut 
some  more  bread-and-butter " 

"  But  what  did  the  Dormouse  say  ?  "  one  of 
the  jury  asked. 

*  That  I  can't  remember,"  said  the  Hatter. 

"  You  mus^  remember,"  remarked  the  King, 
"  or  I'll  have  you  executed." 

"  The  miserable  Hatter  dropped  his  teacup  and 
bread-and-butter,  and  went  down  on  one  knee. 

**  Tm  a  poor  man,  your  Majesty,"  he  began. 


170  WHO   STOLE 

"  You're  a  very  poor  speaker y'  said  the  King. 

Here  one  of  the  guinea-pigs  cheered,  and  was 
immediately  suppressed  by  the  officers  of  the 
court.  (As  that  is  rather  a  hard  word,  I  will 
just  explain  to  you  how  it  was  done.  They  had 
a  large  canvass  bag,  which  tied  up  at  the  mouth 
with  strings :  into  this  they  slipped  the  guinea- 
pig,  head  first,  and  then  sat  upon  it.) 

"  I'm  glad  I've  seen  that  done,"  thought 
Alice.  ''  I've  so  often  read  in  the  newspapers, 
at  the  end  of  trials,  *  There  was  some  attempt 
at  applause,  which  was  immediately  suppressed 
by  the  officers  of  the  court,'  and  I  never  under- 
stood what  it  meant  till  now." 

"  If  that's  all  you  know  about  it,  you  may 
stand  down,"  continued  the  King. 

"  I  can't  go  no  lower,"  said  the  Hatter  :  "  I'm 
on  the  floor,  as  it  is." 

**  Then  you  may  sit  down,"  the  King  replied. 

Here  the  other  guinea-pig  cheered,  and  was 
suppressed. 

"  Come,  that  finishes  the  guinea-pigs  I "  thought 
Alice.     "  Now  we  shall  get  on  better." 


THE  TARTS. 


171 


"  Fd  rather  finish  my  tea,'*  said  the  Hatter, 
with  an  anxious  look  at  the  Queen,  who  was 
reading  the  list  of  singers. 


"  You  may  go,"  said  the  King,  and  the  Hatter 
hurriedly  left  the  court,  without  even  waiting  to 
put  his  shoes  on. 

" and  just  take  his  head  off  outside,"  the 

Queen  added  to  one  of  the  officers :  but  the 
Hatter  was  out  of  sight  before  the  officer  could 
get  to  the  door. 

*'  Call  the  next  witness  !  "  said  the  King. 

The  next  witness  was  the  Duchess'  cook.  She 
carried  the  pepper-box  in  her  hand :  and  Alice 


172  WHO  STOLE 

guessed  who  it  was,  even  before  she  got  into  the 
court,  by  the  way  the  people  near  the  door  began 
sneezing  all  at  once. 

"  Give  your  evidence,"  said  the  King. 

"  Shan't,"  said  the  cook. 

The  King  looked  anxiously  at  the  White 
Rabbit,  who  said  in  a  low  voice,  *'  Your  Majesty 
must  cross-examine  this  witness." 

''  Well,  if  I  must,  I  must,"  the  King  said  with 
a  melancholy  air,  and,  after  folding  his  arms  and 
frowning  at  the  cook  till  his  eyes  were  nearly 
out  of  sight,  he  said  in  a  deep  voice,  "  What  are 
tarts  made  of  t  " 

"  Pepper,  mostly,"  said  the  cook. 

"  Treacle,"  said  a  sleepy  voice  behind  her. 

"  Collar  that  Dormouse  !  "  the  Queen  shrieked 
out.  "  Behead  that  Dormouse  !  Turn  that  Dor- 
mouse out  of  court !  Suppress  him  !  Pinch  him ! 
Off  with  his  whiskers  !  " 

For  some  minutes  the  whole  court  was  in 
confusion,  getting  the  Dormouse  turned  out,  and, 
by  the  time  they  had  settled  down  again,  the 
cook  had  disappeared. 


THE  TARTS.  173 

"  Never  mind !  "  said  the  King,  with  an  air 
of  great  relief.  "  Call  the  next  witness."  And  he 
added  in  an  undertone  to  the  Queen,  "  Really, 
my  dear,^^^  must  cross-examine  the  next  wit- 
ness.    It  quite  makes  my  forehead  ache  !  " 

Alice  watched  the  White  Rabbit  as  he  fumbled 
over  the  list,  feeling  very  curious  to  see  what  the 
next  witness  would  be  like,  " — for  they  haven't 
got  much  evidence  yef,'  she  said  to  herself. 
Imagine  her  surprise,  when  the  White  Rabbit 
read  out,  at  the  top  of  his  shrill  little  voice,  the 
name  "  Alice !  " 


CHAPTER  XII. 


Alice's  evidence. 


"  Here  ! "  cried  Alice,  quite  forgetting  in  the 
flurry  of  the  moment  how  large  she  had  grown 
in  the  last  few  minutes,  and  she  jumped  up  in 
such  a  hurry  that  she  tipped  over  the  jury-box 
with  the  edge  of  her  skirt,  upsetting  all  the  jury- 
men on  to  the  heads  of  the  crowd  below,  and 
there  they  lay  sprawling  about,  reminding  her 
very  much  of  a  globe  of  gold-fish  she  had  acci- 
dentally upset  the  week  before. 

"  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon  !  "  she  exclaimed  in  a 


ALICE  S   EVIDENCE. 


175 


tone  of  great  dismay,  and  began  picking  them 
up  again  as  quickly  as  she  could,  for  the  acci- 
dent of  the  gold-fish  kept  running  in  her  head, 


176  AlilCE's  EVIDENCE. 

and  she  had  a  vague  sort  of  idea  that  they  must 
be  collected  at  once  and  put  back  into  the  jury- 
box,  or  they  would  die. 

"  The  trial  cannot  proceed,"  said  the  King  in 
a  very  grave  voice,  "  until  all  the  jurymen  are 
back  in  their  proper  places — all','  he  repeated 
with  great  emphasis,  looking  hard  at  Alice  as  he 
said  so. 

Alice  looked  at  the  jury-box,  and  saw  that, 
in  her  haste,  she  had  put  the  Lizard  in  head 
downwards,  and  the  poor  little  thing  was  waving 
its  tail  about  in  a  melancholy  way,  being  quite 
unable  to  move.  She  soon  got  it  out  again,  and 
put  it  right ;  "  not  that  it  signifies  much,"  she 
said  to  herself;  "  I  should  think  it  would  be 
quite  as  much  use  in  the  trial  one  way  up  as  the 
other." 

As  sdon  as  the  jury  had  a  little  recovered 
from  the  shock  of  being  upset,  and  their  slates 
and  pencils  had  been  found  and  handed  back  to 
them,  they  set  to  work  very  diligently  to  write 
out  a  history  of  the  accident,  all  except  the 
Lizard,  who  seemed  too  much  overcome  to  do 


Alice's  evidence.  177 

anything  but  sit  with  Its  mouth  open,  gazing  up 
into  the  roof  of  the  court. 

"  What  do  you  know  about  this  busines  ? " 
the  King  said  to  AHce. 

"  Nothing,"  said  Alice. 

"  Nothing  whatever  ?  "  persisted  the  King. 

"  Nothing  whatever,"  said  Alice. 

"  That's  very  important,"  the  King  said,  turn- 
ing to  the  jury.  They  were  just  beginning  to 
write  this  down  on  their  slates,  when  the  White 
Rabbit  interrupted  :  "  6^j>^important,  your  Majesty 
means,  of  course,"  he  said  in  a  very  respectful 
tone,  but  frowning  and  making  faces  at  him  as 
he  spoke. 

"  ^/elmportant,  of  course,  I  meant,"  the  King 
hastily  said,  and  went  on  to  himself  in  an  under- 
tone, "  important — unimportant — unimportant — 

important "  as  if  he  were  trying  which  word 

sounded  best. 

Some  of  the  jury  wrote  it  down  "  important," 
and  some  "  unimportant."  Alice  could  see  this, 
as  she   was    near   enough    to   look   over   their 


178  Alice's  evidence. 

slates ;  "  but  it  doesn't  matter  a  bit,"  she  thought 
to  herself. 

At  this  moment  the  King,  who  had  been  for 
some  time  busily  writing  in  his  note-book,  called 
out  "  Silence ! "  and  read  out  from  his  book, 
"  Rule  Forty-two.  All  persons  more  than  a  mile 
high  to  leave  the  courts 

Every  body  looked  at  Alice. 

"  J  'm  not  a  mile  high,"  said  Alice. 

"  You  are,"  said  the  King. 

**  Nearly  two  miles  high,"  added  the  Queen. 

"  Well,  I  shan't  go,  at  any  rate,"  said  Alice ; 
**  besides,  that's  not  a  regular  rule :  you  invented 
it  just  now." 

"  It's  the  oldest  rule  in  the  book,"  said  the 
King. 

"  Then  it  ought  to  be  Number  One,"  said  Alice. 

The  King  turned  pale,  and  shut  his  note-book 
hastily.  *'  Consider  your  verdict,"  he  said  to  the 
jury,  in  a  low  trembling  voice. 

"  There's  more  evidence  to  come  yet,  please 
your  Majesty,"  said  the  White   Rabbit,  jumping 


Alice's  evidence.  179 

up  in  a  great  hurry;  "  this  paper  has  just  been 
picked  up." 

"  What's  in  it  ?  "  said  the  Queen. 

"  I  haven't  opened  it  yet,"  said  the  White 
Rabbit,  "  but  it  seems  to  be  a  letter,  written  by 
the  prisoner  to — to  somebody." 

"  It  must  have  been  that,"  said  the  King, 
"  unless  it  was  written  to  nobody,  which  isn't 
usual,  you  know." 

"  Who  is  it  directed  to  ?  "  said  one  of  the  jury- 
men. 

"  It  isn't  directed  at  all,"  said  the  White 
Rabbit ;  "  in  fact,  there *'s  nothing  written  on  the 
outsidey  He  unfolded  the  paper  as  he  spoke, 
and  added,  "  It  isn't  a  letter  after  all :  it's  a  set  of 
verses." 

"  Are  they  in  the  prisoner's  handwriting  ?  " 
asked  another  of  the  jurymen. 

"  No,  they're  not,"  said  the  White  Rabbit, 
"  and  that's  the  queerest  thing  about  it."  (The 
jury  all  looked  puzzled.) 

"  He    must  have    imitated    somebody    else's 


180  Alice's  evidence. 

hand,"  said  the  King.  (The  jury  all  brightened 
up  again.) 

*'  Please  your  Majesty,"  said  the  Knave, 
"  I  didn't  write  it,  and  they  can't  prove  I  did : 
there's  no  name  signed  at  the  end." 

"  If  you  didn't  sign  it,"  said  the  King,  "  that 
only  makes  the  matter  worse.  You  must  have 
meant  some  mischief,  or  else  you'd  have  signed 
your  name  like  an  honest  man." 

There  was  a  general  clapping  of  hands  at 
this :  it  was  the  first  really  clever  thing  the  King 
had  said  that  day. 

"  T\i2X  proves  his  guilt,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  It  proves  nothing  of  the  sort !  "  said  Alice. 
"Why,  you  don't  even  know  what  they're 
about!" 

"  Read  them,"  said  the  King. 

The  White  Rabbit  put  on  his  spectacles. 
"  Where  shall  I  begin,  please  your  Majesty } "  he 
asked. 

"  Begin  at  the  beginning,"  the  King  said, 
gravely,  "  and  go  on  till  you  come  to  the  end : 
then  stop." 


181 
These  were  the  verses  the  White  Rabbit  read : — 

"  They  told  me  you  had  been  to  her^ 

And  mentioned  7ne  to  him : 
She  gave  me  a  good  character ^ 

But  said  I  could  not  swim. 


He  sent  them  word  I  had  not  gone 
( We  know  it  to  be  true)  : 

If  she  should  push  the  matter  ofiy 
What  would  become  of  you  ? 


I  gave  her  one,  they  gave  him  two^ 
You  gave  us  three  or  more  ; 

They  all  returned  from  him.  to  you, 
Though  the"'  were  mine  before. 

If  I  or  she  shouL,  chance  to  be 

Involved  in  this  affair. 
He  trusts  to  you  to  set  themfree^ 

Exactly  as  we  were. 


182  Alice's  evidencb. 

My  notion  was  that  you  had  been 
(Before  she  had  this  fit) 

An  obstacle  that  came  between 
Himy  and  ourselves,  and  it. 


Dont  let  him  know  she  liked  them  best^ 

For  this  must  ever  be 
A  secret,  keptfrorn  all  the  rest, 

Between  yourself  and  me'' 


"  That's  the  most  important  piece  of  evidence 
we've  heard  yet,"  said  the  King,  rubbing  his 
hands ;   "  so  now  let  the  jury " 

"  If  any  one  of  them  can  explain  it,"  said 
Alice,  (she  had  grown  so  large  in  the  last  few 
minutes  that  she  wasn't  a  bit  afraid  of  interrupt- 
ing him,)  "  I'll  give  him  sixpence.  /  don't 
believe  there's  an  atom  of  meaning  in  it." 

The  jury  all  wrote  down  on  their  slates,  "  She 
doesn't  believe  there's  an  atom  of  meaning  in 


Alice's  evidence.  183 

it,"  but  none  of  them  attempted  to  explain  the 
paper. 

"  If  there's  no  meaning  in  it,"  said  the  King, 
"  That  saves  a  world  of  trouble,  you  know,  as 
we  needn't  try  to  find  any.  And  yet  I  don't 
know,"  he  went  on,  spreading  out  the  verses 
on  his  knee,  and  looking  at  them  with  one 
eye ;  "  I  seem  to  see  some  meaning  in  them, 
after  all.  ' — said  I  could  not  swim — '  you  can't 
swim,  can  you  ? "  he  added,  turning  to  the 
Knave. 

The  Knave  shook  his  head  sadly.  "  Do  I 
look  like  it .?  "  he  said.  (Which  he  certainly  did 
not,  being  made  entirely  of  cardboard.) 

"All  right,  so  far,"  said  the  King,  and  he 
went  on  muttering  over  the  verses  to  himself : 
"  *  We  know  it  to  be  true — '  that's  the  jury,  of 
course —  *  /  gave  her  one,  they  gave  him  two — ' 
why,  that  must  be  what  he  did  with  the  tarts, 
you  know — " 

"  But  it  goes  on  '  they  all  returned  from  him 
to  you',  "  said  Alice. 


184 


ALICE  S   EVIDENCE. 


"Why,  there  they 
are ! "  said  the  King 
triumphantly,  point- 
ing to  the  tarts  on  the 
table.  "  Nothing  can 
be  clearer  than  that. 
Then  again —  *  before 
she  had  this  fit — '  you 
never  had  fits,  my 
dear,  I  think.?"  he 
said  to  the  Queen. 

"  Never !  "  said  the 
Queen    furiously. 


throwing  an  inkstand  at  the  Lizard  as  she  spoke. 
(The  unfortunate  little  Bill  had  left  off  writing 
on  his  slate  with  one  finger,  as  he  found  it  made 


Alice's  evidence.  185 

no  mark ;  but  he  now  hastily  began  again,  using 
the  ink,  that  was  trickling  down  his  face,  as  long 
as  it  lasted.) 

"Then  the  words  don'tyf/  you,"  said  the 
King,  looking  round  the  court  with  a  smile. 
There  was  a  dead  silence. 

"  It's  a  pun !  "  the  King  added  in  an  angry 
tone,  and  everybody  laughed.  "  Let  the  jury 
consider  their  verdict,"  the  King  said,  for  about 
the  twentieth  time  that  day. 

"  No,  no  1 "  said  the  Queen.  "  Sentence  first 
— verdict  afterwards." 

"  Stuff  and  nonsense ! "  said  Alice  loudly. 
"  The  idea  of  having  the  sentence  first  I  " 

**  Hold  your  tongue  !  "  said  the  Queen,  turn- 
ing purple. 

"  I  won't !  "  said  Alice. 

"  Off  with  her  head !  "  the  Queen  shouted  at 
the  top  of  her  voice.     Nobody  moved. 

"  Who  cares  for  you  ? "  said  Alice,  (she  had 
grown  10  her  full  size  by  this  time.)  "You're 
nothing  but  a  pack  of  cards ! " 


186 


Alice's  evidence. 


^^^\% 


At  this  the  whole  pack  rose  up  into  the  air, 
and  came   flying  down  upon  her;  she  gave  a 


Alice's  evidence.  187 

little  scream,  half  of  fright  and  half  of  anger, 
and  tried  to  beat  them  off,  and  found  herself 
lying  on  the  bank,  with  her  head  in  the  lap  of 
her  sister,  who  was  gently  brushing  away  some 
dead  leaves  that  had  fluttered  down  from  the 
trees  on  to  her  face. 

"  Wake  up,  Alice  dear !  "  said  her  sister ; 
"  why,  what  a  long  sleep  you've  had  I  " 

"  Oh,  Tve  had  such  a  curious  dream  I  "  said 
Alice,  and  she  told  her  sister,  as  well  as  she 
could  remember  them,  all  these  strange  Ad- 
ventures of  hers  that  you  have  just  been  reading 
about ;  and  when  she  had  finished,  her  sister 
kissed  her,  and  said,  "  It  was  a  curious  dream, 
dear,  certainly :  but  now  run  in  to  your  tea ;  it's 
getting  late."  So  Alice  got  up  and  ran  off, 
thinking  while  she  ran,  as  well  she  might,  what 
a  wonderful  dream  it  had  been. 


But  her  sister  sat  still  just  as  she  left  her, 
leaning  her  head  on  her  hand,  watching  the 
setting  sun,  and  thinking  of  little  Alice  and  all 
her  wonderful  Adventures,  till  she  too  began 
dreaming  after  a  fashion,  and  this  was  her 
dream : — 

First,  she  dreamed  of  little  Alice  herself: — 
once  again  the  tiny  hands  were  clasped  upon 
her  knee,  and  the  bright  eager  eyes  were  looking 
up  into  hers — she  could  hear  the  very  tones  of 
her  voice,  and  see  that  queer  little  toss  of  her 
head,  to  keep  back  the  wandering  hair  that 
would  always  get  into  her  eyes — and  still  as  she 
listened,  or  seemed  to  listen,  the  whole  place 
around  her  became  alive  with  the  strange  crea- 
tures of  her  little  sister's  dream. 

The  long  grass  rustled  at  her  feet  as  the 
White  Rabbit  hurried  by — the  frightened  Mouse 
splashed  his  way  through  the  neighboring  pool 


189 

—she  could  hear  the  rattle  of  the  teacups  as 
the  March  Hare  and  his  friends  shared  their 
never-ending  meal,  and  the  shrill  voice  of  the 
Queen  ordering  off  her  unfortunate  guests  to 
execution — once  more  the  pig-baby  was  sneezing 
on  the  Duchess*  knee,  while  plates  and  dishes 
crashed  arolmd  it — once  more  the  shriek  of  the 
Gryphon,  the  squeaking  of  the  Lizard's  slate- 
pencil,  and  the  choking  of  the  suppressed  guinea- 
pigs,  filled  the  air,  mixed  up  with  the  distant  sob 
of  the  miserable  Mock  Turtle. 

So  she  sat  on,  with  closed  eyes,  and  half 
believed  herself  in  Wonderland,  though  she 
knew  she  had  but  to  open  them  again  and  all 
would  change  to  dull  reality — the  grass  would 
be  only  rustling  in  the  wind,  and  the  pool  rip- 
pling to  the  waving  of  the  reeds — the  rattling 
teacups  would  change  to  tinkling  sheep-bells, 
and  the  Queen's  shrill  cries  to  the  voice  of  the 
shepherd  boy — and  the  sneeze  of  the  baby,  the 
shriek  of  the  Gryphon,  and  all  the  other  queer 
noises,  would  change  (she  knew)  to  the  con- 
fused clamor  of  the  busy  farm-yard — while  the 


190 

lowing  of  the  cattle  in  the  distance  would  take 
the  place  of  the  Mock  Turtle's  heavy  sobs. 

Lastly,  she  pictured  to  herself  how  this  same 
little  sister  of  hers  would,  in  the  after-time,  be 
herself  a  grown  woman ;  and  how  she  would 
keep,  through  all  her  riper  years,  the  simple  and 
loving  heart  of  her  childhood :  and  how  she 
would  gather  about  her  other  little  children,  and 
make  their  eyes  bright  and  eager  with  many  a 
strange  tale,  perhaps  even  with  the  dream  of 
Wonderland  of  lonar-asco :  and  how  she  would 
feel  with  all  their  simple  sorrows,  and  find  a 
pleasure  in  all  their  simple  joys,  remembering 
her  own  child-life,  and  the  happy  summer  days. 


THE  END. 


THROUGH  THE  LOOKING-GLASS, 
AND  WHAT  ALICE  FOUND  THERE. 


DRAMATIS  PERSON^E. 

{As  arranged  before  commencement  of  game. \ 


White. 

pieces  pawns. 

Tweedledee Daisy. 

Unicorn Haigha. 

Sheep Oyster. 

W.  Queen "Lily." 

W.  King Fawn. 

Aged  man Oyster. 

W.  Knight Hatta. 

Tweedledum Daisy. 


Red. 

pawns.  pieces. 

Daisy Humpty  Dump^« 

Messenger Carpenter. 

Oyster Walrus. 

Tiger-lily R.  Queen. 

Rose R.  King. 

Oyster Crow. 

Frog R.  Knight, 

Daisy Lion» 


RED. 


WHITE. 


White  Pawn  (Alice)  to  play^  and  win  in  eleven  moves. 


PAGE. 

1.  Alice  meets  R.  Q 35 

2.  Alice  through  Q.'s  3rd  (by 

railway) 48 

to  Q's  4th    (Tweedledum 

and  Tweedledee) 54 

3.  Alice  meets  W,  Q.   (with 

shawl) 91 

4.  Alice  to   Q's    5th    (shop, 

river,  shop) loi 

5.  Alice  to  Q.'s  6th  (Humpty 

Dumpty) 112 

6.  Alice  to  Q.'s  7th  (forest)  155 

7.  W.Kt.  takes  R.  Kt 161 

8.  Alice    to    Q.'s  8th   (coro- 

nation)    183 

9.  Alice  becomes  Queen 196 

10.  Alice  castles  (feast) 204 

11,  Alice  takes  R.  Q.  &  wins. .  215 


PAGE. 

1.  R.  Q.  toK.  R.'s  4th 45 

2.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  B.'s4th(a/?^ 

shawl) 91 

3.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  B.'s  5th  (be- 

comes sheep) 100 

4.  W.    Q.    to    K.    B.'s    8th 

(leaves  egg  on  shelf) Ill 

5.  W.  Q.  to  Q.   B.'s  8th  fly- 

ing from  R.  Kt.) 149 

6.  R.  Kt.  to  K.'s  2nd  (ch.). .  158 

7.  W.  Kt.  toK.  B.'s  5th....  182 

8.  R.  Q.  to  K.'s  sq  .[exami- 

nation)    186 

9.  Queen's  castle 199 

10.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  R.  6th  [soup).  i\\ 


Child  of  the  pure  unclouded  brow 
And  dreaming  eyes  of  wonder  1 

Though  time  be  fleet,  and  I  and  thou 
Are  half  a  life  asunder. 

Thy  loving  smile  will  surely  hail 

The  love-gift  of  a  fairy-tale. 


I  have  not  seen  thy  sunny  face, 
Nor  heard  thy  silver  laughter  ; 

No  thought  of  me  shall  find  a  place 
In  thy  young  life's  hereafter 

Enough  that  now  thou  wilt  not  fail 

To  listen  to  my  fairy-tale. 


A  tale  begun  in  other  days, 

When  summer  suns  were  glowing — - 
A  simple  chime,  that  served  to  time 

The  rhythm  of  our  rowing 

Whose  echoes  live  in  memory  yet, 
Though  envious  years  would  say  "forget' 


Come,  hearken  then,  ere  voice  of  dread. 

With  bitter  tidings  laden, 
Shall  summon  to  unwelcome  bed 

A  melancholy  maiden ! 
We  are  but  older  children,  dear. 
Who  fret  to  find  our  bedtime  near. 


Without,  the  frost,  the  blinding  snow. 
The  storm- wind's  moody  madness 

Within,  the  firelight's  ruddy  glow 
And  childhood's  nest  of  gladness. 

The  magic  words  shall  hold  thee  fast : 

Thou  shalt  not  heed  the  raving  blast 


And  though  the  shadow  of  a  sigh 
May  tremble  through  the  story, 

For  *  happy  summer  days  '  gone  by 
And  vanish'd  summer  glory 

It  shall  not  touch  with  breath  of  bale 

The  pleasance  of  our  fairy-tale. 


CONTENTS, 


CHAPTBR.  PAGB« 

I.    Looking-Glass  House i 

II.    The  Garden  of  Live  Flowers 26 

III.  Looking-Glass  Insects 46 

IV.  Tweedledum  AND  TwEEDLEDEE 66 

V.    Wool  AND  Water 91 

VI.    HumptyDumpty 113 

VII.    The  Lion  AND  THE  Unicorn 137 

VIII.    ♦*  It's  my  own  Invention  " 157 

IX.    Queen  Alice 185 

X.    Shaking 215 

XI.    Waking 216 

Xn.    Which  Dreamed  It  ? 218 


CHAPTER    I. 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


One  thing  was  certain,  that  the  white  kitten 

had  had  nothing  to  do   with  it : it  was  the 

black  kitten's  fault  entirely.  For  the  white 
kitten  had  been  having  its  face  washed  by  the 
old  cat  for  the  last  quarter  of  an  hour  (and 
bearing    it    pretty   well,    considering);    so    you 


2  LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 

see  that  it  couldnt  have  had  any  hand  in  the 
mischief. 

The  way  Dinah  washed  her  children's  faces 
was  this  :  first  she  held  the  poor  thing  down  by 
its  ear  with  one  paw,  and  then  with  the  other 
paw  she  rubbed  its  face  all  over,  the  wrong  way, 
beginning  at  the  nose:  and  just  now,  as  I  said, 
she  was  hard  at  work  on  the  white  kitten, 
which  was  lying  quite  still  and  trying  to  purr 

no  doubt  feeling  that  it  was  all  meant  for  its 

good. 

But  the  black  kitten  had  been  finished  with 
earlier  in  the  afternoon,  and  so,  while  Alice  was 
sitting  curled  up  in  a  corner  of  the  great  arm- 
chair, half  talking  to  herself  and  half  asleep,  the 
kitten  had  been  having  a  grand  game  of  romps 
with  the  ball  of  worsted  AHce  had  been  trying 
to  wind  up,  and  had  been  rolling  it  up  and  down 
till  it  had  all  come  undone  again ;  and  there  it 
was,  spread  over  the  hearth-rug,  all  knots  and 
tangles,  with  the  kitten  running  after  its  own  tail 
in  the  middle. 

"  Oh,  you  wicked  wicked  little  thing ! "  cried 


tOO^NG-GLASS  HOUSE.  S 

Alice,  catching  up  the  kitten  and  giving  it  a 
little  kiss  to  make  it  understand  that  it  was  in 
disgrace.  "  Really,  Dinah  ought  to  have  taught 
you  better  manners  !  You  ought,  Dinah,  you 
know  you  ought ! "  she  added,  looking  reproach- 
fully at  the   old   cat,  and  speaking  in  as  cross 

a  voice  as  she  could  manage and  then  she 

scrambled  back  into  the  arm-chair,  taking  the 
kitten  and  the  worsted  with  her,  and  began 
winding  up  the  ball  again.  But  she  didn't  get 
on  very  fast,  as  she  was  talking  all  the  time, 
sometimes  to  the  kitten,  and  sometimes  to  herself. 
Kitty  sat  very  demurely  on  her  knee,  pretending 
to  watch  the  progress  of  the  winding,  and  now 
and  then  putting  out  one  paw  and  gently  touch- 
ing the  ball,  as  if  it  would  be  glad  to  help  if  it 
might. 

"  Do  you  know  what  to-morrow  is,  Kitty  ? " 
Alice   began.     "  You'd   have   guessed   if   you'd 

been  up  in  the  window  with   me only  Dinah 

was  making  you  tidy,  so  you  couldn't.  I  was 
watching  the  boys  getting  in  sticks  for  the  bon- 
fire  and   it   wants    plenty   of  sticks,    Kitty ! 


4  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

Only  it  got  so  cold,  and  it  snowed  so,  they  had 
to  leave  off.  Never  mind,  Kitty,  we'll  go  and 
see  the  bonfire  to-morrow."  Here  Alice  wound 
two  or  three  turns  of  the  worsted  round  the 
kitten's  neck,  just  to  see  how  it  would  look: 
this  led  to  a  scramble,  in  which  the  ball  rolled 
down  upon  the  floor,  and  yards  and  yards  of  it 
got  unwound  again. 

"  Do  you  know,  I  was  so  angry,  Kitty,"  Alice 
went  on,  as  soon  as  they  were  comfortably 
settled  again,  ''  when  I  saw  all  the  mischief  you 
had  been  doing,  I  was  very  nearly  opening  the 
window,  and  putting  you  out  into  the  snow! 
And  you'd  have  deserved  it,  you  little  mis- 
chievous darling!  What  have  you  got  to  say 
for  yourself  ?  Now  don't  interrupt  me ! "  she 
went  on,  holding  up  one  finger.  "  I'm  going 
to  tell  you  all  your  faults.  Number  one :  you 
squeaked  twice  while  Dinah  was  washing  your 
face  this  morning.  Now  you  can't  deny  it, 
Kitty  :  I  heard  you  !  What's  that  you  say  ? " 
(pretending  that  the  kitten  was  speaking.)  *'  Her 
paw  went   into  your  ejQ?      Well,   that's  your 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 


fault,  for  keeping  your  eyes  open — if  you'd  shut 
them  tight  up,  it  wouldn't  have  happened.     Now 


O  LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 

don't  make  any  more  excuses,  but  listen  !  Num- 
ber two:  you  pulled  Snowdrop  away  by  the 
tail  just  as  I  had  put  down  the  saucer  of  milk 
before  her  !  What,  you  were  thirsty,  were  you  ? 
How  do  you  know  she  wasn't  thirsty  too? 
Now  for  number  three :  you  unwound  every 
bit  of   the  worsted  while  I  wasn't  looking : 

"  That's  three  faults,  Kitty,  and  you've  not 
been  punished  for  any  of  them  yet.  You  know 
I'm  saving  up  all  your  punishments  for  Wednes- 
day  week suppose   they   had   saved   up   all 

fny  punishments ! "  she  went  on,  talking  more 
to  herself  than  the  kitten.  "  What  would  they 
do  at  the  end  of  the  year  ?  I  should  be  sent 
to    prison,    I    suppose,   when    the    day    came. 

Or let  me  see suppose  each  punishment 

was  to  be  going  without  a  dinner:  then,  when 
the  miserable  day  came,  I  should  have  to  go 
without  fifty  dinners  at  once !  Well,  I  shouldn't 
mind  that  much!  I'd  far  rather  go  without 
them  than  eat  them  ! 

"  Do  you  hear  the  snow  against  the  window- 
panes,   Kitty?     How  nice  and  soft   it   sounds  I 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE.  7 

Just  as  if  some  one  was  kissing  the  window  all 
over  outside.  I  wonder  if  the  snow  loves  the 
trees  and  fields,  that  it  kisses  them  so  gently .? 
And  then  it  covers  them  up  snug,  you  know, 
with  a  white  quilt ;  and  perhaps  it  says,  *  Go  to 
sleep,  darlings,  till  the  summer  comes  again.' 
And  when  they  wake  up  in  the  summer,  Kitty, 
they  dress  themselves  all  in  green,  and  dance 

about whenever    the    wind    blows oh, 

that's  very  pretty !  "  cried  Alice,  dropping  the 
ball  of  worsted  to  clap  her  hands.  "  And  I 
do  so  wish  it  was  true  !  I'm  sure  the  woods 
looks  sleeply  in  the  autumn,  when  the  leaves 
are  getting  brown. 

"  Kitty,  can  you  play  chess  ?  Now,  don't  smile, 
my  dear,  I'm  asking  it  seriously.  Because,  when 
we  were  playing  just  now,  you  watched  just  as 
if  you  understood  it :  and  when  I  said  '  Check  ! ' 
you  purred !  Well,  it  was  a  nice  check,  Kitty, 
and  really  I  might  have  won,  if  it  hadn't  been 
for  that  nasty  Knight,  that  came  wriggling  down 
among  my  pieces.     Kitty,  dear,  let's  pretend " 


8  LOOKING-QLASS   HOUSE. 

And  here  I  wish  I  could  tell  you  half  the 
things  Alice  used  to  say,  beginning  with  her 
favorite  phrase  "  Let's  pretend."  She  had  had 
quite  a  long  argument  with  her  sister  only  the 
day  before — all  because  Alice  had  begun  with 
"  Let's  pretend  we're  kings  and  queens  ; "  and  her 
sister,  who  liked  being  very  exact,  had  argued 
that  they  couldn't,  because  there  were  only  two 
of  them,  and  Alice  had  been  reduced  at  last  to 
say,  "  Well,  you  can  be  one  of  them  then,  and 
ril  be  all  the  rest."  And  once  she  had  really 
frightened  her  old  nurse  by  shouting  suddenly 
in  her  ear,  "  Nurse  !  Do  let's  pretend  that  I'm 
a  hungry  hyaena,  and  you're  a  bone  ! " 

But  this  is  taking  us  away  from  Alice's 
speech  to  the  kitten.  "  Let's  pretend  that  you're 
the  Red  Queen,  Kitty !  Do  you  know,  I  think  if 
you  sat  up  and  folded  your  arms,  you'd  look 
exactly  like  her.  Now  do  try,  there's  a  dear  !  " 
And  Alice  got  the  Red  Queen  off  the  table,  and 
set  it  up  before  the  kitten  as  a  model  for  it  to 
imitate  :  however,  the  thing  didn't  succeed,  prin- 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE.  9 

cipally,  Alice  said,  because  the  kitten  wouldn't 
fold  its  arms  properly.  So,  to  punish  it,  she  held 
it  up  to  the  Looking-glass,  that  it  might  see  how 

sulky  it  was "  and  if  you're  not  good  directly," 

she  added,  "  I'll  put  you  through  into  Looking- 
glass  House.     How  would  you  like  that  ? 

"  Now,  if  you'll  only  attend,  Kitty,  and  not 
talk  so  much,  I'll  tell  you  all  my  ideas  about 
Looking-glass  House.    First,  there's  the  room  you 

can  see  through  the  glass that's  just  the  same 

as  our  drawing-room,  only  the  things  go  the 
other  way.  I  can  see  all  of  it  when  I  get  upon 
a  chair all  but  the  bit  just  behind  the  fire- 
place. Oh  !  I  do  so  wish  I  could  see  that  bit ! 
I  want  so  much  to  know  whether  they've  a 
fire  in  the  winter :  you  never  can  tell,  you 
know,  unless  our  fire  smokes,  and  then  smoke 

comes  up  in  that  room  too but  that  may  be 

only  pretence,  just  to  make  it  look  as  if  they 
had  a  fire.  Well  then,  the  books  are  something 
like  our  books,  only  the  words  go  the  wrong 
way ;  I  know  that,  because  IVe  held  up  one  of 


10  LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 

our  books  to  the  glass,  and  then  they  hold  up 
one  in  the  other  room. 

"How  would  you  like  to  live  in  Looking- 
glass  House,  Kitty  ?  I  wonder  if  they'd  give 
you  milk  in  there  ?     Perhaps  Looking-glass  milk 

isn't  good  to  drink But  oh,  Kitty  !  now  we 

come  to  the  passage.  You  can  just  see  a  little 
peep  of  the  passage  in  Looking-glass  House,  if 
you  leave  the  door  of  our  drawing-room  wide 
open  ;  and  it's  very  like  our  passage  as  far  as 
you  can  see,  only  you  know  it  may  be  quite 
different  on  beyond.  Oh,  Kitty !  how  nice  it 
would  be  if  we  could  only  get  through  into 
Looking-glass  House  !  I'm  sure  it's  got,  oh  ! 
such  beautiful  things  in  it !  Let's  pretend  there's 
a  way  of  getting  through  into  it,  somehow, 
Kitty.  Let's  pretend  the  glass  has  got  all  soft 
like  gauze,  so  that  we  can  get  through.  Why, 
if  s  turning  into  a  sort  of  mist  now,  I  declare  ! 

It'll  be  easy  enough  to  get  through "     She 

was  up  on  the  chimney-piece  while  she  said 
this,  though  she  hardly  knew  how  she  had  got 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 


11 


there.     And  certainly  the  glass  was  beginning 
to  melt  away,  just  like  a  bright  silvery  mist. 


12 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 


In  another  moment  Alice  was  through  the 
glass,  and  had  jumped  lightly  down  into  the 
Looking-glass  room.     The  very  first  thing  she 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE.  13 

did  was  to  look  whether  there  was  a  fire  in  the 
fireplace,  and  she  was  quite  pleased  to  find  that 
there  was  a  real  one,  blazing  away  as  brightly 
as  the  one  she  had  left  behind.  "  So  I  shall  be 
as  warm  here  as  I  was  in  the  old  room,"  thought 
Alice :  "  warmer,  in  fact,  because  there'll  be  no 
one  here  to  scold  me  away  from  the  fire.  Oh, 
what  fun  it'll  be,  when  they  see  me  through  the 
glass  in  here,  and  can't  get  at  me  I  " 

Then  she  began  looking  about,  and  noticed 
that  what  could  be  seen  from  the  old  room  was 
quite  common  and  uninteresting,  but  that  all  the 
rest  was  as  different  as  possible.  For  instance, 
the  pictures  on  the  wall  next  the  fire  seemed  to 
be  all  alive,  and  the  very  clock  on  the  chimney- 
piece  (you  know  you  can  only  see  the  back  of  it 
in  the  Looking-glass)  had  got  the  face  of  a  little 
old  man,  and  grinned  at  her. 

"  They-  don't  keep  this  room  so  tidy  as  the 
other,"  Alice  thought  to  herself,  as  she  noticed 
several  of  the  chessmen  down  in  the  hearth 
among  the  cinders  :  but  in  another  moment,  with 


14 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 


a  little  "  Oh !  "  of  surprise,  she  was  down  on  her 
hands  and  knees  watching  them.  The  chessmen 
were  walking  about,  two  and  two  ! 

"  Here  are  the  Red  King  and  the  Red 
Queen,"  Alice  said  (in  a  whisper,  for  fear  of 
frightening  them),  "and  there  are  the  White 
King  and  the  White  Queen  sitting  on  the  edge 
of  the  shovel and  here  are  two  Castles  walk- 
ing   arm    in    arm 1    don't   think    they   can 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE.  15 

hear  me,"  she  went  on  as  she  put  her  head 
closer  down,  "and  Tm  nearly  sure  they  can't 
see  me.  I  feel  somehow  as  if  I  were  in- 
visible  " 

Here  something  began  squeaking  on  the  table 
behind  Alice,  and  made  her  turn  her  head 
just  in  time  to  see  one  of  the  White  Pawns 
roll  over  and  begin  kicking :  she  watched  it 
with  great  curiosity  to  see  what  would  happen 
next 

"  It  was  the  voice  of  my  child  I "  the  White 
Queen  cried  out,  as  she  rushed  past  the  King, 
so  violently  that  she  knocked  him  over  among 
the  cinders.  "  My  precious  Lily !  My  imperial 
kitten !  "  and  she  began  scrambling  wildly  up  the 
side  of  the  fender. 

"  Imperial  fiddlestick  I "  said  the  King,  rub- 
bing his  nose,  which  had  been  hurt  by  the  fall. 
He  had  a  right  to  be  a  little  annoyed  with  the 
Queen,  for  he  was  covered  with  ashes  from 
head  to  foot. 

Alice  was  very  anxious  to  be  of  use,  and,  as 
the  poor  little  Lily  was  nearly  screaming  herself 


16  LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 

into  a  fit,  she  hastily  picked  up  the  Queen  and 
set  her  on  the  table  by  the  side  of  her  noisy  little 
daughter. 

The  Queen  gasped,  and  sat  down :  the  rapid 
journey  through  the  air  had  quite  taken  away 
her  breath,  and  for  a  minute  or  two  she  could 
do  nothing  but  hug  the  little  Lily  in  silence. 
As  soon  as  she  had  recovered  her  breath  a  little, 
she  called  out  to  the  White  King,  who  was 
sitting  sulkily  among  the  ashes,  "  Mind  the 
volcano ! " 

"  What  volcano  ? "  said  the  King,  looking  up 
anxiously  into  the  fire,  as  if  he  thought  that  was 
the  most  likely  place  to  find  one. 

"  Blew me up,"  panted  the  Queen,  who 

was   still    a   little   out   of    breath.     "  Mind   you 

come  up the  regular  way don't  get  blown 

up!" 

Alice  watched  the  White  King  as  he  slowly 
struggled  up  from  bar  to  bar,  till  at  last  she 
said,  "  Why,  you'll  be  hours  and  hours  getting 
to  the  table,  at  that  rate.  I'd  far  better  help 
you,  hadn't  I  ? "     But  the  King  took  no  notice 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 


17 


of  the  question :  it  was  quite  clear  that  he  could 
neither  hear  her  nor  see  her. 

So  Alice  picked  him  up  very  gently,  and 
lifted  him  across  more  slowly  than  she  had  lifted 
the  Queen,  that  she  mightn't  take  his  breath 
away :  but,  before  she  put  him  on  the  table,  she 
thought  she  might  as  well  dust  him  a  little,  he 
was  so  covered  with  ashes. 


18  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

She  said  afterwards  that  she  had  never  seen 
in  all  her  life  such  a  face  as  the  King  made, 
when  he  found  himself  held  in  the  air  by  an 
invisible  hand,  and  being  dusted :  he  was  far  too 
much  astonished  to  cry  out,  but  his  eyes  and 
his  mouth  went  on  getting  larger  and  larger, 
and  rounder  and  rounder,  till  her  hand  shook  so 
with  laughing  that  she  nearly  let  him  drop  upon 
the  floor. 

"  Oh  !  /fkase  don  t  make  such  faces,  my  dear  !  " 
she  cried  out,  quite  forgetting  that  the  King 
couldn't  hear  her.  "You  make  me  laugh  so 
that  I  can  hardly  hold  you !  And  don't  keep 
your  mouth  so  wide  open !     All  the  ashes  will 

get   into   it there,  now   I   think  youVe   tidy 

enough ! "  she  added,  as  she  smoothed  his  hair, 
and  set  him  upon  the  table  near  the  Queen. 

The  King  immediately  fell  flat  on  his  back, 
and  lay  perfectly  still :  and  Alice  was  a  little 
alarmed  at  what  she  had  done,  and  went  round 
the  room  to  see  if  she  could  find  any  water  to 
throw  over  him.  However,  she  could  find 
nothing  but  a  bottle  of  ink,  and  when  she  got 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE.  19 

back  with  it  she  found  he  had  recovered,  and 
he  and  the  Queen  were  talking  together  in  a 

frightened  whisper so  low,  that  Alice  could 

hardly  hear  what  they  said. 

The  King  was  saying,  "  I  assure  you,  my 
dear,  I  turned  cold  to  the  very  ends  of  my 
whiskers  I " 

To  which  the  Queen  replied,  "You  haven't 
got  any  whiskers." 

"  The  horror  of  that  moment,"  the  King  went 
on,  "  I  shall  never,  never  forget  I  " 

"  You  will,  though,"  the  Queen  said,  "  if  you 
don't  make  a  memorandum  of  it." 

Alice  looked  on  with  great  interest  as  the 
King  took  an  enormous  memorandum-book  out 
of  his  pocket,  and  began  writing.  A  sudden 
thought  struck  her,  and  she  took  hold  of  the 
end  of  the  pencil,  which  came  some  way  over 
his  shoulder,  and  began  writing  for  him. 

The  poor  King  looked  puzzled  and  unhappy, 
and  struggled  with  the  pencil  for  some  time 
without  saying  anything  ;  but  Alice  was  too 
strong  for  him,  and  at  last  he  panted  out,  "  My 


20 


LOOKING-GLASS  HOUSE. 


dear !  I  really  must  get  a  thinner  pencil.     I  can't 
manage  this  one  a  bit  ;  it  writes  all  manner  of 

things  that  I  don't  intend " 

"  What  manner  of  things?  "  said  the  Queen, 
looking  over  the  book  (in  which  Alice  had  put 

'  The  White  Knight 
is  sliding  down  the 
poker.  He  balances 
very  badly  ').  "  That's 
not  a  memorandum 
of  your  feelings !  " 

There  was  a  book 
lying  near  Alice  on 
the  table,  and  while 
she  sat  watching 
the  White  King  (for 
she  was  still  a  little 
anxious  about  him, 
and  had  the  ink  all  ready  to  throw  over 
him,  in  case  he  fainted  again),  she  turned  over 
the  leaves,  to  find  some  part  that  she  could 
read,  " — for  it's  all  in  some  language  I  don't 
know,"  she  said  to  herself. 


LOOKING-QI^ASS   HOUSE.  21 

It  was  like  this. 

i^\s^\  ^^J,V5\^  ^V\i$^si  t'^iVW^i  ^x^vw\^* 

She  puzzled  over  this  for  some  time,  but 
at  last  a  bright  thought  struck  her.  "  Why, 
it's  a  Looking-glass  book,  of  course  !  And  if 
I  hold  it  up  to  a  glass,  the  words  will  all  go 
the  right  way  again." 

This  was  the  poem  that  Alice  read. 


JABBERWOCKY, 

^Twas  brillig,  mid  the  stithy  toves 
Did  gyre  and  gimble  in  the  wabe; 
'  All  minsy  were  the  borogoves. 
And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe. ' 


22  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

"  Beware  the  Jabberwock^  my  son  f 

The  jaws  that  bite,  the  claws  that  catch  / 

Beware  the  Jubjub  bird,  and  shun 
The  frumious  Bander  snatch  !  " 


He  took  his  vorpal  sword  in  hand : 

Long  time  the  manxom^e  foe  he  sought — 

So  rested  he  by  the  Ttim^tum,  tree^ 
And  stood  awhile  in  thought. 

And  as  in  uffish  thought  he  stood. 
The  Jabberwock,  with  eyes  ofjlame. 

Came  whiffling  through  the  tulgey  wood^ 
And  burbled  as  it  came  ! 


One,  two  /  One,  two  /  And  through  and  through 
The  vorpal  blade  went  snicker-snack  ! 

He  left  it  dead,  and  with  its  head 
He  went  galumphing  back. 


LOOKLNGHS^LASS  HOUSE. 


S3 


^o^^:iM*uJ. 


24  LOOKENG-GLASS   HOUSE. 

"  And  hast  thou  slain  the  Jabberwock  ? 

Come  to  my  arms,  my  beamish  boy  ! 
O  frabjous  day  !     Callooh  !     Callay  i '' 
He  chortled  in  his  joy, 

'  Twas  brillig,  and  the  slithy  toves 

Did  gyre  andgimble  in  the  wabe  ; 
All  mimsy  were  the  borogoves. 

And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe. 

"  It  seems  very  pretty,"  she  said  when  she 
had  finished  it,  "  but  it's  rather  hard  to  under- 
stand !  "  (You  see  she  didn'w  Hke  to  confess, 
even  to  herself,  that  she  couldn*t  make  it  out  at 
all.)     "  Somehow  it  seems  to  fill  my  head  with 

ideas only  I  don't  exactly  know  what  they 

are!  \lovjQ,YQr,  somebody 'killed. something:  that's 
clear,  at  any  rate " 

"  But  oh  !  "  thought  Alice,  suddenly  jumping 
up,  "if  I  don't  make  haste  I  shall  have  to 
go  back  through   the   Looking-glass,  before  Tve 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE.  •    25 

seen  what  the  rest  of  the  house  is  like  !  Lefs 
have  a  look  at  the  garden  first !  "  She  was  out 
of  the  room  in  a  moment,  and  ran  down  stairs 

or,  at  least,  it  wasn't  exactly  running,  but 

a  new  invention  for  getting  down  stairs  quickly 
and  easily,  as  Alice  said  to  herself.  She  just 
kept  the  tips  of  her  fingers  on  the  hand-rail, 
and  floated  gently  down  without  even  touching 
the  stairs  with  her  feet ;  then  she  floated  on 
through  the  hall,  and  would  have  gone  straight 
out  at  the  door  in  the  same  way,  if  she  hadn't 
caught  hold  of  the  door-post.  She  was  getting 
a  little  giddy  with  so  much  floating  in  the  air, 
and  was  rather  glad  to  find  herself  walking  again 
in  the  natural  way. 


CHAPTER  II. 

THE  GARDEN  OF  LIVE  FLOWERS. 

"  I  SHOULD  see  the  garden  far  better,"  said 
Alice  to  herself,  "  if  I  could  get  to  the  top  of 
that  hill :  and  here's  a  path  that  leads  straight 

to  it at   least,    no,  it    doesn't   do   that " 

(after  going  a  few  yards  along  the  path,  and 
turning  several  sharp  corners),  "  but  I  suppose  it 
will  at  last.  But  how  curiously  it  twists !  It's 
more  like  a  corkscrew  than  a  path  !     Well,  this 

turn  goes  to  the  hill,  I  suppose no,  it  doesn't ! 

This  goes  straight  back  to  the  house!  Well 
then,  I'll  try  it  the  other  way." 


THE  GARDEN  OF    LIVE  FLOWERS.  2t 

And  St)  she  did :  wandering  up  and  down, 
and  trying  turn  after  turn,  but  always  coming 
back  to  the  house,  do  what  she  would.  Indeed, 
once,  when  she  turned  a  corner  rather  more 
quickly  than  usual,  she  ran  against  it  before  she 
could  stop  herself. 

"  It's  no  use  talking  about  it,"  Alice  said,  look- 
ing up  at  the  house  and  pretending  it  was  argu- 
ing with  her.  "  I'm  not  going  in  again  yet.  I 
know  I  should  have  to  get  through  the  Looking- 
glass  again — back  into  the  old  room — and  there'd 
be  an  end  of  all  my  adventures  !  " 

So,  resolutely  turning  her  back  upon  the 
house,  she  set  out  once  more  down  the  path, 
determined  to  keep  straight  on  till  she  got  to 
the  hill.  For  a  few  minutes  all  went  on  well, 
and  she  was  just  saying,  "  I  really  shall  do  it  this 

time "  when  the  path  gave  a  sudden  twist 

and  shook  itself  (as  she  described  it  afterwards), 
and  the  next  moment  she  found  herself  actually 
walking  in  at  the  door. 

"  Oh,  it's  too  bad  !  "  she  cried.  "  I  never  saw 
such  a  house  for  getting  in  the  way  !     Never !  " 


28  THE  GAKDEN  OP 

However,  there  was  the  hill  full  in  sight,  so 
there  was  nothing  to  be  done  but  start  again. 
This  time  she  came  upon  a  large  flower-bed, 
with  a  border  of  daisies,  and  a  willow-tree  grow- 
in  the  middle. 

"  O  Tiger-lily,"  said  Alice,  addressing  herself 
to  one  that  was  waving  gracefully  about  in  the 
wind,  "  I  wish  you  could  talk  !  " 

"We  can  talk,"  said  the  Tiger-lily:  "when 
there's  anybody  worth  talking  to." 

Alice  was  so  astonished  that  she  couldn't 
speak  for  a  minute  :  it  quite  seemed  to  take  her 
breath  away.  At  length,  as  the  Tiger-lily  only 
went  on  waving  about,  she  spoke  again,  in  a 
timid  voice — almost  in  a  whisper.  "  And  can 
all  the  flowers  talk  ?  " 

"  As  well  as  you  can,"  said  the  Tiger-lily. 
"  And  a  great  deal  louder." 

"  It  isn't  manners  for  us  to  begin,  you 
know,"  said  the  Rose,  "  and  I  really  was  won- 
dering when  you'd  speak !  Said  I  to  myself, 
*  Her    face   has  got  some  sense   in   it,   though 


LIVE    FLOWERS. 


29 


it's  not  a  clever  one  !  ' 
Still,  you're  the  right 
color,  and  that  goes  a 
long  way." 


"  I  don't  care  about  the  color,"  the  Tiger- 
Hly  remarked.  "  If  only  her  petals  curled  up  a 
little  more,  she'd  be  all  right." 


30  THE   GARDEN   OF 

Alice  didn't  like  being  criticised,  so  she  began 
asking  questions.  "  Aren't  you  sometimes  fright- 
ened at  being  planted  out  here,  with  nobody  to 
take  care  of  you  ?  " 

"  There's  the  tree  in  the  middle,"  said  the 
Rose  :  "  what  else  is  it  good  for  ?  " 

"  But  what  could  it  do,  if  any  danger  came  ?  " 
Alice  asked. 

"  It  could  bark,"  said  the  Rose. 

"  It  says  '  Bough-wough  ! ' "  cried  a  Daisy  : 
"  that's  why  its  branches  are  called  boughs !  " 

"Didn't  you  know  that?'"  cried  another 
Daisy,  and  here  they  all  began  shouting  together, 
till  the  air  seemed  quite  full  of  little  shrill 
voices.  "  Silence,  every  one  of  you  !  "  cried 
the  Tiger-lily,  waving  itself  passionately  from 
side  to  side,  and  trembling  with  excitement. 
*'  They  know  I  can't  get  at  them  !  "  it  panted, 
bending  its  quivering  head  towards  Alice,  "  or 
they  wouldn't  dare  to  do  it !  *' 

"  Never  mind  ! "  Alice  said  in  a  soothing 
tone,  and   stooping   down   to   the   daisies,    who 


LIVE  FLOWERS.  31 

were  just  beginning  again,  she  whispered,  "  If 
you  don*t  hold  your  tongues,  I'll  pick  you  !  " 

There  was  silence  in  a  moment,  and  several 
of  the  pink  daisies  turned  white. 

"That's  right!"  said  the  Tiger-lily.  "The 
daisies  are  worst  of  all.  When  one  speaks,  they 
all  begin  together,  and  it's  enough  to  make  one 
wither  to  hear  the  way  they  go  on  ! '' 

"  How  is  it  you  can  all  talk  so  nicely  ?  " 
Alice  said,  hoping  to  get  it  into  a  better  temper 
by  a  compliment.  "  Fve  been  in  many  gardens 
before,  but  none  of  the  flowers  could  talk." 

"  Put  your  hand  down,  and  feel  the  ground," 
said  the  Tiger-lily.     "  Then  you'll  know  why." 

Alice  did  so.  "  It's  ver^^  hard,"  she  said, 
"  but  I  don't  see  what  that  has  to  do  with  it." 

"  In  most  gardens,"  the  Tiger-lily  said,  "  they 
make  the  beds  too  soft — so  that  the  flowers  are 
always  asleep.'* 

This  sounded  a  veiy  good  reason,  and  Alice 
was  quite  pleased  to  know  it.  "  I  never  thought 
of  that  before  ! "  she  said. 


32  THE  GARDEN  OF 

"  It  s  my  opinion  that  you  never  think  at 
all''  the  Rose  said  in  a  rather  severe  tone. 

"  I  never  saw  anybody  that  looked  stupider," 
a  Violet  said,  so  suddenly,  that  Alice  quite 
jumped  ;  for  it  hadn't  spoken  before. 

"  Hold  your  tongue  !  "  cried  the  Tiger-lily. 
"  As  \i  you  ever  saw  anybody  I  You  keep  your 
head  under  the  leaves,  and  snore  away  there, 
till  you  know  no  more  what's  going  on  in  the 
world,  than  if  you  were  a  bud ! " 

"  Are  there  any  more  people  in  the  garden 
besides  me  .?  "  Alice  said,  not  choosing  to  notice 
the  Rose's  last  remark. 

"  There's  one  other  flower  in  the  garden 
that  can  move  about  like  you,"  said  the  Rose. 

"  I    wonder   how    you    do   it "      ("  You're 

always  wondering,"  said  the  Tiger-lily),  "  but 
she's  more  bushy  than  you  are." 

"  Is  she  like  me .? "  Alice  asked  eagerly,  for 
the  thought  crossed  her  mind,  "  There's  another 
little  girl  in  the  garden,  somewhere ! " 

"  Well,  she  has  the  same  awkward  shape  as 


LIVB  FLOWERS.  33 

you,"  the  Rose  said,  "but  she's  redder and 

her  petals  are  shorter,  I  think." 

"  Her  petals  are  done  up  close,  almost  like 
a  dahlia,"  the  Tiger-lily  interrupted :  "  not  tum- 
bled about  anyhow,  like  yours." 

"  But  that's  not  your  fault,"  the  Rose  added 
kindly :    "  you're    beginning   to   fade,  you  know 

and  then  one  can't  help  one's  petals  getting 

a  little  untidy." 

Alice  didn't  like  this  idea  at  all :  so,  to  change 
the  subject,  she  asked  "  Does  she  ever  come  out 
here?" 

"  I  daresay  you'll  see  her  soon,"  said  the  Rose. 
"  She's  one  of  the  thorny  kind." 

"  Where  does  she  wear  the  thorns  ?  "  Alice 
asked  with  some  curiosity. 

"  Why,  all  round  her  head,  of  course,"  the 
Rose  replied.  "  I  was  wondering  you  hadn't  got 
some  too.     I  thought  it  was  the  regular  rule." 

"  She's  coming ! "  cried  the  Larkspur.  "  I 
hear  her  footstep,  thump,  thump,  along  the  gravel- 
walk!" 

Alice  looked  round  eagerly,  and  found  that  it 


84  THE  GARDEN  OF 

was  the  Red  Queen.  "  She's  grown  a  good 
deal ! "  was  her  first  remark.  She  had  indeed : 
when  AHce  first  found  her  in  the  ashes,  she  had 

been  only  three   inches   high and  here  she 

was,  half  a  head  taller  than  Alice  herself ! 

"  It's  the  fresh  air  that  does  it,"  said  the  Rose : 
"  wonderfully  fine  air  it  is,  out  here." 

"  I  think  I'll  go  and  meet  her, '  said  Alice,  for, 
though  the  flowers  were  interesting  enough,  she 
felt  that  it  would  be  far  grander  to  have  a  talk 
with  a  real  Queen. 

"  You  can't  possibly  do  that,'*  said  the  Rose : 
"  /  should  advise  you  to  walk  the  other  way." 

This  sounded  nonsense  to  Alice,  so  she  said 
nothing,  but  set  off  at  once  towards  the  Red 
Queen.  To  her  surprise,  she  lost  sight  of  her 
in  a  moment,  and  found  herself  walking  in  at  the 
front-door  again. 

A  little  provoked,  she  drew  back,  and  after 
looking  everywhere  for  the  Queen  (whom  she 
spied  out  at  last,  a  long  way  off),  she  thought 
she  would  try  the  plan,  this  time,  of  walking  in 
the  opposite  direction. 


LIVE   FLOWEKS. 


36 


It  succeeded  beautifully.     She  had  not  been 
walking  a  minute  before  she  found  herself  face 


to  face  with  the  Red  Queen,  and  full  in  sight  of 
the  hill  she  had  been  so  long  aiming  at. 

"  Where  do  you  come  from  ? "  said  the  Red 


36  THE  GARDEN  OF 

Queen,  "  And  where  are  you  going  ?  Look  up, 
speak  nicely,  and  don't  twiddle  your  fingers  all 
the  time." 

Alice  attended  to  all  these  directions,  and  ex- 
plained, as  well  as  she  could,  that  she  had  lost 
her  way. 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean  by  your  way," 
said  the  Queen  :  "  all  the  ways  about  here  belong 

to   me but  why  did   you  come  out  here  at 

all  ? "  she  added  in  a  kinder  tone.  "  Curtsey 
while  you're  thinking  what  to  say.  It  saves 
time." 

Alice  wondered  a  little  at  this,  but  she  was 
too  much  in  awe  of  the  Queen  to  disbelieve  it. 
*'  ril  try  it  when  I  go  home,"  she  thought  to 
herself,  "  the  next  time  I'm  a  little  late  for 
dinner." 

"  It's  time  for  you  to  answer  now,"  the  Queen 
said,  looking  at  her  watch:  "  open  your  mouth  a 
little  wider  when  you  speak,  and  always  say 
'  your  Majesty.'  " 

"  I  only  wanted  to  see  what  the  garden  was 
like,  your  Majesty "" 


LIVE  FLOWERS.  37 

"  That's  right,"  said  the  Queen,  patting  her 
on  the  head,  which  Alice  didn't  like  at  all, 
"  though,  when  you  say  '  garden,' — Tve  seen 
gardens,  compared  with  which  this  would  be  a 
wilderness." 

Alice  didn't  dare  to  argue  the  point,  but  went 

on  :  " and  I  thought  I'd  try  and  find  my  way 

to  the  top  of  that  hill " 

"  When  you  say  '  hill,'  "  the  Queen  interrupted, 
"/  could  show  you  hills,  in  comparison  with 
which  you'd  call  that  a  valley." 

"  No,  I  shouldn't,"  said  Alice,  surprised  into 
contradicting  her  at  last :  "  a  hill  cant  be  a 
valley,  you  know.     That  would  be  nonsense '* 

The  Red  Queen  shook  her  head.  "  You  may 
call  it  *  nonsense  '  if  you  like,"  she  said,  "  but  Fve 
heard  nonsense,  compared  with  which  that  would 
be  as  sensible  as  a  dictionary !  " 

Alice  curtseyed  again,  as  she  was  afraid  from 
the  Queen's  tone  that  she  was  a  little  offended: 
and  they  walked  on  in  silence  till  they  got  to  the 
top  of  the  little  hill 

For  some  minutes  Alice  stood  without  speak- 


38 


THE  GARDEN  OF 


ing,  looking  out  in  all  directions  over  the  country 
— and  a  most  curious  country  it  was.  There 
were  a  number  of  tiny  little  brooks  running 
straight  across   it   from   side    to   side,   and   the 


ground  between  was  divided  up  into  squares  by 
a  number  of  little  green  hedges,  that  reached 
from  brook  to  brook. 

"  I  declare  it's  marked  out  just  like  a  large 
chess-board !  "  Alice  said  at  last.  "  There  ought 
to  be  some  men  moving  about  somewhere 


LIVE  FLOWERS.  89 

and  so  there  are !  "  she  added  in  a  tone  of  delight, 
and  her  heart  began  to  beat  quick  with  excite- 
ment as  she  went  on.     "  It's  a  great  huge  game 

of    chess   that's   being    played all   over   the 

world if  this  is  the  world  at  all,  you  know. 

Oh,  what  fun  it  is !  How  I  wish  I  was  one  of 
them !     I  wouldn't  mind  being  a  Pawn,  if  only 

I  might  join though  of  course  I   should /^"/^^ 

to  be  a  Queen,  best." 

She  glanced  rather  shyly  at  the  real  Queen 
as  she  said  this,  but  her  companion  only  smiled 
pleasantly,  and  said,  "  That's  easily  managed. 
You  can  be  the  White  Queen's  Pawn,  if  you 
like,  as  Lily's  too  young  to  play ;  and  you're  in 
the  Second  Square  to  begin  with :  when  you  get 

to  the   Eighth   Square  you'll  be  a  Queen '' 

Just  at  this  moment,  somehow  or  other,  they 
began  to  run. 

Alice  never  could  quite  make  out,  in  thinking 
it  over  afterwards,  how  it  was  that  they  began  : 
all  she  remembers  is,  that  they  were  running 
hand  in  hand,  and  the  Queen  went  so  fast  that  it 
was  all  she  could  do  to  keep  up  with  her  :  and 


40  THE  GARDEN  OF 

still  the  Queen  kept  crying  "  Faster !  Faster ! " 
but  Alice  felt  she  could  not  go  faster,  though  she 
had  no  breath  left  to  say  so. 

The  most  curious  part  of  the  thing  was,  that 
the  trees  and  the  other  things  round  them  never 
changed  their  places  at  all :  however  fast  they 
went,  they  never  seemed  to  pass  anything.  "  I 
wonder  if  all  the  things  move  along  with  us  ?  " 
thought  poor  puzzled  Alice.  And  the  Queen 
seemed  to  guess  her  thoughts,  for  she  cried, 
"  Faster  !     Don't  try  to  talk  ! " 

Not  that  Alice  had  any  idea  of  doing  that 
She  felt  as  if  she  would  never  be  able  to  talk 
again,  she  was  getting  so  much  out  of  breath : 
and  still  the  Queen  cried  "  Faster !  Faster  ! " 
and  dragged  her  along.  "  Are  we  nearly  there  ?  " 
Alice  managed  to  pant  out  at  last. 

"  Nearly  there !  "  the  Queen  repeated.  "  Why, 
we  passed  it  ten  minutes  ago  !  Faster  !  '*  And 
they  ran  on  for  a  time  in  silence,  with  the 
wind  whistling  in  Alice's  ears,  and  almost  blow- 
ing her  hair  off  her  head,  she  fancied. 

"  Now !   Now  I "  cried  the  Queen.     "  Faster  I 


LIVE  FLOWERS. 


41 


Faster!"  And  they  went  so  fast  that  at  last 
they  seemed  to  skim  through  the  air,  hardly 
touching   the   ground   with   their   feet,  till  sud- 


denly, just  as  Alice  was  getting  quite  exhausted, 
they  stopped,  and  she  found  herself  sitting  on 
the  ground,  breathless  and  giddy. 

The  Queen  propped  her  up  against  a  tree, 
and  said  kindly,  "  You  may  rest  a  little  now." 

Alice  looked  round  her  in  great  surprise. 
"  Why,  I  do  believe  we've  been  under  this  tree 
the  whole  time  !     Everything's  just  as  it  was  I  " 


42  THE  GARDEN   OF 

"  Of  course  it  is,"  said  the  Queen :  "  what 
would  you  have  it  ?  " 

"  Well,  in  our  country,"  said  Alice,  still  pant- 
ing a  little,   "  you'd  generally  get  to  somewhere 

else if  you  ran  very  fast  for  a  long  time,  as 

we've  been  doing." 

"  A  slow  sort  of  country ! "  said  the  Queen. 
"  Now,  here,  you  see,  it  takes  all  the  runningjj/^^ 
can  do,  to  keep  in  the  same  place.  If  you  want 
to  get  somewhere  else,  you  must  run  at  least 
twice  as  fast  as  that !  '* 

"  I'd  rather  not  try,  please !  "  said  Alice.   "  Fm 

quite  content  to  stay  here only  I  am  so  hot 

and  thirsty !  " 

"  I  know  what  youd  like !  "  the  Queen  said 
good-naturedly,  taking  a  little  box  out  of  her 
pocket.     "  Have  a  biscuit }  " 

Alice  thought  it  would  not  be  civil  to  say 
"  No,"  thought  it  wasn't  at  all  what  she  wanted. 
So  she  took  it,  and  ate  it  as  well  as  she  could  : 
and  it  was  very  dry ;  and  she  thought  she  had 
never  been  so  nearly  choked  in  all  her  life. 

"  While  you're   refreshing  yourself,"  said  the 


LIVE  FLOWERS. 


Queen,  "  I'll  just  take  the  measurements."  And 
she  took  a  ribbon  out  of  her  pocket,  marked  in 
inches,  and  began  measuring  the  ground,  and 
sticking  little  pegs  in  here  and  there. 

"  At  the  end  of  two  yards,"  she  said,  putting 
in  a  peg  to  mark  the  distance,  "  I  shall  give  you 
your  directions have  another  biscuit  ?  " 

"  No,  thank  you,"  said  Alice  :  "  one's  guz^e 
enough ! " 

"  Thirst  quenched,  I  hope  ? "  said  the  Queen. 

Alice  did  not  know  what  to  say  to  this,  but 
luckily  the  Queen  did  not  wait  for  an  answer, 
but  went  on.     "  At  the  end  of  ifAree  yards  I  shall 

repeat  them for  fear  of  your  forgetting  them. 

At  the  end  of  /our,  I  shall  say  good-bye.  And 
at  the  end  oifive,  I  shall  go! " 

She  had  got  all  the  pegs  put  in  by  this  time, 
and  Alice  looked  on  with  great  interest  as  she 
returned  to  the  tree,  and  then  began  slowly 
walking  down  the  row. 

At  the  two-yard  peg  she  faced  round,  and 
said,  "A  pawn  goes  two  squares  in  its  first 
move,   you   know.     So   you'll   go   very    quickly 


44  THE  GARDEN  OF 

through  the  Third  Square by  railway,  I  should 

think and  you'll  find  yourself  in   the   Fourth 

Square  in  no  time.     Well,  that  square  belongs 

to  Tweedledum  and  Tweedledee the  Fifth  is 

mostly  water the  Sixth  belongs  to   Humpty 

Dumpty But  you  make  no  remark?  " 

"  I 1  didn't  know  I  had  to  make  one 

just  then,"  Alice  faltered  out. 

"  You  should  have  said,"  the  Queen  went  on 
in  a  tone  of  grave  reproof,  "  *  It's  extremely  kind 

of   you   to   tell  me   all  this' however,   we'll 

suppose   it  said the    Seventh   Square   is   all 

forest however,  one  of  the  Knights  will  show 

you  the  way and  in  the  Eighth    Square  we 

shall  be  Queens  together,  and  it's  all  feasting 
and  fun !  "  Alice  got  up  and  curtseyed,  and  sat 
down  again. 

At  the  next  peg  the  Queen  turned  again, 
and  this  time  she  said,  "  Speak  in  French  when 

you  can't  think  of  the  English  for  a  thing 

turn  out  your  toes  as  you  walk and  re- 
member who  you  are  !  "  She  did  not  wait 
for  Alice  to  curtsey  this  time,  but  walked  on 


LIVB  FLOWERS.  45 

quickly  to  the  next  peg,  where  she  turned  for 
a  moment  to  say  ''  good-bye,"  and  then  hurried 
on  to  the  last. 

How  it  happened,  Alice  never  knew,  but 
exactly  as  she  came  to  the  last  peg,  she  was 
gone.  Whether  she  vanished  into  the  air,  or 
whether  she  ran  quickly  into  the  wood  ("  and 
she  can  run  very  fast ! "  thought  Alice),  there 
was  no  way  of  guessing,  but  she  was  gone, 
and  Alice  began  to  remember  that  she  was  a 
Pawn,  and  that  it  would  soon  be  time  for  her  to 
move. 


CHAPTER  III. 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


Of  course  the  first  thing  to  do  was  to  make 
a  grand  survey  of  the  country  she  was  going 
to  travel  through.  "  It's  something  very  like 
learning  geography,"  thought  Alice,  as  she  stood 
on  tiptoe  in   hopes  of  being  able  to  see  a  little 

further.      "  Principal    rivers there  are  none. 

Principal  mountains I'm  on  the  only  one,  but 

I   don't   think    it's    got    any    name.       Principal 

towns why,  what  are  those  creatures,  making 

honey   down    there }     They   can't    be  bees 

nobody  ever  saw  bees  a  mile  off,  you  know " 


LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS.  47 

and  for  some  time  she  stood  silent,  watching  one 
of  them  that  was  bustling  about  among  the 
flowers,  poking  its  proboscis  into  them,  "  just  as 
if  it  was  a  regular  bee,'*  thought  Alice. 

However,  this   was   anything    but   a   regular 

bee  :  in  fact,  it  was  an  elephant as  Alice  soon 

found  out,  though  the  idea  quite  took  her  breath 
away  at  first.  "  And  what  enormous  flowers 
they  must  be !  "  was  her  next  idea.  "  Something 
like  cottages  with  the  roofs  taken  off,  and  stalks 

put  to  them and  what  quantities  of   honey 

they  must  make !     I  think  I'll  go  down  and 

no,  I  won't  go  just  yet,"  she  went  on,  checking 
herself  just  as  she  was  beginning  to  run  down 
the  hill,  and  trying  to  find  some  excuse  for  turn- 
ing shy  so  suddenly.  "  It'll  never  do  to  go  down 
among  them    without   a   good    long    branch    to 

brush  them  away and  what  fun  it'll  be  when 

they  ask  me  how  I   liked  my  walk.     I  shall  say 

*  Oh,    I    liked   it   well    enough '    (here 

came  the  favorite  little  toss  of  the  head),  *  only 
it  was  so  dusty  and  hot,  and  the  elephants  did 
tease  so  ! ' " 


48  LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS. 

"  I  think  rU  go  down  the  other  way,"  she  said 
after  a  pause :  "  and  perhaps  I  may  visit  the 
elephants  later  on.  Besides,  I  do  so  want  to  get 
into  the  Third  Square  !  " 

So  with  this  excuse  she  ran  down  the  hill 
and  jumped  over  the  first  of  the  six  little 
brooks. 


"  Tickets,  please !  "  said  the  Guard,  putting 
his  head  in  at  the  window.  In  a  moment  every- 
body was  holding  out  a  ticket :  they  were  about 
the  same  size  as  the  people,  and  quite  seemed  to 
fill  the  carriage. 

"  Now  then !  Show  your  ticket,  child  ! "  the 
Guard  went  on,  looking  angrily  at  Alice.  And 
a  great  many  voices  all  said  together  ("  like  the 
chorus  of  a  song,"  thought  Alice),  "  Don't  keep 
him  waiting,  child  I  Why,  his  time  is  worth  a 
thousand  pounds  a  minute  I " 


LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS.  49 

"  I'm  afraid  I  haven't  got  one,"  Alice  said  in  a 
frightened  tone :  "  there  wasn't  a  ticket-office 
where  I  came  from."  And  again  the  chorus  of 
voices  went  on.  "  There  wasn't  room  for  one 
where  she  came  from.  The  land  there  is  worth 
a  thousand  pounds  an  inch  !  " 

"  Don't  make  excuses,"  said  the  Guard ;  "  you 
should  have  bought  one  from  the  engine-driver." 
And  once  more  the  chorus  of  voices  went  on 
with  "  The  man  that  drives  the  engine.  Why, 
the  smoke  alone  is  worth  a  thousand  pounds  a 
puff!" 

Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  Then  there's  no 
use  in  speaking."  The  voices  didn't  join  in  this 
time,  as  she  hadn't  spoken,  but,  to  her  great 
surprise,  they  all  thought  in  chorus  (I  hope  you 

understand  what  thinking  in  chorus  means 

for  I  must  confess  that  /  don't),  "  Better  say 
nothing  at  all.  Language  is  worth  a  thousand 
pounds  a  word !  " 

"  I  shall  dream  about  a  thousand  pounds  to- 
night, I  know  I  shall ! "  thought  Alice, 


60 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 


All  this  time  the  Guard  was  looking  at  her, 
first  through  a  telescope,  then  through  a  micro- 
scope, and  then  through  an  opera-glass.  At  last 
he  said,  "  You're  travelling  the  wrong  way,"  and 
shut  up  the  window  and  went  away. 

"  So  young  a  child,"  said  the  gentleman  sitting 
opposite  to  her,  (he  was  dressed  in  white  paper,) 
"  ought  to  know  which  way  she's  going,  even  if 
she  doesn't  know  her  own  name  I '' 


LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS.  61 

A  Goat,  that  was  sitting  next  to  the  gentleman 
in  white,  shut  his  eyes  and  said  in  a  loud  voice, 
"  She  ought  to  know  her  way  to  the  ticket-office, 
even  if  she  doesn't  know  her  alphabet !  " 

There  was  a  Beetle  sitting  next  the  Goat  (it 
was  a  very  queer  carriage-full  of  passengers 
altogether),  and,  as  the  rule  seemed  to  be  that 
they  should  all  speak  in  turn,  he  went  on  with 
"  She'll  have  to  go  back  from  here  as  luggage!  " 

Alice  couldn't  see  who  was  sitting  beyond  the 
Beetle,  but  a  hoarse  voice  spoke  next.     "  Change 

engines "  it  said,  and  there  it  choked  and  was 

obliged  to  leave  off. 

"  It  sounds  like  a  horse,"  Alice  thought  to 
herself.     And  an  extremely  small  voice,  close  to 

ner  ear,   said,   "  you  might  make  a  joke  on  that— something  about  'horse'  and 
*  hoarse,'  you  know." 

Then  a  very  gentle  voice  in  the  distance  said, 
"  She  must  be  labelled  '  Lass,  with  care,'  you 
know " 

And  after  that  other  voices  went  on  ("  What 
a  number  of  people  there  are  in  the  carriage ! " 
thought  Alice),  saying,  "  She  must  go  by  post, 


52  LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS. 

as  she's  got   a   head  on   her "  "  She  must 

be  sent  as  a  message  by  the  telegraph "  "  She 

must  draw  the  train  herself  the  rest  of  the  way 
,"  and  so  on. 

But  the  gentleman  dressed  in  white  paper 
leaned  forwards  and  whispered  in  her  ear,  "  Never 
mind  what  they  all  say,  my  dear,  but  take  a  re- 
turn-ticket every  time  the  train  stops." 

*'  Indeed  I  shan't !  "  Alice  said  rather  impa- 
tiently.    "  I  don't  belong  to  this  railway  journey 

at  all 1  was  in   a  wood  just  now and   I 

wish  I  could  get  back  there ! " 

«  You  might  make  joke  on  thatr    Sald   tllC   HttlC     VOicC  CloSC   tO 
lier  ear  I      "something  about   ^yoxxwould  if  you  could,' you  know." 

"  Don't  tease  so,"  said  Alice,  looking  about  in 
vain  to  see  where  the  voice  came  from  ;  "  if  you're 
so  anxious  to  have  a  joke  made,  why  don't  you 
make  one  yourself  }  " 

The  little  voice  sighed  deeply :  it  was  very 
unhappy,  evidently,  and  Alice  would  have  said 
something  pitying  to  comfort  it,  "  if  it  would 
only  sigh  like  other  people  !  "  she  thought.  But 
this  was  such  a  wonderfully  small  sigh,  that  she 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  63 

wouldn't  have  heard  it  at  all,  if  it  hadn't  come 
quite  close  to  her  ear.  The  consequence  of  this 
was  that  it  tickled  her  ear  very  much,  and  quite 
took  off  her  thoughts  from  the  unhappiness  of  the 
poor  little  creature. 

"  I  know  you  are  a  friend,"  thC  Httlc  VOicC  WCUt  On  ;  '*  a  dear 
friend  and  an  old  friend.     And  you  won't  hurt  me,  thought  I  am  an  insect." 

"  What  kind  of  insect  ? "  Alice  inquired  a 
little  anxiously.  What  she  really  wanted  to 
know  was,  whether  it  could  sting  or  not,  but  she 
thought  this  wouldn't  be  quite  a  civil  question 
to  ask. 

'« What,  then  you  don't-"  thc  Httlc  voicc  bcgau,  whcu  it 
was  drowned  by  a  shrill  scream  from  the  engine, 
and  everybody  jumped  up  in  alarm,  Alice  among 
the  rest. 

The  Horse,  who  had  put  his  head  out  of 
the  window,  quietly  drew  it  in  and  said,  "  It's 
only  a  brook  we  have  to  jump  over."  Every- 
body seemed  satisfied  with  this,  though  Alice 
felt  a  little  nervous  at  the  idea  of  trains  jumping 
at  all.  "  However,  it'll  take  us  into  the  Fourth 
Square,  that's  some  comfort ! "  she  said  to  her- 


54  LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS. 

self.  In  another  moment  she  felt  the  carriage 
rise  straight  up  into  the  air,  and  in  her  fright 
she  caught  at  the  thing  nearest  to  her  hand, 
which  happened  to  be  the  Goat's  beard. 


But  the  beard  seemed  to  melt  away  as  she 
touched  it,  and  she  found  herself  sitting  quietly 

under  a  tree while  the  Gnat  (for  that  was 

the  insect  she  had  been  talking  to  was  balanc- 
ing itself  on  a  twig  just  over  her  head,  and  fan- 
ning her  with  its  wings. 

It  certainly  was  a  very  large  Gnat :  "  about 
the  size  of  a  chicken,"  Alice  thought.  Still,  she 
couldn't  feel  nervous  with  it,  after  they  had  been 
talking  together  so  long. 

" then  you  don't  like  all   insects  ?  "  the 

Gnat  went  on,  as  quietly  as  if  nothing  had  hap- 
pened. 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  66 

"  I  like  them  when  they  can  talk,"  Alice  said. 
"  None  of  them  ever  talk,  where  /  come  from." 

"  What  sort  of  insects  do  you  rejoice  in,  where 
you  come  from  ?  "  the  Gnat  inquired. 

"  I  don't  rejoice  in  insects  at  all,"  Alice  ex- 
plained, "  because  I'm  rather  afraid  of  them 

at  least  the  large  kinds.  But  I  can  tell  you  the 
names  of  some  of  them." 

"  Of  course  they  answer  to  their  names  t  "  the 
Gnat  remarked  carelessly. 

"  I  never  knew  them  do  it.'' 

"  What's  the  use  of  their  having  names,"  the 
Gnat  said,  "  if  they  won't  answer  to  them  ?  " 

"  No  use  to  them^'  said  Alice  ;  "  but  it's  useful 
to  the  people  that  name  them,  I  suppose.  If  not, 
why  do  things  have  names  at  all }  " 

"  I  can't  say,"  the  Gnat  replied.  "  Further  on, 
in  the  wood  down  there  they've  got  no  names 

-however,  go  on  with  your  list  of  insects: 

you're  wasting  time." 

"Well,  there's  the  Horse-fly,"  Alice  began, 
counting  off  the  names  on  her  fingers. 


56 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 


"  All  right,"  said  the  Gnat :  "  half  way  up  that 
bush,  you'll  see  a  Rocking-horse-fly,  if  you  look. 
It's  made  entirely  of  wood,  and  gets  about  by 
swinging  itself  from  branch  to  branch. 


"  What  does  it  live  on  ? "  Alice  asked,  with 
great  curiosity. 

"  Sap  and  sawdust,"  said  the  Gnat.  "  Go  on 
with  the  list." 

Alice  looked  at  the  Rocking-horse-fly  with  great 
interest,  and  made  up  her  mind  that  it  must  have 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 


67 


been  just  repainted,  it  looked  so  bright  and 
sticky ;  and  then  she  went  on. 

"  And  there's  the  Dragon-fly." 

"  Look  on  the  branch  above  your  head,"  said 
the  Gnat,  "  and  there  you'll  find  a  Snap-dragon- 
fly. Its  body  is  made  of  plum-pudding,  its  wings 
of  holly-leaves,  and  its  head  is  a  raisin  burning 
in  brandy." 

"  And  what  does  it  live  on  ?  "  Alice  asked,  as 
before. 

*'  Frumenty  and  mince-pie,"  the  Gnat  replied ; 
"  and  it  makes  its  nest  in  a  Christmas-box." 


58 


LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS. 


"  And  then  there's  the  Butterfly,"  Alice  went 
on,  after  she  had  taken  a  good  look  at  the  in- 
sect with  its  head  on  fire,  and  had  thought  to 
herself,  "  I  wonder  if  that's  the  reason  insects  are 

SO  fond  of  flying  into  candles because  they 

want  to  turn  into  Snap-dragon-flies  !  " 

"  Crawling  at  your  feet,"  said  the  Gnat  (Alice 
drew  her  feet  back  in  some  alarm),  "  you  may 
observe  a  Bread-and-butter-fly.  Its  wings  are 
thin  slices  of  bread-and-butter,  its  body  is  a  crust, 
and  its  head  is  a  lump  of  sugar." 

"  And  what  does  it  live  on .?  " 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  69 

"  Weak  tea  with  cream  in  it." 

A  new  difficulty  came  into  Alice's  head.  "  Sup- 
posing it  couldn't  find  any  ? "  she  suggested. 

"  Then  it  would  die,  of  course." 

"  But  that  must  happen  very  often,"  Alice  re- 
marked thoughtfully. 

*'  It  always  happens,"  said  the  Gnat. 

After  this,  Alice  was  silent  for  a  minute  or 
two,  pondering.  The  Gnat  amused  itself  mean- 
while by  humming  round  and  round  her  head : 
at  last  it  settled  again  and  remarked,  "  I  suppose 
you  don't  want  to  lose  your  name  ?  " 

*'  No,  indeed,''  Alice  said,  a  little  anxiously. 

"  And  yet  I  don't  know,"  the  Gnat  went  on  in 
a  careless  tone :  "  only  think  how  convenient  it 
would  be  if  you  could  manage  to  go  home  with- 
out it !  For  instance,  if  the  governess  wanted  to 
call   you   to  your   lessons,   she   would   call   out 

*  Come  here ,'  and  there  she  would  have  to 

leave  off,  because  there  wouldn't  be  any  name  for 
her  to  call,  and  of  course  you  wouldn't  have  to 
go,  you  know." 

"  That  would  never  do,  I'm  sure,"  said  Alice: 


60  LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS. 

"the  governess  would  never  think  of  excusing 
me  lessons  for  that.  If  she  couldn't  remember 
my  name,  she'd  call  me  '  Miss ! '  as  the  servants 
do." 

"  Well,  if  she  said  '  Miss,'  and  didn't  say  any- 
thing more,"  the  Gnat  remarked,  "  of  course  you'd 
miss  your  lessons.  That's  a  joke.  I  wish  j^ou 
had  made  it." 

"  Why  do  you  wish  /  had  made  it  ?  "  Alice 
asked.     "  It's  a  very  bad  one." 

But  the  Gnat  only  sighed  deeply,  while  two 
large  tears  came  rolling  down  its  cheeks.     . 

"  You  shouldn't  make  jokes,"  Alice  said,  "  if  it 
makes  you  so  unhappy." 

Then  came  another  of  those  melancholy  little 
sighs,  and  this  time  the  poor  Gnat  really  seemed 
to  have  sighed  itself  away,  for,  when  Alice  looked 
up,  there  was  nothing  whatever  to  be  seen  on  the 
twig,  and,  as  she  was  getting  quite  chilly  with 
sitting  still  so  long,  she  got  up  and  walked  on. 

She  very  soon  came  to  an  open  field,  with  a 
wood  on  the  other  side  of  it:  it  looked  much 
darker  than  the  last  wood,  and  Alice  felt  a  /z//k 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECO^S.  61 

timid  about  going  into  it.  However,  on  second 
thoughts,  she  made  up  her  mind  to  go  on :  "  for 
I  certainly  won't  go  back','  she  thought  to  her- 
self, and  this  was  the  only  way  to  the  Eighth 
Square. 

"  This  must  be  the  wood,"  she  said  thoughtfully 
to  herself,  "  where  things  have  no  names.  I  won- 
der what'U  become  of  my  name  when  I  go  in .?     I 

shouldn't  like  to  lose  it  at  all because  they'd 

have  to  give  me  another,  and  it  would  be  almost 
certain  to  be  an  ugly  one.  But  then  the  fun 
would  be,  trying  to  find  the  creature  that  had  got 
my  old  name !  That's  just  like  the  advertise- 
ments, you  know,  when    people   los?  dogs 

*  answers  to  the  name  of  "  Dash :  "  had  on  a  brass 
collar' just  fancy  calling  everything  you  met 

*  Alice,'  till  one  of  them  answered  !  Only  they 
wouldn't  answer  at  all,  if  they  were  wise." 

She  was  rambling  on  in  this  way  when  she 
reached  the  wood :  it  looked  very  cool  and  shady. 
"  Well,  at  any  rate  it's  a  great  comfort,"  she  said 
as  she  stepped  under  the  trees,  **  after  being  so 
hot,  to  get  into  the into  the into  what?" 


62  LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 

she  went  on,  rather  surprised  at  not  being  able  to 
think  of  the  word.  "  I  mean  to  get  under  the 
under  the under  this,  you  know  !  *'  put- 
ting her  hand  on  the  trunk  of  the  tree.  "  What 
does  it  call  itself,  I  wonder }  I  do  believe  if  s  got 
no  name why,  to  be  sure  it  hasn't !  " 

She  stood  silent  for  a  minute,  thinking :  then 
she  suddenly  began  again.  "  Then  it  really  has 
happened,  after  all !  And  now,  who  am  I .?  I 
will  remember,  it  I  can !  Tm  determined  to  do 
it ! "  But  being  determined  didn't  help  her 
much,  and  all  she  could  say,  after  a  great  deal  of 
puzzling,  was,  "  L,  I  know  it  begins  with  L  !  " 

Just  then  a  Fawn  came  wandering  by:  it 
looked  at  Alice  with  its  large  gentle  eyes,  but 
didn't  seem  at  all  frightened.  "Here  then  !  Here 
then ! "  Alice  said,  as  she  held  out  her  hand  and 
tried  to  stroke  it ;  but  it  only  started  back  a  little, 
and  then  stood  looking  at  her  again. 

"  What  do  you  call  yourself .?  "  the  Fawn  said 
at  last.     Such  a  soft  sweet  voice  it  had ! 

"  I  wish  I  knew ! "  thought  poor  Alice.  She 
answered,  rather  sadly,  "  Nothing,  just  now." 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 


68 


•*  Think  again,"  it  said  :  "  that  won't  do.*' 
Alice  thought,  but  nothing  came  of  it.   "  Please, 
would  you  tell  me  what  you  call  yourself  t  "  she 
said  timidly.     "  1  think  that  might  help  a  little." 


"  ril  tell  you,  if  you'll  come  a  little  further 
on,"  the  Fawn  said.     "  I  can't  remember  here." 

So  they  walked  on  together  through  the  wood, 
Alice  with  her  arms  clasped  lovingly  round  the 


64  LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 

soft  neck  of  the  fawn,  till  they  came  out  into 
another  open  field,  and  here  the  Fawn  gave  a 
sudden  bound  into  the  air,  and  shook  itself  free 
from  Alice's  arms.  "  I'm  a  Fawn  !"  it  cried  out 
in  a  voice  of  delight,  "  and,  dear  me !  you're  a 
human  child  !  "  A  sudden  look  of  alarm  came 
into  its  beautiful  brown  eyes,  and  in  another 
moment  it  had  darted  away  at  full  speed. 

Alice  stood  looking  after  it,  almost  ready  to 
cry  with  vexation  at  having  lost  her  dear  little 
fellow-traveller  so  suddenly.  "  However,  I  know 
my  name  now,"  she  said,  "  that's  some  comfort. 

Alice Alice 1  won't  forget  it  again.     And 

now,  which  of  these  finger-posts  ought  I  to 
follow,  I  wonder  ?  '* 

It  was  not  a  very  difficult  question  to  answer, 
as  there  was  only  one  road  through  the  wood, 
and  the  two  finger-posts  both  pointed  along  it. 
"  I'll  settle  it,"  Alice  said  to  herself,  "  when  the 
road  divides  and  they  point  different  ways." 

But  this  did  not  seem  likely  to  happen.  She 
went  on  and  on,  a  long  way,  but  wherever  the 
road  divided  there  were  sure  to  be  two  finger- 


LOOKING-GLASS  INSECTS.  65 

posts  pointing  the  same  way,  one  marked  *  TO 
TWEEDLEDUM'S  house;  and  the  other 
*TO  THE  HOUSE  OF  TWEEDLEDEE/ 

"  I  do  believe,"  said  Alice  at  last,  "  that  they 
live  in  the  same  house !  I  wonder  I  never  thought 

of  that  before But  I  can't  stay  there  long. 

I'll  just  call  and  say  *  How  d'ye  do.?'  and  ask 
them  the  way  out  of  the  wood.  If  I  could  only 
get  to  the  Eighth  Square  before  it  gets  dark ! " 
So  she  wandered  on,  talking  to  herself  as  she 
went,  till,  on  turning  a  sharp  corner,  she  came 
upon  two  fat  little  men,  so  suddenly  that  she 
could  not  help  starting  back,  but  in  another 
moment  she  recovered  herself,  feeling  sure  that 
they  must  be. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 

They  were  standing  under  a  tree,  each  with 
an  arm  round  the  other's  neck,  and  Alice  knew 
which  was  which  in  a  moment,  because  one  of 
them  had  '  DUM  '  embroidered  on  his  collar, 
and  the  other  *  DEE.'  "  I  suppose  they've  each 
got  '  TWEEDLE  '  round  at  the  back  of  the 
collar,"  she  said  to  herself. 

They  stood  so  still  that  she  quite  forgot  they 
were  alive,  and  she  was  just  looking  round  to  see 
if  the  word  *  TWEEDLE 'was  written  at  the 


TWEEDLEDUM   AJSD   TWEEDLEDEB. 


67 


back  of  each  collar,  when  she  was  startled  by  a 
voice  coming  from  the  one  marked  '  DUM.* 

"  If  you  think  we're  wax-works,"  he  said,  "  you 
ought  to  pay,  you  know.  Wax-works  weren't 
made  to  be  looked  at  for  nothing.     Nohow !  " 

"  Contrariwise,"  added  the  one  marked  *  Dee/ 
"  if  you  think  we're  alive,  you  ought  to  speak." 

"  I'm  sure  I'm  very  sorry,"  was  all  Alice  could 
say ;  for  the  words  of  the  old  song  kept  ringing 


68  TWEEDLEDUM  AND   TWEEDLEDBB. 

through  her  head  like  the  ticking  of  a  clock,  and 
she  could  hardly  help  saying  them  out  loud : — 

"  Tweedledum  and  Tweedledee 
Agreed  to  have  a  battle; 
For  Tweedledum  said  Tweedledee 
Had  spoiled  his  nice  new  rattle. 

yust  thenjlew  down  a  monstrous  crom 

As  black  as  a  tar-barrel  ; 
Which  frightened  both  the  heroes  so^ 
They  quite  forgot  their  quarreC 

"  I  know  what  youVe  thinking  about,"  said 
Tweedledum  :  "  but  it  isn't  so,  nohow." 

"  Contrariwise,"  continued  Tweedledee,  "  if  it 
was  so,  it  might  be ;  and  if  it  were  so,  it  would 
be  ;  but  as  it  isn't,  it  ain't.     That's  logic." 

"  I  was  thinking,"  Alice  said  very  politely, 
"  which  is  the  best  way  out  of  this  wood :  it's 
getting  so  dark.     Would  you  tell  me,  please  }  " 

But  the  fat  little  men  only  looked  at  each 
other  and  grinned. 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE.  69 

They  looked  so  exactly  like  a  couple  of  great 
schoolboys,  that  Alice  couldn't  help  pointing  her 
finger  at  Tweedledum,  and  saying  "  First  Boy  !  " 

"  Nohow !  "  Tweedledum  cried  out  briskly,  and 
shut  his  mouth  up  again  with  a  snap. 

"  Next  boy ! "  said  Alice,  passing  on  to 
Tweedledee,  though  she  felt  quite  certain  he 
would  only  shout  out  "  Contrariwise  !  "  and  so  he 
did. 

"  You've  begun  wrong !  "  cried  Tweedledum. 
"  The  first  thing  in  a  visit  is  to  say  *  How  d'ye 
do  ?  '  and  shake  hands !  "  And  here  the  two 
brothers  gave  each  other  a  hug,  and  then  they 
held  out  the  two  hands  that  were  free,  to  shake 
hands  with  her. 

Alice  did  not  like  shaking  hands  with  either  of 
them  first,  for  fear  of  hurting  the  other  one's 
feelings ;  so,  as  the  best  way  out  of  the  difficulty, 
she  took  hold  of  both  hands  at  once :  the  next 
moment  they  were  dancing  round  in  a  ring. 
This  seemed  quite  natural  (she  remembered  after- 
wards), and  she  was  not  even  surprised  to  hear 
music  playing ;  it  seemed  to  come  from  the  tree 


70  TWEEDLEDUM   AND   TWEEDLEDEE. 

under  which  they  were  dancing,  and  it  was  done 
(as  well  as  she  could  make  it  out)  by  the  branches 
rubbing  one  across  the  other,  like  fiddles  and 
fiddle-sticks. 

"  But  it  certainly  was  funny,"  (Alice  said  after- 
wards, when  she  was  telling  her  sister  the  history 
of  all  this),  "to  find  myself  singing  'Here  we  go 
round  the  mulberry  bus  hi  I  don't  know  when  I 
began  it,  but  somehow  I  felt  as  if  Td  been  sing- 
ing it  a  long,  long  time  ! " 

The  other  two  dancers  were  fat,  and  very  soon 
out  of  breath.  "  Four  times  round  is  enough  for 
one  dance,"  Tweedledum  panted  out,  and  they 
left  off  dancing  as  suddenly  as  they  had  begun : 
the  music  stopped  at  the  same  moment. 

Then  they  let  go  of  Alice's  hands,  and  stood 
looking  at  her  for  a  minute :  there  was  a  rather 
awkward  pause,  as  Alice  didn't  know  how  to 
begin  a  conversation  with  people  she  had  just 
been  dancing  with.  "It  would  never  do  to  say 
*  How  d'ye  do  ? '  nowl'  she  said  to  herself :  '*  we 
seem  to  have  got  beyond  that,  somehow ! " 


TWEEDLEDUM   AND   TWEEDLEDEE.  71 

"  I  hope  you're  not  much  tired  ?  "  she  said 
at  last. 

"  Nohow.  And  thank  you  very  much  for  ask- 
ing," said  Tweedledum. 

"  So  much  obliged !  "  added  Tweedledee.  "  You 
like  poetry } " 

"  Ye-es,  pretty   well some  poetry,"   Alice 

said  doubtfully.  "  Would  you  tell  me  which  road 
leads  out  of  the  wood  ?  " 

"  What  shall  I  repeat  to  her .? "  said  Tweedle- 
dee, looking  round  at  Tweedledum  with  great 
solemn  eyes,  and  not  noticing  Alice's  question. 

"  '  The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter '  is  the 
longest,"  Tweedledum  replied,  giving  his  brother 
an  affectionate  hug. 

Tweedledee  began  instantly : 

"  The  sun  was  shining *' 

Here  Alice  ventured  to  interrupt  him.  "If 
it's  very  long,"  she  said,  as  politely  as  she  could, 
"  would  you  please  tell  me  first  which  road " 

Tweedledee  smiled  gently,  and  began  again  : 


T2       TWEEDLEDUM  Am)   TWEEDLEDEE. 

"  T^  sun  was  shining  on  the  sea^ 
Shining  with  all  his  might: 

He  did  his  very  best  to  make 
The  billows  smooth  and  bright 

And  this  was  odd,  because  it  was 
The  middle  of  the  night. 

The  moon  was  shining  sulkily y 
Because  she  thought  the  sun 

Had  got  no  business  to  be  there 
After  the  day  was  done — 

•  Ks  very  rude  of  him^  she  said, 
*  To  come  and  spoil  the  fun  /  ' 

The  sea  was  wet  as  wet  could  be^ 
The  sands  were  dry  as  dry. 

You  could  not  see  a  cloud,  because 
No  cloud  was  in  the  sky  : 

No  birds  were  flying  overhead — 
There  were  no  birds  to  fly. 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 


73 


The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter 
Were  walking  close  at  hand; 

They  wept  like  anything  to  see 
Such  quantities  of  sand, 

•  IJ  this  were  only  cleared  away^ 
Ihey  said,  *  it  would  be  grand  t' 


*  If  seven  maids  with  seven  mops 
Swept  it  for  half  a  year, 

Do  you  suppose^  the  Walrus  said^ 
*  That  they  could  get  it  clear  ?  * 


74       TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 

*  /  doubt  it^  said  the  Carpenter^ 

And  shed  a  bitter  tear, 

*  O  Oysters,  come  and  walk  with  us! 

The  Walrus  did  beseech. 
^A  pleasant  walk,  a  pleasant  talk^ 

Along  the  briny  beach  : 
We  cannot  do  with  more  thaiifour^ 

To  give  a  hand  to  each. 

The  eldest  Oyster  looked  at  him^ 

But  never  a  word  he  said: 
The  eldest  Oyster  winked  his  eye^ 

And  shook  his  heavy  head — 
Meaning  to  say  he  did  not  choose 

To  leave  the  oyster-bed. 

But  four  young  Oysters  hurried  up. 

All  eager  for  the  treat: 
Their  coats  were  brushed,  their  faces  washed^ 
Their  shoes  were  clean  and  neat — 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB.        75 

And  this  was  odd,  because,  you  know. 
They  hadnt  any  feet 

Four  other  Oysters  followed  them. 

And  yet  another  four  ; 
And  thick  and  fast  they  came  at  last. 

And  more^  and  more,  and  more — 
All  hopping  through  the  frothy  waves^ 

And  scramblhig  to  the  shore. 

The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter 

Walked  on  a  mile  or  so. 
And  then  they  rested  on  a  rock 

Conveniently  low  : 
And  all  the  little  Oysters  stood 

And  waited  in  a  row, 

*  The  time  has  come'  the  Walrus  said 

*  To  talk  of  many  things : 
Of  shoes — and  ships — and  sealing-wax 

Of  cabbages — and  kings — 


76  TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB. 

And  why  the  sea  is  boiling  hot — 
And  whether  pigs  have  wings' 


*  But  wait  a  bit,'  the  Oysters  cried^ 

*  Before  we  have  our  chat ; 
For  some  of  us  are  out  of  breathy 

And  all  of  us  are  fat  I  ' 
No  hurry  ! '  said  the  Carpenter. 
They  thanked  him  much  for  that. 

A  loaf  of  bread'  the  Walrus  said^ 

*  Is  what  zve  chiefly  need : 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB.        77 

Pepper  and  vinegar  besides 

Are  very  good  indeed — 
Now  if  you  re  ready,  Oysters  dear. 

We  can  begin  to  feed' 

^  But  not  onus  !'  the  Oysters  cried. 
Turning  a  little  blue, 

*  After  such  khtdness,  that  would  be 

A  dismal  thing  to  do  /' 

*  The  night  is  fncy    the  Walrus  said, 

*  Do  you  admire  the  view  ? 

*  //  was  so  kind  of  you  to  come  / 

And  you  are  very  nice  !  * 
The  Carpenter  said  nothing  but 

*  Cut  us  another  slice  : 

I  wish  you  were  not  quite  so  deaf — 
Fve  had  to  ask  you  twice  ! ' 

*//  seems  a  shamel  the  Walrus  said, 

*  To  play  them  such  a  tricky 


78       TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB. 

After  we've  brought  them  out  sofar^ 
And  made  them  trot  so  quick  ! ' 

The  Carpenter  said  nothing  but 
*  The  butters  spread  too  thick  / ' 


*  7  weep  for you^  the:  Walrus  said'. 

*  /  deeply  sympathized 
With  sobs  and  tears  he  sorted  out 

Those  of  the  largest  size^ 
Holding  his  pocket- handkerchief 

Before  his  streaming  eyes. 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE.  79 

*0  Oysters^  said  the  Carpenter^ 
*  YotCve  had  a  pleasant  run  / 
Shall  we  be  trotting  home  again  ? 
But  answer  came  there  none — 
And  this  was  scarcely  odd,  because 
Theyd  eaten  every  oneV 

"  I  like  the  Walrus  best,"  said  Alice :  "  because 
you  see  he  was  a  little  sorry  for  the  poor  oysters." 

"  He  ate  more  than  the  Carpenter,  though," 
said  Tweedledee.  "  You  see  he  held  his  hand- 
kerchief in  front,  so  that  the  Carpenter  couldn't 
count  how  many  he  took :  contrariwise." 

"  That  was   mean !  *'  Alice   said   indignantly. 

"  Then  I  like  the  Carpenter  best if  he  didn't 

eat  so  many  as  the  Walrus." 

"  But  he"  ate  as  many  as  he  could  get,"  said 
Tweedledum. 

This  was  a  puzzler.  After  a  pause,  Alice 
began,  "  Well !  They  were  both  very  unpleas- 
ant characters "     Here  she  checked  herself 

in  some  alarm,  at  hearing  something  that  sounded 


80 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLBDEB. 


to  her  like  the  puffing  of  a  large  steam-engine 
in  the  wood  near  them,  though  she  feared 
it  was  more  likely  to  be  a  wild  beast.  "Are 
there  any  lions  or  tigers  about  here  ?  "  she  asked 
timidly. 

"  It*s  only  the  Red  King  snoring,"  said 
Tweedledee. 

"  Come  and  look  at  him !  "  the  brothers  cried, 
and  they  each  took  one  of  Alice's  hands,  and  led 
her  up  to  where  the  King  was  sleeping. 


"  Isn't  he  a  lovely  sight  ?  "  said  Tweedledum. 
Alice  couldn't  say  honestly  that  he  was.     He 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDBB.        81 

had  a  tall  red  night-cap  on,  with  a  tassel,  and 
he  was  lying  crumpled  up  into  a  sort  of  untidy 

heap,  and  snoring  loud "  fit  to  snore  his  head 

off ! "  as  Tweedledum  remarked. 

"I'm  afraid  he'll  catch  cold  with  lying  on 
the  damp  grass,"  said  Alice,  who  was  a  very 
thoughtful  little  girl. 

"  He's  dreaming  now,*'  said  Tweedledee : 
"  and  what  do  you  think  he's  dreaming 
about  ? " 

Alice  said  "  Nobody  can  guess  that." 

"  Why,  about  you  / "  Tweedledee  exclaimed, 
clapping  his  hands  triumphantly.  "  And  if  he 
left  off  dreaming  about  you,  where  do  you  sup- 
pose you'd  be .? " 

"  Where  I  am  now,  of  course,"  said  Alice. 

"  Not  you ! "  Tweedledee  retorted  contemptu- 
ously. "  You'd  be  nowhere.  Why,  you're  only 
a  sort  of  thing  in  his  dream !  " 

"  If   that   there    King  was   to   wake,"   added 

Tweedledum,  "you'd  go   out bang! ^just 

like  a  candle !  " 

"  I  shouldn't ! "   Alice  exclaimed  indignantly. 


82  TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB. 

"  Besides,   if   Fm  only   a   sort   of  thing  in   his 
dream,  what  d^x^you,  I  should  like  to  know?" 

"  Ditto,"  said  Tweedledum. 

"  Ditto,  ditto  !  "  cried  Tweedledee. 

He  shouted  this  so  loud  that  Alice  couldn't 
help  saying,  ''  Hush !  You'll  be  waking  him, 
I'm  afraid  if  you  make  so  much  noise." 

"  Well,  it's  no  use  yoiir  talking  about  waking 
him,"  said  Tweedledum,  "  when  you*re  only  one 
of  the  things  in  his  dream.  You  know  very  well 
you're  not  real." 

"  I  am  real !  "  said  Alice,  and  began  to  cry. 

"You  won't  make  yourself  a  bit  realler  by 
crying,"  Tweedledee  remarked  :  "  there's  nothing 
to  cry  about." 

"  If  I  wasn't  real,"  Alice  said — half-laughing 
through  her  tears,  it  all  seemed  so  ridiculous — 
"  I  shouldn't  be  able  to  cry." 

"  I  hope  you  don't  suppose  those  are  real 
tears .? "  Tweedledum  interrupted  in  a  tone  of 
great  contempt. 

"  I  know  they're  talking  nonsense,"  Alice 
thought   to   herself:    "and   it's    foolish   to   cry 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE.  83 

about  it."  So  she  brushed  away  her  tears,  and 
went  on  as  cheerfully  as  she  could,  "  At  any  rate 
I'd  better  be  getting  out  of  the  wood,  for  really 
it's  coming  on  very  dark.  Do  you  think  it's 
going  to  rain  ?  " 

Tweedledum  spread  a  large  umbrella  over 
himself  and  his  brother,  and  looked  up  into  it. 

"  No,  I  don't  think  it  is,"  he  said  :  "  at  least 

not  under  here.     Nohow.'* 

"  But  it  may  rain  outside  ?  " 

"  It  may if  it  chooses,"  said  Tweedledee  : 

"  we've  no  objection.     Contrariwise." 

"  Selfish  things  I "  thought  Alice,  and  she  was 
just  going  to  say  "  Good-night "  and  leave 
them,  when  Tweedledum  sprang  out  from 
under  the  umbrella,  and  seized  her  by  the 
wrist. 

"Do  you  see  that?''  he  said,  in  a  voice 
choking  with  passion,  and  his  eyes  grew  large 
and  yellow  all  in  a  moment,  as  he  pointed  with 
a  trembling  finger  at  a  small  white  thing  lying 
under  the  tree. 

"  If s  only  a  rattle,"  Alice  said,  after  a  careful 


84 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND   TWEEDLEDEB. 


examination  of  the  little  white  thing.  "  Not  a 
rattlesnake,  you  know,"  she  added  hastily,  think- 
ing that  he  was  frightened :  "  only  an  old  rattle 
quite  old  and  broken." 


K».N?^ 


"  I  knew  it  was ! "  cried  Tweedledum,  begin- 
ning to  stamp  about  wildly  and  tear  his  hair. 
*  It's  spoilt,  of  course !  "  Here  he  looked  at 
Tweedledee,  who  immediately  sat  down  on  the 
ground  and  tried  to  hide  himself  under  the 
umbrella. 


TWEEDLEDUM  AKD  TWEEDLEDEE.  85 

Alice  laid  her  hand  upon  his  arm,  and  said  in 
a  soothing  tone,  "  You  needn't  be  so  angry  about 
an  old  rattle." 

"  But  it  isn't  old ! "  Tweedledum  cried  in 
a  greater  fury  than  ever.     "  It's  a  new,   I   tell 

you 1  bought  it  yesterday my  nice  new 

RATTLE  ! "  and  his  voice  rose  to  a  perfect 
scream. 

All  this  time  Tweedledee  was  trying  his  best 
to  fold  up  the  umbrella,  with  himself  in  it :  which 
was  such  an  extraordinary  thing  to  do,  that  it 
quite  took  off  Alice's  attention  from  the  angry 
brother.  But  he  couldn't  quite  succeed,  and  it 
ended  in  his  rolling  over,  bundled  up  in  the 
umbrella,  with  only  his  head  out:  and  there  he 
lay,  opening   and    shutting   his   mouth  and  his 

large  eyes "  looking    more  like  a  fish  than 

anything  else,"  Alice  thought. 

"Of  course  you  agree  to  have  a  battle.?" 
Tweedledum  said  in  a  calmer  tone. 

"  I  suppose  so,"  the  other  sulkily  replied,  as  he 
crawled  out  of  the  umbrella:  "only  she  must 
help  us  to  dress  up,  you  know." 


bu  TWEEDLEDUM   AND   TWEEDLEDEE. 

So  the  two  brothers  went  off  hand-in-hand 
into   the  wood,  and  returned  in   a  minute   with 

their  arms  full  of   things such    as   bolsters, 

blankets,  hearth-rugs,  table-cloths,  dish-covers, 
and  coal-scuttles.  "  I  hope  you're  a  good  hand 
at  pinning  and  tying  strings  ? "  Tweedledum 
remarked.  "  Every  one  of  these  things  has  got 
to  go  on,  somehow  or  other." 

Alice  said  afterwards  she  had  never  seen  such 

a  fuss  made  about  anything  in  all   her  life 

the   way   those   two  bustled  about and    the 

quantity    of    things    they   put    on and    the 

trouble  they  gave  her  in  tying  strings  and  fasten- 
ing buttons "  Really   they'll    be   more   like 

bundles  of  old  clothes  than  anything  else,  by  the 
time  they're  ready ! "  she  said  to  herself,  as  she 
arranged  a  bolster  round  the  neck  of  Tweedledee, 
"to  keep  his  head  from  being  cut  off,"  as  he 
said. 

"  You  know,"  he  added  very  gravely,  ''  it's 
one  of  the  most  seriuos  things   that  can  possibly 

happen  to  one  in  a  battle to  get  one's  head 

cut  off." 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 


87 


Alice  laughed  loud :  but  she  managed  to  turn 
it  into  a  cough,  for  fear  of  hurting  his  feelingSv 


"Do  I  look  very  pale?"  said  Tweedledum, 
coming  up  to  have  his  helmet  tied  on.  (He 
called  it  a  helmet,  though  it  certainly  looked  much 
more  like  a  saucepan.) 

"  Well yes a  little','  Alice  replied  gently. 

"  I'm  very  brave  generally,"  he  went  on  in  a 
low  voice:  "only  to-day  I  happen  to  have  a 
headache." 


88  TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 

^*  And  Pve  got  a  toothache ! "  said  Tweedle- 
dee,  who  had  overheard  the  remark.  "  I'm  far 
worse  than  you  !  " 

"  Then  you'd  better  not  fight  to-day,"  said 
Alice,  thinking  it  a  good  opportunity  to  make 
peace. 

"  We  must  have  a  bit  of  a  fight,  but  I  don't 
care  about  going  on  long,"  said  Tweedledum. 
"  What's  the  time  now  ?  " 

Tweedledee  looked  at  his  watch,  and  said 
"  Half-past  four." 

"  Let's  fight  till  six,  and  then  have  dinner,"said 
Tweedledum. 

"  Very   well,"   the    other   said,    rather   sadly : 

"and   she  can    watch    us only   you'd   better 

not  come  very  close,"  he  added :    "  I  generally 

hit  everything  I  can  see when   I  get  really 

excited.'* 

''  And  /  hit  everything  within  reach,''  cried 
Tweedledum,  "  whether  I  can  see  it  or  not !  " 

Alice  laughed.  "  You  must  hit  the  trees 
pretty  often,  I  should  think,"  she  said. 

Tweedledum  looked  round  him  with  a  satisfied 


TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB.        89 

smile.  "  I  don't  suppose,"  he  said,  "  there'll  be  a 
tree  left  standing,  for  ever  so  far  round,  by  the 
time  we've  finished  !  " 

"  And  all  about  a  rattle ! "  said  Alice,  still 
hoping  to  make  them  a  little  ashamed  of  fighting 
for  such  a  trifle. 

"  I  shouldn't  have  minded  it  so  much,"  said 
Tweedledum,  "  if  it  hadn't  been  a  new  one." 

"  I  wish  the  monstrous  crow  would  come !  " 
thought  Alice. 

"There's  only  one  sword,  you  know," 
Tweedledum  said  to  his  brother :  "  but  you  can 

have  the  umbrella if  s  quite  as  sharp.     Only 

we  must  begin  quick.  It's  getting  as  dark  as 
it  can." 

"And  darker,"  said  Tweedledee. 

It  was  getting  dark  so  suddenly  that  Alice 
thought  there  must  be  a  thunderstorm  coming 
on.  "  What  a  thick  black  cloud  that  is  !  "  she 
said.  "  And  how  fast  it  comes !  Why,  I  do 
believe  it's  got  wings !  " 

"  It's  the  crow !  "  Tweedledum  cried  out  in 
a  shrill  voice  of   alarm:  and  the   two  brothers 


90  TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEB. 

took  to  their  heels  and  were  out  of  sight  in  a 
moment. 

Alice  ran  a  little  way  into  the  wood,  and 
stopped  under  a  large  tree.  "  It  can  never  get 
at  me  here','  she  thought :  " it's  far  too  large  to 
squeeze  itself  in  among  the  trees.     But  I  wish 

it  wouldn't  flap  its  wings  so it  makes  quite 

a   hurricane  in  the  wood here's  somebody's 

shawl  being  blown  away !  " 


CHAPTER  V. 


WOOL  AND  WATER. 


She  caught  the  shawl  as  she  spoke,  and 
looked  about  for  the  owner :  in  another  moment 
the  White  Queen  came  running  wildly  through 
the  wood,  with  both  arms  stretched  out  wide,  as 
if  she  were  flying,  and  Alice  very  civilly  went  to 
meet  her  with  a  shawl. 

"  I'm  very  glad  I  happened  to  be  in  the  way," 
Alice  said,  as  she  helped  her  to  put  on  her  shawl 


agam. 


The  White    Queen  only  looked  at  her  in  a 


92  WOOL  AND  WATER. 

helpless  frightened  sort  of  way,  and  kept  repeat- 
ing something  in  a  whisper  to  herself  that 
sounded  like  *'  Bread-and-butter,bread-and-butter," 
and  Alice  felt  that  if  there  was  to  be  any  conver- 
sation at  all,  she  must  manage  it  herself.  So 
she  began  rather  timidly :  "  Am  I  addressing 
the  White  Queen  .?  " 

"  Well,  yes,  if  you  call  that  a-dressing,"  the 
Queen  said.  "  It  isn't  my  notion  of  the  thing, 
at  all." 

Alice  thought  it  would  never  do  to  have  an 
argument  at  the  very  beginning  of  their  conver- 
sation, so  she  smiled  and  said,  "  If  your  Majesty 
will  only  tell  me  the  right  way  to  begin,  I'll  do  it 
as  well  as  I  can." 

"  But  I  don't  want  it  done  at  all ! "  groaned 
the  poor  Queen.  "  I've  been  a-dressing  myself 
for  the  last  two  hours." 

It  would  have  been  all  the  better,  as  it 
seemed  to  Alice,  if  she  had  got  some  one  else 
to  dress  her,  she  was  so  dreadfully  untidy. 
"  Every  single  thing's  crooked,"  Alice  thought 
to  herself,  "  and  she's  all  over  pins ! May  I 


WOOL  AND   WATER. 


put  your  shawl   straight  for  you  ?  "   she  added 
aloud. 

"  I  don't  know  what's  the  matter  with  it ! " 
the  Queen  said,  in  a  melancholy  voice.  "  It's 
out  of  temper, 
I  think.  I've 
pinned  it  here, 
and  I've  pin- 
ned it  there, 
but  there's  no 
pleasing  it!" 

"  It  cant  go 
straight,  you 
know,  if  you 
pin  it  all  on 
one  side,"  Alice 
said,  as  she 
gently  put  it 
right  for  her ;  "  and,  dear  me,  what  a  state  your 
hair  is  in  !  " 

"The  brush  has  got  entangled  in  it!"  the 
Queen  said  with  a  sigh.  "  And  I  lost  the  comb 
yesterday." 


94  WOOL  AND  WATER. 

Alice  carefully  released  the  brush,  and  did  her 
best  to  get  the  hair  into  order.  "  Come,  you 
look  rather  better  now  ! "  she  said,  after  altering 
most  of  the  pins.  "  But  really  you  should  have 
a  lady's-maid !  " 

"  I'm  sure  I'll  take  you  with  pleasure !  "  the 
Queen  said.  "  Twopence  a  week,  and  jam  every 
other  day." 

Alice  couldn't  help  laughing,  as  she  said,  *^  I 

don't  want  you  to  hire  me and  I   don't  care 

for  jam." 

"  It's  very  good  jam,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  Well,  I  don't  want  any  to-day,  at  any  rate." 

"  You  couldn't  have  it  if  you  did  want  it,"  the 
Queen  said.  "  The  rule  is,  jam  to-morrow  and 
jam  yesterday but  never  jam  to-day." 

"  It  must  come  sometimes  to  *  jam  to-day,' " 
Alice  objected. 

"  No,  it  can't,"  said  the  Queen.  "  It's  jam 
every  other  day :  to-day  isn't  any  other  day,  you 
know." 

"  I  don't  understand  you,"  said  Alice.  "  It's 
dreadfully  confusing  I  " 


WOOL  AND  WATEK.  96 

"That's  the  effect  of  living  backwards,"  the 
Queen  said  kindly  :  "  it  always  makes  one  a  little 
giddy  at  first " 

"  Living  backwards  !  "  Alice  repeated  in  great 
astonishment.    "  I  never  heard  of  such  a  thing  !  " 

" but  there*s   one   great   advantage  in   it, 

that  one's  memory  works  both  ways." 

"  I'm  sure  mine  only  works  one  way,"  Alice 
remarked.  "  I  can't  remember  things  before  they 
happen." 

"  It's  a  poor  sort  of  memory  that  only  works 
backwards,"  the  Queen  remarked. 

"  What  sort  of  things  do  you  remember  best  }  " 
Alice  ventured  to  ask. 

"Oh,  things  that  happened  the  week  after 
next,"  the  Queen  replied  in  a  careless  tone. 
"  For  instance,  now,'*  she  went  on,  sticking  a 
large  piece  of  plaster  on  her  finger  as  she  spoke, 
"  there's  the  King's  Messenger.  He's  in  prison 
now,  being  punished :  and  the  trial  doesn't  even 
begin  till  next  Wednesday :  and  of  course  the 
crime  comes  last  of  all.'* 


96 


WOOL  AND   WATER, 


"  Suppose  he  never 
commits  the  crime  ?  " 
said  Alice. 

"  That  would  be  all 
the  better,  wouldn't 
it  ?  "  the  Queen  said, 
as  she  bound  the 
plaster  round  her 
finger  with  a  bit  of 
ribbon. 

Alice    felt    there 
was  no  denying  that. 

"  Of  course  it  would  be  all  the  better,"  she  said : 
"  but  it  wouldn't  be  all  the  better  his  being 
punished." 

"YouVe  wrong  there,  at  any  rate,"  said  the 
Queen  :  "  Were  you  ever  punished  ?  " 

"  Only  for  faults,"  said  Alice. 

"  And  you  were  all  the  better  for  it,  I  know  !  " 
the  Queen  said  triumphantly. 

"  Yes,  but  then   I  had  done  the  things  I  was 


WOOL  AND  WATER.  97 

punished  for,"  said  Alice :  "  that  makes  all  the 
difference." 

"  But  if  you  hadnt  done  them,"  the  Queen 
said,  "  that  would  have  been  better  still ;  better, 
and  better,  and  better !  "  Her  voice  went  higher 
with  each  "  better,"  till  it  got  quite  to  a  squeak 
at  last. 

Alice  was  just   beginning  to  say  "  There's  a 

mistake  somewhere ,"  when  the  Queen  began 

screaming,  so  loud  that  she  had  to  leave  the 
sentence  unfinished.  "  Oh,  oh,  oh  ! "  shouted  the 
Queen,  shaking  her  hand  about  as  if  she  wanted 
to  shake  it  off.  "  My  finger's  bleeding !  Oh, 
oh,  oh,  oh  !  " 

Her  screams  were  so  exactly  like  the  whistle 
of  a  steam-engine,  that  Alice  had  to  hold  both 
her  hands  over  her  ears. 

"  What  is  the  matter  ? "  she  said,  as  soon  as 
there  was  a  chance  of  making  herself  heard. 
"  Have  you  pricked  your  finger  }  " 

"  I  haven't  pricked  it  ^^/,"  the  Queen  said, 
"  but  I  soon  shall oh,  oh,  oh ! " 


98  WOOL  AND   WATER. 

"  When  do  you  expect  to  do  it  ? "  Alice  asked, 
feeling  very  much  inclined  to  laugh. 

"  When  I  fasten  my  shawl  again,"  the  poor 
Queen  groaned  out :  "  the  brooch  will  come  un- 
done directly.  Oh,  oh  !  "  As  she  said  the  words 
the  brooch  flew  open,  and  the  Queen  clutched 
wildly  at  it,  and  tried  to  clasp  it  again. 

"  Take  care  ! "  cried  Alice.  "  You're  holding 
it  all  crooked  ! "  And  she  caught  at  the  brooch  ; 
but  it  was  too  late  :  the  pin  had  slipped,  and  the 
Queen  had  pricked  her  finger. 

"That  accounts  for  the  bleeding,  you  see," 
she  said  to  Alice  with  a  smile.  "  Now  you  under- 
stand the  way  things  happen  here." 

"  But  why  don't  you  scream  now  ?  "  Alice 
asked,  holding  her  hands  ready  to  put  over  her 
ears  again. 

"  Why,  I've  done  all  the  screaming  already," 
said  the  Queen.  "  What  would  be  the  good  of 
having  it  all  over  again  ?  " 

By  this  time  it  was  getting  light.  "  The  crow 
must  have   flown  away,  I   think,"   said  Alice: 


"WOOL  AND  WATER.  99 

"  Vm  so  glad  it's  gone.  I  thought  it  was  the 
night  coming  on." 

"  I  wish  /  could  manage  to  be  glad !  "  the 
Queen  said.  "  Only  I  never  can  remember  the 
rule.  You  must  be  very  happy,  living  in 
this  wood,  and  being  glad  whenever  you  like !  " 

**  Only  it  is  so  very  lonely  here  ! "  Alice  said 
in  a  melancholy  voice  ;  and  at  the  thought  of 
her  loneliness  two  large  tears  came  rolling  down 
her  cheeks. 

"  Oh,  don't  go  on  like  that ! "  cried  the 
poor  Queen,  wringing  her  hands  in  despair. 
**  Consider  what  a  great  girl  you  are.  Consider 
what  a  long  way  you've  come  to-day.  Consider 
what  o'clock  it  is.  Consider  anything,  only 
don't  cry !  " 

Alice  could  not  help  laughing  at  this,  even 
in  the  midst  of  her  tears.  "  Can  you  keep  from 
crying  by  considering  things  ?  "  she  asked. 

"  That's  the  way  it's  done,"  the  Queen  said 
with  great  decision  :  "  nobody  can  do  two  things 
at  once,  you  know.  Let's  consider  your  age  to 
begin  with how  old  are  you  ?  " 


100  WOOL  AND   WATER. 

"  I'm  seven  and  a  half  exactly." 

"  You  needn't  say  '  exactually/  "  the  Queen 
remarked  :  "  I  can  believe  it  without  that.  Now 
ril  gwQ  you  something  to  believe.  I'm  just  one 
hundred  and  one,  five  months  and  a  day." 

"  I  can't  believe  that!''  said  Alice. 

"  Can't  you  1 "  the  Queen  said  in  a  pitying 
tone.  "  Try  again ;  draw  a  long  breath,  and 
shut  your  eyes." 

Alice  laughed.  "  There's  no  use  trying,"  she 
said :  "  one  can't  believe  impossible  things." 

"  I  daresay  you  haven't  had  much  practice," 
said  the  Queen.  "  When  I  was  your  age,  I 
always  did  it  for  half-an-hour  a  day.  Why, 
sometimes  I've  believed  as  many  as  six  impossible 
things  before  breakfast.  There  goes  the  shawl 
again !  " 

The  brooch  had  come  undone  as  she  spoke, 
and  a  sudden  gust  of  wind  blew  the  Queen's 
shawl  across  a  little  brook.  The  Queen  spread 
out  her  arms  again,  and  went  flying  after  it,  and 
this  time  she  succeeded  in  catching  it  for  herself. 

"  I've  got  it !  "  she  cried  in  a  triumphant  tone. 


WOOL  AND   WATER.  101 

**  Now  you  shall  see  me  pin  it  on-  again,  all  by 
myself!" 

"  Then  I  hope  your  finger  is  better  now  ?  " 
Alice  said  very  politely,  as  she  crossed  the  little 
brook  after  the  Queen. 

t 

*  *  #  :|e  *  9|c 
***** 

♦  *  *  *  *  * 

"  Oh,  much  better ! ''  cried  the  Queen,  her 
voice  rising  into  a  squeak  as  she  went  on.  "  Much 
be-etter !  Be-etter !  Be-e-e-etter  !  Be-e-ehh !  "  The 
last  word  ended  in  a  long  bleat,  so  like  a  sheep 
that  Alice  quite  started. 

She  looked  at  the  Queen,  who  seemed  to 
have  suddenly  wrapped  herself  up  in  wool.  Alice 
rubbed  her  eyes,  and  looked  again.  She  couldn  t 
make  out  what  had  happened  at  all.     Was  she 

in  a  shop  ?     And  was  that  really was  it  really 

a  sheep  that  was  sitting  on  the  other  side  of  the 
counter  ?  Rub  as  she  would,  she  could  make 
nothing   more   of  it :  she  was   in  a  little   dark 


102 


WOOL  AND  WATER. 


shop,  leaning  with  her  elbows  on  the  counter, 
and  opposite  to  her  was  an  old  Sheep,  sitting  in 
an  arm-chair  knitting,  and  every  now  and  then 
leaving  off  to  look  at  her  through  a  great  pair 
of  spectacles. 


WOOL  AND  WATER.  103 

"  What  is  it  you  want  to  buy  ? ''  the  Sheep 
said  at  last,  looking  up  for  a  moment  from  her 
knitting. 

"  I  don't  quite  know  yet,"  Alice  said  very 
gently.  "  I  should  like  to  look  all  round  me  first, 
if  I  might." 

"  You  may  look  in  front  of  you,  and  on  both 
sides,  if   you   like,"  said    the    Sheep;  "but   you 

can't  look  all  round  you unless  you've  got 

eyes  at  the  back  of  your  head." 

But  these,  as  it  happened,  Alice  had  not  got : 
so  she  contented  herself  with  turning  round, 
looking  at  the  shelves  as  she  came  to  them. 

The  shop  seemed  to  be  full   of  all    manner 

of  curious   things but  the  oddest  part  of  it 

all  was,  that  whenever  she  looked  hard  at  any 
shelf,  to  make  out  exactly  what  it  had  on  it, 
that  particular  shelf  was  always  quite  empty  : 
though  the  others  round  it  were  crowded  as  full 
as  they  could  hold. 

"  Things  flow  about  so  here ! "  she  said  at 
last  in  a  plaintive  tone,  after  she  had  spent  a 
minute  or  so  in  vainly  pursuing  a  large  bright 


104  WOOL  AND   WATER. 

thing  that  looked  sometimes  like  a  doll  and 
sometimes  like  a  work-box,  and  was  always  in 
the  shelf  next  above  the  one  she  was  looking  at. 

"  And  this  one  is  the  most  provoking  of  all 

but    I'll  tell    you    what "    she   added,   as  a 

sudden  thought  struck  her,  "  I'll  follow  it  up 
to  the  very  top  shelf  of  all.  It'll  puzzle  it  to 
go  through  the  ceiling,  I  expect  !  " 

But  even  this  plan  failed  :  the  '  thing  went 
through  the  ceiling  as  quietly  as  possible,  as  if 
it  were  quite  used  to  it. 

"  Are  you  a  child  or  a  teetotum  ?  "  the  Sheep 
said,  as  she  took  up  another  pair  of  needles. 
"  You'll  make  me  giddy  soon,  if  you  go  on  turn- 
ing round  like  that."  She  was  now  working  with 
fourteen  pairs  at  once,  and  Alice  couldn't  help 
looking  at  her  in  great  astonishment. 

"  How  can  she  knit  with  so  many  ?  "  the 
puzzled  child  thought  to  herself.  "  She  gets 
more  and  more  like  a  porcupine  every  minute  !" 

"  Can  you  row  ?  "  the  Sheep  asked,  handing 
her  a  pair  of  knitting-needles  as  she  spoke. 

"  Yes,  a  little but  not  on  land and  not 


"WOOL  AND   WATER.  105 

with  needles "  Alice  was   beginning  to  say 

when  suddenly  the  needles  turned  into  oars  in 
her  hands,  and  she  found  they  were  in  a  little 
boat,  gliding  along  between  banks:  so  there  was 
nothing  for  it  but  to  do  her  best. 

"  Feather ! "  cried  the  Sheep,  as  she  took  up 
another  pair  of  needles. 

This  didn't  sound  like  a  remark  that  needed 
any  answer,  so  Alice  said  nothing,  but  pulled 
away.  There  was  something  very  queer  about 
the  water,  she  thought,  as  every  now  and  then 
the  oars  got  fast  in  it,  and  would  hardly  come 
out  again. 

'*  Feather !  Feather  !  "  the  Sheep  cried  again, 
taking  more  needles.  "  You'll  be  catching  a 
crab  directly." 

"  A  dear  little  crab ! "  thought  Alice.  "  I 
should  like  that." 

*'  Didn't  you  hear  me  say  *  Feather'  ?  "  the 
Sheep  cried  angrily,  taking  up  quite  a  bunch  of 
needles. 

"  Indeed    I  did,"    said    Alice  :  *  *  youVe    said 


106  WOOL  AND   WATER. 

it  very  often and  very  loud.     Please,  where 

are  the  crabs }  " 

"  In  the  water,  of  course ! "  said  the  Sheep, 
sticking  some  of  the  needles  into  her  hair,  as 
her  hands  were  full.     "  Feather,  I  say!  " 

"  Why  do  you  say  '  Feather '  so  often .?  "  Alice 
asked  at  last,  rather  vexed.     "  I'm  not  a  bird ! " 

"  You  are,"  said  the  Sheep :  "  you're  a  little 
goose." 

This  offended  Alice  a  little,  so  there  was  no 
more  conversation  for  a  minute  or  two,  while  the 
boat  glided  gently  on,  sometimes  among  beds  of 
weeds  (which  made  the  oars  stick  fast  in  the 
water,  worse  than  ever),  and  sometimes  under 
trees,  but  always  with  the  same  tall  river-banks 
frowning  over  their  heads. 

"  Oh,  please  !  There  are  some  scented 
rushes !  "  Alice  cried  in  a  sudden  transport  of 

delight.      "   There     really     are and     such 

beauties ! " 

"  You  needn't  say  '  please '  to  me  about  *em," 
the   Sheep   said,  without  looking  up  from   her 


WOOL  AND  WATER.  107 

knitting :  "  I  didn't  put   em  there,  and  I'm  not 
going  to  take  'em  away." 

"  No,  but  I  meant please,  may  we  wait  and 

pick   some  ? "     Alice   pleaded.     "  If    you    don't 
mind  stopping  the  boat  for  a  minute." 

*'  How  am  /  to  stop  it  ?  "  said  the  Sheep.  "  If 
you  leave  off  rowing,  it'll  stop  of  itself." 

So  the  boat  was  left  to  drift  down  the  stream 
as  it  would,  till  it  glided  gently  in  among  the 
waving  rushes.  And  then  the  Httle  sleeves  were 
carefully  rolled  up,  and  the  little  arms  were 
plunged  in  elbow-deep,  to  get  hold  of  the  rushes 
a  good  long  way  down  before    breaking    them 

off and  for  a  while  Alice  forgot    all  about 

the  Sheep  and  the  knitting,  as  she  bent  over  the 
side  of  the  boat,  with  just  the  ends  of  her  tangled 

hair  dipping  into  the  water while  with  bright 

eager  eyes  she  caught  at  one  bunch  after  another 
of  the  darling  scented  rushes. 

"  I  only  hope  the  boat  won't  tipple  over !  "  she 
said  to  herself.  "  Oh,  wM^  a  lovely  one  !  Only 
I  couldn't  quite  reach  it."  And  it  certainly  did 
seem  a  little  provoking  ("  almost  as  if  it  happened 


108  WOOL  AND    WATER. 

on  purpose,"  she  thought)  that,  though  she  man- 
aged to  pick  plenty  of  beautiful  rushes  as  the 
boat  glided  by,  there  was  always  a  more  lovely 
one  that  she  couldn't  reach. 

"  The  prettiest  are  always  further ! "  she  said 
at  last,  with  a  sigh  at  the  obstinacy  of  the  rushes 
in  growing  so  far  off,  as,  with  flushed  cheeks  and 
dripping  hair  and  hands,  she  scrambled  back  in- 
to her  place,  and  began  to  arrange  her  new-found 
treasures. 

What  mattered  it  to  her  just  then  that  the 
rushes  had  begun  to  fade,  and  to  lose  all  their 
scent  and  beauty,  from  the  very  moment  that 
she  picked  them?     Even    real   scented    rushes, 

you-  know,  last  only  a  very  little  while and 

these,  being  dream-rushes,  melted    away  almost 

like  snow,  as  they  lay  in  heaps  at  her  feet but 

Alice  hardly  noticed  this,  there  were  so  many 
other  curious  things  to  think  about. 

They  hadn't  gone  much  farther  before  the 
blade  of  one  of  the  oars  got  fast  in  the  water 
and  wouldn  ^  come  out  again  (so  Alice  explained 
it  afterwards),  and  the  consequence  was  that  the 


"WOOL  Amy  WATER.  109 

handle  of  it  caught  her  under  the  chin,  and,  in 
spite  of  a  series  of  little  shrieks  of  *  Oh,  oh,  oh  I ' 
from  poor  Alice,  it  swept  her  straight  off  the  seat, 
and  down  among  the  heap  of  rushes. 

However,  she  wasn't  a  bit  hurt,  and  was  soon 
up  again:  the  Sheep  went  on  with  her  knitting 
all  the  while,  just  as  if  nothing  had  happened. 
"  That  was  a  nice  crab  you  caught ! "  she  re- 
marked, as  Alice  got  back  into  her  place,  very 
much  relieved  to  find  herself  still  in  the  boat. 

"  Was  it  ?  I  didn't  see  it,"  said  Alice,  peeping 
cautiously  over  the  side  of  the  boat  into  the  dark 

water.     "  I  wish  it  hadn't  let  go 1  should  so 

like  a  little  crab  to  take  home  with  me !  "  But 
the  Sheep  only  laughed  scornfully,  and  went  on 
with  her  knitting. 

**  Are  there  many  crabs  here  ?  "  said  Alice. 

"Crabs,  and  all  sorts  of  things,"  said  the 
Sheep:  "plenty  of  choice,  only  make  up  your 
mind.     Now,  what  do  you  want  to  buy  ?  " 

"  To  buy  !  "  Alice  echoed  in  a  tone  that  was 
half  astonished  and  half  frightened for  the 


no 


WOOL   AND   WATER. 


oars,  and  the  boat,  and  the  river,  had  vanished 
all  in  a  moment,  and  she  was  back  again  in  the 
little  dark  shop. 


WOOL  AND  WATER.  HI 

"  I  should  like  to  buy  an  egg,  please,"  she  said 
timidly.     "  How  do  you  sell  them  ?  " 

"  Fivepence  farthing  for  one twopence  for 

two,"  the  sheep  replied. 

"  Then  two  are  cheaper  than  one  ? "  Alice 
said  in  a  surprised  tone,  taking  out  her  purse. 

"  Only  you  mt^s^  eat  them  both,  if  you  buy 
two,"  said  the  Sheep. 

"  Then  I'll  have  one,  please,"  said  Alice,  as  she 
put  the  money  down  on  the  counter.  For  she 
thought  to  herself,  "  They  mightn't  be  at  all  nice, 
you  know." 

The  Sheep  took  the  money,  and  put  it  away 
in  a  box :  then  she  said,   "  I   never  put   things 

into  people's  hands that  would  never  do 

you  must  get  it  for  yourself."  And  so  saying, 
she  went  off  to  the  other  end  of  the  shop,  and  set 
the  egg  upright  on  a  shelf. 

"  I  wonder  w^y  it  wouldn't  do  ? "  thought 
Alice,  as  she  groped  her  way  among  the  tables 
and  chairs,  for  the  shop  was  very  dark  towards 
the  end.  "  The  egg  seems  to  get  further  away 
the  more  I  walk  towards  it.     Let  me  see,  is  this 


112  "WOOL  AND  WATER. 

a  chair  ?  Why,  it's  got  branches,  I  declare ! 
How  very  odd  to  find  trees  growing  here  !  And 
actually  here's  a  little  brook !  Well,  this  is  the 
very  queerest  shop  I  ever  saw !  " 


So  she  went  on,  wondering  more  and  more 
at  every  step,  as  everything  turned  into  a  tree 
the  moment  she  came  up  to  it,  and  she  quite 
expected  the  egg  to  do  the  same. 


CHAPTER  VI. 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 


However,  the  egg  only  got  larger  and  larger, 
and  more  and  more  human :  when  she  had 
come  within  a  few  yards  of  it,  she  saw  that  it 
had  eyes  and  a  nose  and  mouth  ;  and  when  she 
had  come  close  to  it;  she  saw  clearly  that  it 
was  HUMPTY  DUMPTY  himself.  "  It  can't 
be  anybody  else ! "  she  said  to  herself.  "  I'm 
as  certain  of  it,  as  if  his  name  were  written  all 
over  his  face !  " 

It  might  have  been  written  a  hundred  times, 
easily,  on  that  enormous  face.     Humpty  Dumpty 


114  HUMPTY   DUMPTY. 

was  sitting  with   his  legs  crossed,  like  a  Turk, 

on  the  top  of  a  high  wall such  a  narrow  one 

that  Alice  quite  wondered  how  he   could  keep 

his   balance and,  as   his  eyes  were  steadily 

fixed  in  the  opposite  direction,  and  he  didn't 
take  the  least  notice  of  her,  she  thought  he  must 
be  a  stuffed  figure  after  all. 

"  And  how  exactly  like  an  egg  he  is ! "  she 
said  aloud,  standing  with  her  hands  ready  to 
catch  him,  for  she  was  every  moment  expecting 
him  to  fall. 

"  It  s  very  provoking,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said 
after  a  long  silence,  looking  away  from  Alice  as 
he  spoke,  "  to  be  called  an  ^^^ very  I " 

"  I  said  you  looked  like  an  egg,  Sir,"  Alice 
gently  explained.  "  And  some  eggs  are  very 
pretty,  you  know,"  she  added,  hoping  to  turn  her 
remark  into  a  sort  of  compliment. 

"  Some  people,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty,  look- 
ing away  from  her  as  usual,  "  have  no  more 
sense  than  a  baby !  " 

Alice  didn't  know  what  to  say  to  this  :  it 
wasn't  at  all  like  conversation,  she  thought,  as 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  115 

he  never  said  anything  to  her;  in  fact,  his  last 

remark  was  evidently  addressed  to  a  tree so 

she  stood  and  softly  repeated  to  herself ; — 

Humpty  Dumpty  sat  on  a  wall: 

Humpty  Dumpty  had  a  great  fall 

All  the  Kings  horses  and  all  the  Kings  men 

Couldntput  Humpty  Dumpty  in  his  place  again. " 


"  That  last  line  is  much  too  long  for  the 
poetry,"  she  added,  almost  out  loud,  forgetting 
that  Humpty  Dumpty  would  hear  her. 

"  Don't  stand  chattering  to  yourself  like  that," 
Humpty  Dumpty  said,  looking  at  her  for  the 
first  time,  "  but  tell  me  your  name  and  your 
business." 

"  My  name  is  Alice,  but ** 

"  It's  a  stupid  name  enough ! "  Humpty 
Dumpty  interrupted  impatiently.  "  What  does 
it  mean  ?  " 

"  Must  a  name  mean  something  ? "  Alice 
asked  doubtfully. 


116  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

"  Of  course  it  must,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said 
with  a  short  laugh :  "  my  name  means  the  shape 

I  am and  a  good  handsome  shape  it  is,  too. 

With  a  name  Hke  yours,  you  might  be  any  shape, 
ahuost." 

"  Why  do  you  sit  out  here  all  alone  ? "  said  Alice, 
not  wishing  to  begin  an  argument. 

"  Why,  because  there's  nobody  with  me !  "  cried 
Humpty  Dumpty.  "  Did  you  think  I  didn't 
know  the  answer  to  that?     Ask  another." 

"  Don't  you  think  you'd  be  safer  down  on  the 
ground  t  "  Alice  went  on,  not  with  a-ny  idea  of 
making  another  riddle,  but  simply  in  her  good- 
natured  anxiety  for  the  queer  creature.  "  That 
wall  is  so  very  narrow  !  " 

"  What  tremendously  easy  riddles  you  ask ! " 
Humpty  Dumpty  growled   out.     "  Of   course   I 

don't  think  so !     Why,  if  ever  I  did  fall  off 

which  there's  no  chance  of but  if  I  did " 

Here  he  pursed  up  his  lips,  and  looked  so  solemn 
and  grand  that  Alice  could  hardly  help  laughing. 
''If\  did  fall,"  he  went  on,  ''the  King  has  prom- 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  117 

ised  me ah,  you  may  turn  pale,  if  you  like ! 

You  didn't  think  I  was  going  to  say  that,  did  you  ? 

The  King  has  promised  me with  his  very  own 

mouth to to " 

"  To  send  all  his  horses  and  all  his  men,"  Alice 
interrupted  rather  unwisely. 

"  Now  I    declare  that's   too  bad ! "     Humpty 
Dumpty  cried,  breaking  into  a  sudden  passion. 

"  You've  been  listening  at  doors and   behind 

trees and  down  chimneys or  you  couldn't 

have  known  it ! " 

"  I  haven't  indeed !  "  Alice  said  very  gently. 
*'  It's  in  a  book," 

"  Ah,  well !  They  may  write  such  things  in  a 
book''  Humpty  Dumpty  said  in  a  calmer  tone. 
That's  what  you  call  a  History  of  England, 
that  is.  Now,  take  a  good  look  at  me !  I'm  one 
that  has  spoken  to  a  King,  /  am  ;  mayhap  you'll 
never  see  such  another:  and  to  show  you 
I'm  not  proud,  you  may  shake  hands  with 
me  !  "  And  he  grinned  almost  from  ear  to  ear, 
as  he  leant  forwards  (and  as  nearly  as  possible 


HUMPTY   DUMPTY. 


fell  off  the  wall  in  doing 

so)  and  offered  Alice  his 

hand.   She  watched  him 

a  little  anxiously  as  she 

took  it.     "  If  he  smiled 

much  more,  the  ends  of 

his  mouth  might  meet 

behind,"   she   thought : 

"  and  then  I  don't  know  what  would  happen  to 

his  head  !     Tm  afraid  it  would  come  off !  " 

"  Yes,  all  his  horses  and  all  his  men,"  Humpty 


HUMPTY  DTJMPTY.  119 

Dumpty  went  on.  "  They'd  pick  me  up  again 
in  a  minute,  they  would !  However,  this  conver- 
sation is  going  on  a  little  too  fast :  let's  go  back 
to  the  last  remark  but  one." 

"  I'm  afraid  I  can't  quite  remember  it,"  Alice 
said  very  politely. 

"  In  that  case  we  start  fresh,"  said  Humpty 
Dumpty,  "and  it's  my  turn  to  choose  a  sub- 
ject  '*  ("  He  talks  about  it  just  as  if  it  was 

a  game ! "  thought  Alice.)  "  So  here's  a  question 
for  you.     How  old  did  you  say  you  were  1  " 

Alice  made  a  short  calculation,  and  said 
"  Seven  years  and  six  months.'* 

"  Wrong  !  "  Humpty  Dumpty  exclaimed  tri- 
umphantly.    "  You  never  said  a  word  like  it !  '* 

"  I  thought  you  meant  *  How  old  are  you  1  " 
Alice  explained. 

"If  I'd  meant  that,  I'd  have  said  it,"  said 
Humpty  Dumpty. 

Alice  didn't  want  to  begin  another  argument, 
so  she  said  nothing. 

"  Seven   years   and   six  months  !  "      Humpty 


120  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

Dumpty  repeated  thoughtfully.  "  An  uncom- 
fortable sort  of  age.     Now   if  you'd   asked  my 

advice,  I'd  have  said  *  Leave  off  at  seven ' 

but  it's  too  late  now." 

"  I  never  ask  advice  about  growing,"  Alice  said 
indignantly. 

''  Too  proud  ?  "  the  other  inquired 

Alice  felt  even  more  indignant  at  this  sug- 
gestion. "  I  mean,"  she  said,  "  that  one  can't 
help  growing  older." 

"  One  can't,  perhaps,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty, 
"  but  two  can.  With  proper  assistance,  you  might 
have  left  off  at  seven." 

"  What  a  beautiful  belt  you've  got  on ! " 
Alice  suddenly  remarked.  (They  had  had  quite 
enough  of  the  subject  of  age,  she  thought :  and 
if  they  really  were  to  take  turns  in  choosing 
subjects,  it  was  her  turn  now.)  "  At  least," 
she   corrected  herself  on   second   thoughts,   *'a 

beautiful   cravat,  I    should   have   said no,   a 

belt,  I  mean 1  beg  your  pardon  !  "  she  added 

in  dismay,  for  Humpty    Dumpty   looked   thor- 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  121 

oughly  offended,  and  she  began  to  wish  she 
hadn't  chosen  that  subject.  "  If  only  I  knew," 
she  thought  to  herself,  "  which  was  neck  and 
which  was  waist !  " 

Evidently  Humpty  Dumpty  was  very  angry, 
though  he  said  nothing  for  a  minute  or  two. 
When  he  did  speak  again,  it  was  in  a  deep 
growl. 

"  It  is   a most -provoking thing,"  he 

said  at  last,  "when  a  person  doesn't  know  a 
cravat  from  a  belt !  " 

"I  know  it's  very  ignorant  of  me,"  Alice 
said,  in  so  humble  a  tone  that  Humpty  Dumpty 
relented. 

**  It's  a  cravat,  child,  and  a  beautiful  one,  as 
you  say.  It's  a  present  from  the  White  King 
and  Queen.     There  now  I  " 

"  Is  it  really  ? "  said  Alice,  quite  pleased  to 
find  that  she  had  chosen  a  good  subject,  after 
all 

"  They  gave  it  me,"  Humpty  Dumpty  con- 
tinued thoughtfully,  as  he  crossed  one  knee  over 
the    other    and    clasped    his    hands    round  it 


122  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

"  they  gave  it  me for  an  un-birthday  present." 

"  I  beg  you  pardon  ?  "  Alice  said  with  a 
puzzled  air. 

"  I'm  not  offended,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty. 

"  I  mean,  what  is  an  un-birthda}'-  present  ?  " 

"  A  present  given  when  it  isn't  your  birthday, 
of  course." 

Alice  considered  a  little.  "  I  like  birthday 
presents  best,"  she  said  at  last. 

"  You  don't  know  what  you're  talking  about !  " 
cried  Humpty  Dumpty.  "  How  many  days  are 
there  in  a  year  .?  " 

"  Three  hundred  and  sixty-five,"  said  Alice. 

"  And  how  many  birthdays  have  you  }  " 

"  One." 

"  And  if  you  take  one  from  three  hundred  and 
sixty-five,  what  remains  ?  " 

"  Three  hundred  and  sixty-four,  of  course." 

Humpty  Dumpty  looked  doubtful.  "  I'd  rather 
see  that  done  on  paper,"  he  said. 

Alice  couldn't  help '  smiling  as  she  took  out 
her  memorandum-book,  and  worked  the  sum  for 
him: 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  123 

I 


Humpty  Dumpty  took  the  book,  and  looked  at 

it  carefully.     "  That  seems  to  be  done  right " 

he  began. 

"  You're  holding  it  upside  down  ! "  Alice  in- 
terrupted. 

"  Ta  be  sure  I  was  !  "  Humpty  Dumpty 
said  gaily,  as  she  turned  it  round  for  him.  "  I 
thought  it  looked  a  little  queer.  As  I  was  say- 
ing, that   seems  to  be  done  right though    I 

haven't  time  to  look  it  over  thoroughly  just  now 
— —and  that  shows  that  there  are  three  hun- 
dred and  sixty-four  days  when  you  might  get  un- 
birthday  presents " 

"  Certainly,"  said  Alice. 

"And  only  one  for  birthday  presents,  you 
know.     There's  glory  for  you  !  " 

"I  don't  know  what  you  mean  by  *  glory,'" 
Alice  said. 


124  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

Humpty  Dumpty  smiled  contemptuously.    "  Of 

course   you   don't till   I  tell   you.     I    meant 

*  there's  a  nice  knock-down  argument  for  you ! '  " 

"  But  *  glory '  doesn't  mean  *  a  nice  knock- 
down argument,' "  Alice  objected. 

"  When  /  use  a  word,"  Humpty  Dumpty 
said  in  rather  a  scornful  tone,  "  it   means  just 

what  I  choose  it  to  mean neither  more  nor 

less." 

"  The  question  is,"  said  Alice,  "  whether  you 
can  make  words  mean  so  many  different  things." 

"  The  question  is,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty, 
"  which  is  to  be  master that's  all." 

Alice  was  too  much  puzzled  to  say  anything, 
so  after  a  minute  Humpty  Dumpty  began  again. 
"  They've  a  temper,  some  of  them particu- 
larly  verbs,   they're  the    proudest adjectives 

you  can   do   anything  with,  but   not   verbs 

however,  /  can  manage  the  whole  lot  of  them ! 
Impenetrability!      That's  what  /  say  !  " 

"Would  you  tell  me,  please,'*  said  Alice, 
"  what  that  means  ?  " 

"  Now  you  talk  like  a  reasonable  child,"  said 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  125 

Humpty  Dumpty,  looking  very  much  pleased. 
^'  I  meant  by  '  impenetrability  '  that  we've  had 
enough  of  that  subject,  and  it  would  be  just  as 
well  if  you'd  mention  what  you  mean  to  do  next, 
as  I  suppose  you  don't  mean  to  stop  here  all  the 
rest  of  your  life." 

"  That's  a  great  deal  to  make  one  word  mean/* 
Alice  said  in  a  thoughtful  tone. 

"When  I  make  a  word  do  a  lot  of  work 
like  that,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty,  "  I  always  pay 
it  extra." 

"Oh!"  said  Alice.  She  was  too  much  puz- 
zled to  make  any  other  remark. 

"  Ah,  you  should  see  'em  come  round  me  of 
a  Saturday  night,"  Humpty  Dumpty  went  on, 
wagging  his  head  gravely  from  side  to  side : 
"  for  to  get  their  wages,  you  know." 

(Alice  didn't  venture  to  ask  what  he  paid 
them  with;  and  so  you  see  I  can't  teWyou,) 

"  You  seem  very  clever  at  explaining  words, 
Sir,"  said  Alice.  "  Would  you  kindly  tell  me  the 
meaning  of  the  poem  called  '  Jabberwocky '  ?  " 

"Let's   hear   it,"  said    Humpty  Dumpty.     "I 


126  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

can   explain   all   the   poems   that  ever  were  in- 
vented  and  a  good  many  that  haven't  been 

invented  just  yet." 

This  sounded  very  hopeful,  so  Alice  repeated 
the  first  verse : 

" '  Twas  brillig,  and  the  slithy  toves 
Did  gyre  and  gimble  in  the  wade : 
All  mimsy  were  the  borogoves^ 
And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe, 

"  That's  enough  to  begin  with,"  Humpty 
Dumpty  interrupted :  "  there  are  plenty  of  hard 
words  there.     *  Brillig'  va^din^  four  o'clock  in  the 

afternoon the  time  when  you  begin  broiling 

things  for  dinner." 

"That'll  do  very  well,"  said  Alice:  "and 
'slithy'  ?'' 

"  Well,  *  slithy '  means  *  lithe  and  slimy.' 
*  Lithe '  is  the   same  as  *  active.'     You  see  it's 

like  a  portmanteau there  are  two  meanings 

packed  up  into  one  word." 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 


12T 


"  I  see  it  now,"  Alice  remarked  thoughtfully: 
**  and  what  are  *  toves  '  /  " 

"  Well,  '  toves  '  are  something  like  badgers • 


128  HUMPTY  DITMPTY. 

they're   something   like    lizards and   they're 

something  like  corkscrews." 

"  They  must  be  very  curious-looking  crea- 
tures." 

*'  They  are  that,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty :  "  also 

they   make  their  nests  under   sun-dials also 

they  live  on  cheese." 

"  And  whafs  to  'gyre '  and  to  ' gimble ' ?  " 

"To*^r^'  is  to  go  round  and  round  like 
a  gyroscope.  To  '  gimble '  is  to  make  holes  like  a 
gimblet." 

"And  ^  the  wabe^  is  the  grass-plot  round  a 
sun-dial,  I  suppose  ?  "  said  Alice,  surprised  at  her 
own  ingenuity. 

"  Of  course  it  is.  If s  called  *  wabe'  you  know, 
because  it  goes  a  long  way  before  it,  and  a  long 
way  behind  it " 

"  And  a  long  way  beyond  it  on  each  side," 
Alice  added. 

"  Exactly  so.  Well  then,  *  mimsy '  is  '  flimsy 
and  miserable  '  (there's  another  portmanteau  for 
you).     And  a  *  borogove '  is  a  thin  shabby-looking 


HXJMPTY  DUMPTY.  129 

bird  with  its  feathers  sticking  out  all  round 

something  like  a  live  mop." 

"  And  then  *  mome  raths '  / "  said  Alice. 
"I'm  afraid  I'm  giving  you  a  great  deal  of 
trouble." 

"  Well,  a  *  rath '  is  a  sort  of  green  pig :  but 
*  mome '  I'm  not  certain  about.     I  think  it's  short 

for  *from  home' meaning   that   they'd   lost 

their  way,  you  know." 

"  And  what  does  '  outgrabe '  mean  ? " 

"Well,  ^  outgribing'  is  something  between 
bellowing  and  whistling,  with  a  kind  of  sneeze 
in   the    middle :  however,   you'll   hear   it   done, 

maybe down   in    the   wood    yonder and 

when  you've  once  heard  it  you'll  be  quite  con- 
tent. Who's  been  repeating  all  that  hard  stuff 
to  you?" 

"  I  read  it  in  a  book,"  said  Alice.  "  But  I  had 
some  poetry  repeated  to  me,  much  easier  than 
that,  by Tweedledee,  I  think  it  was." 

"  As  to  poetry,  you  know,"  said  Humpty 
Dumpty,  stretching  out  one  of  his  great  hands, 


130  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

"  /  can  repeat  poetry  as  well  as  other  folk,  if  it 
comes  to  that " 

"  Oh,  it  needn't  come  to  that !  "  Alice  hastily 
said,  hoping  to  keep  him  from  beginning. 

"  The  piece  I'm  going  to  repeat,"  he  went  on 
without  noticing  her  remark,  "  was  written 
entirely  for  your  amusement** 

Alice  felt  that  in  that  case  she  really  ought  to 
listen  to  it,  so  she  sat  down,  and  said  "  Thank 
you  "  rather  sadly. 

"  In  winter^  when  the  fields  are  white^ 
I  sing  this  song  for  your  delight 


only  I  don't  sing  it,"  he  added,  as  an  expla* 
nation. 

"  I  see  you  don't,"  said  Alice. 

"  If  you  can  see  whether  I'm  singing  or  not, 
you've  sharper  eyes  than  most,"  Humpty 
Dumpty  remarked  severely.     Alice  was  silent. 

"//^  springs  when  woods  are  getting  green^ 
ril  try  and  tell  you  what  I  mean'' 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  131 

"  Thank  you  very  much,"  said  Alice. 

"  In  summer  when  the  days  are  long. 
Perhaps  you  II  understand  the  song: 

In  autumn,  when  the  leaves  are  brown^ 
Take  pen  and  ink,  and  write  it  down'' 

"  I  will,  if  I  can  remember  it  so  long,"  said 
Alice. 

"You  needn*t  go  on  making  remarks  like 
that,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said :  "  they're  not 
sensible,  and  they  put  me  out." 

"  /  sent  a  message  to  the  fish : 
I  told  them  '  This  is  what  I  wish. 

The  little  fishes  of  the  sea. 
They  sent  an  answer  back  to  me. 

The  little  fishes'  answer  was 

*  We  cannot  do  it.  Sir,  because ' 


132  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

"I'm  afraid  I  don't  quite  understand,"  said 
Alice. 

"  It  gets  easier  further  on,"  Humpty  Dumpty 
replied. 

"  /  sent  to  them  again  to  say 

*  //  will  be  better  to  obey^ 

The  fishes  answered  with  a  grin^ 

*  Whyy  what  a  temper  you  are  in  /  '* 

/  told  them  once,  I  told  them  twice: 
They  mould  not  listen  to  advice. 

I  took  a  kettle  large  and  new^ 
Fit  for  the  deed  I  had  to  do. 

My  heart  went  hop,  my  heart  went  thump  ; 
I  filled  the  kettle  at  the  pump. 

Then  some  one  came  to  me  and  said, 

*  The  little  fishes  are  in  bed' 


HUMPTY  DUMPTT. 


133 


I  said  to  him,  I  said  it  plain ^ 

*  Then  you  must  wake  them  up  again. 


I  said  it  very  loud  and  clear  ; 
I  went  and  shouted  in  his  earT 


Humpty  Dumpty  raised  his  voice  almost  to 
e  scream  as  he  repeated  this  verse,  and  Alice 


134  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

thought  with  a  shudder,  "  I  wouldn't  have  been 
the  messenger  for  anything  !  " 

"  But  he  was  very  stiff  and  proud ; 
He  said  ''You  neednt  shout  so  loud! 

And  he  was  very  proud  and  stiff ; 
He  said  ^  Td  go  and  wake  them^  if- 

/  took  a  corkscrew  from  the  shelf : 
I  went  to  wake  them  up  myself 

And  when  I  found  the  door  was  locked, 

I  pulled  and  pushed  and  kicked  and  knocked. 

And  when  I  found  the  door  was  shut, 
I  tried  to  turn  the  handle,  but " 

There  was  a  long  pause. 
**  Is  that  all  ?  "  Alice  timidly  asked. 
"  That's  all,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty.     "  Good- 
bye." 

This  was  rather  sudden,  Alice  thought:  but, 


HUMPTY  DUMPTY.  135 

after  such  a  very  strong  hint  that  she  ought  to 
be  going,  she  felt  that  it  would  hardly  be  civil 
to  stay.  So  she  got  up,  and  held  out  her  hand. 
"  Good-bye,  till  we  meet  again ! "  she  said  as 
cheerfully  as  she  could. 

"  I  shouldn't  know  you  again  if  we  did 
meet,"  Humpty  Dumpty  replied  in  a  discontented 
tone,  giving  her  one  of  his  fingers  to  shake; 
"  you're  so  exactly  like  other  people." 

"The  face  is  what  one  goes  by,  generally," 
Alice  remarked  in  a  thoughtful  tone. 

"  That's  just  what  I  complain  of,"  said  Humpty 
Dumpty.     "  Your  face  is  the  same  as  everybody 

has the   two   eyes,   so "    (marking   their 

places  in  the  air  with  his  thumb)  "  nose  in  the 
middle,  mouth  under.  It's  always  the  same. 
Now  if  you  had  the  two  eyes  on  the  same  side 

of  the  nose,  for  instance or  the  mouth  at  the 

top that  would  be  some  help." 

"  It  wouldn't  look  nice,"  Alice  objected.  But 
Humpty  Dumpty  only  shut  his  eyes  and  said 
"  Wait  till  you've  tried." 

Alice  waited  a   minute   to  see   if   he   would 


136  HUMPTY  DUMPTY. 

speak  again,  but  as  he  never  opened  his  eyes 
or  took  any  further  notice  of  her,  she  said 
"  Good-bye  !  "  once  more,  and  getting  no  answer 
to  this,  she  quietly  walked  away  :  but  she 
couldn't   help   saying    to   herself    as   she  went, 

"  Of   all    the    unsatisfactory "  (she    repeated 

this  aloud,  as  it  was  a  great  comfort  to  have 
such  a  long  word  to  say)  "  of  all  the  unsatisfac- 
tory people  I  ever  met "     She  never  finished 

the  sentence,  for  at  this  moment  a  heavy  crash 
shook  the  forest  from  end  to  end. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE  LION  AND  THE  UNICORN. 

The  next  moment  soldiers  came  running 
through  the  wood,  at  first  in  twos  and  threes, 
then  ten  or  twenty  together,  and  at  last  in  such 
crowds  that  they  seemed  to  fill  the  whole  forest. 
Alice  got  behind  a  tree,  for  fear  of  being  run 
over,  and  watched  them  go  by. 

She  thought  that  in  all  her  life  she  had 
never  seen  soldiers  so  uncertain  on  their  feet ; 
they  were  always  tripping  over  something  or 
other,  and  whenever  one  went  down,  several 
more  always  fell  over  him,  so  that  the  ground 
was  soon  covered  with  little  heaps  of  men. 


138 


THE  LION   AND 


Then   came   the   horses.      Having   four  feet, 
these  managed  rather   better  than  the  foot-soJ- 


THE  UNICORN.  139 

diers :  but  even  they  stumbled  now  and  then ; 
and  it  seemed  to  be  a  regular  rule  that,  when- 
ever a  horse  stumbled,  the  rider  fell  off  instantly. 
The  confusion  got  worse  every  moment,  and 
Alice  was  very  glad  to  get  out  of  the  wood  into 
an  open  place,  where  she  found  the  White  King 
seated  on  the  ground,  busily  writing  in  his 
memorandum-book. 

*'  I've  sent  them  all ! "  the  King  cried  in  a 
tone  of  delight,  on  seeing  Alice.  "  Did  you 
happen  to  meet  any  soldiers,  my  dear,  as  you 
came  through  the  wood  t  " 

"  Yes,  I  did,"  said  Alice :  "  several  thousand, 
I  should  think." 

"  Four  thousand  two  hundred  and  seven, 
that's  the  exact  number,"  the  King  said  referring 
to  his  book.  "  I  couldn't  send  all  the  horses, 
you  know,  because  two  of  them  are  wanted  in 
the  game.  And  I  haven't  sent  the  two  Mes- 
sengers, either.  They're  both  gone  to  the  town. 
Just  look  along  the  road,  and  tell  me  if  you  can 
see  either  of  them." 

"  I  see  nobody  on  the  road,"  said  Alice. 


140  THE  LION  AND 

"  I  only  wish  /  had  such  eyes,'*  the  King 
remarked  in  a  fretful  tone.  "  To  be  able  to 
see  Nobody  !  And  at  that  distance  too  !  Why 
it's  as  much  as  /  can  do  to  see  real  people,  by 
this  light ! " 

All  this  was  lost  on  Alice,  who  was  still 
looking  intently  along  the  road,  shading  her 
eyes  with  one  hand.  "  I  see  somebody  now !  " 
she  exclaimed  at  last.     "  But  he's  coming*  very 

slowly and  what  -curious    attitudes   he  goes 

into !  "  (For  the  Messenger  kept  skipping  up 
and  dow'n,  and  wriggling  like  an  eel,  as  he  came 
along,  with  his  great  hands  spread  out  like  fans 
on  each  side.) 

"  Not  at  all,"  said  the  King.  "  He's  an  Anglo- 
Saxon  Messenger and  those  are  Anglo-Saxon 

attitudes.  He  only  does  them  when  he's  happy. 
His  name  is  Haigha."  (he  pronounced  it  so  as 
to  rhyme  with  '  mayor.') 

"  I  love  my  love  with  an  H,'  Alice  couldn't 
help  beginning  '  because  he  is  Happy.  I  hate 
him  with  an  H,  because  he  is  Hideous.  I  fed  the 
him  with with with  Ham -sandwiches  and 


THE  UNICORN.  141 

Hay.     His  name  is  Haigha,  and  he  lives " 

"  He  lives  on  the  Hill,"  the  King  remarked 
simply,  without  the  least  idea  that  he  was  join- 
ing in  the  game,  while  Alice  was  still  hesitating 
for  the  name  of  a  town  beginning  with  H.  "  The 
other  Messenger  's  called   Hatta.     I  must  have 

two,  you    know to   come    and   go.     One  to 

come,  and  one  to  go." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon  ?  "  said  Alice. 

"  It  isn't  respectable  to  beg,"  said  the  King. 

**  I  only  meant  that  I  didn't  understand,"  said 
Alice.     "  Why  one  to  come  and  one  to  go  ?  " 

"  Don't  I  tell  you  .? "  the  King  repeated  im- 
patiently.    "  I  must  have  two to  fetch  and 

carry.     One  to  fetch,  and  one  to  carry." 

At  this  moment  the  Messenger  arrived:  he 
was  far  too  much  out  of  breath  to  say  a  word, 
and  could  only  wave  his  hands  about,  and  make 
the  most  fearful  faces  at  the  poor  King. 

"  This  young  lady  loves  you  with  an  H," 
the  King  said,  introducing  Alice  in  the  hope  of 
turning  off  the  Messenger's  attention  from  him- 
self  but  it  was  no  use the  Anglo-Saxon 


142 


THE  LION   AND 


attitudes  only  got  more  extraordinary  every 
moment,  while  the  great  eyes  rolled  wildly  from 
side  to  side. 


"  You  alarm  me ! "  said  the  King.  "  I  feel 
faint Give  me  a  ham  sandwich  !  " 

On  which  the  Messenger,  to  Alice's  great 
amusement,  opened  a  bag  that  hung  round  his 


THE  UNICORN.  143 

neck,  and  handed  a  sandwich  to  the  King,  who 
devoured  it  greedily. 

"  Another  sandwich  ! "  said  the  King. 

"There's  nothing  but  hay  left  now,"  the 
Messenger  said,  peeping  into  the  bag. 

"  Hay,  then,"  the  King  murmured  in  a  faint 
whisper. 

Alice  was  glad  to  see  that  it  revived  him  a 
good  deal.  "  There*s  nothing  like  eating  hay 
when  you're  faint,"  he  remarked  to  her,  as  he 
munched  away. 

"  I    should   think   throwing  cold   water  over 

you  would  be  better,"  Alice  suggested :  " or 

some  sal-volatile." 

"I  didn't  say  there  was  nothing  better^'  the 
King  replied.  "  I  said  there  was  nothing  like 
it."     Which  Alice  did  not  venture  to  deny. 

"  Who  did  you  pass  on  the  road  ? "  the  King 
went  on,  holding  out  his  hand  to  the  Messenger 
for  some  more  hay. 

"  Nobody,"  said  the  Messenger. 

"Quite  right,"  said   the  King:    "this  young 


144  THE  LION  AND 

lady  saw  him  too.  So  of  course  Nobody  walks 
slower  than  you." 

"  1  do  my  best,"  the  Messenger  said  in  a  sullen 
tone.  "  I'm  sure  nobody  walks  much  faster  than 
I  do!" 

"  He  can't  do  that,"  said  the  King,  "  or  else 
he'd  have  been  here  first.  However,  now  you've 
got  your  breath,  you  may  tell  us  what's  happened 
in  the  town." 

"  I'll  whisper  it,"  said  the  Messenger,  putting 
his  hands  to  his  mouth  in  the  shape  of  a  trumpet 
and  stooping  so  as  to  get  close  to  the  King's 
ear.  Alice  was  sorry  for  this,  as  she  wanted  to 
hear  the  news  too.  However,  instead  of  whis- 
pering; he  simply  shouted  at  the  top  of  his  voice 
"  They're  at  it  again !  " 

"  Do  you  call  that  a  whisper  ? "  cried  the  poor 
King,  jumping  up  and  shaking  himself.  "  If  you 
do  such  a  thing  again,  I'll  have  you  buttered! 
It  went  through  and  through  my  head  like  an 
earthquake !  " 

"  It  would  have    to  be  a    very  tiny  earth- 


THE  UNICORN.  146 

quake !  "  thought  AHce.  "  Who  are  at  it  again  ?  " 
she  ventured  to  ask. 

•*  Why,  the  Lion  and  the  Unicorn,  of  course," 
said  the  King. 

*'  Fighting  for  the  crown  ?  " 

"  Yes,  to  be  sure,"  said  the  King :  "  and  the 
best  of  the  joke  is,  that  it's  my  crown  all  the 
while!  Lets  run  and  see  them."  And  they 
trotted  off,  Alice  repeating  to  herself,  as  she  ran, 
the  words  of  the  old  song : — 

**  The  Lion  and  the  Unicorn  were  fighting  for  the 

crown : 
The  Lion  beat  the  Unicorn  all  round  the  town. 
Some  gave  them  white  breads  some  gave  them  brown  ; 
Some  gave  them  plum-cake  and  drummed  them  out 
of  townr 

"  Does the  one that  wins get  the 

crown .?  "  she  asked,  as  well  as  she  could,  for  the 
run  was  putting  her  quite  out  of  breath. 

"  Dear  me,  no ! "  said  the  King.  "  What  an 
idea!" 


146  THE  LION  AND 

*'  Would    you be    good    enough,"    Alice 

panted  out,  after  running  a  little  further,  "  to 

stop  a  minute just   to   get one's   breath 

again  ?  " 

"  I'm  good  enough,"  the  King  said,  "  only  I'm 
not  strong  enough.  You  see,  a  minute  goes  by 
so  fearfully  quick.  You  might  as  well  try  to 
stop  a  Bandersnatch ! " 

Alice  had  no  more  breath  for  talking,  so 
they  trotted  on  in  silence,  till  they  came  in 
sight  of  a  great  crowd,  in  the  middle  of  which 
the  Lion  and  Unicorn  were  fighting.  They 
were  in  such  a  cloud  of  dust,  that  at  first  Alice 
could  not  make  out  which  was  which :  but  she 
soon  managed  to  distinguish  the  Unicorn  by  his 
horn. 

They  placed  themselves  close  to  where  Hatta, 
the  other  Messenger,  was  standing  watching  the 
fight,  with  a  cup  of  tea  in  one  hand  and  a  piece 
of  bread-and-butter  in  the  other. 

''  He's  only  just  out  of  prison,  and  he  hadn't 
finished  his  tea  when  he  was  sent  in,"  Haigha 
whispered  to  Alice :  **  and  they  only  give  them 


THE  UNICORN.  147 

oyster-shells  in  there so   you   see  he's  very 

hungry  and  thirsty.  How  are  you,  dear  child? ' 
he  went  on,  putting  his  arm  affectionately  round 
Hatta's  oeck. 

Hatta  looked  round  and  nodded,  and  went  on 
with  his  bread-and-butter. 

"  Were  you  happy  in  prison,  dear  child  ? " 
said  Haigha. 

Hatta  looked  round  once  more,  and  this  time 
a  tear  or  two  trickled  down  his  cheek :  but  not  a 
word  would  he  say, 

"  Speak,  can't  you  !  "  Haigha  cried  impa- 
tiently. But  Hatta  only  munched  away,  and 
drank  some  more  tea, 

"  Speak,  won^t  you  !  "  cried  the  King.  "  How 
are  they  getting  on  with  the  fight  ?  " 

Hatta  made  a  desperate  effort,  and  swallowed 
a  large  piece  of  bread-and-butter.  "They're 
getting  on  very  well,"  he  said  in  a  choking  voice : 
"  each  of  them  has  been  down  about  eighty-seven 
times." 

"Then   I    suppose    they'll    soon    bring    the 


148 


THE  LION   AND 


white  bread  and  the  brown  ?  "  Alice  ventured  to 
remark. 

"  It's  waiting  for  'em  now,"  said  Hatta :  "  this 
is  a  bit  of  it  as  I'm  eating" 

There  was  a  pause  in  the  fight  just  then,  and 
the  Lion  and  the  Unicorn  sat  down,  panting, 
while  the  King  called  out  "  Ten  minutes  allowed 
for  refreshments !  "     Haigha  and   Hatta  set  to 


THE  UNICORN.  149 

work  at  once,  carrying  round  trays  of  white  and 
brown  bread.  Alice  took  a  piece  to  taste,  but  it 
was  very  dry. 

"  I  don't  think  they'll  fight  any  more  to-day," 
the  King  said  to  Hatta:  "go  and  order  the 
drums  to  begin."  And  Hatta  went  bounding 
away  like  a  grasshopper. 

For  a  minute  or  two  Alice  stood  silent, 
watching  him.  Suddenly  she  brightened  up. 
"  Look,  look  I "  she  cried,  pointing  eagerly. 
"  There's  the  White  Queen  running  across  the 
country!      She   came   flying  out  of  the   wood 

over    yonder How   fast    those   Queens   can 

run ! " 

"  There's  some  enemy  after  her,  no  doubt," 
the  King  said,  without  even  looking  round. 
"  That  wood's  full  of  them." 

"  But  aren't  you  going  to  run  and  help  her  ?  " 
Alice  asked,  very  much  surprised  at  his  taking 
it  so  quietly. 

"  No  use,  no  use !  "  said  the  King.  "  She 
runs  so  fearfully  quick.  You  might  as  well  try 
to   catch   a    Bandersnatch !      But    I'll    make   a 


150  THE  LION  AND 

memorandum  about  her,  if  you  like She  s  a 

dear  good  creature,"  he  repeated  softly  to  himself, 
as  he  opened  his  memorandum-book.  "  Do  you 
spell  *  creature '  with  a  double  *  e  '  ? " 

At  this  moment  the  Unicorn  sauntered  by 
them,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets.  *'  I  had 
the  best  of  it  this  time  ? "  he  said  to  the  King, 
just  glancing  at  him  as  he  passed. 

"  A  little a  little,"  the  King  replied,  rather 

nervously.  "You  shouldn't  have  run  him 
through  with  your  horn,  you  know." 

"  It  didn't  hurt  him,"  the  Unicorn  said  care- 
lessly, and  he  was  going  on,  when  his  eye 
happened  to  fall  upon  Alice :  he  turned  round 
instantly,  and  stood  for  some  time  looking  at  her 
with  an  air  of  the  deepest  disgust. 

"  What is this  ?  "  he  said  at  last. 

"  This  is  a  child ! "  Haigha  replied  eagerly, 
coming  in  front  of  Alice  to  introduce  her,  and 
spreading  out  both  his  hands  towards  her  in  an 
Anglo-Saxon  attitude.  "We  only  found  it  to- 
day.    It*s  as  large  as  life,  and  twice  as  natural  I " 


THE  UNICORN.  151 

"  I  always  thought  they  were  fabulous  mon- 
sters !  "  said  the  Unicorn.     *'  Is  it  alive  ?  " 

"  It  can  talk,"  said  Haigha,  solemnly. 

The  Unicorn  looked  dreamily  at  Alice,  and 
said  "  Talk,  child." 

Alice  could  not  help  her  lips  curling  up  into 
a  smile  as  she  began.:  "  Do  you  know,  I  always 
thought  Unicorns  were  fabulous  monsters,  too ! 
I  never  saw  one  alive  before  ! " 

"  Well,  now  that  we  have  seen  each  other," 
said  the  Unicorn,  "  if  you'll  believe  in  me,  I'll 
believe  in  you.     Is  that  a  bargain .?  " 

"  Yes,  if  you  like,"  said  Alice. 

"  Come,  fetch  out  the  plum-cake,  old  man ! " 
the  Unicorn  went  on,  turning  from  her  to  the 
King.     "  None  of  your  brown  bread  for  me !  " 

"  Certainly certainly  !  "  the  King  muttered, 

and  beckoned  to  Haigha.     "  Open  the  bag ! "  he 

whispered.      "  Quick !     Not   that  one that's 

full  of  hay!" 

Haigha  took  a  large  cake  out  of  the  bag, 
and  gave  it  to  Alice  to  hold,  while  he  got  out 
a  dish  and  carving-knife.     How  they  all  came 


152 


THE  LION  AND 


out  of  it  Alice  couldn't  guess.     It  was  just  like 
a  conjuring-trick,  she  thought. 


The  Lion  had  joined  them  while  this  was 
going  on :  he  looked  very  tired  and  sleepy,  and 
his  eyes  were  half  shut.  "  What's  this ! "  he 
said,  blinking  lazily  at  Alice,  and  speaking  in  a 
deep  hollow  tone  that  sounded  like  the  tolling  of 
great  bell. 


THE  UNICORN.  163 

"  Ah,  what  is  it,  now  ?  "  the  Unicorn  cried 
eagerly.     "  You'll  never  guess  !  /couldn't." 

The  Lion  looked  at  Alice  wearily.     "  Are  you 

animal or  vegetable or  mineral  ?  "  he  said, 

yawning  at  every  other  word. 

"  It's  a  fabulous  monster ! "  the  Unicorn  cried 
out,  before  Alice  could  reply. 

"  Then  hand  round  the  plum-cake,  Monster," 
the  Lion  said,  lying  down  and  putting  his  chin 
on  his  paws.  "  And  sit  down,  both  of  you,"  (to 
the  King  and  the  Unicorn)  :  "  fair  play  with  the 
cake,  you  know  ! " 

The  King  was  evidently  very  uncomfortable 
at  having  to  sit  down  between  the  two  great 
creatures ;  but  there  was  no  other  place  for  him. 

"  What  a  fight  we  might  have  for  the  crown, 
now  I "  the  Unicorn  said,  looking  slyly  up  at 
the  crown,  which  the  poor  King  was  nearly 
shaking  off  his  head,  he  trembled  so  much. 

"  I  should  win  easy,"  said  the  Lion. 

"  I'm  not  so  sure  of  that,"  said  the  Unicorn. 

"  Why,  I  beat  you  all  round  the  town,  you 


154  THE  LION  AND 

chicken  !  "  the  Lion  replied  angrily,  half  getting 
up  as  he  spoke. 

Here  the  King  interrupted,  to  prevent  the 
quarrel  going  on:  he  was  very  nervous,  and 
his  voice  quite  quivered.  "  All  round  the  town  ? " 
he  said.  "  That's  a  good  long  way.  Did  you 
go  by  the  old  bridge,  or  the  market-place.'^  You 
get  the  best  view  by  the  old  bridge." 

"  Fm  sure  I  don't  know,"  the  Lion  growled 
out  as  he  lay  down  again.  "  There  was  too 
much  dust  to  see  anything.  What  a  time  the 
Monster  is,  cutting  up  that  cake  !  " 

Alice  had  seated  herself  on  the  bank  of  a 
little  brook,  with  the  great  dish  on  her  knees, 
and  was  sawing  away  diligently  with  the  knife. 
"  It's  very  provoking ! "  she  said,  in  reply  to 
the  Lion  (she  was  getting  quite  used  to  being 
called  '  the  Monster ').  "  I've  cut  several  slices 
already,  but  they  always  join  on  again  ! " 

"  You  don't  know  how  to  manage  Looking- 
glass  cakes,"  the  Unicorn  remarked.  "  Hand  it 
round  first,  and  cut  it  afterwards." 

This  sounded  nonsense,  but  Alice  very  obedi- 


THE  UNICORN.  155 

ently  got  up,  and  carried  the  dish  round,  and 
the  cake  divided  itself  into  three  pieces  as  she 
did  so.  "  Now  cut  it  up,"  said  the  Lion,  as  she 
returned  to  her  place  with  the  empty  dish. 

"  I  say,  this  isn't  fair !  "  cried  the  Unicorn, 
as  Alice  sat  with  the  knife  in  her  hand,  very 
much  puzzled  how  to  begin.  "  The  Monster  has 
given  the  Lion  twice  as  much  as  me ! " 

"  She's  kept  none  for  herself,  anyhow,"  said 
the  Lion.    "  Do  you  like  plum-cake,  Monster?*" 

But  before  Alice  could  answer  him,  the  drums 
began. 

Where  the  noise  came  from,  she  couldn't 
make  out:  the  air  seemed  full  of  it,  and  it 
rang  through  and  through  her  head  till  she  felt 
quite  deafened.  She  started  to  her  feet  and 
sprang  across   the   little    brook   in   her  terror, 


156 


THE  LION   AND  THE   UNICOKN. 


and  had  just 
time  to  see  the 
Lion  and  the 
Unicorn  rise  to 
their  feet,  with 
angry  looks  at 
being  interrupt- 
ed in  their 
feast,  before  she 
dropped  to  her 
knees,  and  put 
her  hands  over 
her  ears,  vainly 
trying  to  shut 
out  the  dreadful 


uproar. 
"  If  that  doesn't  *  drum  them  out  of  town/ 
thought  to  herself,  *'  nothing  ever  willT* 


she 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


"  it's  my  own  invention." 


After  a  while  the  noise  seemed  gradually  to 
die  away,  till  all  was  dead  silence,  and  Alice 
lifted  up  her  head  in  some  alarm.  There  was 
no  one  to  be  seen,  and  her  first  thought  was 
that  she  must  have  been  dreaming  about  the 
Lion  and  the  Unicorn  and  those  queer  Anglo- 
Saxon  Messengers.  However,  there  was  the 
great  dish  still  lying  at  her  feet,  on  which  she 
had  tried  to  cut  the  plum-cake,  "  So  I  wasn't 
dreaming,  after  all,"  she  said  to  herself,  "  unless 
unless  weVe  all  part   of  the   same  dream. 


158  "it's  my  own  invention." 

Only  I  do  hope  it's  my  dream,  and  not  the  Red 
King's  !  I  don't  like  belonging  to  another  per- 
son's dream,"  she  went  on  in  a  rather  complain- 
ing tone :  "  I've  a  great  mind  to  go  and  wake 
him,  and  see  what  happens  ! " 

At  this  moment  her  thoughts  were  interrupted 
by  a  loud  shouting  of  "  Ahoy !  Ahoy !  Check  !  " 
and  a  Knight,  dressed  in  crimson  armor,  came 
galloping  down  upon  her,  brandishing  a  great 
club.  Just  as  he  reached  her,  the  horse  stopped 
suddenly  :  "  You're  my  prisoner !  "  the  Knight 
cried,  as  he  tumbled  off  his  horse. 

Startled  as  she  was,  Alice  was  more  frightened 
for  him  than  for  herself  at  the  moment,  and 
watched  him  with  some  anxiety  as  he  mounted 
again.     As  soon  as  he  was  comfortably  in  the 

saddle,  he  began  once  more  "  You're  my " 

but  here  another  voice  broke  in  "  Ahoy  !  Ahoy ! 
Check  !  "  and  Alice  looked  round  in  some  sur- 
prise for  the  new  enemy. 

This  time  it  was  a  White  Knight.  He  drew 
up  at  Alice's  side,  and  tumbled  off  his  horse  just 
as  the   Red  Knight  had  done :  then  he  got  on 


"it's  my  own  invention."  159 

again,  and  the  two  Knights  sat  and  looked  at 
each  other  for  some  time  without  speaking 
Alice  looked  from  one  to  the  other  in  some 
bewilderment. 

"  She's  my  prisoner,  you  know ! "  the  Red 
Knight  said  at  last. 

"  Yes,  but  then  /  came  and  rescued  her  ! "  the 
White  Knight  replied. 

"  Well,  we  must  fight  for  her,  then,"  said  the 
Red  Knight,  as  he  took  up  his  helmet  (which 
hung  from  the  saddle,  and  was  something  the 
shape  of  a  horse's  head),  and  put  it  on. 

"You  will  observe  the  Rules  of  Battle,  of 
course.?"  the  White  Knight  remarked,  putting 
on  his  helmet  too. 

"  I  always  do,"  said  the  Red  Knight,  and  they 
began  banging  away  at  each  other  with  such 
fury  that  Alice  got  behind  a  tree  to  be  out  of  the 
way  of  the  blows. 

"  I  wonder,  now,  what  the  Rules  of  Battle  are," 
she  said  to  herself,  as  she  watched  the  fight,  timidly 
peeping  out  from  her  hiding-place :  "  one  Rule 
seems  to  be,  that  if  one  Knight  hits  the  other. 


IGO 


he  knocks  him  off  his  horse,  and  if  he  misses,  he 

tumbles  off  himself and  another  Rule  seems 

to  be  that  they  hold  their  clubs  with  their  arms, 
as  if  they  were  Punch  and  Judy What  a  noise 


"it's  my  own  invention."  161 

they  make  when  they  tumble  !  Just  like  a  whole 
set  of  fire-irons  falling  into  the  fender!  And  how 
quiet  the  horses  are !  They  let  them  get  on  and 
off  them  just  as  if  they  were  tables !  " 

Another  Rule  of  Battle,  that  Alice  had  not 
noticed,  seemed  to  be  that  they  always  fell  on 
their  heads,  and  the  battle  ended  with  their  both 
falling  off  in  this  way,  side  by  side :  when  they 
got  up  again,  they  shook  hands,  and  then  the 
Red  Knight  mounted  and  galloped  off. 

"  It  was  a  glorious  victory,  wasn't  it  ? "  said  the 
White  Knight,  as  he  came  up  panting. 

"  I  don't  know,"  Alice  said  doubtfully.  "  I 
don't  want  to  be  anybody's  prisoner.  I  want  to 
be  a  Queen." 

"  So  you  will,  when  you've  crossed  the  next 
brook,"  said  the  White   Knight.     "  I'll  see  you 

safe  to  the  end  of  the  wood and  then  I  must 

go  back,  you  know.     That's  the  end  of  my  move." 

"  Thank  you  very  much,"  said  Alice.  "  May  I 
help  you  off  with  your  helmet  ?  "  It  was  evidently 
more  than  he  could  manage  by  himself ;  however, 
she  managed  to  shake  him  out  of  it  at  last. 


162 

'•  Now  one  can  breathe  more  easily,"  said  the 
Knight,  putting  back  his  shaggy  hair  with  both 
hands,  and  turning  his  gentle  face  and  large  mild 
eyes  to  Alice.  She  thought  she  had  never  seen 
such  a  strange-looking  soldier  in  all  her  life. 

He  was  dressed  in  tin  armor,  which  seemed  to 
fit  him  very  badly,  and  he  had  a  queer-shaped 
little  deal  box  fastened  across  his  shoulders, 
upside-down,  and  with  the  lid  hanging  open. 
Alice  looked  at  it  with  great  curiosity. 

"  I  see  you're  admiring  my  little  box,"  the 
Knight  said   in  a  friendly  tone.     "  It's  my  own 

invention to  keep  clothes  and  sandwiches  in. 

You  see  I  carry  it  upside-down,  so  that  the  rain 
can't  get  in." 

"  But  the  things  can  get  ouC  Alice  gently  re- 
marked.    "  Do  you  know  the  lid's  open  1  " 

"  I  didn't  know  it,"  the  Knight  said,  a  shade 
of  vexation  passing  over  his  face.  "  Then  all  the 
things  must  have  fallen  out !  And  the  box  is  no 
use  without  them."  He  unfastened  it  as  he  spoke, 
and  was  just  going  to  throw  it  into  the  bushes, 


"  IT'S   MY   OWN  INVENTION."  163 

when  a  sudden  thought  seemed  to  strike  him, 
and  he  hung  it  carefully  on  a  tree.  "  Can  you 
guess  why  I  did  that  ?  "  he  said  to  Alice. 

Alice  shook  her  head. 

"  In  hopes  some  bees  may  make  a  nest  in  it 
then  I  should  get  the  honey." 

"  But  you've  got  a  bee-hive or  something 

like  one fastened  to  the  saddle,"  said  Alice. 

"  Yes,  it's  a  very  good  bee-hive,"  the  Knight 
said  in  a  discontented  tone,  "one  of  the  best 
kind.  But  not  a  single  bee  has  come  near  it 
yet.     And  the  other  thing  is  a  mouse- trap.     I 

suppose  the  mice  keep  the  bees  out or  the 

bees  keep  the  mice  out,  I  don't  know  which." 

"  I  was  wondering  what  the  mouse-trap  was 
for,"  said  Alice.  "  It  isn't  very  likely  there 
would  be  any  mice  on  the  horse's  back." 

"  Not  very  likely,  perhaps,"  said  the  Knight ; 
"but  if  they  do  come,  I  don't  choose  to  have 
them  running  all  about." 

"  You  see,"  he  went  on  after  a  pause,  "  it's  as 
well  to  be  provided  for  everything.     That's  the 


164  "it's  my  own  invention," 

reason  the  horse  has  all  those  anklets  round  his 
feet." 

"  But  what  are  they  for  ?  *'  Alice  asked  in  a 
tone  of  great  curiosity. 

"  To  guard  against  the  bites  of  sharks,"  the 
Knight  replied.  "  It's  an  invention  of  my  own. 
And  now  help  me  on.  I'll  go  with  you  to  the 
end  of  the  wood What's  that  dish  for  ?  " 

"  It's  meant  for  plum-cake,"  said  Alice. 

"  We'd  better  take  it  with  us,"  the  Knight 
said.  "  It'll  come  in  handy  if  we  find  any  plum- 
cake.     Help  me  to  get  it  into  this  bag." 

This  took  a  long  time  to  manage,  though  Alice 
held  the  bag  open  very  carefully,  because  the 
Knight  was  so  very  awkward  in  putting  in  the 
dish :  the  first  two  or  three  times  that  he  tried 
he  fell  in  himself  instead.  "  It's  rather  a  tight 
fit,  you  see,"  he  said,  as  they  got  it  in  at  last; 
"  there  are  so  many  candlesticks  in  the  bag." 
And  he  hung  it  to  the  saddle,  which  was  already 
loaded  with  bunches  of  carrots,  and  fire-irons, 
and  many  other  things. 


**IT''S   MY  OWN   INVENTION."  165 

"  I  hope  you've  got  your  hair  well  fastened 
on  ?  "  he  continued,  as  they  set  off. 

"  Only  in  the  usual  way,"  Alice  said,  smiling. 

"  That's  hardly  enough,"  he  said,  anxiously. 
"  You  see  the  wind  is  so  very  strong  here.  It's 
as  strong  as  soup." 

"  Have  you  invented  a  plan  for  keeping  the 
hair  from  being  blown  off  .f*  "  Alice  inquired. 

"  Not  yet,"  said  the  Knight.  "  But  I've  got  a 
plan  for  keeping  it  irom  falling  off." 

"  I  should  like  to  hear  it,  very  much." 

"  First  you  take  an  upright  stick,"  said  the 
Knight.  "  Then  you  make  your  hair  creep  up 
it,  like  a  fruit-tree.     Now  the  reason  hair  falls 

off  is  because   it  hangs  down things   never 

fall  upwards,  you  know.  It's  a  plan  of  my  own 
invention.     You  may  try  it  if  you  like." 

It  didn't  sound  a  comfortable  plan,  Alice 
thought,  and  for  a  few  minutes  she  walked  on  in 
silence,  puzzling  over  the  idea,  and  every  now 
and  then  stopping  to  help  the  poor  Knight,  who 
certainly  was  not  a  good  rider. 

Whenever  the  horse  stopped    Cwhich   it   did 


166 


"it's  my  own  invention." 


very  often),  he  fell  off  in  front;  and  when- 
ever it  went  on  again  (which  it  generally  did 
rather  suddenly),  he  fell  off  behind.  Otherwise 
he  kept  on  pretty  well,  except  that  he  had  a 
habit  of  now  and  then  falling  off  sideways ;  and 
as  he  generally  did  this  on  the  side  on  which 


"it's  my  own  invention."  167 

Alice  was  walking,  she  soon  found  that  it  was  the 
best  plan  not  to  walk  quite  close  to  the  horse. 

"  Tm  afraid  you've  not  had  much  practice  in 
riding,"  she  ventured  to  say,  as  she  was  helping 
him  up  from  his  fifth  tumble. 

The  Knight  looked  very  much  surprised,  and  a 
little  offended  at  the  remark.  "  What  makes  you 
say  that  t  "  he  asked,  as  he  scrambled  back  into 
the  saddle,  keeping  hold  of  Alice's  hair  with  one 
hand,  to  save  himself  from  falling  over  on  the 
other  side. 

"  Because  people  don't  fall  off  quite  so  often, 
when  they've  had  much  practice." 

"  I've  had  plenty  of  practice,"  the  Knight  said 
very  gravely  :  "  plenty  of  practice ! " 

Alice  could  think  of  nothing  better  to  say 
than  "  Indeed  1 "  but  she  said  it  as  heartily  as 
she  could.  They  went  on  a  little  way  in  silence 
after  this,  the  Knight  with  his  eyes  shut,  mutter- 
ing to  himself,  and  Alice  watching  anxiously  for 
the  next  tumble. 

"  The  great  art  of  riding,"  the  Knight  suddenly 
began  in  a  loud  voice,  waving  his  right  arm  as  he 


168  "it's  my  own  invention." 

spoke,  "  is  to  keep "  Here  the  sentence  ended 

as  suddenly  as  it  had  begun,  as  the  Knight  fell 
heavily  on  the  top  of  his  head  exactly  in  the  path 
where  Alice  was  walking.  She  was  quite  fright- 
ened this  time,  and  said  in  an  anxious  tone,  as 
she  picked  him  up, "  I  hope  no  bones  are  broken  ?  " 

"  None  to  speak  of,"  the  Knight  said,  as  if 
he  didn't  mind  breaking  two  or  three  of  them. 

"  The  great  art  of  riding,  as  I  was  saying,  is 

to  keep  your  balance  properly.  Like  this,  you 
know " 

He  let  go  the  bridle,  and  stretched  out  both 
his  arms  to  show  Alice  what  he  meant,  and  this 
time  he  fell  flat  on  his  back,  right  under  the 
horse's  feet. 

"  Plenty  of  practice !  "  he  went  on  repeating, 
all  the  time  that  Alice  was  getting  him  on  his 
feet  again.    "  Plenty  of  practice !  " 

"  It's  too  ridiculous !  "  cried  Alice,  losing  all 
her  patience  this  time.  "  You  ought  to  have  a 
wooden  horse  on  wheels,  that  you  ought !  " 

"Does  that  kind  go  smoothly?"  the  Knight 


"it's  my  own  invention."  169 

asked  in  a  tone  of  great  interest,  clasping  his 
arms  round  the  horse's  neck  as  he  spoke,  just  in 
time  to  save  himself  from  tumblino:  off  a2:ain. 

''  Much  more  smoothly  than  a  live  horse/' 
Alice  said,  with  a  little  scream  of  laughter,  in 
spite  of  all  she  could  do  to  prevent  it. 

"Til  get  one,"  the  Knight  said  thoughtfully 
to  himself.     "  One  or  two several." 

There  was  a  short  silence  after  this,  and  then 
the  Knight  went  on  again.  "  I'm  a  great  hand 
at  inventing  things.  Now,  I  daresay  you  noticed, 
the  last  time  you  picked  me  up,  that  I  was  look- 
ing rather  thoughtful  ?  " 

"  You  were  a  little  grave,"  said  Alice. 

"  Well,   just    then    I    was    inventing    a   new 

way  of  getting  over  a  gate would  you  like  to 

hear  it.?" 

"  Very  much  indeed,"  Alice  said,  politely. 

"  ril  tell  you  how  I  came  to  think  of  it,"  said 
the  Knight.  "  You  see,  I  said  to  myself,  *  The 
only  difficulty  is  with  the  feet :  the  kead  is  high 
enough  already.'  Now,  first  I  put  my  head  on 
the   top   of   the   gate then    the  head's   high 


170  "it's  my  own  invention." 

enough then   I  stand  on   my   head then 

the  feet  are  high  enough,  you  see then  I'm 

over,  you  see." 

"  Yes,  I  suppose  you'd  be  over  when  that  was 
done,"  Alice  said,  thoughtfully :  "  but  don't  you 
think  it  would  be  rather  hard  ? " 

"  I    haven't  tried   it   yet,"   the    Knight    said, 

gravely  :  "  so  I  can't  tell  for  certain but  I'm 

afraid  it  would  be  a  little  hard." 

He  looked  so  vexed  at  the  idea,  that  Alice 
changed  the  subject  hastily.  "What  a  curious 
helmet  you've  got ! "  she  said,  cheerfully.  "  Is 
that  your  invention  too  t  " 

The  Knight  looked  down  proudly  at  his  helmet, 
which  hung  from   the  saddle.     "  Yes,"  he  said, 

"  but  I've  invented  a  better  one  than  that like 

a  sugar-loaf.  When  I  used  to  wear  it,  if  I  fell  off 
the  horse,  it  always  touched  the  ground  directly. 

So  I  had  a  very  little  way  to  fall,  you  see But 

there  was  the  danger  of  falling  into  it,  to  be  sure. 

That  happened  to  me  once and  the  worst  of 

it  was,  before  I  could  get  out  again,  the  other 


"it's  my  own  invention."  171 

White  Knight  came  and  put  it  on.  He  thought 
it  was  his  own  helmet." 

The  Knight  looked  so  solemn  about  it  that 
Alice  did  not  dare  to  laugh.  "  Vm  afraid  you 
must  have  hurt  him,"  she  said  in  a  trembling 
voice,  "  being  on  the  top  of  his  head." 

"  I  had  to  kick  him,  of  course,"  the  Knight 
said,  very   seriously.     "  And  then  he   took    the 

helmet  off  again but  it  took  hours  and  hours 

to  get  me  out.     I  was  as  fast  as as  lightning, 

you  know." 

"  But  that's  a  different  kind  of  fastness,"  Alice 
objected. 

The  Knight  shook  his  head.  "  It  was  all 
kinds  of  fastness  with  me,  I  can  assure  you ! "  he 
said.  He  raised  his  hands  in  some  excitement  as 
he  said  this,  and  instantly  rolled  out  of  the  saddle 
and  fell  headlong  into  a  deep  ditch. 

Alice  ran  to  the  side  of  the  ditch  to  look  for 
him.  She  was  rather  startled  by  the  fall,  as  for 
some  time  he  had  kept  on  very  well,  and  she  was 
afraid  that  he  really  ee;^^  hurt  this  time.  However, 
though  she  could  see  nothing  but  the  soles  of  his 


172 


"it's  my  own  invention." 


feet,  she  was  much  relieved  to  hear  that  he  was 
talking  on  in  his  usual  tone.  "  All  kinds  of  fast- 
ness," he  repeated :  "  but  it  was  careless  of  him 

to  put  another  man's  helmet  on with  the  man 

in  it,  too." 


"  How  can  you  go  on  talking  so  quietly,  head 
downwards  ?  "  Alice  asked,  as  she  dragged  him 
out  by  the  feet,  and  laid  him  in  a  heap  on  the 
bank. 

The  Knight  looked  surprised  at  the  question. 


"rt's  Ml?  OWN  inVen'Tiok/'  Its 

'*  What  does  it  matter  where  my  body  happens 
to  be  ?  "  he  said.  "  My  mind  goes  on  working  all 
the  same.  In  fact,  the  more  head  downwards 
I  am,  the  more  I  keep  inventing  new  things." 

**  Now  the  cleverest  thing  of  the  sort  that  I 
ever  did/'  he  went  after  a  pause,  "  was  inventing 
a  new  pudding  during  the  meat-course." 

"  In  time  to  have  it  cooked  for  the  next 
course  ? "  said  Alice.  "  Well,  that  was  quick 
work,  certainly ! " 

"  Well  not  the  next  course,*'  the  Knight  said 
in  a  slow  thoughtful  tone :  "  no,  certainly  not  the 
next  coursed 

"  Then  it  would  have  to  be  the  next  day.  I 
suppose  you  wouldn't  have  two  pudding-courses 
in  one  dinner  ?  " 

"  Well,  not  the  next  day,**  the  Knight  repeated 
as  before  :  "  not  the  next  day.  In  fact,"  he  went 
on,  holding  his  head  down,  and  his  voice  getting 
lower  and  lower,  "  I  don't  believe  that  pudding 
ever  was  cooked !  In  fact,  I  don't  believe  that 
pudding  ever  will  be  cooked  !  And  yet  it  was 
a  very  clever  pudding  to  invent." 


174 

"  What  did  you  mean  it  to  be  made  of  ? " 
Alice  asked,  hoping  to  cheer  him  up,  for  the  poor 
Knight  seemed  quite  low-spirited  about  it. 

"It  began  with  blotting-paper,"  the  Knight 
answered  with  a  groan. 

"  That  wouldn't  be  very  nice,  I'm  afraid " 

"  Not  very  nice  alone,''  he  interrupted,  quite 
eagerly :  "  but  you've  no  idea  what  a  difference 

it  makes,  mixing  it  with  other  things such 

as  gunpowder  and  sealing-wax.  And  here  I 
must  leave  you."  They  had  just  come  to  the 
end  of  the  wood. 

Alice  could  only  look  puzzled :  she  was  think- 
ing of  the  pudding. 

"  You  are  sad,"  the  Knight  said  in  an  anxious 
tone  :  "  let  me  sing  you  a  song  to  comfort  you." 

"  Is  it  very  long.?  "  Alice  asked,  for  she  had 
heard  a  good  deal  of  poetry  that  day. 

"  It's  long,"'  said  the  Knight,  "  but  it's  very, 
very  beautiful.     Everybody  that  hears  me  sing 

it either  it  brings  the  tears  into  their  eyes  or 

else " 


"it's  my  own  invention."  176 

"Or  else  what?"  said  Alice,  for  the  Knight 
had  made  a  sudden  pause. 

"  Or  else  it  doesn't,  you  know.  The  name  of 
the  song  is  called  '  HaddocHs  Eyes  1 " 

"  Oh,  that's  the  name  of  the  song,  is  it?  "  Alice 
said,  trying  to  feel  interested. 

"  No,  you  don't  understand,"  the  Knight  said, 
looking  a  little  vexed.  "  That's  what  the  name 
is  called.  The  name  really  is  *  The  Aged  Aged 
Man:  " 

"  Then  I  ought  to  have  said  *  That's  what  the 
song  is  called '  ?  "  Alice  corrected  herself. 

"  No,  you  oughtn't :  that's  quite  another  thing ! 
The  song  is  called  '  Ways  and  Means ' :  but 
that's  only  what  it's  called,  you  know  ! " 

*'  Well  what  is  the  song,  then  ? "  said  Alice, 
who  was  by  this  time  completely  bewildered. 

"  I  was  coming  to  that,"  the  Knight  said. 
^*  The  song  really  2>  '  A -Sitting  On  A  Gate*  i 
and  the  tune's  my  own  invention." 

So  saying,  he  stopped  his  horse  and  let  the 
reins  fall  on  its  neck :  then,  slowly  beating  time 
with  one  hand,  and  with  a  faint  smile  lighting  up 


176  "it's  my  own  invention." 

his  gentle  foolish  face,  as  if  he  enjoyed  the 
music  of  his  song,  he  began. 

Of  all  the  strange  things  that  Alice  saw  in 
her  journey  Through  The  Looking-Glass,  this 
was  the  one  that  she  always  remembered  most 
clearly.  Years  afterwards  she  could  bring  the 
whole  scene  back  again,  as  if  it  had  been  only 

yesterday the    mild   blue    eyes   and    kindly 

smile  of  the  Knight the  setting  sun  gleaming 

through  his  hair,  and  shining  on  his  armor  in  a 

blaze  of  light  that  quite  dazzled  her the  horse 

quietly  moving  about,  with  the  reins  hanging 
loose  on  his  neck,  cropping  the  grass  at  her  feet 

and  the  black  shadows  of  the  forest  behind 

all  this  she  took  in  like  a  picture,  as,  with 

one  hand  shading  her  eyes,  she  leant  against  a 
tree,  watching  the  strange  pair,  and  listening,  in 
a  half  dream,  to  the  melancholy  music  of  the 
song. 

"  But  the  tune  isnt  his  own  invention,"  she 
said  to  herself :  "  it's  *  /  give  thee  all,  I  can  no 
more' "  She  stood  and  listened  very  attentively, 
but  no  tears  came  into  her  eyes. 


"it's  my  own  invention."  177 

**  /'//  tell  thee  everything  I  can  ; 

There  s  little  to  relate, 
I  saw  an  aged  aged  man, 

A -sit ting  on  a  gate, 
*  Who  are  you,  aged  man  ?  '  I  said. 

*  And  how  is  it  you  live  ?  ' 
And  his  answer  trickled  through  my  head 

Like  water  through  a  sieve. 


He  said  *  1  look  for  butterflies 

That  sleep  among  the  wheat : 
I  m^ake  them  into  mutton-pies^ 

And  sell  them  in  the  street. 
I  sell  them  unto  men',  he  said, 

*  Who  sail  on  stormy  seas  ; 
And  that's  the  way  I  get  my  bread- 

A  trifle,  if  you  please'. 

But  I  was  thinking  of  a  plan 
To  dye  one's  whiskers  green. 

And  always  use  so  large  a  fan 
That  they  could  not  be  seen. 


178 


Soy  having  no  reply  to  give 
To  what  the  old  man  said, 

I  cried '  Come,  tell  me  how  you  live  /  * 
And  thumped  him,  on  the  head* 


His  accents  mild  took  up  the  tale  : 

He  said  *  I  go  my  ways^ 
And  when  I  find  a  m.ountain-rill^ 

I  set  it  in  a  blaze  ; 
And  thence  they  make  a  stuff  they  call 

Rowlands'  Macassar  Oil — 
Yet  twopence-halfpenny  is  all 

They  give  me  for  my  toil! 


But  I  was  thinking  of  a  way 
To  feed  oneself  on  batter , 

And  so  go  on  from  day  to  day 
Getting  a  little  fatter. 

I  shook  him>  well  from,  side  to  side. 
Until  his  face  was  blue  : 


"IT^S   MY  OWN   INVENTION." 

*  Come,  tell  me  how  you  live'  I cried^ 
*  And  what  it  is  you  do  !  * 

He  said  *  /  hunt  for  haddocks'  eyes 
Among  the  heather  bright^ 


179 


And  work  them  into  waistcoat-buttons 

In  the  silent  night. 
And  these  I  do  7tot  sell  for  gold 

Or  coin  of  silvery  shine^ 


180  "it's  my  own  invention." 

But  for  a  copper  halfpenny^ 
And  that  witl purchase  nine* 


*  /  sometimes  dig  for  buttered  rolls. 

Or  set  limed  twigs  for  crabs  ; 
I  sometimes  search  the  grassy  knolls 

For  wheels  of  Hansom-cabs. 
And  that's  the  way '  (he  gave  a  wink) 

*  By  which  I  get  my  wealth — 
And  very  gladly  will  I  drink 

Your  Honor  s  noble  health! 


I  heard  him  then,  for  I  had  just 

Completed  my  design 
To  keep  the  Menai  bridge  from  rust 

By  boiling  it  in  wine, 
I  thanked  him  much  for  telling  me 

The  way  he  got  his  wealth. 
But  chiefly  for  his  wish  that  he 

Might  drink  my  noble  health* 


"it's  my  own  invention."  181 

And  now,  if  e'er  by  chance  I  put 

My  fingers  into  glue. 
Or  madly  squeeze  a  right-hand  foot 

Into  a  left-hand  shoe. 
Or  if  I  drop  upon  my  toe 

A  very  heavy  weight, 
I  weep,  for  it  reminds  m,e  so 
Of  that  old  m,an  I  used  to  know — 
Whose  look  was  mild,  whose  speech  was  slow^ 
Whose  hair  was  whiter  tha^i  the  snow. 
Whose  face  was  very  like  a  crow. 
With  eyes,  like  cinders,  all  aglow. 
Who  seemed  distracted  with  his  woe^ 
Who  rocked  his  body  to  and  fro. 
And  muttered  mumblingly  and  low^ 
As  if  his  mouth  were  full  of  doughy 

Who  snorted  like  a  buffalo 

That  summer  evening,  long  agOy 

A -sit ting  on  a  gate^ 


As  the  Knight   sang  the   last   words   of  the 
ballad,  he  gathered   up   the   reins,   and   turned 


182  "it's  my  own  invention." 

his  horse's  head  along  the  road  by  which  they 
had  come.  "  You've  only  a  few  yards  to  go," 
he  said,  "  down  the  hill  and  over  that  little  brook, 

and  then  you'll  be  a  Queen But  you'll  stay 

and  see  me  off  first  ?  "  he  added  as  Alice  turned 
with  an  eager  look  in  the  direction  to  which 
he  pointed.  "  I  shan't  be  long.  You'll  wait 
and  wave  your  handkerchief  when  I  get  to  that 
turn  in  the  road  ?  I  think  it'll  encourage  me, 
you  see." 

"  Of  course  I'll  wait,"  said  Alice :  "  and  thank 

you  very  much  for  coming  so  far and  for  the 

song 1  Hked  it  very  much." 

"  I  hope  so,"  the  Knight  said,  doubtfully : 
"  but  you  didn't  cry  so  much  as  I  thought  you 
would." 

So  they  shook  hands,  and  then  the  Knight 
rode  slowly  away  into  the  forest.  "  It  won't 
take  long  to  see  him  ojfy  I  expect,"  Alice  said 
to  herself,  as  she  stood  watching  him.  "  There 
he  goes !  Right  on  his  head  as  usual !  How- 
ever, he    gets   on   again    pretty   easily that 

comes  of  having  so  many  things  hung  round  the 


"it's  my  own  invention."  188 

horse "     So  she  went  on  talking  to  herself 

as  she  watched  the  horse  walking  leisurely  along 
the  road,  and  the  Knight  tumbling  off,  first  on 
one  side  and  then  on  the  other.  After  the 
fourth  or  fifth  tumble  he  reached  the  turn,  and 
then  she  waved  her  handkerchief  to  him,  and 
waited  till  he  was  out  of  sight. 

"I  hope  it  encouraged  him,"  she  said,  as 
she  turned  to  run  down  the  hill :  "  and  now 
for  the  last  brook,  and  to  be  a  Queen !  How 
grand  it  sounds!"  A  very  few  steps  brought 
her  to  the  edge  of  the  brook.  "  The  Eighth 
Square  at  last !  "  she  cried  as  she  bounded  across, 


♦  ♦  ♦  ♦  ♦ 

♦  «  *  ♦  *  ♦ 

and  threw  herself  down  to  rest  on  a  lawn  as 
soft  as  moss,  with  little  flower-beds  dotted  about 
it  here  and  there.  "  Oh,  how  glad  I  am  to  get 
here!     And   what  is   this   on  my   head.?"  she 


184 


"IT^S  MY  OWN"  INVENTION.*' 


exclaimed  in  a 
tone  of  dismay, 
as  she  put  her 
hands  up  to 
something  very 
heavy,  that  fitted 
tight  all  round 
her  head. 

"  But  how  can 
it  have  got  there 
without  my  know- 
ing it  ?  "  she  said 
to  herself,  as  she 
lifted   it  off,   and 

set  it  on  her  lap  to   make  out  what  it  could 

possibly  be. 

It  was  a  golden  crown. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


QUEEN  ALICE. 


"  Well,  this  is  grand  !  "  said  Alice.    "  I  never 

expected  I  should  be  a  Queen  so  soon and 

I'll  tell  you  what  it  is,  your  Majesty,"  she  went 
on  in  a  severe  tone  (she  was  always  rather  fond 
of  scolding  herself),  "  it'll  never  do  for  you  to  be 
lolling  about  on  the  grass  like  that!  Queens 
have  to  be  dignified,  you  know !  " 

So   she  got  up  and   walked  about rather 

stiffly  just  at  first,  as  she  was  afraid  that  the 
crown  might  come  off :  but  she  comforted  her- 
self with  the  thought  that  there  was  nobody  to 


186  QUEEN  ALICE. 

see  her,  "  and  if  I  really  am  a  Queen,"  she  said 
as  she  sat  down  again,  "  I  shall  be  able  to  man- 
age it  quite  well  in  time." 

Everything  was  happening  so  oddly  that  she 
didn't  feel  a  bit  surprised  at  finding  the  Red 
Queen  and  the  White  Queen  sitting  close  to  her, 
one  on  each  side :  she  would  have  liked  very 
much  to  ask  them  how  they  came  there,  but 
she  feared  it  would  not  be  quite  civil.  How- 
ever, there  would  be  no  harm,  she  thought,  in 
asking  if  the  game  was  over.     "  Please,  would 

you  tell  me "  she  began,  looking  timidly  at 

the  Red  Queen." 

"  Speak  when  you're  spoken  to  !  "  the  Queen 
sharply  interrupted  her. 

"  But  if  everybody  obeyed  that  rule,"  said 
Alice,  who  was  always  ready  for  a  little  argu- 
ment, "  and  if  you  only  spoke  when  you  were 
spoken  to,  and  the  other  person  always  waited 
lor  you  to  begin,  you  see  nobody  would  ever  say 
anything,  so  that " 

"  Ridiculous  ! "  cried  the  Queen.  "  Why,  don't 
you  see,  child "  here  she  broke  off  with  a 


QUEEN   ALICE.  187 

frown,  and,  after  thinking  for  a  minute,  suddenly 
changed  the  subject  of  the  conversation.  "  What 
do  you  mean  by  '  If  you  really  are  a  Queen  ?  * 
What  right  have  you  to  call  yourself  so  ?  You 
can't  be  a  Queen,  you  know,  till  you've  passed 
the  proper  examination.  And  the  sooner  we 
begin  it,  the  better." 

"  I  only  said  *  if  M  "  poor  Alice  pleaded  in  a 
piteous  tone. 

The  two  Queens  looked  at  each  other,  and  the 
Red  Queen  remarked,  with  a  little  shudder,  "  She 
says  she  only  said  *  if ' " 

"  But  she  said  a  great  deal  more  than  that !  " 
the  White  Queen  moaned,  wringing  her  hands. 
"  Oh,  ever  so  much  more  than  that !  " 

"  So   you   did,    you  know,"    the    Red    Queen 

said    to    Alice.     "  Always   speak   the  truth 

think  before   you   speak and  write  it  down 

afterwards." 

"  I'm   sure     I    didn't   mean "   Alice    was 

beginning,  but  the  Red  Queen  interrupted  her 
impatiently. 


18^  Q.IIEEN  ALiCU. 

"  That*s  just  what  I  complain  of !  You 
should  have  meant !  What  do  you  suppose  is 
the  use  of  a  child  without  any  meaning  ?     Even 

a  joke    should   have  some   meaning and   a 

child's  more  important  than  a  joke,  I  hope. 
You  couldn't  deny  that,  even  if  you  tried  with 
both  hands." 

"  I  don't  deny  things  with  my  handsy'  Alice 
objected. 

"  Nobody  said  you  did,"  said  the  Red  Queen. 
"  I  said  you  couldn't  if  you  tried." 

"  She  is  in  that  state  of  mind,"  said  the  White 

Queen,  "  that  sh^  wants  to  deny   something 

only  she  doesn't  know  what  to  deny  ! " 

"  A  nasty,  vicious  temper,"  the  Red  Queen 
remarked  ;  and  then  there  was  an  uncomfortable 
silence  for  a  minute  or  two. 

The  Red  Queen  broke  the  silence  by  saying 
to  the  White  Queen,  "  I  invite  you  to  Alice's 
dinner-party  this  afternoon." 

The  White  Queen  smiled  feebly,  and  said 
"  And  I  invite  your 

"  I  didn't  know  I  was  to  have  a  party  at  all/ 


OtTEEN  ALIClJ.  l8d 

said  Alice ;  **  but  if  there  is  to  be  one,  I  think  / 
ought  to  invite  the  guests." 

"  We  gave  you  the  opportunity  of  doing  it," 
the  Red  Queen  remarked :  "  but  I  daresay  you've 
not  had  many  lessons  in  manners  yet?  " 

"  Manners  are  not  taught  in  lessons,"  said 
Alice.  "  Lessons  teach  you  to  do  sums,  and 
things  of  that  sort." 

"Can  you  do  Addition .? "  the  White  Queen 
asked.  "  What's  one  and  one  and  one  and  one 
and  one  and  one  and  one  and  one  and  one  and 
one?" 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Alice.     "  I  lost  count." 

"  She  can't  do  Addition,"  the  Red  Queen  in- 
terrupted. "  Can  you  do  Subtraction  ?  Take 
nine  from  eight.'* 

"  Nine  from  eight  I  can't,  you  know,"  Alice 
replied  very  readily  :  "  but " 

"  She  can't  do  Subtraction,"  said  the  White 
Queen.  "  Can  you  do  Division  ?  Divide  a  loaf, 
by  a  knife what's  the  answer  to  that  ?  " 

"  I  suppose "  Alice  was  beginning,  but  the 

Red  Queen  answered  for  her.  "  Bread-and-butter, 


190 


QUEEN    ALICE. 


of  course.     Try  another  Subtraction  sum.     Takie 
a  bone  from  a  dog :  what  remains  ?  " 

AHce   considered.      "  The  bone   wouldn't  re- 
main, of  course,   if   I   took   it and   the  dog 


wouldn't  remain ;  it  would  come  to  bite  me — — 
and  I'm  sure  /  shouldn't  remain  !  " 

"  Then  you  think  nothing  would  remain  ? " 
said  the  Red  Queen. 

"  I  think  that's  the  answer." 


QUEEN  ALICE.  191 

"Wrong,  as  usual,"  said  the  Red  Queen: 
**  the  dog's  temper  would  remain." 

"  But  I  don't  see  how " 

"  Why,  look  here !  "  the  Red  Queen  cried. 
"  The  dog  would  lose  its  temper,  wouldn't  it  ?  " 

"  Perhaps  it  would,"  Alice  replied  cautiously. 

"  Then  if  the  dog  went  away,  its  temper 
would  remain ! "  the  Queen  exclaimed  trium- 
phantly. 

Alice  said,  as  gravely  as  she  could,  "  They 
might  go  different  ways."  But  she  couldn't 
help  thinking  to  herself,  "  What  dreadful  non- 
sense we  are  talking ! " 

"  She  can't  do  sums  a  bit !  "  the  Queens  said 
together,  with  great  emphasis. 

"  Can  you  do  sums  ?  "  Alice  said,  turning 
suddenly  on  the  White  Queen,  for  she  didn't 
like  being  found  fault  with  so  much. 

The  Queen  gasped  and  shut  her  eyes.  "  I 
can    do   Addition,"   she   said,   "if  you  give  me 

time but  I  can't  do  Subtraction   under  any 

circumstances  I  '* 


192  QUEEN  ALICE. 

"  Of  course  you  know  your  ABC?"  said 
the  Red  Queen. 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  said  Alice. 

"So  do  I,"  the  White  Queen  whispered 
"we'll  often  say  it  over   together,  dear.    And 

ril  tell  you  a  secret 1  can   read   words  of 

one  letter !     Isn't  that  grand  ?     However,  don't 
be  discouraged.     You'll  come  to  it  in  time." 

Here  the  Red  Queen  began  again.  "  Can 
you  answer  useful  questions  .?  "  she  said.  "  How 
is  bread  made  ?  " 

"  I  know  that  I  *'  Alice  cried  eagerly.  "  You 
take  some  flour " 

"  Where  do  you  pick  the  flower  ? "  the 
White  Queen  asked.  "  In  a  garden,  or  in  the 
hedges } " 

"Well,  it  i^vit picked dX  all,"  Alice  explained: 
it's  ground " 

"  How  many  acres  of  ground  ? "  said  the 
White  Queen.  "  You  mustn't  leave  out  so 
many  things." 

"Fan  her  head!"  the  Red  Queen  anxiously 


QtTEBN  ALICE.  193 

interrupted.  "  She'll  be  feverish  after  so  much 
thinking."  So  they  set  to  work  and  fanned  her 
with  bunches  of  leaves,  till  she  had  to  beg  them 
to  leave  off,  it  blew  her  hair  about  so. 

"  She's  all  right  again  now,"  said  the  Red 
Queen.  "Do  you  know  Languages?  What's 
the  French  for  fiddle-de-dee  ?  " 

"  Fiddle-de-dee's  not  English,"  Alice  replied 
gravely. 

"Who  ever  said  it  was.?"  said  the  Red 
Queen. 

Alice  thought  she  saw  a  way  out  of  the 
difficulty  this  time.  "  If  you'll  tell  me  what 
language  *  fiddle-de-dee '  is,  I'll  tell  you  the 
French  for  it ! "  she  exclaimed  triumphantly. 

But  the  Red  Queen  drew  herself  up  rather 
stiffly,  and  said  "  Queens  never  make  bargains." 

"  I  wish  Queens  never  asked  questions,"  Alice 
thought  to  herself. 

"Don't  let  us  quarrel,"  the  White  Queen 
said  in  an  anxious  tone.  "  What  is  the  cause  ot 
lightning  ?  " 


194  QUEEN  ALICE. 

"  The  cause  of  lightning,"  Alice  said  very 
decidedly,  for  she  felt  quite  certain  about  this, 
"  is  the  thunder no,  no  ! "  she  hastily  cor- 
rected herself.     "  I  meant  the  other  way." 

"  It's  too  late  to  correct  it,"  said  the  Red 
Queen :  "  when  youVe  once  said  a  thing,  that 
fixes  it,  and  you  must  take  the  consequences." 

**  Which  reminds  me "  the  White  Queen 

said,  looking  down  and  nervously  clasping  and 
unclasping  her  hands,  "  we  had  such  a  thunder- 
storm last  Tuesday 1  mean  one  of  the  last 

set  of  Tuesdays,  you  know." 

Alice  was  puzzled.  "  In  our  country,"  she 
remarked,  "  there's  only  one  day  at  a  time." 

The  Red  Queen  said  "  That's  a  poor  thin  way 
of  doing  things.  Now  here^  we  mostly  have 
Jays  and  nights  two  or  three  at  a  time,  and 
sometimes  in  the  winter  we  take  as  many  as  five 
nights  together for  warmth,  you  know." 

"  Are  five  nights  warmer  than  one  night, 
then  ? "  Alice  ventured  to  ask.    - 

"  Five  times  as  warm,  of  course." 


QUEEN  ALICE.  195 

"  But  they  should  be  five  times  as  cold,  by  the 
same  rule " 

"  Just  so !  "  cried  the  Red  Queen.  "  Five  times 

as  warm,  and  five  times  as  cold just  as  I'm 

five  times  as  rich  as  you  are,  and  five  times  as 
clever !  " 

Alice  sighed  and  gave  it  up.  "  It's  exactly 
like  a  riddle  with  no  answer  1  '*  she  thought. 

"  Humpty  Dumpty  saw  it  too,"  the  White 
Queen  went  on  in  a  low  voice,  more  as  if  she 
were  talking  to  herself.  "  He  came  to  the  door 
with  a  corkscrew  in  his  hand " 

"  What  did  he  want  ?  "  said  the  Red  Queen. 

"  He  said  he  would  come  in,"  the  White 
Queen  went  on,  "  because  he  was  looking  for  a 
hippopotamus.  Now,  as  it  happened,  there 
Virasn't  such  a  thing  in  the  house,  that  morning." 
*  '*  Is  there  generally  ? "  Alice  asked  in  an 
astonished  tone. 

"  Well,  only  on  Thursdays,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  I  know  what  he  came  for,"  said  Alice  :  "  he 
Wanted  to  punish  the  fish,  because " 

Here   the   White   Queen   began   again.    "  It 


196  QUEEN  ALICE. 

was  such  a  thunderstorm,  you  can*t  think  I " 
("  She  never  could,  you  know,"  said  the  Red 
Queen.)     "  And  part  of  the  roof  came  off,  and 

ever  so  much  thunder  got   in and  it  went 

rolling  round  the  room  in  great  lumps and 

knocking  over  the  tables  and   things till  I 

was  so  frightened,  I  couldn^t  remember  my  own 
name ! " 

Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  I  never  should 
try  to  remember  my  name  in  the  middle  of  an 
accident !  Where  would  be  the  use  of  it  ? "  but 
she  did  not  say  this  aloud,  for  fear  of  hurting 
the  poor  Queen's  feelings. 

"Your  Majesty  must  excuse  her,"  the  Red 
Queen  said  to  Alice,  taking  one  of  the  White 
Queen's  hands  in  her  own,  and  gently  stroking 
it :  "  she  means  well,  but  she  can't  help  saying 
foolish  things,  as  a  general  rule." 

The  White  Queen  looked  timidly  at  Alice, 
who  felt  she  ought  to  say  something  kind,  but 
really  couldn't  think  of  anything  at  the  moment 

"  She  never  was  really  well  brought  up,"  the 
Red   Queen  went  on:  "but  it's  amazing  how 


QUEEN  ALICE.  197 

good-tempered  she  is  I  Pat  her  on  the  head, 
and  see  how  pleased  she'll  be !  "  But  this  was 
more  than  Alice  had  courage  to  do. 

"  A  little  kindness and  putting  her  hair 

in  papers would  do  wonders  with  her " 

The  White  Queen  gave  a  deep  sigh,  and  laid 
her  head  on  Alice's  shoulder.  "  I  am  so  sleepy ! " 
she  moaned. 

"She's    tired,    poor   thing!"    said    the    Red 

Queen.     "Smooth  her  hair lend    her  your 

nightcap and  sing  her  a  soothing  lullaby." 

"  I  haven't  got  a  nightcap  with  me,"  said  Alice, 
as  she  tried  to  obey  the  first  direction  :  "  and  I 
don't  know  any  soothing  lullabies." 

"  I  must  do  it  myself,  then,"  said  the  Red 
Queen,  and  she  began  : 

"  Hush-a-by  lady,  in  Alices  lap 
Till  the  feast  ^s  ready,  weve  time  for  a  nap : 
When  the  f east' s  over,  well  go  to  the  ball — 
Red  Queen,  and  White  Queen,  and  Alice,  and  all! 

"  And  now  you  know  the  words,"  she  added, 


198 


QUEEN  ALTCE. 


as  she  put  her  head  down  on  Alice's  other 
shoulder,  "just  sing  it  through  to  me.  I'm  get- 
ting sleepy  too."  In  another  moment  both 
Queens  were  fast  asleep,  and  snoring  loud. 


"^^ 


"  What  am  I  to  do  ? "  exclaimed  Alice 
looking  about  in  great  perplexity,  as  first  one 
round  head,  and  then  the  other,  rolled  down 
from  her  shoulder,  and  lay  like  a  heavy  lump 
in  her  lap.  **  I  don't  think  it  ever  happened 
before,  that  any  one  had  to  take   care  of  two 


QUEEN  ALICE.  199 

Queens   asleep   at  once!     No,   not    in    all   the 

History  of  England it   couldn't,  you  know, 

because  there  never  was  more  than  one  Queen 
at  a  time.  Do  wake  up,  you  heavy  things !  " 
she  went  on  in  an  impatient  tone ;  but  there 
was  no  answer  but  a  gentle  snoring. 

The  snoring  got  more  distinct  every  minute, 
and  sounded  more  like  a  tune  :  at  last  she  could 
even  make  out  words,  and  she  listened  so  eagerly 
that,  when  the  two  great  heads  suddenly 
vanished  from  her  lap,  she  hardly  missed  them. 

She  was  standing  before  an  arched  doorway 
over  which  were  the  words  QUEEN  ALICE 
in  large  letters,  and  on  each  side  of  the  arch 
there  was  a  bell-handle;  one  was  marked 
"Visitors'  Bell,"  and  the  other  "Servants' 
Bell." 

"Til    wait   till     the    song's     over,"    thought 

Alice,  "  and  then  I'll  ring  the the which 

bell  must  I  ring  ? "  she  went  on,  very  much 
puzzled  by  the  names.  "  I'm  not  a  visitor,  and 
I'm  not  a  servant.  There  ought  to  be  one  marked 
*  Queen,'  you  know " 


200  QTJBEN  ALICE. 

Just  then  the  door  opened  a  little  way,  and 
a  creature  with  a  long  beak  put  its  head  out 
for  a  moment  and  said  "  No  admittance  till  the 
week  after  next ! "  and  shut  the  door  again  with 
a  bang. 

Alice  knocked  and  rang  in  vain  for  a  long 
time,  but  at  last  a  very  old  Frog,  who  was  sitting 
under  a  tree,  got  up  and  hobbled  slowly  towards 
her :  he  was  dressed  in  bright  yellow,  and  had 
enormous  boots  on. 

"  What  is  it,  now  ? "  the  Frog  said  in  a  deep 
hoarse  whisper. 

Alice  turned  round,  ready  to  find  fault  with 
anybody.  *'  Where's  the  servant  whose  business 
it  is  to  answer  the  door  ? "  she  began  angrily. 

"  Which  door  ? ''  said  the  Frog. 

Alice  almost  stamped  with  irritation  at  the 
slow  drawl  in  which  he  spoke.  "  This  door,  of 
course  I " 

The  Frog  looked  at  the  door  with  his  large 
dull  eyes  for  a  minute:  then  he  went  nearer 
and   rubbed   it   with  his  thumb,  as   if  he  were 


QUEEN  ALICE. 


201 


trying  whether  the  paint  would  come  off ;  then 
he  looked  at  Alice. 


"To  answer  the  door?"  he  said.  "What's 
it  been  asking  of  ?  "  He  was  so  hoarse  that 
Alice  could  scarcely  hear  him. 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,"  she  said. 


202  QUEEN  ALICE. 

"  I  speaks  English,  doesn't  I  ?  '*  the  Frog 
went  on.  "  Or  are  you  deaf  ?  What  did  it  ask 
you  ?  " 

"  Nothing ! "  Alice  said,  impatiently.  "  I've 
been  knocking  at  it !  " 

"  Shouldn't  do  that shouldn't  do  that " 

the  Frog  muttered.  "Wexes  it,  you  know." 
Then  he  went  up  and  gave  the  door  a  kick 
with  one  of  his  great  feet.  "  You  let  it  alone," 
he  panted  out,  as  he  hobbled  back  to  his  tree, 
"  and  it'll  \^tyou  alone,  you  know." 

At  this  moment  the  door  was  flung  open,  and 
a  shrill  voice  was  heard  singing : 

"  To  the  Looking' Glass  world  it  was  Alice  that 

said^ 
*  Tve  a  sceptre  in  hand,  Tve  a  crown  on  my  head; 
Let  the  Looking-Glass  creatures,  whatever  they  be. 
Come  and  dine  with  the  Red  Queen^  the    White 

Queen,  and  me  /^^* 

And  hundreds  of  voices  joined  in  the 
chorus: 


QUEEN  ALICE.  208 

**  Then  fill  Up  the  glasses  as  quick  as  you  can 
And  sprinkle  the  table  with  buttons  and  bran : 
Put  cats  in  the  coffee^  and  mice  in  the  tea — 
And  welcome   Queen    Alice  with   thirty-timeS" 
three!'' 

Then  followed  a  confused  noise  of  cheering, 
and  Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  Thirty  times 
three  makes  ninety.  I  wonder  if  any  one's 
counting  ?  '*  In  a  minute  there  was  silence  again, 
and  the  same  shrill  voice  sang  another  verse; 

" '  O  Looking'Glass  creatures^  quoth  A  lice ^  *  draw 
near  I 
^Tis  an  honor  to  see  me,  a  favor  to  hear : 
^Tis  a  privilege  high  to  have  dinner  and  tea 
Along  with   the  Red  Queen^  the  White   Queen^ 
and  me  !  ' " 

Then  came  the  chorus  again : — 

"  Then  fill  up  the  glasses  with  treacle  andink^ 
Or  anything  else  that  is  pleasant  to  drink  ; 
Mix  sand  with  the  cider^  and  wool  with  the 
wine-^ 


204  QtJEElT  ALICE. 

And  welcome   Queen  Alice  witk  ninety'timeS' 
nine  I " 

"  Ninety  times  nine !  '*  Alice  repeated  in  de- 
spair.    "Oh,  that'll  never  be  done  I     I'd  better 

go  in  at  once "  and  in  she  went,  and  there 

was  a  dead  silence  the  moment  she  appeared. 

Alice  glanced  nervously  along  the  table,  as 
she  walked  up  the  large  hall,  and  noticed  that 
there  were  about  fifty  guests,  of  all  kinds :  some 
were  animals,  some  birds,  and  there  were  even 
a  few  flowers  among  them.  "  I'm  glad  they've 
come  without  waiting  to  be  asked,"  she  thought : 
"  I  should  never  have  known  who  were  the 
right  people  to  invite  !  " 

There  were  three  chairs  at  the  head  of  the 
table ;  the  Red  and  White  Queens  had  already 
taken  two  of  them,  but  the  middle  one  was 
empty.  Alice  sat  down  in  it,  rather  uncomfort- 
able at  the  silence,  and  longing  for  some  one  to 
speak. 

At  last  the  Red  Queen  began.  "  YouVe 
missed  the  soup  and  fish,"  she  said.     "  Put  on 


QUEEN  ALICE. 


205 


the  joint ! "  And  the  waiters  set  a  leg  of  mutton 
before  Alice,  who  looked  at  it  rather  anxiously^ 
as  she  had  never  had  to  carve  a  joint  before. 

"  You    look     a   little   shy  ;    let   me   introduce 
you  to  that  leg  of  mutton,"  said  the  Red  Queen. 

"  Alice Mutton  ; 


Mutton- 


Alice." 


The  leg  of  mutton 
got  up  in  the  dish 
and  made  a  little 
bow  to  Alice  ;  and 
Alice  returned  the 
bow,  not  knowing 
whether  to  be  fright- 
ened or  amused. 

"  May  I  give  you 
a  slice  ?  "  she  said, 
taking  up  the  knife 
and  fork,  and  look- 
ing from  one  Queen  to  the  other. 

"  Certainly  not,"  the  Red  Queen  said,  very 
decidedly :  "  it  isn*t  etiquette  to  cut  any  one 
you've  been  introduced  to.     Remove  the  joint !  " 


206  QUEEN  ALICE. 

And  the  waiters  carried  it  off,  and  brought  a 
large  plum-pudding  in  its  place. 

"  I  won't  be  introduced  to  the  pudding, 
please,'*  Alice  said  rather  hastily,  "  or  we  shall 
get  no  dinner  at  all.     May  I  give  you  some  ?  " 

But  the  Red  Queen  looked  sulky,  and  growled 

"  Pudding Alice ;  Alice Pudding.  Remove 

the  pudding  !  "  and  the  waiters  took  it  away  so 
quickly  that  Alice  couldn't  return  its  bow. 

However  she  didn't  see  why  the  Red  Queen 
should  be  the  only  one  to  give  orders,  so,  as  an 
experiment,  she  called  out  "  Waiter  !  Bring 
back  the  pudding !  "  and  there  it  was  again  in  a 
moment,  like  a  conjuring-trick.  It  was  so  large 
that  she  couldn't  help  feeling  a  /zU/e  shy  with  it 
as  she  had  been  with  the  mutton ;  however,  she 
conquered  her  shyness  by  a  great  effort,  and  cut 
a  slice  and  handed  it  to  the  Red  Oueen. 

"  What  impertinence  !  "  said  the  Pudding.  "  I 
wonder  how  you'd  like  it,  if  I  were  to  cut  a  slice 
out  of  you,  you  creature  !  " 

"  It  spoke  in  a  thick,  suety  sort  of  voice,  and 


QUEEN  ALICE.  207 

Alice  hadn't  a  word  to  say  in  reply  :  she  could 
only  sit  and  look  at  it  and  gasp. 

"  Make  a  remark/*  said  the  Red  Queen  :  "  it's 
ridiculous  to  leave  all  the  conversation  to  the 
pudding ! " 

"  Do  you  know,  I've  had  such  a  quantity 
of  poetry  repeated  to  me  to-day,"  Alice  began, 
a  little  frightened  at  finding  that,  the  moment 
she  opened  her  lips,  there  was  dead  silence, 
and  all  eyes  were  fixed  upon  her ;  "  and  it's  a 

very  curious  thing,  I  think every  poem  was 

about  fishes  in  some  way.  Do  you  know  why 
they're  so  fond  of  fishes,  all  about  here  ? " 

She  spoke  to  the  Red  Queen,  whose  answer 
was  a  little  wide  of  the  mark.  "  As  to  fishes," 
she  said,  very  slowly  and  solemnly,  putting  her 
mouth  close  to  Alice's  ear,  "  her  White  Majesty 

knows   a  lovely  riddle all   in    poetry all 

about  fishes.     Shall  she  repeat  it  ?  " 

"  Her  Red  Majesty's  very  kind  to  mention 
it,"  the  White  Queen  murmured  into  Alice's 
other  ear,  in  a  voice  like  the  cooing  of  a  pigeon. 
"  It  would  be  SUC&  a  treat !     May  I  ?  " 


208  QUEEN  ALICE. 

"  Please  do,"  Alice  said  very  politely. 
The  White  Queen  laughed  with  delight,  and 
stroked  Alice's  cheek.    Then  she  began  : 

"  *  First,  the  fish  must  be  caught^ 
That  is  easy :  a  baby,  I  think,  could  have  caught  it, 

*  Next,  the  /ish  must  be  bought' 

That  is  easy  ;  a  penny,  1  think,  would  have  bought 
it. 

*  Now  cook  me  the  fish  / ' 

That  is  easy,  and  will  not  take  more  than  a  minute. 

*  Let  it  lie  in  a  dish  ! ' 

That  is  easy,  because  it  already  is  in  it, 

*  Bring  it  here  f  Let  me  sup  ! ' 
//  is  easy  to  set  such  a  dish  on  the  table, 

*  Take  the  dish-cover  up  ! ' 

Ah,  that  is  so  hard  that  I  fear  I'm  unable  ! 

For  it  holds  it  like  glue 

Holds  the  lid  to  the  dish,  while  it  lies  in  the  middle  ; 

Which  is  easiest  to  do, 
Un-dish-^over  the  fish,  or  dishcover  the  riddle?  " 


QUEEN  ALICE.  209 

"  Take  a  minute  to  think  about  it  and  then 
guess,"  said  the  Red  Queen.     "  Meanwhile,  we'll 

drink  your  health Queen  Alice's  health  I  *'  she 

screamed  at  the  top  of  her  voice,  and  all  the 
guests  began  drinking  it  directly,  and  very 
queerly  they  managed  it:  some  of  them  put 
their  glasses  upon  their  heads  like  extinguishers, 

and  drank  all  that  trickled  down  their  faces 

others  upset  the  decanters,  and  drank  the  wine 

as  it  ran  off  the  edges  of  the  table and  three 

of  them  (who  looked  like  kangaroos)  scrambled 
into  the  dish  of  roast  mutton,  and  began  eagerly 
lapping  up  the  gravy,  "just  like  pigs  in  a 
trough  !  '*  thought  Alice. 

"  You  ought  to  return  thanks  in  a  neat 
speech,"  the  Red  Queen  said,  frowning  at  Alice 
as  she  spoke. 

"  We  must  support  you,  you  know,"  the 
White  Queen  whispered,  as  Alice  got  up  to  do 
it,  very  obediently,  but  a  little  frightened. 

"Thank  you  very  much,"  she  whispered  in 
reply,  "  but  I  can  do  quite  well  without." 


:210  QUEEN  ALICE. 

"  That  wouldn't  be  at  all  the  thing,"  the  Red 
Queen  said  very  decidedly :  so  Alice  tried  to 
submit  to  it  with  a  good  grace. 

"  (And  they  did  push  so !  "  she  said  afterwards, 
when  she  was  telling  her  sister  the  history  of  the 
feast.  "  You  would  have  thought  they  wanted 
to  squeeze  me  flat !  ") 

In  fact  it  was  rather  difficult  for  her  to  keep 
in  her  place  while  she  made  her  speech  :  the  two 
Queens  pushed  her  so,  one  on  each  side,  that 
they  nearly  lifted  her  up  into  the  air :  "  I  rise 

to  return  thanks **  Alice    began  :    and    she 

really  did  rise  as  she  spoke,  several  inches  ;  but 
she  got  hold  of  the  edge  of  the  table,  and  man- 
aged to  pull  herself  down  again. 

"  Take  care  of  yourself ! "  screamed  the  White 
Queen,  seizing  Alice's  hair  with  both  her  hands. 
"  Something's  going  to  happen  !  " 

And  then  (as  Alice  afterwards  described  it) 
all  sorts  of  things  happened  in  a  moment.  The 
candles  all  grew  up  to  the  ceiling,  looking  some- 
thing  like  a  bed  of  rushes  with    fireworks  at 


QUEEN   ALICE.  211 

the  top.  As  to  the  bottles,  they  each  took  a 
pair  of  plates,  which  they  hastily  fitted  on  as 
wings,  and  so,  with  forks  for  legs,  went  flutter- 
ing about  in  all  directions :  "  and  very  like  birds 
they  look,"  Alice  thought  to  herself,  as  well  as 
she  could  in  the  dreadful  confusion  that  was  be- 
ginning. 

At  this  m6ment  she  heard  a  hoarse  laugh 
at  her  side,  and  turned  to  see  what  was  the 
matter  with  the  White  Queen ;  but,  instead  of 
the  Queen,  there  was  the  leg  of  mutton  sitting 
in  the  chair.  "  Here  1  am ! "  cried  a  voice 
from  the  soup-tureen,  and  Alice  turned  again, 
just  in  time  to  see  the  Queen's  broad  good- 
natured  face  grinning  at  her  for  a  moment  over 
the  edge  of  the  tureen,  before  she  disappeared 
into  the  soup. 

There  was  not  a  moment  to  be  lost.  Already 
several  of  the  guests  were  lying  down  in  the 
dishes,  and  the  soup-ladle  was  walking  up  the 
table  towards  Alice's  chair,  and  beckoning  to  her 
impatiently  to  get  out  of  its  way. 


212 


QUEEN  ALICE. 


"  I  can't   stand  this 

any     longer!"     she 

cried  as  she  jumped 

up    and    seized    the 

table-cloth  with  both 

hands  :  one  good  pull 

and  plates,  guests,  and 

candles  came  crashing 

down    together  in    a 

on  the  floor. 


QUEEN  ALICE.  213 

"  And  as  for  you''  she  went  on,  turning 
fiercely  upon  the  Red  Queen,  whom  she  con- 
sidered as  the  cause  of   all  the   mischief but 

the  Queen  was  no  longer  at  her  side she  had 

suddenly  dwindled  down  to  the  size  of  a  little 
doll  and  was  now  on  the  table,  merrily  running 
round  and  round  after  her  own  shawl,  which 
was  trailing  behind  her. 

At  any  other  time,  Alice  would  have  felt  sur- 
prised at  this,  but  she  was  far  too  much 
excited  to  be  surprised  at  anything  now,  **  As 
ioY  you,^^  she  repeated,  catching  hold  of  the  little 
creature  in  the  very  act  of  jumping  over  a  bottle 
which  had  just  lighted  upon  the  table,  "  Til 
shake  you  into  a  kitten,  that  I  will  I " 


CHAPTER  X. 

SHAKING. 

She  took  her  off  the  table  as  she  spoke,  and 
shook  her  backwards  and  forwards  with  all  her 
might. 

The  Red  Queen  made  no  resistance  whatever ; 
only  her  face  grew  very  small,  and  her  eyes 
got  large  and  green :  and  still,  as  Alice  went 
on  shaking  her,  she   kept  on  growing  shorter 

and  fatter and  softer and  rounder 

and 


CHAPTER  XI. 

WAKING. 

-and  it  really  was  a  kitten,  after  all 


CHAPTER  XII. 

WHICH    DREAMED    IT? 

"  Your  Red  Majesty  shouldn't  purr  so  loud," 
Alice  said,  rubbing  her  eyes,  and  addressing  the 
kitten,  respectfully,  yet  with  some  severity. 
"  You  woke  me  out  of  oh  I  such  a  nice  dream  ! 

And  youVe  been   along  with   me,  Kitty all 

through  the  Looking-Glass  world.  Did  you 
know  it,  dear  ?  " 

It  is  a  very  inconvenient  habit  of  kittens  (Alice 
had  once  made  the  remark)  that,  whatever 
you  say  to  them,  they  always  purr.  "  If  they 
would  only  purr  for  *  yes,*    and  mew    or  *  no, 


WHICH  DREAMED   IT?  219 

or  any  rule  of  that  sort,"  she  had  said,  "  so  that 
one  could  keep  up  a  conversation !  But  how 
can  you  talk  with  a  person  if  they  always  say  the 
same  thing  ?  " 

On  this  occasion  the  kitten  only  purred :  and 
it  was  impossible  to  guess  whether  it  meant  *  yes  * 
or  '  no.' 

So  Alice  hunted  among  the  chessmen  on  the 
table  till  she  had  found  the  Red  Queen :  then 
she  went  down  on  her  knees  on  the  hearth-rug, 
and  put  the  kitten  and  the  Queen  to  look  at 
each  other.  "  Now,  Kitty ! "  she  cried,  clapping 
her  hands  triumphantly.  "  Confess  that  was 
what  you  turned  into  I  " 

("  But  it  wouldn't  look  at  it,"  she  said,  when 
she  was  explaining  the  thing  afterwards  to  her 
sister :  "  it  turned  away  its  head,  and  pretended 
not  to  see  it :  but  it  looked  a  little  ashamed  of 
itself,  so  I  think  it  must  have  been  the  Red 
Queen.") 

"Sit  up  a  little  more  stiffly,  dear!"  Alice 
cried  with  a  merry  laugh.  "  And  curtsey  while 
you're  thinking  what  to what  to  purr.    It 


220 


WHICH  DREAMED   IT? 


saves  time,  remember  !  "  And  she  caught  it  up 
and  gave  it  one  little  kiss,  "  just  in  honor  of  its 
having  been  a  Red  Queen." 


"  Snowdrop,  my  pet ! "  she  went  on,  looking 
over  her  shoulder  at  the  White  Kitten,  which 
was  still  patiently  undergoing  its  toilet,  "  when 
will  Dinah  have  finished  with  your  White  Ma- 
iesty,  I  wonder?     That  must  be  the  reason  you 


WHICH  DREAMED   IT?  221 

were  so  untidy  in  my  dream. Dinah!     Do 

you  know  that  youVe  scrubbing  a  White  Queen  ? 
Really,  it's  most  disrespectful  of  you  I 

"  And  what  did  Dinah  turn  to,  I  wonder  ? " 
she  prattled  on,  as  she  settled  comfortably  down, 
with  one  elbow  on  the  rug,  and  her  chin  in  her 
hand,  to  watch  the  kittens.  "  Tell  me,  Dinah, 
did  you  turn  to  Humpty  Dumpty  ?     I  think  you 

did however,  you'd  better  not  mention  it  to 

your  friends  just  yet,  for  I'm  not  sure. 

"  By  the  way,  Kitty,  if  only  you'd  been 
really  with   me   in   my   dream,   there  was  one 

thing  you  would  have  enjoyed 1  had  such 

a  quantity  of  poetry  said  to  me,  all  about 
fishes  I  To-morrow  morning  you  shall  have  a 
real  treat.  All  the  time  you're  eating  your 
breakfast.  111  repeat  *  The  Walrus  and  the  Car- 
penter '  to  you ;  and  then  you  can  make  believe 
it's  oysters,  dear ! 

"  Now,  Kitty,  let*s  consider  who  it  was  that 
dreamed  it  all.  This  is  a  serious  question,  my 
dear,  and  you  should  not  go  on  licking  your 
paw  like  that ^as  if  Dinah  hadn't  washed 


222  WHICH   DREAMED  IT? 

you  this  morning !  You  see,  Kitty,  it  must 
have  been  either   me   or   the    Red    King.     He 

was  part  of  my  dream,  of  course but  then 

I  was  part  of  his  dream,  too !  Was  it  the  Red 
King,   Kitty  ?      You    were   his    wife,   my   dear, 

so   you    ought  to  know Oh,  Kitty,  do  help 

to  settle  it !  I'm  sure  your  paw  can  wait ! " 
But  the  provoking  kitten  only  began  on  the 
other  paw,  and  pretended  it  hadn't  heard  the 
question. 

Which  6.0 you  think  it  was? 


A  BOAT,  beneath  a  smmy  skj 
Lingerinf:  onward  dreamily 
in  an  evening:  of  July 

Children  three  that  nestie  near, 
Eager  eye  and  willing  ear, 
Pleased  a  simple  tale  to  bear 

Long  has  paled  that  sunny  sky : 
Echoes  £ide  and  memories  die : 
Autumn  frosts  have  slain  July. 

StOl  she  haunts  me,  phantomwise 
Alice  moving  under  skies 
Never  seen  by  waking  eyeib 


Chfldren  yet,  the  tale  to  hear. 
Eager  eye  and  willing  ear. 
Lovingly  shall  nestle  neai; 

In  a  Wonderland  they  lie, 
Dreaming  as  the  days  go  by. 
Dreaming  as  the  summers  dia 

Ever  drifting  down  the  stream- 
Lingering  in  the  golden  gleam- 
Life^  what  is  it  but  a  dream? 


hi, 

/9< 


